Graduated GDI dating Sorority Girl

geedeamonggreek · #1 08-11-2015, 03:31 PM

Hey everyone!

I was a guy that was always on the fence about Greek Life, but ended up deciding not to do it throughout my four years of college. Things just got busy for me, plus I couldn't afford to at my undergrad school. Nothing against it, it's just something that slipped through the cracks on time commitment for me. (Two jobs, leading another organization, needing time to focus on studies!)
However, I'm about to start my new job and my mastersat a smaller school in the same area (around 40 minutes away) as the big four year school I attended and got my Undergrad, I'm currently dating a girl a little younger than me who is actively involved in her sorority, but still says she's very committed to me. I know this for a fact, as I'm very committed to her as well!

The situation I find myself in is during the infamous time of work week and recruitment, it's something that is taken seriously here, and while it is somewhat possible to see her during Work Week, she's not allowed to leave the house for 8 days for formal recruitment, until Bid Day activities are over.

I understand that rules are rules, and especially that we both will be busy as well. Accepting a graduate assistant spot in athletics is never easy in the late summer/early fall, and classes on top of that aren't fun either. For her, and really everyone else that's working on rush, it's a pretty big deal at this school.

However, she reassures me things will be back to normal eventually. Granted yes, we spent all summer with each other, stayed with each other almost every night, and traveled as much as we could. To say we were spoiled is an understatement sometimes. So I'm not expecting for her to stay with me every night when classes start, but I worry that while she says "It's only a week", I just don't want our connection to go away and die down because she gets so close to her chapter, and forgetting about me after classes start. Plus, we had plans for a few nights, since typically work week finishes a little early in the evening. However the recruitment chair had other plans, making things a little more intense for the chapter and thus, cancelling plans out for us, leaving me feeling a little eh. Once again, I'm not greek, but I understand the time and commitment it takes for a brotherhood and sisterhood.

That also being said, a relationship is one of the most special things that two people can have with each other, and if one party isn't putting in that much work for it, it can be a little mind-boggling. We try to communicate as much as we can, we're passionate for each other, and we see ourselves doing big things not on our own, but also together someday. It does kinda make me worried I don't hear from her for awhile, and that she's enjoying all of this rather than spending a little time with me.

Another situation I forgot to mention is that after recruitment is over, my schedule becomes very intense with being practically an assistant to an assistant athletic director for a few sports at our school.

I want her to be happy and take it all in, I really do! That also said, even after recruitment is all over, I just don't want our deep connection to be replaced by her sisters, and date nights get ditched for frat nights that I can't really be apart of, or time alone turns into study breaks with three other girls. Some of it is crazy, and I may be overthinking.

I'm just wondering, what can I do to make sure that I make the connection well with her, even on the Greek standpoint. Once again, I know I wasn't in a fraternity myself, but I don't want her to think I'm not oblivious to what's going on either.
They do good things here at this campus, but competing with everyone else is always going to be giving me some anxious thoughts. We trust and love each other very much, but my anxious thoughts sometimes take over when it should not.

Long story short, what do I do to not feel replaced? I support her and her sorority very much, but I also want to keep the love going very strong too!

amIblue? · #2 08-11-2015, 03:38 PM

Put your big girl panties on. If your relationship can't withstand recruitment and the responsibilities of day to day life, it's not that strong of a relationship to begin with. Don't be clingy. I can't imagine anything killing off love more than clinginess.

geedeamonggreek · #3 08-11-2015, 03:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amIblue?

Put your big girl panties on. If your relationship can't withstand recruitment and the responsibilities of day to day life, it's not that strong of a relationship to begin with. Don't be clingy. I can't imagine anything killing off love more than clu fines.

I don't think you see where I'm coming from. I'm good with Recruitment, and everything will be alright. It's just after that worries me because my schedule too fires up quite a bit.

33girl · #4 08-11-2015, 03:44 PM

Chill. Chill. Chill. Once you get busy with your job and school you'll have a lot less time to worry about this. I know it sounds contradictory, but in this case, I think it will be easier for to busy people to have a relationship than one who has a lot going on and one who doesn't. Speaking from the POV of a girl who was in your girlfriend's situation, nothing made me feel guiltier or more stuck in the relationship then my boyfriend whining that I was the only good thing in his life. You're going wonderful new places and you hope she goes there with you. That's the way you have to keep thinking of it.

amIblue? · #5 08-11-2015, 03:45 PM

What part of day to day responsibilities did you miss in my post? You've got them; she's got them; everybody's got them. You either make time for each other or you don't.

ColdInCanada11 · #6 08-11-2015, 03:48 PM

amIblue is right- this is part of an adult relationship. Making time to see each other is important for any relationship, Greek or not. Will you be replaced with her sisters? Probably not- it isn't the same kind of relationship. If you were one of her girlfriends from outside of the sorority, I would say maybe, but a boyfriend? Less likely. You will be her respite FROM the sorority- everyone is rainbows and unicorns now. Wait a few months and she will need a break.
Also, I understand where you are coming from (you are looking past recruitment) but the majority of your post is about recruitment, so people will probably comment on that.

geedeamonggreek · #7 08-11-2015, 03:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

Chill. Chill. Chill. Once you get busy with your job and school you'll have a lot less time to worry about this. I know it sounds contradictory, but in this case, I think it will be easier for to busy people to have a relationship than one who has a lot going on and one who doesn't. Speaking from the POV of a girl who was in your girlfriend's situation, nothing made me feel guiltier or more stuck in the relationship then my boyfriend whining that I was the only good thing in his life. You're going wonderful new places and you hope she goes there with you. That's the way you have to keep thinking of it.

And that's a good way to go about it! That's how I'm trying to see it, and hopefully it will be that way too! There's honestly no one else I want to go with me than her on this journey too. (Cheesy, but true!)

geedeamonggreek · #8 08-11-2015, 03:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ColdInCanada11

amIblue is right- this is part of an adult relationship. Making time to see each other is important for any relationship, Greek or not. Will you be replaced with her sisters? Probably not- it isn't the same kind of relationship. If you were one of her girlfriends from outside of the sorority, I would say maybe, but a boyfriend? Less likely. You will be her respite FROM the sorority- everyone is rainbows and unicorns now. Wait a few months and she will need a break.
Also, I understand where you are coming from (you are looking past recruitment) but the majority of your post is about recruitment, so people will probably comment on that.

That's true, and we definitely do. I know it's not the same kind of relationship, although crazier things can happen in life. Once again, a lot of this is just my thoughts going bananas, since I am in-between jobs right now. Thank you for seeing the past recruitment side of things too, I probably should've worded my message a little differently.

honeychile · #9 08-11-2015, 04:17 PM

Okay, here's my point of view from the long term commitment side of life.

My DH is the Sports Information Director at his (D-3) university. There was no Greek system at his university. I am an active alumna of my sorority. We dated a long time before we got married, and yet, I still didn't realize how complex his schedule would be.

After Recruitment, it will be YOUR schedule that will dominate your relationship, not hers. Sure, she'll have activities, but I guarantee that you will have many, many more.

Y'all need to sit down with a calendar - no, make that two calendars! - and put all activities in which either of you are involved and go from there. She will need you as an escape valve, when the whole world of sorority gets a little overbearing, and you will need her to maintain your sanity.

With the right combination of self-sufficiency and unselfish behavior, this is a completely workable relationship. However, remember that any good relationship relies on the willingness for both parties to work on it. Good luck!

kitekat · #10 08-11-2015, 04:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by geedeamonggreek

It does kinda make me worried I don't hear from her for awhile, and that she's enjoying all of this rather than spending a little time with me.

This is ridiculous.

It sounds like you want a great deal more than "a little time." This is a major part of her lifestyle that you have to accept, and if you're going to resent her sisterhood and make her feel guilty for her commitments, then you have a much bigger problem in your relationship.

I agree with amIblue, you're coming off as incredibly clingy. Yes, you're obviously a big part of her life, but you're not the ONLY part of her life.

amIblue? · #11 08-11-2015, 05:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by geedeamonggreek

Hey everyone!

I was a guy that was always on the fence about Greek Life, but ended up deciding not to do it throughout my four years of college. Things just got busy for me, plus I couldn't afford to at my undergrad school. Nothing against it, it's just something that slipped through the cracks on time commitment for me. (Two jobs, leading another organization, needing time to focus on studies!)
However, I'm about to start my new job and my MBA at a smaller school in the same community as the big four year school I attended and got my Undergrad, I'm currently dating a girl a little younger than me who is actively involved in her sorority, but still says she's very committed to me. I know this for a fact, as I'm very committed to her as well!

The situation I find myself in is during the infamous time of work week and recruitment, it's something that is taken seriously here, and while it is somewhat possible to see her during Work Week, she's not allowed to leave the house for 8 days for formal recruitment, until Bid Day activities are over.

I understand that rules are rules, and especially that we both will be busy as well. Accepting a graduate assistant spot in athletics is never easy in the late summer/early fall, and classes on top of that aren't fun either. For her, and really everyone else that's working on rush, it's a pretty big deal at this school.

However, she reassures me things will be back to normal eventually. Granted yes, we spent all summer with each other, stayed with each other almost every night, and traveled as much as we could. To say we were spoiled is an understatement sometimes. So I'm not expecting for her to stay with me every night when classes start, but I worry that while she says "It's only a week", I just don't want our connection to go away and die down because she gets so close to her chapter, and forgetting about me after classes start. Plus, we had plans for a few nights, since typically work week finishes a little early in the evening. However the recruitment chair had other plans, making things a little more intense for the chapter and thus, cancelling plans out for us, leaving me feeling a little eh. Once again, I'm not greek, but I understand the time and commitment it takes for a brotherhood and sisterhood.

That also being said, a relationship is one of the most special things that two people can have with each other, and if one party isn't putting in that much work for it, it can be a little mind-boggling. We try to communicate as much as we can, we're passionate for each other, and we see ourselves doing big things not on our own, but also together someday. It does kinda make me worried I don't hear from her for awhile, and that she's enjoying all of this rather than spending a little time with me.

Another situation I forgot to mention is that after recruitment is over, my schedule becomes very intense with being practically an assistant to an assistant athletic director for Soccer, Volleyball, and Cross-Country at our school.

I want her to be happy and take it all in, I really do! That also said, even after recruitment is all over, I just don't want our deep connection to be replaced by her sisters, and date nights get ditched for frat nights that I can't really be apart of, or time alone turns into study breaks with three other girls. Some of it is crazy, and I may be overthinking.

I'm just wondering, what can I do to make sure that I make the connection well with her, even on the Greek standpoint. Once again, I know I wasn't in a fraternity myself, but I don't want her to think I'm not oblivious to what's going on either.
They do good things here at this campus, but competing with everyone else is always going to be giving me some anxious thoughts. We trust and love each other very much, but my anxious thoughts sometimes take over when it should not.

Long story short, what do I do to not feel replaced? I support her and her sorority very much, but I also want to keep the love going very strong too!

QFP

geedeamonggreek · #12 08-11-2015, 06:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kitekat

This is ridiculous.

It sounds like you want a great deal more than "a little time." This is a major part of her lifestyle that you have to accept, and if you're going to resent her sisterhood and make her feel guilty for her commitments, then you have a much bigger problem in your relationship.

I agree with amIblue, you're coming off as incredibly clingy. Yes, you're obviously a big part of her life, but you're not the ONLY part of her life.

Issue with that, I HAVE been accepting this as apart of her lifestyle, and I have NEVER resented her sisterhood or commitments. I know more likely than not that I probably won't see her for two weeks, but that's okay. I just want communication already. It's tough not hearing from someone you care about for quite sometime. Granted, it would be tougher without today's technology, but even at that it's still not fun. I accept it, but I'm not being clingy, I just care like any other significant other should do.

geedeamonggreek · #13 08-11-2015, 06:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by honeychile

Okay, here's my point of view from the long term commitment side of life.

My DH is the Sports Information Director at his (D-3) university. There was no Greek system at his university. I am an active alumna of my sorority. We dated a long time before we got married, and yet, I still didn't realize how complex his schedule would be.

After Recruitment, it will be YOUR schedule that will dominate your relationship, not hers. Sure, she'll have activities, but I guarantee that you will have many, many more.

Y'all need to sit down with a calendar - no, make that two calendars! - and put all activities in which either of you are involved and go from there. She will need you as an escape valve, when the whole world of sorority gets a little overbearing, and you will need her to maintain your sanity.

With the right combination of self-sufficiency and unselfish behavior, this is a completely workable relationship. However, remember that any good relationship relies on the willingness for both parties to work on it. Good luck!

This hits the nail right on the head, and a very good idea! If we can figure that part out, then most everything will work itself out. When it comes to making both sides work, we do a good job at it, although the communication has faded a little, but that has to do with work/recruitment weeks, so nothing we can't really do there. That's alright though!

614 · #14 08-11-2015, 06:22 PM

I'm sorry, but you sound very insecure and immature about your relationship. Is this your first relationship? My daughter was very active in her sorority all through college and dated a GDI soph-sr year. I never heard them discuss sorority commitments as an issue. He respected her involvement and enjoyed many fun sorority events. He didn't bat an eye about events with fraternities. They both had very challenging senior years, which kept them apart with their studies as well. They are still together and both work. They each travel, at times, for work for as much as 10-14 days. They lived in the same city for 2 years before moving in together because they felt making their own way in the world was better for things long term. My daughter had a clingy boyfriend once, and never went down that road again. Having a great relationship is not about spending every second together.

geedeamonggreek · #15 08-11-2015, 06:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 614

I'm sorry, but you sound very insecure and immature about your relationship. Is this your first relationship? My daughter was very active in her sorority all through college and dated a GDI soph-sr year. I never heard them discuss sorority commitments as an issue. He respected her involvement and enjoyed many fun sorority events. He didn't bat an eye about events with fraternities. They both had very challenging senior years, which kept them apart with their studies as well. They are still together and both work. They each travel, at times, for work for as much as 10-14 days. They lived in the same city for 2 years before moving in together because they felt making their own way in the world was better for things long term. My daughter had a clingy boyfriend once, and never went down that road again. Having a great relationship is not about spending every second together.

I understand that, and no it's not my first relationship. One of the first serious one's yes, but I know for a fact it's not about spending time together all the time. In this scenario, it's about spending time together when it's all over, and not feel like i'm playing second fiddle after recruitment.