Crying at a house during rush, what would you do?

[greeklifegogree]

I rushed at a fairly large southern school. After the first round I was cut by 60% of the chapters. I still had my two favorites who were mid tier, the two least desired houses on campus, and one mid tier house I didn't like. The girls I talked to in my rush group all had a lot more houses than I did so I was scared.

In my nervous state I was at the mid tier house I didn't like and the girl I was speaking with was mentioning other ways girls in her house volunteer she mentioned one that was a sensitive topic for me because it impacted a family member. I started to cry. I was fighting the tears back in my eyes, but I was getting really choked up and doing that thing when you try to talk through crying and your breathing gets heavy and words aren't coming out right. This couldn't possibly have lasted more than a minute, but the girl I was talking to flagged down one of the floaters and switched out. I apologized for crying and explained that I was overwhelmed and that it was such a sensitive topic for me. I knew I messed up and expected to get cut from that house.

When round three invites came I was cut by all except the two least desirable houses on campus. It occurred to me that I might have been cut from my two favorites because I cried in the one house. I know what I did was odd I just hope people can have sympathy for an 18 year old girl who is away from home the first home and was told by more than half the houses on campus day one that they didn't want her. Obviously there could have been a million reasons why I was cut from those two houses other than this. It just makes me so mad at myself that I did this and hurt my chances.

I eventually joined one of the houses I still had, but it was a weak chapter and was closed by nationals a year after I joined.

At your school if you found out a girl had cried at another house would you cut her? Would people even talk like that between houses? I know word probably spreads like "did you hear a girl cried at XYZ house", but would you then ask the PNMs name and get her cut from your house?

[Cheerio]

Originally Posted by greeklifegogree

At your school if you found out a girl had cried at another house would you cut her?

***Your question requires revelation of a Membership Selection Process, which is not done on this site.

Would people even talk like that between houses?

***Ditto.

I know word probably spreads like "did you hear a girl cried at XYZ house", but would you then ask the PNMs name and get her cut from your house?

***Fixating on your seemingly unpleasant personal recruitment event doesn't move you forward into joy. All you can do is change your future response to any similar life event. What others thought of you, or may have done/not done in their response to your actions, is totally not what you need to worry about.

.

[carnation]

What she said. ^^^

[greeklifegogree]

I don’t see how asking that is revealing selection secrets. It’s just would you personally think that is a good reason to cut someone if you found out they cried at another house? Have you ever heard of this happening?

It would make me feel better if someone could tell me that it is unlikely to be the reason or that girls have cried in your house and it wasn’t that big a deal. Or that yea people might talk but they wouldn’t get her dropped from their house.

[carnation]

Maybe if a girl made a huge scene at a house or in another case, said or did something rude, the word would get around. It would have to be really bad, though.

This is something not to beat yourself up about, though, since you'll never know,

[honeychile]

Something similar happened when i was Chapter Advisor. It was the Philanthropy Round, and we had videos of Ronald McDonald House showing throughout the house. One of the PNMs saw a young relative in the video and burst into tears.

As an Advisor, I immediately asked if I could talk to her alone for a moment. She was scared and a little ashamed at the same time, and told me a thumbnail of the relative. I assured her that we were looking for women who weren't robotic and did have empathy, and she got back into the rotation. During MS, I announced that she would be invited back for one more round.

We were fortunate to get this young woman, who went on to be Chapter President and admired throughout the Greek community.

Life isn't all parties and fun, and without patting myself on the back, I like to think that we handled this right.

[SWTXBelle]

During rush, I was told right before going into a top tier house to which I was a legacy that my beloved aunt had died. I was a sophomore, so I knew if I didn't go through rush then I probably wouldn't be able to pledge, and I had seen her a few weeks before, so made my good bye (she died tragically young from breast cancer) then. I went to the party. But when I was asked how I was, I burst into tears. They cut me.

A few years later, as I was being presented as the outstanding senior woman of my class, a member of Top Tier who was a friend of my mother's said "I can't believe we didn't pledge her." Completely their loss.

All that to say, if a house would cut you for crying, what kind of support you could expect as a sister?

[Cookiez17]

I feel like during pref and even philanthropy, it can be normal for the PNM to get emotional. But as SWTXBelle put it, if a house cuts you for crying, then how could they support you during a tough time during your undergrad?

[greeklifegogree]

Thank you honeychile for sharing that story, I wish that is what happened in mine. It is good to hear though that sometimes people are understanding and that your chapter could look past it!

SWTXBelle I also really appreciate you sharing your rush story. I feel a lot better knowing I'm not the only one in that situation and I'm sorry that you went through that.

Cookiez17 I agree that I would want sisters who are supporting! I think that if I had cried in a less formal setting that most people would be understanding vs during recruitment when you're supposed to be showing your best. I don't blame the chapter for how they acted or for dropping me. I just hope it isn't why three houses dropped me that day.

[greeklifegogree]

If anyone else reads this if you could please tell me if your sorority found out a girl cried in another house would you drop her?

[FSUZeta]

We were too busy with our own stuff to worry about someone else’s house. And we can’t tell you what our sororities might do in a situation similar to yours, because every chapter of any of the 26 NPC sororities might handle it differently. I would hope that any group would be gracious and understanding to any PNM who cried, or fainted, or tripped and fell, or spilled her punch, or had to go to the bathroom, or even those who were rude to the sisters.

I hope that you will take this in the spirit in which it is shared: you don’t know why you were not invited back. It might have been because you cried, but it might have been because they felt you were not a good fit, or because they had to concentrate on a certain attribute like high gpa, or leadership skills, or athletes, or legacies.

However, it is over and done. You need to move on. You must be an alumna of the sorority you joined. If you are in college, as an alum you can attend the alumnae chapter meetings/events. If you have graduated, you can attend the alumnae chapter events/meetings, and I would encourage you to do so. I can tell you I have had more fun at alumnae events than at most of my collegiate events. I am with sisters from many different chapters, all over the country. It doesn’t matter to us what college our sisters attended, or if their collegiate chapter is active or closed (all 26 NPC sororities have chapters that have closed, even the sorority that you adored and wanted to join). Alumnae events offer the sisterhood without the time, expense ( and sometimes the drama) of college. Be proud of your sisterhood and work to keep it strong.

[TLLK]

Originally Posted by greeklifegogree

I rushed at a fairly large southern school. After the first round I was cut by 60% of the chapters. I still had my two favorites who were mid tier, the two least desired houses on campus, and one mid tier house I didn't like. The girls I talked to in my rush group all had a lot more houses than I did so I was scared.

In my nervous state I was at the mid tier house I didn't like and the girl I was speaking with was mentioning other ways girls in her house volunteer she mentioned one that was a sensitive topic for me because it impacted a family member. I started to cry. I was fighting the tears back in my eyes, but I was getting really choked up and doing that thing when you try to talk through crying and your breathing gets heavy and words aren't coming out right. This couldn't possibly have lasted more than a minute, but the girl I was talking to flagged down one of the floaters and switched out. I apologized for crying and explained that I was overwhelmed and that it was such a sensitive topic for me. I knew I messed up and expected to get cut from that house.

When round three invites came I was cut by all except the two least desirable houses on campus. It occurred to me that I might have been cut from my two favorites because I cried in the one house. I know what I did was odd I just hope people can have sympathy for an 18 year old girl who is away from home the first home and was told by more than half the houses on campus day one that they didn't want her. Obviously there could have been a million reasons why I was cut from those two houses other than this. It just makes me so mad at myself that I did this and hurt my chances.

I eventually joined one of the houses I still had, but it was a weak chapter and was closed by nationals a year after I joined.

At your school if you found out a girl had cried at another house would you cut her? Would people even talk like that between houses? I know word probably spreads like "did you hear a girl cried at XYZ house", but would you then ask the PNMs name and get her cut from your house?

Honestly at my chapter, we'd have gotten her a glass of water and a box of tissues. PNMs cry during recruitment for a variety of reason especially by the time Preference arrives.



Recruitment (Rush) in the 1980's was stressful enough at my school because we don't have a row and the chapter houses are about a mile away from campus. Plus they're not in walking distance from each other, so there was always a carpool or two of PNMs who had trouble finding a parking spot or got lost in the 20 minute allotted travel time between parties.



We just rolled with it and got on with the business of recruiting members.

[AnchorAlumna]

PNMs bursting into tears is so common that there's probably no party where somebody doesn't.

[Titchou]

Concur - crying is common. Some even want the PNMs to cry at Pref. Oddly enough, I thought i doomed my chances for DG when I laughed during a very serious part of pref. they sang "do I see an anchor in your eye" and then dropped a pin pillow with anchor badge on it in your lap. I just visualized a big eyeball with an anchor stuck in it! But they took me anyway!!!

[navane]

Originally Posted by greeklifegogree

If anyone else reads this if you could please tell me if your sorority found out a girl cried in another house would you drop her?

It seems like the answer to this question is very important to you. How come?