Alumni/Alumnae who don't know their place

NotSoOldAlumna · #1 08-29-2012, 07:59 AM

I graduated two years ago, and I still live in the town where my alma mater is located. I have been attending chapter business meetings on a regular basis (at least 3x a month) and the executive board has asked me to serve as an advisor this year pending a vote by the chapter at the next business meeting. I couldn't be more excited to continue serving this organization that has given me so much throughout my collegiate career.

That being said, this week was the first regular meeting of the semester and it presented a very uncomfortable situation. The outgoing president (we'll call her Jane) from last year is now an alumna, and she attended the meeting as well. The new president was doing a great job, came to pause a few times as she looked through the operations manual for some tricky voting situations, etc.

Every time the new president faltered, Jane piped in, whispering to her what she should be doing. Ok, I get that it can be hard to watch a meeting that isn't going well. When several members asked for status due to jobs though, it got really inappropriate.

President has never run a vote before, and Jane piped in, cutting off both the President and the Parliamentarian, running the vote herself. When it came time for discussion, Jane even spoke in favor/on behalf of several of the members asking for status. Per our bylaws, alumnae have no say in voting matters.

Jane went on to suspend parliamentary procedure for voting matters a few times, overruling our bylaws for the "convenience" of the chapter as some of the members asking for status were officers. I understand the need for having an e-board at the beginning of the semester, but it would be just as easy for the president to appoint an interim officer (allowed by our bylaws) until the elections in 2 weeks, instead of suspending procedure and hosting election the same evening.

I was uncomfortable the entire meeting. Since I'm not officially and advisor, I didn't feel that it was my place to say anything to Jane at the meeting. I know that it needs to be addressed, but the entire situation is complicated by the fact that Jane is my big.

Advice please on how to address this with her? Should I wait until I'm officially an advisor? Should I have a heart to heart with her before then, sister-to-sister?

DoctorD · #2 08-29-2012, 08:05 AM

Being an officer is one of the best learning/personal development experiences one can have. Mistakes are supposed to be a part of the process. Sometimes we forget that and think we are helping when in fact we are hindering.

I say go ahead and talk with her. Otherwise it becomes a huge elephant in the room, and the new president won't be able to work through her learning process quite as well.

ForeverRoses · #3 08-29-2012, 08:07 AM

who is the advisor? Does the chapter already have some sort of overall advisor?
Also, as painful as it might be, the e-board or president may need to stand up to her. She probably thinks she is helping...

NotSoOldAlumna · #4 08-29-2012, 08:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DoctorD

I say go ahead and talk with her. Otherwise it becomes a huge elephant in the room, and the new president won't be able to work through her learning process quite as well.

That was my biggest fear. I also served on e-board, and I can't tell you how many mistakes that I made. The comfort that I had was knowing that even when I screwed up that my chapter elected ME to serve in the position because they had faith that I was the best person for the job. I feel like the hand-holding is only going to create a sense of do-they-really-trust-me?

NotSoOldAlumna · #5 08-29-2012, 08:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ForeverRoses

who is the advisor? Does the chapter already have some sort of overall advisor?

They do. They have 8 advisors (on the books). In the last year only 2 of them have shown up to meetings, hence why the e-board asked me to serve. I'd say on average advisors show up at about 50% of the meetings.

There were none present last night.

Sciencewoman · #6 08-29-2012, 08:43 AM

Was there an officer transition training? It sounds like Jane was teaching the new president during the meeting, instead of advising her beforehand. Jane's an alumna now, and she shouldn't be this actively involved during the meeting. The current chapter members will probably resent this and see it as interference, instead of helpfulness, if she continues. I would talk with her. She needs to be a mentor, not doing the job herself. Does your organization have training materials for advisors?

NotSoOldAlumna · #7 08-29-2012, 08:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sciencewoman

Was there an officer transition training? It sounds like Jane was teaching the new president during the meeting, instead of advising her beforehand.

Does your organization have training materials for advisors?

To the first- yes, newly elected officers attend a weekend retreat with the current e-board right after elections, and then there are normally 2 meetings at the end of the previous school year where they co-lead. The first meeting the outgoing e-board runs it with the new e-board shadowing, and the 2nd is reversed.

To the second point- I would be highly surprised if Jane was asked to advise as well this year. It's an unspoken rule that you wait at least a year, if not two after graduation before you advise. The reason being is that it gives you time to distance yourself emotionally from the chapter, you won't have as many close friends who are active when you return, and you can be an objective advisor. But yes, there are advisor training materials, and all advisors attend a workshop at the state level after being sworn in.

ForeverRoses · #8 08-29-2012, 09:01 AM

do alumnae regularly go to chapter meetings without being an advisor? Maybe it can be explained to her that collegate chapter members and approved advisors go to the chapter meetings. Alumnae chapter meetings are for those that have graduated. If she is not an advisor, then she shouldn't be there.

NotSoOldAlumna · #9 08-29-2012, 09:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ForeverRoses

do alumnae regularly go to chapter meetings without being an advisor? Maybe it can be explained to her that collegate chapter members and approved advisors go to the chapter meetings. Alumnae chapter meetings are for those that have graduated. If she is not an advisor, then she shouldn't be there.

Alumnae are readily welcomed and encouraged to come to meetings. I'd say any given week there are 3 or 4 alumnae present. But it's always been clear that they are there for the fellowship, and not to run the meetings.

Sciencewoman · #10 08-29-2012, 09:10 AM

In that case, I would definitely talk with her. The distancing rationale/2 year wait is probably designed to prevent just such a situation.

Venusloves11 · #11 08-29-2012, 09:29 AM

Sometimes alumnae can't fully cope with the idea that they are not a collegian anymore. I saw something similar with an organization that I was in during my college years and eventually the chapter asked for her to stop coming to the meetings. Those of who were no longer in town saw everything that the college group was dealing with via email and she really had overstepped the boundaries.

lilykkg · #12 08-29-2012, 10:43 AM

OP - is it normal to have advisor who are recent grads? In most cases I know where someone does not fit the "2 year out of school" rule they're not an advisor for their own chapter.

Is Jane the President's advisor, or was she just an alumna attending a meeting? If you feel uncomfortable talking to Jane, is there a advisory board chairman who you'd feel could be there with you when you talk to Jane?

#13 08-29-2012, 11:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilykkg

OP - is it normal to have advisor who are recent grads? In most cases I know where someone does not fit the "2 year out of school" rule they're not an advisor for their own chapter.

Is Jane the President's advisor, or was she just an alumna attending a meeting? If you feel uncomfortable talking to Jane, is there a advisory board chairman who you'd feel could be there with you when you talk to Jane?

It has become more and more normal for recent grads to serve as advisors in recent years for the chapters in our area. Currently the youngest advisor at my chapter is 4 years out, and she's been serving for 2 years already.

I was asked to serve as an advisor fresh out for another chapter in my area, but declined as I felt I was still too fresh and collegiate-minded to be objective, even though it wasn't my collegiate chapter.

Jane was there only as an alumna. I can't say for sure that they're NOT going to ask her to serve as advisor as well, but I don't see it happening. She was offered an advisory position at another chapter (the same one I declined two years ago) and she said no. She told me it was because she doesn't "know them" and she'd rather spend time with "her sisters".

Sciencewoman · #14 08-29-2012, 11:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stargazertechie

Jane was there only as an alumna. I can't say for sure that they're NOT going to ask her to serve as advisor as well, but I don't see it happening. She was offered an advisory position at another chapter (the same one I declined two years ago) and she said no. She told me it was because she doesn't "know them" and she'd rather spend time with "her sisters".

The OP said Jane was the "outgoing President" -- I took this to mean she was the predecessor to the current CP and couldn't resist stepping in to "fix things". Is this the same Jane you're talking about?

Gusteau · #15 08-29-2012, 11:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stargazertechie

It has become more and more normal for recent grads to serve as advisors in recent years for the chapters in our area. Currently the youngest advisor at my chapter is 4 years out, and she's been serving for 2 years already.

I was asked to serve as an advisor fresh out for another chapter in my area, but declined as I felt I was still too fresh and collegiate-minded to be objective, even though it wasn't my collegiate chapter.

Jane was there only as an alumna. I can't say for sure that they're NOT going to ask her to serve as advisor as well, but I don't see it happening. She was offered an advisory position at another chapter (the same one I declined two years ago) and she said no. She told me it was because she doesn't "know them" and she'd rather spend time with "her sisters".

LOL - sockpuppet fail?