What not to say to your alumnae/alumni

AGDee · #1 09-26-2004, 04:59 AM

I was at the house yesterday after Pref, waiting for bid-day results and doing some training with the new Chapter Advisor. I was looking at one of my old composites (as the women cracked jokes about how our hair didn't even fit in the pictures) and one of the women asked what year (class) that was for me. I told her I was a senior then and she said "When did you pledge?". I said "1984" and she said "That's the year I was born", very matter of factly! I teased her and said "Don't ever say that to an alumna again!".

What have collegians said to you???

Dee

PenguinTrax · #2 09-26-2004, 09:42 AM

I pledged as a soph in 1982 - I haven't seen a PNM or collegiate recently that was even alive when I pledged. My initiation anniversary is next year, 22 years!

Tom Earp · #3 09-26-2004, 10:12 AM

Dee, while it is funny it is not. I am sure nothing was ment by the statement, they were just astounded that someone was still involved at a mature age.

Hell most of the new Members are young enough to be my grand sons. Have met some parents and they are younger than me.

Most of the Older Alums just call me Old Fart!

Trust me, I dont think any of the newer members hold me in a reveared status as have been haging for almost 40 years.

But it is amazing when I visit other Chapters and introduce myself and show my LXA card with the # 1 on it how neat they think it is that I am still so interested in LXA and meeting other Brothers.

Isnt it great though to still be a part of the total Greek Life style ever so often?

AGDLynn · #4 09-26-2004, 10:22 AM

Only contacting alumnae when you (chapter) needs/wants money.

carnation · #5 09-26-2004, 11:38 AM

I think that the 2 that will come around and bite actives on the butt in a few years are "You don't understand..in your day, I'm certain that no one ever wanted to drink/have sex/whatever," and "Hahahaha! Look at the hairstyles on your composite!"

When I advised my chapter in the eighties, they had a great time laughing at our seventies composites with pictures of our long, straight hair. I was visiting the chapter last year and some girls were laughing and pointing at an old composite. Guess what--it was from the exact year that I was advising and they were laughing at the poufy hair of the day.

What goes around comes around.

honeychile · #6 09-26-2004, 11:47 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by AGDLynn
Only contacting alumnae when you (chapter) needs/wants money.

Or would like you to rent a car for them. As if I live to rent a car to lend to a group of 20 year olds to drive to Detroit!!

Since there's a celebrity on one of my composites, most of the chapter have seen it, and usually say, "You used to be blonde!!" Yes, I also quit bleaching my hair!

aephi alum · #7 09-26-2004, 12:00 PM

I went back to help my chapter with rush the year after I graduated. The rush chair specifically asked the alums to wear something different from the collegians. So I showed up wearing what the alums were asked to wear, and the chapter president came up to me and in her loudest and bitchiest voice demanded to know why I wasn't dressed in the right outfit. And there were PNMs around!!

I left, and for a long time I had nothing to do with my chapter or AEPhi as a result of that incident.

Collegians, please treat your alums with respect.

AChiOAlumna · #8 09-26-2004, 12:29 PM

Yes...I have to agree that respect (especially to younger alumnae) needs to happen....also to alums that graduated from your own chapter...

We've been having a problem where the alums who graduated from their chapter are having the hardest time with the chapter giving them respect. It's like they haven't made the transition to realizing that 1-2-3 years ago this woman was our active sister and now she's not...yet they treat her with so much disrespect...

Also, the active house forgets that as alums we have separate lives outside the chapter...I work 2 jobs, have a husband and a mortgage to pay...so the active house will sometomes request impossible last-minute requests that their alum chapter doesn't have the time to coordinate themselves...

Now if they gave us 3 weeks...that would be more do-able....

AGDee · #9 09-26-2004, 12:36 PM

Haha! The poor girl didn't mean it as an insult, she was just commenting.. as if we had something in common, really! I pledged the same year as she was born.. it was a connection. One of them also said "Wait, don't show us which one you are, you probably look just the same". It was just cute.

I really enjoy the women of that age group. They are so cute.

Dee

33girl · #10 09-26-2004, 03:58 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AChiOAlumna
Yes...I have to agree that respect (especially to younger alumnae) needs to happen....also to alums that graduated from your own chapter...

We've been having a problem where the alums who graduated from their chapter are having the hardest time with the chapter giving them respect. It's like they haven't made the transition to realizing that 1-2-3 years ago this woman was our active sister and now she's not...yet they treat her with so much disrespect...

Are the alums giving the active chapter respect?

I mean, when I came back to visit, I didn't expect people to treat me differently than when I was a sister - I didn't expect them to give up their seat so I could sit, clean up after me, sleep on the couch so I could have their bed or anything like that. I didn't expect pledges to know who I was so I introduced myself. If I borrowed something I put it back where it went. We had a real problem when I was an active with alums just wanting their butts kissed, not introducing themselves, etc and then being upset because they were "disrespected." Yes, you should make alums feel welcome, but if they act like jerks they don't deserve respect.

Anyway....

Something to never ever ever say is "oh, when you did (insert pledging activity here) you were really hazed." Maybe by today's standards, but by the standards of the time, no, we were not. Would we come back to visit if we felt we had been? If an alum brings up something like doing a scavenger hunt with the pledges, just say "oh, we're not allowed to do that anymore, nationals considers it hazing" and let it DROP. Don't get on your soapbox about how things are so much better now that everyone is enlightened. It's offensive and turns lots of alums off to the chapter completely.

winneythepooh7 · #11 09-26-2004, 04:34 PM

Not realizing who the alumnae are and totally ignoring them........This has happened to several alumnae sisters I know who went back to the chapter. They were treated with a cold shoulder.

This is also really bad but an active sister a few years back was overheard whining that she wanted to get laid instead of hanging out with the alumnae at alumnae weekend. This was heard by FOUNDERS who went back to visit the chapter.

Munchkin03 · #12 09-26-2004, 07:53 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by 33girl
We had a real problem when I was an active with alums just wanting their butts kissed, not introducing themselves, etc and then being upset because they were "disrespected." Yes, you should make alums feel welcome, but if they act like jerks they don't deserve respect.

Ditto. I also tend to have more respect for the alums who come to a little more than Homecoming in order to just look cute.

AChiOAlumna · #13 09-26-2004, 09:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by 33girl
Are the alums giving the active chapter respect?

I mean, when I came back to visit, I didn't expect people to treat me differently than when I was a sister - I didn't expect them to give up their seat so I could sit, clean up after me, sleep on the couch so I could have their bed or anything like that. I didn't expect pledges to know who I was so I introduced myself. If I borrowed something I put it back where it went. We had a real problem when I was an active with alums just wanting their butts kissed, not introducing themselves, etc and then being upset because they were "disrespected." Yes, you should make alums feel welcome, but if they act like jerks they don't deserve respect.

Actually, yes, the alum in question gave this chapter LOTS of respect. She didn't expect anything different like cited in these examples. She helped out at Rush doing all the behind-the-scenes work with the rest of the alums, went to all their events and was a strong advisor on the board...

We had a harder time with the chapter realizing she was no longer an active and was an advisor who was there to guide them...They would resist her a lot causing a lot of tension....

SmartBlondeGPhB · #14 09-26-2004, 10:57 PM

I personally take the "don't ask don't tell policy".

I don't ask what they did on a weekend night, they don't tell me. I figure I probably don't want to know.......

But the actives also know that I remember how I was and don't hold it against them.

I've been around enough that I've always gotten respect from them (at least in public, god knows what they say in private).

33girl · #15 09-26-2004, 11:22 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AChiOAlumna
Actually, yes, the alum in question gave this chapter LOTS of respect. She didn't expect anything different like cited in these examples. She helped out at Rush doing all the behind-the-scenes work with the rest of the alums, went to all their events and was a strong advisor on the board...

We had a harder time with the chapter realizing she was no longer an active and was an advisor who was there to guide them...They would resist her a lot causing a lot of tension....

I didn't realize she was an advisor....that's different.

Lots of groups have policies that say you cannot be an advisor, especially to your chapter, if you have been out less than five years - just because it's very very hard to look at girls you have lived with, partied with and shared your love life details with and tell them "well this and that is what you should be doing."

Many times, these rules have been relaxed because there simply isn't the pool of women that there used to be for advisors - but I would advise (no pun) that she resign her position ASAP. She can maybe advise at another chapter or volunteer for the sorority in another capacity, but for now it sounds like this situation is not working at all and not fair to her or the collegians.