Will you put your parents in a nursing home?

AznSAE · #1 01-27-2004, 02:59 PM

The "how old is too old living at home" thread got me thinking. Will you put your parents in a nursing home? In my case, NO. Maybe its how I was brought up and my nationality, but I would never do that to them. They will live with me until their time is up. Its that whole cirlce of life thing, they raise you and now its your turn to take care of them no matter what.

Any opinions?

btb87 · #2 01-27-2004, 03:13 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AznSAE
The "how old is too old living at home" thread got me thinking. Will you put your parents in a nursing home? In my case, NO. Maybe its how I was brought up and my nationality, but I would never do that to them. They will live with me until their time is up. Its that whole cirlce of life thing, they raise you and now its your turn to take care of them no matter what.

Any opinions?

I am my mother's only child - reared by my grandparents. My mom and I have briefly talked about this. She has some insurance that would pay for nursing home costs if it came to that. She doesn't have a problem going to a home, if necessary, but I don't think I would feel right allowing her to go to a nursing home; only if for some reason I was not able to handle her care. I would definitely look into private nurses coming to my home if I brought her to live with me (she's in MD, I'm in FL). I've thought about this, and I hope it doesn't come to that point. Right now, she's very healthy, but sometimes you never know what could happen.

#3 01-27-2004, 03:32 PM

I would probably put my parents in Assisted Living Care before an actual nursing home. I know I'll be working a lot, being a lawyer, that I wouldn't be able to really make sure they were OK if they were living with me. The assisted living situation would allow them to socialize with people their own age whenever they felt like being socialable. They wouldn't want to hang around with me and my friends. They would also have nurses around 24/7 in case they should fall or get sick, etc. The nurses would be able to be more sensitive when they are sick, being they wouldn't make something out of nothing if I were taking care of them.

The only way I'd put them in a nursing home is if they had a broken hip that hadn't healed all of the way, they had a really hard time moving around, or they had Alzheimer's. They'd have to have something severely wrong with them.

aephi alum · #4 01-27-2004, 03:41 PM

If my parents get to the point where they can't take care of themselves (hopefully not for a while yet!) then I would look into assisted-living facilities or in-home health care. It seems more dignified to me... you have your privacy, you have as much autonomy as you can handle, and there is medical staff on site if you do have a problem. Nursing homes seem so sterile and hospital-like, like that's where you go to die. And I couldn't take the time to care for an ailing parent full-time. But I would make sure to visit them regularly wherever they are, and see to it that they are well cared for.

PM_Mama00 · #5 01-28-2004, 12:36 AM

Funny that I just saw this thread. My mom said they'd never put my grandma in a nursing home, but now at 96 and a broken hip, they were discussing which one to put her in tonite.

Taualumna · #6 01-28-2004, 12:43 AM

I don't think I'd put my parents in a nursing home unless it was absolutely necessary. My parents probably wouldn't like to be in one anyway. However, they did say that they probably would move into an assisted living complex once they're older. My mom's trying to put her parents in one right now, but they both claim that they can still live on their own. I know my grandfather can, but my grandmother's probably better off in one where they have planned activities and that kind of stuff. Right now, she just sits in front of the tv all day. She doesn't drive, so we have to take her places as her English is limited and she can't take public transit. The assisted living apartments that my mom's looking into cater to people who are of Chinese descent.

AGDee · #7 01-28-2004, 01:04 AM

I am going through these kinds of tough decisions right now. My mom is really too sick to live in her condo independently now. I suggested that we sell her condo and add on her own quarters to my house and she HATED that idea. She said she would be too isolated (she has friends in her condo complex that check in on her everyday, get her mail, etc) and she is concerned about being exposed to all the illnesses my kids bring home from school. She has emphysema and every cold wears her down that much more. I'm a single mom and just able to cover my expenses but my brother makes good money and has no kids. What we have agreed on for now is that my brother is going to pay for a home health aid to come in from the health system that I work for because I can get us a discount. She SHOULD go to assisted living and she would probably enjoy it but it is very expensive ($3000/month). She gets $700/month from Social Security and pays $400 a month for prescriptions. I would rather that she would come here but she has always said that she didn't want to live with me for two reasons. She is worried about role reversal (being dependent on me) and she is worried that she will act like my mom too much (telling me how to raise my kids, etc). I think we'd work through those things but she seems pretty firm on it. It is inevitable that she will need nursing home care at some point and I live 2 blocks from one that is very good. It will be close enough that myself or my kids (hoping they're teens by then) can stop in every single day. Having to have these discussions and make these decisions is very stressful for everybody.

Dee

Kevin · #8 01-28-2004, 01:11 AM

My parents have long-term care insurance. So that's apparently their wish.

aggieAXO · #9 01-28-2004, 01:18 AM

I would hate to place my mother in a nursing home but if she could not go to assissted living then yes I would. Last year she had surgery on her foot and I took care of her for 1 week and that was enough for me. It was physically and mentally demanding. We are very different people ( I am messy and she is very neat) and cannot live together for long periods of time. I think she would be happier in assisted living where there would be people her own age.

We are placing my grandmother in a nursing home this week. She was in assisted living but she has alzheimer's and is now at the point where she needs more care. We cannot provide that care, my mother can barely walk as it is, she cannot care for my grandmother on a physical level.

Dionysus · #10 01-28-2004, 01:22 AM

It's my dad's wish too. My mom said at the very last resort. If she becomes anything like my grandmother w/ Alzheimer's I think it will be in her best interest. Otherwise, I can't really picture myself doing that.

PM_Mama00 · #11 01-28-2004, 01:37 AM

My grandma in New York is very old and can barely do much. She still lives alone in her apartment, but there are 2 women who go to take care of her. One comes in the beginning of the week, and the other one at the end. They live iwth her during that time and she enjoys their company. And I guess the state pays for all of that. I wish we had that here in Michigan.

ISUKappa · #12 01-28-2004, 01:47 AM

I'd like to think that we would try and do our best ourselves before we turned to a nursing home, but until we're faced with that situation, I won't know. I watched as my parents and aunts and uncles struggled with my grandmother's decline due to Alzheimers. They tried hospice and in-home care before they were resigned to putting her in a home. It wasn't an easy decision, nor was it a fun one, but it was the best one for everyone.

I will just be grateful if my parents are still around at an advanced age and we are living near them.

#13 01-28-2004, 01:47 AM

the last few yrs of my grand dads life he suffered from lukemia parkinsons and a heart condition.. my mother is the only child and had to take that upon herself and cared for both he and my grand mother in her house. Assisted living is a good option...just make sure you get a good quality retirement center because nursing homes are disgusting non caring and horrible. I would put my parents in a aissited living situation if i cant care for them in my own house first

aggieAXO · #14 01-28-2004, 02:17 AM

personally I hope euthansia is legal by the time I have to make the decision for myself (or anyone has to make it for me)-I would not want to live in a nursing home. Again I like QUALITY of life not quantity.

James · #15 01-28-2004, 02:33 AM

Euthanasia, AKA as suicide may be ilegal but as long as you succeed you will get away with it lol . . .

I think, I would fall on my sword if I got to the point you r talking about. But I have learned that you never know what you will do until you are in that situation so who knows?

Quote:

Originally posted by aggieAXO
personally I hope euthansia is legal by the time I have to make the decision for myself (or anyone has to make it for me)-I would not want to live in a nursing home. Again I like QUALITY of life not quantity.