advice after the cuts

[oldrusheenowmom]

I went through rush 20 years ago and now my daughter is rushing. I went through rush with a negative attitude, but actually loved the whole rush experience. I just mentioned rush to my daughter with no pressure. At first she didn't want to go through because she was shy. Last night she called- totally excited-- she loved the first day and wanted to be in a sorority!! She called this morning a little disappointed-- out of 15 sororities and a potential of nine parties, she only received 3 invites for today. What do I say as a mom?? And what do I say if the cuts continue--

[PenguinTrax]

Cuts are hard. About the only advice I could offer is that she should make the absolute most of the invitations she received. After all, she could have gotten completely dropped.

She should take the opportunity between now and her next round of parties to research the three groups she is visiting so that she can ask pointed and specific questions about their history, programs, etc. This will impart her interest in the groups and also make her stand out as someone that is genuinely interested in their organization.

I'd say if the cuts continue, that she needs to evaluate her grades and activities and how they compared to the other women going through recruitment. If there is a question as to her academics, etc., she should work hard on grades this semester, and select one or two activities on campus where she can really shine (and if possible, interact with GLO members), then try for informal recruitment in the spring.

Good luck!

[oldrusheenowmom]

Since I have been out of the loop for awhile, I am wondering about grades, etc. She was in National Honor Society in high school, but her last semester she took two college credit classes. She received a B and a C. Would they be looking at those? She had some rec's and was active in sports, drama, and music in high school??? Thanks for your reply--

[PenguinTrax]

What was her final GPA? Some groups will cut anything below a 2.5 or even a 3.0, depending on the campus.

Sounds like she had plenty of activities, too. I really don't know. Regardless, I feel my advice to her is pretty sound. I'm sure others will chime in as well.

B.

[AGDee]

All you can do is encourage her to make the most of the invites that she did get. If she is truly shy, she simply may have been unremembered, not disliked and the chapters have to cut a certain number of women. If she does end up cut from all the groups, there are so many campus activities that she can get involved with that she should have no trouble finding a niche somewhere on campus. Being Greek is not the be all end all of college life. We do not succeed at everything we try to do and that's an important lesson to learn in life. Everybody learns it at some point, even though it is painful.

Dee

[oldrusheenowmom]

Thanks for the great advice. A part of me wishes that I had never suggested rush or had her talk to the Greek recruitment ladies at orientation. Actually to be honest, I wish she hadn't called sooo excited last night. I keep telling her to talk to her Rho Gamma and reminding her of the nice people she is meeting. She said that she sat with the Rho Gams while other girls went to parties this afternoon and that they were really nice. As a high school teacher, I encourage several young ladies to take part in Rush-- as a mother, I am just waiting for my daughter to find some friends and blossom!! How do I know if she should look into informal rush (only if things still don't work out); I need to remember that she was excited about the three invites she had today!!! (As a side note, I did pledge and really enjoyed both sides of the rushing process) Thanks

[sugar and spice]

People on this board like to make a big deal out of grades and activities, but the truth is that personality is ten times more important than grades or activities at most schools. (Not to say that grades and activities aren't important, but at many schools these days, admissions standards are strict enough that every girl who was enrolled in the college would have had the required 3.0 high school GPA and variety of extracurriculars and service. I know this is true where I rushed, and my school wasn't exactly Harvard.)

This isn't to say that your daughter has a bad personality. It's just that sorority rush, especially at large schools, tends to favor those with dynamic, memorable personalities. Your daughter may be very sweet, but if she's shy, it's easy for her to get lost in the current. Sorority rush at big schools can be very rough for girls who are shy, which is awful because every house can always do with a few more sweet, behind-the-scenes type girls. (If you get too many alpha personalities in one chapter, hello drama!)

As stated above, tell her to forget the chapters that cut her for now and focus on the ones that wanted her back. It doesn't matter how many chapters asked you back; there will be girls who got asked back to all 15 houses who will drop out of rush or be cut heavily later on, and there will be girls who got cut by quite a few houses in the beginning but will end up in a house they love. It may be useful for her to practice conversations a little in her head before the next round -- did she travel anywhere exciting this summer? Did she do anything unique in high school? Even just practicing silly little anecdotes you can fall back on or fun questions to ask the rusher when conversation gets slow can help you be more memorable. Also, this sounds like common sense, but it isn't always that obvious -- if you really like a house or have a good time at a party, tell the girl who's rushing you! I avoided doing this because I didn't want to sound too desperate or like I was sucking up, but as a rusher I LOVED it when girls were enthusiastic about things. When it comes down to choosing between two girls who are in all other aspects even, the sorority will probably pick the girl let them know that she wanted to be a member, right?

I think it's just important to stress that cuts don't necessarily reflect on who she is, and there are plenty of amazing women who get lost in the shuffle at every school every year.

Would you mind mentioning what school she's at, or did you want to keep that a secret for now? I'm just mentioning that because many of the schools where rush is going on right now are large Southern schools with competitive recruitments where recommendations are necessary -- that could be a factor.

[oldrusheenowmom]

This is such wonderful advice and makes me feel better for talking with her- She is at Iowa State-- I do appreciate the Rho Gams being so nice to her- I'm hoping that things are going well tonight-- One of my former students, who is in a house at ISU- but not able to be at Rush, says she feels that ISU has a house for everyone- I hope that is the case for my daughter too--

[pinkyphimu]

i think sugar and spice gave great advice. i will be sending your daughter good wishes that she enjoys the rest of recruitment and finds a home!

[KSUViolet06]

Remind her that while cuts are tough, they are now in the past and she has to focus on those 3 invites she has. If she's not enthusiastic about her 3 remaining sororities, remind her that there are probably girls who were COMPLETELY released and didn't get any.

[oldrusheenowmom]

She called and said that she really enjoyed the three houses that she went to today- She said she felt like she was out-going-- when I reminded her that sometimes it is hard to remember someone who is a little shy (Thanks for all of your advice!!) I'm really proud of her because she has a great attitude-- The thought that she could be cut again hasn't crossed her mind-- I'm just a worried mom. I reminded her that it was great that three houses had invited her back today, and we just look forward to whatever tomorrow brings--

[honeychile]

Just out of curiosity, are any of the three houses your daughter's legacy house?

Btw, you're doing a wonderful "cheerleading" job, oldrusheenowmom!! Keep up the good work!!

[KDMater]

I really feel your pain because I was in exactly the same position last year when my daughter went through rush. She's at a small, midwestern school with a heavy Greek presence and talked about joining a sorority since high school. She didn't fare well at rush and it was very tough for both of us. The first round of cuts was somewhat disappointing but she accepted that she probably didn't fit in at some of the sorority houses and felt she still had some good choices that she hadn't originally considered but saw might be better fits.

After the second round of cuts, she was pretty devastated (there's only two rounds and then prefs) and she only got one pref invite to a sorority she really never clicked with. She chose not to go to pref and they gave her a bid anyway which she declined. It was tears galore...the classic "I just don't get it". It was very tough to handle for her - on her floor, 13 out of 14 girls went through rush and 12 of 13 got bids. She spent the rest of the semester watching her good friends do all the fun sorority stuff and it was tough for her.

But she persevered and held her head up high. She withdrew a little bit initially but then reconnected and really found the girls she liked alot and ended the semester on a somewhat positive note.

She starts her soph year with some trepidation - knowing that the good friendships she made from her freshman dorm will be tested as all the girls are now living in houses and she's in a single in a dorm. But she's planning on re-rushing (I can't decide if that's a good thing or bad, I'm not sure I can take the disappointment again!) and I think has a clearer picture of which houses are right for her.

I've encouraged her, in the meantime, to get involved in other activities but it's really on her to do that.

As she went through this, I sent a lot of heartfelt e-mails (she got tired of the "are you okay" phone calls) just supporting her and commending her for the grace and dignity with which she handled all the rejection. I cried a lot with my own girlfriends -as I know she did with hers - and that helped relieve some of my own pain. Mother pain is the very worst kind because you feel so helpless at a time when you want to help so much.

Plus, your daughter still has 3 houses left and it only takes one! And if she has an open mind, then this could very well have a happy ending.

Please let us know how it turns out and I'll keep my fingers crossed for the best.

[carnation]

Originally posted by KDMater
I really feel your pain because I was in exactly the same position last year when my daughter went through rush. She's at a small, midwestern school with a heavy Greek presence and talked about joining a sorority since high school. She didn't fare well at rush and it was very tough for both of us. The first round of cuts was somewhat disappointing but she accepted that she probably didn't fit in at some of the sorority houses and felt she still had some good choices that she hadn't originally considered but saw might be better fits.

After the second round of cuts, she was pretty devastated (there's only two rounds and then prefs) and she only got one pref invite to a sorority she really never clicked with. She chose not to go to pref and they gave her a bid anyway which she declined. It was tears galore...the classic "I just don't get it". It was very tough to handle for her - on her floor, 13 out of 14 girls went through rush and 12 of 13 got bids. She spent the rest of the semester watching her good friends do all the fun sorority stuff and it was tough for her.

But she persevered and held her head up high. She withdrew a little bit initially but then reconnected and really found the girls she liked alot and ended the semester on a somewhat positive note.

She starts her soph year with some trepidation - knowing that the good friendships she made from her freshman dorm will be tested as all the girls are now living in houses and she's in a single in a dorm. But she's planning on re-rushing (I can't decide if that's a good thing or bad, I'm not sure I can take the disappointment again!) and I think has a clearer picture of which houses are right for her.

I've encouraged her, in the meantime, to get involved in other activities but it's really on her to do that.

As she went through this, I sent a lot of heartfelt e-mails (she got tired of the "are you okay" phone calls) just supporting her and commending her for the grace and dignity with which she handled all the rejection. I cried a lot with my own girlfriends -as I know she did with hers - and that helped relieve some of my own pain. Mother pain is the very worst kind because you feel so helpless at a time when you want to help so much.

OMG. This post so moved me. Of my 4 girls who have rushed, one had a really rough rush and it tore me up to no end. Both of you moms--you're so right, it is terrible to see your daughter devastated. There are several other moms on GC who have experienced this.

After a year of getting very involved on campus, my daughter rushed again and got the group she wanted but I will never, ever forget the pain of watching her suffer.

[honeychile]

In no way do I mean to diminish your collective daughters' pain, but sometimes I think it's harder on the (supportive) mothers of PNMs than the actual PNM. I think you ALL deserve a group hug!!

And please let your daughters know that we all hope for their happiness, however that works out!