Okay to ask here...?

[Shokiara]

Hello. I attend University of Missouri. Formal Recruitment is in the fall here and I decided to participate. I was honestly dropped from all chapters after round 1. I tried my luck with informal, fell in love with the chapter I visited and received the rejection this past Friday. The problem is I transferred schools from a school with no Greek Life. I struggled with depression until this last year so my GPA isn't the best. I'm a junior by credits but I am a sophomore by course sequence. So that is my sob story. But here's the good part. The house I fell in love with is a newer chapter on campus so they do informal every semester. My pi chi's from formal are still in contact with me and supporting me. I'm going to focus make this a great semester and show the chapter who I really am! My GPA will be replaced after this first semester because of how transferring works so next semester my GPA will be restarted with what I get here!

I know another issue was that I have no recs. Would it be an appropriate thing to ask on here if there is any alumni of the sorority that may be willing to write one for me? I understand if not because of never knowing me in person or if they would want to maybe speak 1 on 1 before writing me one. I want Greek life so bad and it hurts for all of this to be keeping me from it. I'm a first generation, so I feel so lost with no one to help me.

[Titchou]

It is inappropriate to ask here for recs. Just because you have no Greeks in your family does not mean you can't find someone to write one. Contact your HS teachers, friends, parents of friends, coaches, Sunday School teachers,employers, every adult you know. Tell them you need a rec to XYZ and do they know any members of that group. Check FB to see if there is a page for alums of that group in your home town. Reach out to them as well.

[QLB817]

There are hidden sorority women EVERYWHERE. I mentioned a short time ago that after my daughter completed recruitment, I discovered my mother-in-law was a Sigma Kappa. I had never thought to ask. Your HS teachers are a great resource. They all had to go to college to be a teacher, so they are the most obvious that are likely to know alumnae of sororities, or be one themselves. We were able to obtain recs for my daughter through family friends. I had seen on Facebook a while ago a post from a friend that she was super excited that her daughter had joined her sorority as a legacy. I reached out to them and was able to get two recs for that group. I was telling my neighbor how recruitment was going for my daughter and she remembered a good friend of hers was helping with recruitment there as an alumnae. She reached out to her and sent my daughter's resume. Another rec down with a simple conversation. My alumnae group had connections with people in the rest of the groups and were able to get recs. There are 5 NPC groups on our campus, but in talking to friends we apparently have connections in at least 5 additional groups. I could probably even extend it to several more if I reached out a bit more because those friends had friends in other sororities at their campuses. Start asking around and you may be surprised at how quickly rec contacts breed like rabbits.

Also - put together a quick resume. There are numerous websites with tips on what to include. It doesn't have to be fancy, but there are some advisable sections to have to make it easy for ladies to fill out their specific groups recommendation forms. (GPA, activities in school, major, etc.). Include at least one or two nice photos. Minimally, this can be saved as a PDF to text or email to people quickly, but it doesn't hurt to have it on nice resume paper as well.

Also bear in mind that if you find that someone you know is a member of a specific sorority, but has no idea how to do a rec, you may want to have a phone number, email or website for the national hq for them to contact for the proper methods. This is especially important for older members who may have never even been to their sorority's national website to register for access. It's never super difficult to do a rec, but many have never had the opportunity.

[windinthewillow]

Where do you live, QLB817? Sorority membership is difficult to find in places like the Northeast. I sympathize with the OP. Women in the south have an easier time finding sorority members in their community.

She might have some success contacting each individual sorority's IO. There are often women designated to interviewing PNMs, and if she seems like a good fit, writing her a rec.

Agree with you about putting together a resume. A headshot is helpful too. Be sure to write a thank you note to all the women who have written recs.

[PhilTau]

For a variety of reasons, typical members do not publicize their fraternity or sorority affiliation after leaving college, and it usually drops off the resume after the first job. So, if you are looking for reference letters, you really do need to ask everyone you know who attended college. You'd be surprised.

On this website, there are several threads about how to get recommendations. Read them.

[TXDG]

Originally Posted by windinthewillow

Where do you live, QLB817? Sorority membership is difficult to find in places like the Northeast. I sympathize with the OP. Women in the south have an easier time finding sorority members in their community.

She might have some success contacting each individual sorority's IO. There are often women designated to interviewing PNMs, and if she seems like a good fit, writing her a rec.

Agree with you about putting together a resume. A headshot is helpful too. Be sure to write a thank you note to all the women who have written recs.

I grew up in Texas and live there now but lived in the northeast for a few years after college. There are tons of Greek alumni there and most all groups have large and active alumni groups in the major cities like Boston, NYC, etc.

Shokiara, these are my standard suggestions when pnms think they don't know any sorority women to ask for recs:
1. Start by asking everyone you know if they were in a sorority (neighbors, teachers, people from your part time jobs, women whose kids you babysat, your friends' moms and sisters, your mom and grandma's friends, women from your place of worship, etc). You literally never know!!

2. Look up all of the national sorority Facebook pages for the chapters that are ok your campus. If someone you are friends with "likes" that page, they are most likely a member. Same with alumnae group pages - if you are from, say, Chicago, look up Chicago Delta Gamma, Chicago Kappa Delta, etc to see if you know anyone who "likes" those pages.

3. Do you have any friends from home who have joined a NPC sorority at any campus?? If so, ask who wrote their recs. They may be aware of sorority connections not on your radar.

4. Last resort - if you get to where you just need a handful of recs left, post on your Facebook and tag your mother/ sisters/ grandmother (with their permission, of course)....say that your planning to go through recruitment at the University of Missouri and are still seeking recommendations from the following sororities: ABC, AAA, & XYZ. You're bound to find someone who is at least a family friend this way. I see these posts every summer on Facebook and if anyone I trust is ever tracking down a rec for my group, I try to help!


Junior rush is an uphill battle in and of itself. Best to be as prepared as you possibly can be with recs for all groups, a 3.5+ GPA, and some solid campus involvement and leadership.

[windinthewillow]

Originally Posted by TXDG

I grew up in Texas and live there now but lived in the northeast for a few years after college. There are tons of Greek alumni there and most all groups have large and active alumni groups in the major cities like Boston, NYC, etc.

Shokiara, these are my standard suggestions when pnms think they don't know any sorority women to ask for recs:
1. Start by asking everyone you know if they were in a sorority (neighbors, teachers, people from your part time jobs, women whose kids you babysat, your friends' moms and sisters, your mom and grandma's friends, women from your place of worship, etc). You literally never know!!

2. Look up all of the national sorority Facebook pages for the chapters that are ok your campus. If someone you are friends with "likes" that page, they are most likely a member. Same with alumnae group pages - if you are from, say, Chicago, look up Chicago Delta Gamma, Chicago Kappa Delta, etc to see if you know anyone who "likes" those pages.

3. Do you have any friends from home who have joined a NPC sorority at any campus?? If so, ask who wrote their recs. They may be aware of sorority connections not on your radar.

4. Last resort - if you get to where you just need a handful of recs left, post on your Facebook and tag your mother/ sisters/ grandmother (with their permission, of course)....say that your planning to go through recruitment at the University of Missouri and are still seeking recommendations from the following sororities: ABC, AAA, & XYZ. You're bound to find someone who is at least a family friend this way. I see these posts every summer on Facebook and if anyone I trust is ever tracking down a rec for my group, I try to help!


Junior rush is an uphill battle in and of itself. Best to be as prepared as you possibly can be with recs for all groups, a 3.5+ GPA, and some solid campus involvement and leadership.

That's good advice you're giving to the OP.

I do want to say that I literally didn't know a single soul who was in a sorority when I was getting ready to go to college, nor did my parents. I truly think some PNMs are at a disadvantage in certain geographic areas of the country when they go to big Greek schools.

[GreekOne]

I represented my alumnae chapter as a Panhellenic delegate for our local Panhellenic Association. This is made up of alumnae of every NPC chapter. While serving in that role, I had many women reach out and ask if they could meet so that I could get to know them, and then complete a recommendation. Along with the good advice above, see if your community has an Alumnae Panhellenic and you will be able to find a great deal of assistance from multiple chapters with one contact.

[QLB817]

Originally Posted by TXDG

...Look up all of the national sorority Facebook pages for the chapters that are ok your campus. If someone you are friends with "likes" that page, they are most likely a member. Same with alumnae group pages - if you are from, say, Chicago, look up Chicago Delta Gamma, Chicago Kappa Delta, etc to see if you know anyone who "likes" those pages.

This is great advice. As a test, I went through and just did a Facebook search for a specific NPC group. It pulled up the national Facebook page and a few campus pages, alumnae groups, etc, but it also pulled up posts my friends had made or liked that had that sorority in the post. I found one AOII that I didn't previously know about because she made a post a few months back mentioning it and also a few people that had liked or commented on someone's post or picture mentioning that sorority. If that person seems to be good friends with my Facebook friend, it may have been worth reaching out to see if an intro could have been arranged.

Now don't go all stalker level with that, but it could help point out connections for you. Facebook's algorithms sometimes may prevent people from seeing your post asking about recs, so this could be helpful. Twitter or Instagram may be helpful like that too, but that would be finding recent alums more often, as most of us old folks use Facebook still.

[QLB817]

Originally Posted by windinthewillow

Where do you live, QLB817? Sorority membership is difficult to find in places like the Northeast. I sympathize with the OP. Women in the south have an easier time finding sorority members in their community.

She might have some success contacting each individual sorority's IO. There are often women designated to interviewing PNMs, and if she seems like a good fit, writing her a rec.

Agree with you about putting together a resume. A headshot is helpful too. Be sure to write a thank you note to all the women who have written recs.

I'm technically in the south, but up closer to the Mason Dixon line. OP said she is at Mizzou, so that's similar to me here (northern part of the south!) and Mizzou is technically a SEC school. But while yes, down in the South, sorority ladies are in every nook and cranny, there are a lot more alumnae up north than I think people realize. I think the South has a tradition of your sorority membership being public after leaving school. In the North, they are involved in alumnae groups, but it's not as much of a publicly known thing about a person.

[clemsongirl]

Originally Posted by QLB817

I'm technically in the south, but up closer to the Mason Dixon line. OP said she is at Mizzou, so that's similar to me here (northern part of the south!) and Mizzou is technically a SEC school. But while yes, down in the South, sorority ladies are in every nook and cranny, there are a lot more alumnae up north than I think people realize. I think the South has a tradition of your sorority membership being public after leaving school. In the North, they are involved in alumnae groups, but it's not as much of a publicly known thing about a person.

Could not agree more about this. When I was looking for recs, I found a field hockey/church mom, a high school guidance counselor, and multiple older girls from the field hockey team all of whom I had no idea were members. It does get harder when you're looking for recs when there's no active group in the state, but the field hockey/church mom was a Kappa (from William & Mary no less!) and was still very active in the state alum association.

[KSUViolet06]

Same here in OH.

I'm vocal about being active but some people are not.

I've met people at work who ADVISE a chapter, are active in their alumnae chapter, but I did not know because they just never talked about it. Usually they'd notice that my mug is Sigma and they'd say, "Oh you're in a sorority. I advised my sorority for 6 years when I lived near OSU."

Who knew?

[BlueCarnation]

Same here. I wrote a rec last month for a dear friend's daughter whose aunt also happens to be an alumna of the sorority. The aunt (my friend's younger sister) had no clue how to write a rec (or that everything was online now---she thought we still sent written letters). Here in WI it is very hard to find recs for young women for certain sororities, especially those more popular in the South. Some sororities are very well represented here and are never a problem, and some are always a problem. And the women who went through recruitment in the north don't understand why recs are important. It's very frustrating!

[LouisaMay]

I was in a meeting of homeschooling moms last week, and the woman next to me (my good friend!) pulled out her checkbook. The cover had ZTA on it! I had no idea she was Greek. You just don't know...

[Cheerio]

Originally Posted by LouisaMay

I was in a meeting of homeschooling moms last week, and the woman next to me (my good friend!) pulled out her checkbook. The cover had ZTA on it! I had no idea she was Greek. You just don't know...

So true! On any campus with deferred sorority recruitment an unaffiliated freshman (and future pnm) might encounter weekly friendly contact with a female greek student and never know it until she sees same greek student inside a home during rush.

Being greek means you are always wearing your letters in your heart and by your manner, not always on the front corner of your shirt.