Arranged friendships trend sounds like....GLOs?

[navane]

I happened across this article about "Arranged Friendships". In it, the author states that she felt lonely after moving to a new state as an adult and not being able to make friends. She tried PTA, book club, etc to meet new friends without success. Then she realized that, in her home country of Iran, they arrange marriages. So why not friendships? Her experiment was successful and the idea has expanded.

In reading this, I thought to myself that it sounded vaguely similar to GLOs. We meet people for a short amount of time and then invite them into the group under the premise that, in time, a bond will form and friendships will develop. The difference, I suppose, are the membership dues portion; but I still think the premise is very similar.

I clicked through one of the related links in the article to the author's original article about "How to" nuts of bolts of how arranged friendship works. To my surprise (or maybe not), this sounded suspiciously familiar to GLO recruitment to those of us in GLOs. The second article outlines the following:



1) Come up with a plan (generate membership selection criteria)

2) Begin identifying your candidates (seeking people who fit in with the chapter)

3) Perform a commitment ceremony (pledge ceremony anyone?)

4) Utilize the power of rituals as glue (GLOs have plenty!)

5) Tap into pleasure as a sustainable fuel (doing fun things together)

6) Be honest (shouldn't we all?)



Have a read of these two articles and tell me what you make of them!


Arranged Friendships: https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/havi...111500050.html

The How-to Article: https://www.yesmagazine.org/issue/pl...al-friendships

[Phrozen Sands]

I can agree that there are some similarities to greek life, but still very different in some ways. I’m still to this day close to my frat brothers I pledged with and some of them I was in school with. We still stay in touch. But I think the interest in a particular organization can bring lifelong friends together. I think I’d be leery if some random I met at a seminar or an event came up to me asking if I wanted to be in a friend group. I think I’d be bothered by that and decline.

I think the reason for the the decline of close friends is because people are either on their phones or laptops. People really don’t even talk to each other anymore. I believe that’s part of the problem with that.

[andthen]

Originally Posted by Phrozen Sands

I can agree that there are some similarities to greek life, but still very different in some ways. I’m still to this day close to my frat brothers I pledged with and some of them I was in school with. We still stay in touch. But I think the interest in a particular organization can bring lifelong friends together. I think I’d be leery if some random I met at a seminar or an event came up to me asking if I wanted to be in a friend group. I think I’d be bothered by that and decline.

I think the reason for the the decline of close friends is because people are either on their phones or laptops. People really don’t even talk to each other anymore. I believe that’s part of the problem with that.

Its an interesting concept and I think she's got some valid points. I think in my own experience there are a lot of factors with friendships. I remember someone once telling me that people are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I thought that was absurd, but the older I have gotten I've seen it more in my own world.

I think geography has a lot to do with the general cultures and how people operate. I've been in some social situations that the people were very insular, if you didn't grow up in x part of the world you didn't quite fit in, and people made little effort to try and get to know you. Where I live a lot of people come and go mostly for work they start here and then a lot of times the move back closer to their family etc.

And "friendships mean different things to different people" which can be tough. A long time ago I was taking class at community college since I was transferring schools, I sort of befriended this other young lady in my class, and she seemed to have this entourage of minions with her. We were cool, and she invited me to a party, I agreed to go but then my mom ended up in the hospital and I spent most of the day with my mom. I get home later, back in the day of landlines. She calls me and reads me the riot act. I apologized for bailing and tried to explain the situation with my mom but clearly she didn't care. That was the end of that, thankfully it was towards the end of the semester so not to much more time for being weird.

I think with any relationship it does help if people are transparent with their expectation of others. Later, I went with a good friend to a going away thing her friends were throwing her. One of her co-workers who was a lot of fun said her goodbyes to her friend but was very frank and said listen I am bad about keeping in touch so while I still consider you a friend don't expect me to call in and keep up. Ive got too much on my plate. My friend was a bit hurt by it, but I thought to myself wow, good for the co-worker to be very up front about it, versus letting things wither on the vine, I'm just putting it out there.

A lesson I tell my friends who I still consider friends, I do warn them that I am bad about keeping up which is true, but I do tell them that just because I'm not regularly checking in doesn't mean you are far from my heart, actually you're quite close.

The friendship ceremony thing though...yeah that would be a big red flag!

[Phrozen Sands]

I agree with andthen 100%. That is true that friends are either for a season or a lifetime. When I pledged Alpha, some of my line brothers had similar personalities, while some of us were total opposite based on different backgrounds. In the end though, pledging with them made us all close. It helped us to find our commonalities.

Whenever you see one person with a trail of minions with him/her, that’s a huge red flag for me. Those people are usually assholes. That’s why they have minions and no real friends.

[andthen]

Originally Posted by Phrozen Sands

Whenever you see one person with a trail of minions with him/her, that’s a huge red flag for me. Those people are usually assholes. That’s why they have minions and no real friends.

Yeah that person was a total a-hole in that situation, even though I apologized that I didn't show, the fact that they couldn't accept I had a legit reason...that was their problem and certainly not mine. That was the last conversation I ever had with that person and I wasn't even bothered that it was.

[cheerfulgreek]

Wow! So she started “commitment ceremonies” for friends? Uh uh… I wouldn’t be interested in that at all. Honestly, if she approached me with this, I’d ask her if this was Amway or some kind of pyramid scheme (I hate those).

I’m not a people person so my circle of friends is very small. It’s just four of us. My BFF from my childhood, her sorority sister and my friend who I met from my biological sciences honor society membership when I was in undergrad — we all live in the same state not far from each other now. I met a few friends in vet school when I lived in East Lansing but they were more study friends than friends I hang out with. Coming back to Minnesota to be back with the three of them again just made us that much closer. We are very close.

In the article, she compared arranged marriages with arranged friendships. Friends also come when you’re not looking for them just as some spouses do. I met my close friends and my husband when I wasn’t looking for them. To each their own, I guess.

[Phrozen Sands]

Originally Posted by andthen

Yeah that person was a total a-hole in that situation, even though I apologized that I didn't show, the fact that they couldn't accept I had a legit reason...that was their problem and certainly not mine. That was the last conversation I ever had with that person and I wasn't even bothered that it was.

Preach! Good for you, andthen! That person was definitely the problem, not you. And I’m glad you recognized that. Generally, people who have minions as “friends” are pretty much a-holes throughout life and not just in that situation. I think you did a superb job in how you handled that.

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

Wow! So she started “commitment ceremonies” for friends? Uh uh… I wouldn’t be interested in that at all. Honestly, if she approached me with this, I’d ask her if this was Amway or some kind of pyramid scheme (I hate those).

I’m not a people person so my circle of friends is very small. It’s just four of us. My BFF from my childhood, her sorority sister and my friend who I met from my biological sciences honor society membership when I was in undergrad — we all live in the same state not far from each other now. I met a few friends in vet school when I lived in East Lansing but they were more study friends than friends I hang out with. Coming back to Minnesota to be back with the three of them again just made us that much closer. We are very close.

In the article, she compared arranged marriages with arranged friendships. Friends also come when you’re not looking for them just as some spouses do. I met my close friends and my husband when I wasn’t looking for them. To each their own, I guess.

Lmao!! @ Amway.

Yeah, she sounded pretty desperate to meet friends, based on that article. I wouldn’t be that pressed, but like you said, CG - to each their own. I’m beginning to change my stance on this topic. The more it’s being discussed, the less I’m seeing the similarities with GLOs. What sorority is your bff and her sorority sister members of - if you don’t mind me asking?