What is Phi Mu?

[Reptar626]

My story goes as such:
I go to a small school with a large population of greek life and had no interest in pledging anything. Rush season comes around and I try it out, thinking I would end up going to our chapter of Alpha Xi Delta (lovely group of girls).
I chose the pink and white and never looked back.......until I did. For the past few months I've felt distant and alone and playing the 'what if?' card 10-15 times a day. Finally, after a huge emotional explosion, I chose to deactivate. At the time, it felt as right as accepting my invitation from the Phi Mu.
Now here I am, wondering, did I make the right choice THIS time? Or had I made the right choice all along?
So I pose this heartfelt question to you.
What does Phi Mu mean to you? Because hopefully, I can find some solace and/or closure about what I should be doing with my life.


LIO(previous)B

[AOII Angel]

Aw lawd.

[DubaiSis]

It doesn't really matter what Phi Mu means to anyone else but you. And since you are trying to fix your emotional relationship with Phi Mu after you've de-activated, I don't think there's anything for you to do besides realized you made a ridiculous mistake and move on. If by chance you haven't finalized your de-activation, then stop. You are a young girl with hormones in overdrive, and very probably a tremendously distorted view of what sorority is and what it "feels" like. Back it up and start thinking about this group of women as people, friends, girls, classmates and not some heaven-sent icon who is there to make your life perfect.

And if it is too late for you to recant, then you should spend some quality time thinking about the lifelong repercussions of going off half-cocked and endeavor to not do that again.

[amIblue?]

Sounds to me like Phi Mu is an amazing sisterhood that you threw away with both hands because you weren't savvy enough to know how fabulous it was.

Good luck with all that.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by Reptar626

My story goes as such:
I go to a small school with a large population of greek life and had no interest in pledging anything. Rush season comes around and I try it out, thinking I would end up going to our chapter of Alpha Xi Delta (lovely group of girls).
I chose the pink and white and never looked back.......until I did. For the past few months I've felt distant and alone and playing the 'what if?' card 10-15 times a day. Finally, after a huge emotional explosion, I chose to deactivate. At the time, it felt as right as accepting my invitation from the Phi Mu.
Now here I am, wondering, did I make the right choice THIS time? Or had I made the right choice all along?
So I pose this heartfelt question to you.
What does Phi Mu mean to you? Because hopefully, I can find some solace and/or closure about what I should be doing with my life.


LIO(previous)B

Thank you to my Panhellenic sisters who've already responded. I will just add to the thread that you can always appeal to be reinstated.

What's really problematic to me, though, is that you explain the choice of Phi Mu or no sorority as "what you should be doing with your life". I was very involved as a collegiate member, and got a lot out of my membership in Phi Mu, but at no point would I describe it as my entire life. If that's the expectation you have for a sorority, I suggest you see about talking to a counselor who may be able to give you guidance on a larger perspective for your life.

[greekdee]

What does Phi Mu mean to you?

Reptar626, I wish you had posed this question to Phi Mu's before you deactivated. I have been a Phi Mu for many years -- more years than you have been alive. I could write about what membership has meant to me, and which aspects have played key roles in different seasons of life. None of that will make you feel better about your decision, though, and I get the sense that is at least some of what you are looking for.

I was very active as a collegiate member and remain so many years later as an alum, not just with Phi Mu but in activities that embrace alumnae from the entire Panhellenic community. Yet, as DeltaBetaBaby said, it isn't my entire life, but only one facet of it. You describe your school as a small one with a large Greek presence. In such an environment, I can see where you might feel that being in a sorority is a big factor in identity -- but in the great big world at large, it isn't.

Did you just pledge this fall? I ask because you said you had felt distant and alone for the past several months. If you only pledged this fall, then you could not have been an initiated sister for very long before deactivating. Your initiation would have been recent, so these feelings that had been going on for several months would have then been there during your pledge time as well. Why did you choose to go through with initiation? I hope you deactivated with the full understanding that, unlike depledging, you can never join another NPC sorority.

Perhaps your expectations were unrealistic. Please give this some honest thought. If you realize it to be true and regret the decision it led to, consider contacting the chapter president to discuss reinstating your membership. Also, you said your decision to deactivate came after an emotional explosion. Was this a melt down in front of your roommate or did you lose it at chapter meeting? If it's the latter, that needs to be addressed with the sisters.

You are not the first girl to second guess her decision to join one sorority over another. Those who decide to "own" their choice and make the most of it usually go on to be fine with it. Can you see yourself doing this? If you 1.) Realize that deactivating was a mistake, and 2.) Can commit to making the best of sorority life...then consider pursuing reactivation, or stopping the deactivation process if it isn't complete yet.

If, on the other hand, you truly believe that Phi Mu was the wrong place for you, and that being non-Greek is better for you than being Phi Mu, then you probably made the right decision. Greek life is not everyone's cup of tea, and the majority of people in this world are not Greek. Best wishes to you in whatever you decide.

[adpiucf]

If you're having regrets, contact your chapter president and find out what needs to be done to reinstate your membership.

[thetalady]

By using the term "deactivate" it sounds like you were already initiated before your decision to quit.

IF you regret making a hasty decision now, you can ask if the chapter would consider taking you back, however, your shot at Greek life might be gone now. Be prepared to explain how you take responsibility for your drama and bad decision. Do not be surprised if their answer is no. Sometimes in life, you don't get do overs. You can't always take back things said in haste. Count it as a life lesson.