dating a frat boy

LilBlueEyes · #1 06-08-2007, 10:07 PM

hi everyone, i just wanted to ask a quick question about dating a frat boy...i'm new to the sorority scene.

at the end of last semester i "dated" a frat boy, a fellow frosh, for about 6 weeks and met his family when they came to visit, we were hot and heavy for those few weeks- seeing each other most days, going to sports games together, went on one real dinner date, and met each other friends, going to our formals...

but he's an architect and he joked that between pledging and me his grade would be in shambles (and in the end they did kinda suck)

but now it's summer break and i just wanted to know what frat boys thought about commitment to one girl, and how to go about rejuvenating dating next semester since we won't be in the same dorm building anymore, and if i should say something along the lines of "i've always had a good time hanging out with you, and wanted to know what you think of dating exclusively, and if we're seeing each other so much again this semester that it does affect your grades...just let me know" ? and any other tapes on how to deal with the hyper socialization of constant mixers, pertying, etc. how often is good to see each other without becoming attached at the hip?

thanks!

Engelwood · #2 06-08-2007, 10:59 PM

Well, each person is different but I'll tell you what I know. I'm a fraternity man, but I don't consider myself any different than your average guy other than the morals and convictions I hold dear.

I've never really had a problem staying committed. If it feels good, then go for it. You'll know if he feels the same way. My advice would be to stay in touch though the facebook, on the phone, or whatever you guys do.

If he's a stand up individual then you guys will be fine. Even if you don't stay together, don't get emo and paint all fraternity men with the same brush. In my opinion, the Greek system is like a microcosm of the greater population. You'll have your share off morons, but there are good people out there.

Be sure to tell him how you feel as simply as you can. As I man I can confidently say that we're not mind readers.

#3 06-08-2007, 11:15 PM

You could start by NOT calling him a "frat boy".

James · #4 06-09-2007, 03:55 AM

Frat boy = human being. So its pretty much the same as other boys.

One real date? Maybe have higher expectations of how you should be treated. Hanging out is not the same as dating.

rufio · #5 06-09-2007, 01:45 PM

frat boy's are all cookie cutter right? therefore we should all the same uniform answer to her question.

AlexMack · #6 06-09-2007, 01:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rufio

frat boy's are all cookie cutter right? therefore we should all the same uniform answer to her question.

Yes...yes you are :P

WVU alpha phi · #7 06-10-2007, 10:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by James

One real date? Maybe have higher expectations of how you should be treated. Hanging out is not the same as dating.

Agreed, but she mentioned they're freshman.. I think most freshman year relationships consist of hanging out in dorms and going out/meeting up at the bar, unless you happened to be dating an older guy.

LilBlueEyes · #8 06-10-2007, 07:40 PM

hey everyone, thanks for your responses...and to the last one, i'm also an alpha phi

thanks sister. and yeah, all frosh year relationships seem to be like ours, and also ones in where neither person has a car which can suckk

so we've been talking, about once a week...keeping in touch, so all's good i guess

sorry, shouldn't have used term "Frat boy" i did that because i was wondering if him and i being greek, and extremely social people would put extra tension on a relationship...??

oh and his parents have decided that he's not allowed to take his car to school next year...he has a little sister who will be using it to drive herself and their little brother to high school since both parents work...awesome

but i will have a car next year....would it be awkward if i picked him up when we went out to dinner? i mean, his house is on my way ... would this bother guys?

oh and is there any way to go about rekindling dating...like inviting him over to watch heroes (which was something we did every week last semester) and seeing how it goes from there? or just see how he acts at parties/ mixers?

Kevin · #9 06-10-2007, 07:55 PM

You're in college. Plenty of fish in the sea.

If a guy tells you that you're hurting his grades as a pretext for dumping you, this is a subtle way of him telling you that he's not that into you. If he was really into you, c'mon... grades??? In college, we have a lot of time on our hands. If he wanted to make time for you, he could. He doesn't. Take the hint.

LilBlueEyes · #10 06-10-2007, 11:44 PM

could bea pretext for dumping me ....but a few days later, why would he call me and tell me to come over and meet his family when they came to pick him up at the end of the year and call me to come out with him and his boys on his last night as a freshman...he could have easily not done both...

oh and much earlier he called me clingy and said he wanted to stop seeing me once to a mutual friend when there was about 2 1/2 months of school left...

i assumed that meant we were over.....didn't feel like we need to talk about whether or not i was actually clingy....so i assumed we'd just stop talking, etc. and go our own ways amicably

but he called me apologized a ton saying he was just drunk and he likes me a lot but is afraid cause his last girlfriend did a number on him and she's the only relationship he's had but he didn't wanna lose me,etc...so i decided to look to his actions instead of words...and he really stepped up his game and seemed genuinely sorry

bottom line...he confuses me, any help any one?

vamback · #11 06-11-2007, 12:03 AM

Ok, I am a girl that has done plenty of dating. To be honest, the way I look at relationships is, if a guy breaks up with you once, and even calls back apologizes sometimes, well most of the time, you should not get back with them. It makes them think that they can just do whatever they want and walk all over you. Believe me, no matter who you are, you deserve better then that. Like a guy previously said, college kids have tons of time, he would make time for you if he really wanted to. This is one of those situations you have to take as a learning experience and move on-and don't let guys screw you over like that. If you have standards-you will find the right person for you.

LilBlueEyes · #12 06-11-2007, 01:16 AM

but we never broke up....he just told one of my friends i was clingy...and i was like w/e if he likes me he'll call me and he did

honeychile · #13 06-11-2007, 01:18 AM

"Clingy"? OUCH!!!!

#14 06-11-2007, 01:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kevin

You're in college. Plenty of fish in the sea.

If a guy tells you that you're hurting his grades as a pretext for dumping you, this is a subtle way of him telling you that he's not that into you. If he was really into you, c'mon... grades??? In college, we have a lot of time on our hands. If he wanted to make time for you, he could. He doesn't. Take the hint.

Can't believe I'm actually saying this, but Kevin's right.

Quote:

Originally Posted by LilBlueEyes

but we never broke up....he just told one of my friends i was clingy...and i was like w/e if he likes me he'll call me and he did

Sweetheart, just because he called you doesn't mean anything.

Do you really want to be with someone who thinks that way of you? I know I don't know you and the full story, but what I'm reading into this is that he's not into this as much as you are.

There's nothing confusing here. Cut bait and move on. You're young and this is so not worth it.

LilBlueEyes · #15 06-11-2007, 01:27 AM

no the clingy was before we started seeing each other a lot.....and after that most of the time he was the one who called to hang out....like we had 7 weeks of seeing each other all the time, calling, talking online, etc and then i met his parents when he called me to come over and meet them, at the end of the semester