Wedding Invitation Etiquette Question

WesternAlumn · #1 04-30-2005, 10:27 AM

One of my childhood friends is getting married in July. My parents and I received our invitations in March. My sister, who lives halfway across the country, received an invitation yesterday.

My sister is a little ticked that she received an invitation after the rest of the family did. I think she feels like she was on a "B list". I tried to explain that my friend was limited to 200 guests due to the size of the reception hall and that as the declines had come in, she was sending out more invitations to fill the hall.

I feel bad for my sister. I think my friend sent an invitation as a nice gesture but it was done too late.

What is the etiquette with wedding invitations?

Coramoor · #2 04-30-2005, 10:33 AM

Tell her to quit being a drama queen and either go or don't go. It's not about her, it's about the people getting married.

Xylochick216 · #3 04-30-2005, 10:34 AM

A lot of people now are having to do a B list. It's not uncommon. If she's upset by it, tell her not to go so someone else can go in her place.

leesek · #4 04-30-2005, 10:35 AM

There should not be a "B" list for Wedding invitations. You decide how many people you can invite and send them out, usually about 4-6 weeks before the event. If you have lots of people who need lots of advanced warning, you send out a "save the date" card, then the invitations 4-6 weeks before the date. I think it is a little tacky to send out more invitations as regrets come in.

I would be hurt and offended too if I was your sister.

AOII_LB93 · #5 04-30-2005, 10:58 AM

You said she is getting married in July....that is plenty of time. I don't know why your sister is being a drama queen. At least she was invited, and is she that close to the bride anyhow? She needs to get over being offended and either go or not...and this is coming from someone who is starting wedding planning.

And leesek, lots of people have "b" lists. It's nothing new.

AchtungBaby80 · #6 04-30-2005, 11:09 AM

I want to say that your sister should get over it, but if it were me, I'd be pissed, too. Unless it was a friend that I didn't know very well, and then I wouldn't really care that I was on the "B" list...

WesternAlumn · #7 04-30-2005, 11:27 AM

Well, my sister is a lot older than me and my friend is closer to my age but she is still a family friend. My sister is not upset, just bewildered to receive the invitation after the rest of the family.

I understand that most brides and grooms would have a "B list" in case of regrets but I think that if you are going to invite a family, shouldn't you send invitations to them at the same time?

LeslieAGD · #8 04-30-2005, 12:44 PM

Is it possible that the bride didn't send your sister an invitation at the same time as the rest of the family because she didn't have the address? Or is it possible that it was an oversite and then the bride realized she didn't send your sister an invite and sent one out late?

Yes, it's a bit of a snub to be "B listed" but could something else have been the cause?

33girl · #9 04-30-2005, 01:38 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by WesternAlumn
Well, my sister is a lot older than me and my friend is closer to my age but she is still a family friend. My sister is not upset, just bewildered to receive the invitation after the rest of the family.

I understand that most brides and grooms would have a "B list" in case of regrets but I think that if you are going to invite a family, shouldn't you send invitations to them at the same time?

One of my coworkers did a "B list" where she invited people from the office like 2 weeks before the wedding since she got a poor response to her earlier invites. She's a nice person and all, but it was the tackiest thing I have ever seen.

IMO, you're old enough that she is your friend and obviously your parents don't need to take you to the wedding

- your parents and your sister should have been on the same "tier" if you will. I don't think your sis would be so upset if your parents hadn't been invited in the first round.

I agree with leesek - you invite who you want to come to the wedding WHETHER THEY REALISTICALLY WILL OR NOT. If you don't have room, don't send an invite to cousin Sue in India because you figure she won't come yet you can "include" her - it's trying to have your cake and eat it too. Because if Sue decides to show up and because of her you can't have a friend you REALLY wanted to have, you will be screwed.

BetteDavisEyes · #10 04-30-2005, 07:44 PM

I have a "B" list BUT if I am inviting people from a family, I invite them all not just pick & choose which family members are on the "A" list & the "B" list.
My "B" list consists of co-workers & other friends that are not that close. The "B" list is people you would like to have at your wedding but b/c of finances and/or size, you just can't have unless space opens up. Yeah it sucks b/c I know I have been "B" listed once before but I still went & enjoyed myself. The bride was happy to see me regardless & sent the nices Thank You card.
My "A" list is all the families & friends we definitely want there.

EDIT: My wedding coordinator told me that proper etiquette indicates that if I choose to have the "A" & "B" lists, the invitations for "A" listers needs to be sent out 3 months before the wedding & the other invitations sent out a month and a half to 2 months before the wedding. You do NOT send them out a few weeks before. That is tacky.

texas*princess · #11 05-01-2005, 12:03 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by BetteDavisEyes
I have a "B" list BUT if I am inviting people from a family, I invite them all not just pick & choose which family members are on the "A" list & the "B" list.

I think if you're going to have "A" and "B" lists, that all family members should be on the same "tier". It's rude to invite some family members, and then others once you start getting cancellations

BetteDavisEyes · #12 05-01-2005, 01:01 PM

Ummm...that's what I said. If I am inviting a family, all of them will receive their invitations at the same time. Families are all on the same list & not separated. I don't know if my post made that clear.

texas*princess · #13 05-01-2005, 01:24 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by BetteDavisEyes
Ummm...that's what I said. If I am inviting a family, all of them will receive their invitations at the same time. Families are all on the same list & not separated. I don't know if my post made that clear.

yes I know.. hence the "thumbs up" icon

BetteDavisEyes · #14 05-01-2005, 01:58 PM

K. Got it.

My mind isn't working properly b/c I woke up too early today. I hate the fact that my window faces the early morning rising sun.

WVU alpha phi · #15 05-03-2005, 06:29 PM

I know how she feels. My parents' friends, who are so close that we call them aunt and uncle even though they're of no relation, have a daughter that's getting married this July. My mom threw her wedding shower, and the invitations come in the mail and my sister and I aren't invited! This is someone we both grew up with, went on vacations with, our families are best friends, etc. My sister and I were furious.