We're not bonding :-(

aspire&inquire · #1 03-29-2009, 02:34 AM

First and foremost, I'd like to thank you in advance for your time and consideration.

I come humbly before you as an Aspirant. I am undergoing a process in which another Aspirant and myself are expected to develop a sisterly bond. We have been left to decide how and when we will do so, but frankly, it isn't happening. It doesn't bother me that we are busy women with very different schedules. It doesn't really bother me that we seem to have distinct personalities. However, it does bother me that we are expected to develop a rapport, and for some reason haven't been able to do so.

I understand that becoming a member of a sorority doesn't automatically ensure that you'll become the best of friends with other members. I also understand that the purpose of joining a sorority supercedes any personal and superficial desires. I just don't know what to do. We've come so far, and it'd be such a shame to just breeze through without the slightest presence of comraderie between us. Do I continue to reach out or let it be?

If nothing else, I appreciate the opportunity to vent.

libramunoz · #2 03-29-2009, 03:14 PM

Use the things that you have in common and build around them. When you have a few moments alone or both of you seem to have "nothing" to do, go do something together.

You have to realize that there isn't always going to be an instantaneous (sp?) bonding with everyone that you meet, and that does include sorority sisters. However, sometimes you do have to reach out and try.

There are going to be many things that you can do together, whether it's studying, laughing, or even doing laundry. Sometimes you just have to find out what's the "common demonator (sp?)."

ree-Xi · #3 03-29-2009, 05:50 PM

I found the smaller moments, when we weren't trying but rather just walking to class, eating lunch, etc., to be the opportunities for bonding to take place. It's like when you move in with someone (a partner, spouse, roommate - the day to day stuff is the stuff that tries you and that binds you.

Little32 · #4 03-30-2009, 01:03 PM

Agree with the above. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to develop a relationship that matches the image that you have conjured up in your mind of what "bonding" looks like. Do that and you will most likely miss the moments where you are developing a relationship and a rapport.

Certainly continue to reach out, but also realize that this is a two way street and she will have to reciprocate in order to achieve the end goal. You can not forge a relationship all by yourself.

The rapport, the sisterly bond will come.

#5 03-30-2009, 01:18 PM

When I was at this point in my life I had to realize that it was bigger than just bonding. As we all know that being in a sorority is like a business, so by putting the personal aside the first thing you have to acknowledge is whether or not you two ladies can work together. I'm from the South and I was raised that you don't have to like someone in order to do business with them, but you do have to respect that person. So my words of advice is to see if you two ladies even respect each other enough to try and to work together, and if so, then the personal will fall in place by your love, passion, and aspiration to become a member of the same org.

Forgotten Zeta · #6 03-31-2009, 01:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EEIKEEFall07

When I was at this point in my life I had to realize that it was bigger than just bonding. As we all know that being in a sorority is like a business, so by putting the personal aside the first thing you have to acknowledge is whether or not you two ladies can work together. I'm from the South and I was raised that you don't have to like someone in order to do business with them, but you do have to respect that person. So my words of advice is to see if you two ladies even respect each other enough to try and to work together, and if so, then the personal will fall in place by your love, passion, and aspiration to become a member of the same org.

couldn't have said it better, i was at absolute war with one of my pledge brothers more than halfway through our pledge period. we couldn't stand to be near each other! the desire to come together overcame and 10 years later we are still best friends, and in fact i'm going to his best man at his wedding next summer. it takes time, you can't expect miracles, be patient. keep at it and you will find common ground.