Political jokes?

kddani · #1 11-03-2002, 12:36 PM

Since it's voting time, and this is a pretty significant election day in a lot of places, I thought maybe we could start a good-natured political joke thread. Note that I said GOOD NATURED.

Not a joke, but something that I thought funny. Talking to this guy (he's a pretty hard core Republican), and he complains about not getting any financial aid. But then he's driving a brand new Mercury Sable (i think his parents bought it for him) and planning where to go for winter break: Europe or the Caribbean? He lives at home, in a pretty wealthy neighborhood. And he just got back from a vacation to the Caribbean a few months ago. I didn't say anything, but all i was thinking was "HUH???"

I'm a horrible joke teller, so hoping some other people have some good stuff.

And in no way is this thread made to offend anyone. I'm a Democrat yes, but I also don't agree with everything the party does. Nor do I disagree with everything the Republican party stands for. So no one turn it into that, please! Can we have one decent thread that doesn't get totally hijacked? PLEASE?

Kevlar281 · #2 11-03-2002, 01:01 PM

A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person.

The republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person.

The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, He decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republicans pocket and gave him fifty dollars.

ZetaLuvBunny · #3 11-03-2002, 01:11 PM

"Congratulations to Saddam Hussein on being elected to another seven-year term. It was very close. He received 99 percent of the vote, and one percent of the vote went for last-minute candidate Frank Lautenberg." —David Letterman

"Robert Torricelli, a powerful fund-raiser who helped raise more than $100 million for the Democratic party, took inappropriate gifts from a businessman, including an $8,000 gold Rolex watch, for which he was severely admonished by the Senate Ethics Committee in July. To recap: raising $100 million in contributions from gigantic corporations — ethical; taking a watch — unethical. That's the Senate Ethics Committee, an oxymoron since 1974." —Jon Stewart

"Al Gore asked Americans this week, 'Are you better today than you were two years ago?' And in Florida voters said, we don't understand the question, we're confused." —Jay Leno

"Before we bring democracy to Iraq or Afghanistan, it might be prudent to bring it to Florida. We don't have to bring regime change to the whole state. We can start bombing in Pensacola and work our way down." —Jon Stewart, on Florida's latest voting fiasco

"Janet Reno lost the democratic primary. When asked about it, Reno said, 'I feel like I've been kicked in the nuts.'" —Conan O'Brien

"Janet Reno lost the primary election for governor down there in Florida. They think what hurt her were the allegations of steroid abuse." —David Letterman

"This weekend big doings down in Florida. Former Attorney General Janet Reno is hosting a dance party at a Miami night club. Not only is she the guest of honor, she is also the bouncer." —David Letterman

lionlove · #4 11-03-2002, 01:24 PM

Another one from Leno (I think)

"All these Haitian immigrants are fleeing Haiti in search of democracy, why are they going to Florida?"

Also from Leno:

"All these negative ads like 'my opponent voted to allow mass murderers with guns attack schools.' When was that bill voted on??"

I'm working off memory here so that may not be the exact wording of the jokes.

The1calledTKE · #5 11-03-2002, 01:31 PM

This little old lady calls 911. When the operator answers she yells, "Help, send the police to my house right away! There's a damn Democrat on my front porch and he's playing with himself."

"What?" the operator exclaimed. "I said there is a damn Democrat on my front porch playing with himself and he's weird; I don't know him and I'm afraid! Please send the police!" the little old lady repeated.

"Well, now, how do you know he's a Democrat?"

"Because, you damn fool, if it was a Republican, he'd be screwing somebody!"

The1calledTKE · #6 11-03-2002, 01:38 PM

There's a teacher in a small Texas
town. She asks her class how many of them
are Bush fans. Not really know what a Bush
fan is, but wanting to be liked by the
teacher, all the kids raise their hands
except one boy, Johnny. The teacher asks
Johnny why he has decided to be
different.Johnny says, "I'm not a bush fan."
The teacher says, "Why aren't you a bush
fan?" Johnny says, "I'm an Al Gore fan" ,The
teacher asks why he's an Al Gore fan. The
boy says, Well, my mom's an Al Gore fan and
my dad's an Al Gore fan, so I'm an Al Gore
fan!" The teacher is kind of angry, because
this is Texas, so she says, "What if you're
mom was a moron and you're dad was an idiot,
what would that make you?" Johnny
says, "That would make me a Bush fan."

DeltaSigStan · #7 11-03-2002, 01:40 PM

"Nobody really wanted Bill Clinton impeached, they just wanted him punished. So they looked to the Republicans and said "Hey, get the little prick!" So the Republicans took out their rifles, put him in their sights.......then turned the rifles around and went BAM! If you want to learn something from this whole fiasco, it's that if you wanna nail a guy like Clinton, you don't hire a guy like Ken Starr. You don't nail a guy who's an asshole by hiring a bigger asshole, because the bigger asshole makes the asshole look like it's just a rectum." - Lewis Black.

Tom Earp · #8 11-03-2002, 02:03 PM

As a previous Democrate in the only Democrat county in the state of Kansas, I was told I had to vote a certain way! NOT! Walked out of the voting booth. Registerd as as Republican that day!

Is there a difference, Not only No, But Hell NO!

The days that the Dem. were for the commoners and the Rep. were for Big Business are long gone!

Do anyone of you look at the OLD FARTS who are on their Death Beds of Our duly elected Morons!

They Do not care about Us The People, they have to many Perks and Soft money to deal with!

They all profess, I want to help YOU!

BS!

Wolfs in Lambs Clothing! It is a Job and A Profession for them!

Why spend Millions of Dollars to get a Job that none of of us can afford? It would not pay off the campaign debt!

Bill Clinton was not my pick, but the Economy was good!

So he had sex in the Oval Office! What was JFK? a Damn Saint!

Now, they blame everything on Poor Slick Willie!

Last Great Pres. Was Harry Truman!!!!!

OOPs Ronnie Regan> ? Nope, He was a Dead beat actor playing the role of a Pres.!

The Party system is in shambles! I will watch again Robert Redford in The Candidate, that about says it all!

"There has Got To Be a Better Way!"

But He had NO idea what the beter way was!

I suggest we have a party, Boston Style!

The1calledTKE · #9 11-03-2002, 02:07 PM

Tombstone this was suppose to be a political joke thread not a political rant.

The1calledTKE · #10 11-03-2002, 02:59 PM

Here is a good one Al Gore is hosting SNL December 14. To bad its true. I like the guy but I don't find him the least bit funny. When John McCain did it he did an ok job. I do think the George Bush skit that day should be good.lol