"Marriage is for White People" (Today on Michael Baisden)

[CrimsonTide4]

I've received this article like 4 times in the past week. I find it interesting. Before ANYONE says that this is racist, it's NOT.

Marriage is for White People


ARTICLE EXCERPT

For years, I wondered why not. And then some 12-year-olds enlightened me.

"Marriage is for white people."

That's what one of my students told me some years back when I taught a career exploration class for sixth-graders at an elementary school in Southeast Washington. I was pleasantly surprised when the boys in the class stated that being a good father was a very important goal to them, more meaningful than making money or having a fancy title.

"That's wonderful!" I told my class. "I think I'll invite some couples in to talk about being married and rearing children."

"Oh, no," objected one student. "We're not interested in the part about marriage. Only about how to be good fathers."

And that's when the other boy chimed in, speaking as if the words left a nasty taste in his mouth: "Marriage is for white people."

He's right. At least statistically. The marriage rate for African Americans has been dropping since the 1960s, and today, we have the lowest marriage rate of any racial group in the United States. In 2001, according to the U.S. Census, 43.3 percent of black men and 41.9 percent of black women in America had never been married, in contrast to 27.4 percent and 20.7 percent respectively for whites. African American women are the least likely in our society to marry. In the period between 1970 and 2001, the overall marriage rate in the United States declined by 17 percent; but for blacks, it fell by 34 percent. Such statistics have caused Howard University relationship therapist Audrey Chapman to point out that African Americans are the most uncoupled people in the country.


Your thoughts?

[Honeykiss1974]

Originally posted by CrimsonTide4
Before ANYONE says that this is racist, it's NOT.

ROTFL !!!!!!

But seriously, reading/hearing stats like this saddens me. Why are good enough to shack up with, but not marry?

In terms of dating, maybe we as Af Am women need to open up our "dating pool" to men of other ethnicities?

[CrimsonTide4]

Originally posted by Honeykiss1974
ROTFL !!!!!!

But seriously, reading/hearing stats like this saddens me. Why are good enough to shack up with, but not marry?

In terms of dating, maybe we as Af Am women need to open up our "dating pool" to men of other ethnicities?

I know who I am dealing with which is why I had to make my disclaimer.

Possibly @ "maybe we as Af Am women need to open up our "dating pool" to men of other ethnicities," but for me that is unchartered territory that I am not sure I want to travel on.

[ladygreek]

*Le sigh* I don't want to vent on here, so that is all I will say.

[Honeykiss1974]

Originally posted by CrimsonTide4

Possibly @ "maybe we as Af Am women need to open up our "dating pool" to men of other ethnicities," but for me that is unchartered territory that I am not sure I want to travel on.

I hear ya and TRUST, I'm not saying that's the answer - because what works for some may not for others. But I am just speaking on a surface level - meaning without exploring why the disparity exist and fixing that first ( ex. researching "why" black men are going to jail more, erroding of the black family, etc.). Because by the time its "fixed" I may be an old woman or dead and chillin' with Christ. So I'm just speaking in terms of "now"..

Shoot, I don't even have a real answer. I'm just sad to hear that kids think "marriage is for white folks".....

[CrimsonTide4]

Originally posted by Honeykiss1974
Shoot, I don't even have a real answer. I'm just sad to hear that kids think "marriage is for white folks".....

I'm thinking that a lot of these kids come from households that the parents are not married and never have been married. So for them, the marriages they see are white people and they make the connection that White people get married but Black people don't.

To be honest, I don't affiliate with White men in an intimate fashion where the possibility of dating one would happen. It is not that I look at them like EEEEEWWWWWWWWW but I am not holding up a sign saying COME HERE WHITE MEN or Asian or Latino or Filipino ( @ Starang). You know what I mean?

[jubilance1922]

Originally posted by Honeykiss1974

But seriously, reading/hearing stats like this saddens me. Why are good enough to shack up with, but not marry?

On the flip side, considering that more AfAm women are getting degrees (including advanced degrees), I think some of it is coming from us. "Why should I get married? I'm doing good for myself?"...sort of in the line of "I don't need a man to take care of me".

I think some women don't see marriage as necessary anymore.

[treblk]

This is a sad article, but I can see the truth in it. I have several good friends that got married several years ago, and now for one reason or another, are getting divorced.

My parents are still together and I look forward to getting married and it scares me that it may never happen. It is true that more black women are getting advanced degrees or have a "I don't need a man" mentality, but what about those of us with advanced degrees without that mentality?

[Dionysus]

Originally posted by treblk
This is a sad article, but I can see the truth in it. I have several good friends that got married several years ago, and now for one reason or another, are getting divorced.

I'm wondering does it really matter a lot that many people aren't getting married these days, since the divorce rates are so high anyway. Simply breaking up sounds more convenient than divorcing. You don't have to go through the courts and all of the other drama.

[Honeykiss1974]

Originally posted by CrimsonTide4
I'm thinking that a lot of these kids come from households that the parents are not married and never have been married. So for them, the marriages they see are white people and they make the connection that White people get married but Black people don't.

To be honest, I don't affiliate with White men in an intimate fashion where the possibility of dating one would happen. It is not that I look at them like EEEEEWWWWWWWWW but I am not holding up a sign saying COME HERE WHITE MEN or Asian or Latino or Filipino ( @ Starang). You know what I mean?

LOL I hear ya!

Shoot, I'd have to move for that to heppen (Wichita is 8% black). But if I can get personal for a moment, the person I'm dating right now is white, but not because I purposely went out searching for a "White Knight" (LOL).

To be honest (and I would NEVER tell him this ) when he asked me out on a date, I only said yes because he had tickets to this jazz concert that I REALLLLLLLYYYYY wanted to go to, but didn't have a date. So I said "why not, its just for an evening." And he turned out to be the most interesting person I'd met in a while (not to mention that we had so much in common) that things just kind of sparked from there.

And people say that God doesn't have a sense of humor.

[AKA_Monet]

Well, eHarmony is makin' a killin' off some folks... Then there are these other ones that are fakin' the funk and takin' folks money...

The other issue is more African American men have a rap sheet that African American women, especially highly educated ones do not want to deal with... Generally, men with felony convictions lose too many "rights"--they cannot apply for certain jobs, they cannot get loans, they cannot go to school, they cannot vote, etc. and so on and so forth. Who would want to deal with that, drama? And it is so easy to arrest a brotha these days for just about anything, which is sad because it is crazy...

Sistahs on the other hand, don't want the heartache moreso than the headache. It is too much heart trouble to deal with alienation and abandonment from man, that we have come to the conclusion that "I may as well be better off by myself" satisfaction... We still want the "luxury" of having a loving relationship with a man, but is a whole lot easier to write off that feeling than to invest into the heart wrenching pain when things don't go as anticipated.

It is a matter of degree, I think. What can we tolerate and deal with at this time? Then how much are we willing to walk into a situation with our eyes wide open, knowingly going into a something that might be a hornet's nest...

[starang21]

Originally posted by CrimsonTide4
but I am not holding up a sign saying COME HERE Starang

[CrimsonTide4]

Originally posted by starang21

LMAO that you changed my post. Why are you trying to get my cyber shot by your boo, ShamikaT?

[Angel11E01]

Heeeey! Marriage isn't for white people. I just got engaged!

But seriously, a lot of our folks settle for having babies without marital bonds and shacking up. It makes me sad.

[starang21]

Originally posted by CrimsonTide4
LMAO that you changed my post. Why are you trying to get my cyber shot by your boo, ShamikaT?

lol, because....her pre-pubescent behind coulnd't hang with a grown woman like yourself.

besides, the "my woman" position requires a degree, lol.