event planner with event conflict

JenMarie · #1 05-07-2006, 04:50 PM

I love my job and the flexibility it has because, as a trade off, I'm expected to be at all events at all hours of whatever day. So taking a vacation here and there or having a dr appointment during the slow times isn't that big of a deal.

So I got a call from my lil sis/best friend today and she tells me she is engaged and getting married at the end of September. She doesn't have a date set yet (just got engaged on Friday) BUT I already have a conflict at the end of September. The company camping trip.

Now, the camping trip is more of a morale booster for the company and falls in line with the Christmas party and whatnot, in terms of importance. But since I'm part of the marketing department and I have to plan a good chunk of it, I'm expected to be there, whether I like camping or not. (I already tried to opt out because I'm allergic to bug bites.)

So now that you have a backstory, when would you inform your employer that you may have an out of town wedding to go to on an event day that you are expected to be at. Like I said, I don't know when my friend's wedding is exactly... so this worry could be for nothing.

BUT I want to give plenty of notice to my employer so that can deal with out me or negotiate my job status (and buy plane tickets, whatnot.)

Or do I say anything at this point and let the chips fall where they may?

tunatartare · #2 05-07-2006, 05:26 PM

If your little doesn't have a date set yet, ask her if there's any way that it could not be the weekend of your trip. That way you wouldn't even have to tell your boss. If you tell him, he might get annoyed with you, and if it's not the same date, then there's no point in getting him annoyed over nothing.

SydneyK · #3 05-10-2006, 12:11 PM

The answer really depends on the type of boss you have, and just how "expected" to be on the camping trip you are. Also, you might need to factor in his/her thoughts on greek life.

I used to work at a place where, once May hit, employees had practically no free time until the end of July. One of my colleagues' sister (actual blood sister, not sorority sister) was getting married last June, and our boss wouldn't allow her to take any vacation time to attend the wedding. Due to the work schedule, that meant that there was no possible way my colleague could've attended; the wedding was on Saturday, and we were all expected to work on that Saturday. My colleague ended up quitting her job in order to participate in this wedding.

It wouldn't have made any difference in this situation whether the wedding was that of a family member or a sorority sister, but, in some cases it might. People who weren't involved in greek life in college sometimes don't approve of college-life encroaching on someone's professional life.

As much as it sucks to have to say it, you are a professional now. And, that means having to make sacrifices sometimes. Based on the way you described your responsibilities and expectations, I'd be surprised if your boss was ok with you missing this event because of a sorority sister's wedding. A real sister's wedding, maybe, but not just someone you knew from college.

I might be all wrong. And I hope I am. But, having seen first hand how some bosses handle employees missing work at key times, I think KLP Daisy has the best idea. Tell your little when your work obligation is, and tell her that, if she wants you to attend her wedding, she might want to consider dates other than that weekend.

Just my two cents!

adpiucf · #4 05-10-2006, 02:02 PM

Tell your sorority sister you have a conflict on X Weekend, but that you would really like to be at her wedding. Seeing as she has yet to set a date, she can still keep this consideration in mind.

She may have to plan her wedding for X Weekend, and if that does happen, then we move to Plan B. Telling your boss that you have been invited to a dear friend's wedding and you are requesting time off.

If you can't go to the wedding due to a date conflict, go to her shower.

Choose your battles carefully. A wedding party is not worth your job. And if it is, you need a new job in a different industry! As a professional, you know that most event planning groups do require this level of committment and employees are hugely expendable because so many want to break into the industry. This isn't said to be unkind, but to be realistic. Good luck!

JenMarie · #5 05-11-2006, 10:14 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by adpiucf
Tell your sorority sister you have a conflict on X Weekend, but that you would really like to be at her wedding. Seeing as she has yet to set a date, she can still keep this consideration in mind.

I did... so hopefully she keeps it in mind. But she also gave me the whole "You'd miss your friend's wedding to go to camping???"

I didn't really know how to explain to her that it's not really my choice and pleaded to not pick that weekend. (Any other weekend is fine though...)

I'm hoping the venue she wants isn't available that weekend. But let the chips fall where they may.

adpiucf · #6 05-15-2006, 09:23 AM

No, you're missing her wedding to be at a work function that is required for your employment!

Let us know what happens!

f8nacn · #7 05-15-2006, 09:30 AM

Work with your lil sis to coordinate a date (depending on your relationship, which from your post, appears to be a tight/good one)...so explain the situation to her. Talk with her FIRST that way it doesn't leave you in an awkward position at work.

JenMarie · #8 05-22-2006, 08:42 PM

Well... the good news is she didn't pick her date as the same day/weekend as my camping trip.

Bad news is that she didn't pick a weekend at all. She's getting married on the Thursday before it. A THURSDAY!

*grumbles to self*

So not only would I be rushing back to attend the camping trip... I'd have to take vacation on top of it all to go.

At this point I don't think it's worth even asking permission to go... even though airfair and hotel rates would be cheaper.

If you were I, how would you respectfully decline?

Peaches-n-Cream · #9 05-23-2006, 10:26 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by JenMarie
Well... the good news is she didn't pick her date as the same day/weekend as my camping trip.

Bad news is that she didn't pick a weekend at all. She's getting married on the Thursday before it. A THURSDAY!

*grumbles to self*

So not only would I be rushing back to attend the camping trip... I'd have to take vacation on top of it all to go.

At this point I don't think it's worth even asking permission to go... even though airfair and hotel rates would be cheaper.

If you were I, how would you respectfully decline?

A Thursday wedding? I don't think many out of town people will attend.

I think that you should send a note that you regret that you cannot attend the wedding with a gift.

adpiucf · #10 05-23-2006, 01:00 PM

Planning a Thursday wedding is really setting the expectation that few out-of-town guests will be able to attend. Send a gift, along with regrets, and see if you can attend a shower or engagement event that is on a weekend.

They will certainly save money on their venue and entertainment going with a weeknight, and they've guaranteed that the people they invite out of courtesy from out of town won't be able to come.

It is unrealistic to expect out of towners to take so much time off-- if it were a Friday night or Sunday, then perhaps, yes, take one day off. But that is a bit much.

Sorry this didn't work out.

AOIIBrandi · #11 05-23-2006, 01:20 PM

Well, I guess the real question is how good of friends do you expect to be with her after the wedding? If you are best friends now (and since she is your lil) did she plan for you to be in the wedding party? How far away is the wedding from where you now live? All of this leads up to the fact that if you still want to be as close to her after the wedding as you are now you should probably attend. I know the mature thing to think is that if you're really good friends she'll understand, but in my experience most women still take it personally. If it's only a couple hour flight maybe you can just take Thurs and Fri off. You're already giving up your real weekend for the camping trip anyway.

tunatartare · #12 05-23-2006, 01:57 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AOIIBrandi
Well, I guess the real question is how good of friends do you expect to be with her after the wedding? If you are best friends now (and since she is your lil) did she plan for you to be in the wedding party? How far away is the wedding from where you now live? All of this leads up to the fact that if you still want to be as close to her after the wedding as you are now you should probably attend. I know the mature thing to think is that if you're really good friends she'll understand, but in my experience most women still take it personally. If it's only a couple hour flight maybe you can just take Thurs and Fri off. You're already giving up your real weekend for the camping trip anyway.

I agree with what she said. If the issue is taking vacation time or something, see if you can work a couple of late hours for a few days so that instead of taking vacation days, you'll have comp time and won't have to lose vacation days for the wedding.

JenMarie · #13 05-23-2006, 03:49 PM

Well... even in her message to everyone here in Cali (she's in Utah) she said, Yes I know it's a Thursday and many of you probably can't make it, but try.

And I've got an event on that Thursday so I wouldn't be able to go even if I had all the vacation in the world and there wasn't a camping trip.

adpiucf · #14 05-23-2006, 05:25 PM

As someone who lives far from all of my loved ones, every wedding I attend is a destination wedding! If the wedding is on any day but a Saturday, I very likely can not and will not attend. There are a few exceptions to this rule, but these are rare. It isn't fare for someone planning an event to not take out of town guests concerns in mind.

I understand your friend is excited to plan her wedding day, but she's effectively cut much of her guest list down by having a middle of the week party. Pretty smart if she is trying to keep costs down and still act like she is accomodating everyone...

I know you save money by doing a mid-week reception, but that just sounds awfully selfish to tell all the out of towners that they should make the effort... or just shady.

Buttonz · #15 06-13-2006, 10:41 PM

Doesn't seem as if she expects most out of towners to come...I woudln't either if it was a middle of the week wedding.

just tell her due to work you are unable to attend, and send a gift. I would hope she would understand.