Your significant other vs your previous dates

[Lasonja]

I met a really nice man a couple of months ago, but it's been off and on. I don't think he's really ready for anything serious right now. At the same time, I'm not going to stop seeing him either, because he's much better than my previous dates, which led me to start this thread.

For those of us who are either married, in a serious long-term relationship, or have just met someone that you are exclusively dating, what separated that person from your previous dates? What was it about them that stood out from the rest? In other words, what was it about your significant other that ended the casual dating to committing exclusively to that person.

What were your dates like before you met your significant other? For those of you who currently are not in a relationship, if you are dating, what have your dates been like?

Discuss.

[LouisaMay]

I noticed two things that set my husband apart from the one other guy that I dated. One factor was about him, and one factor was about me.

The man who would become my husband had a level of maturity that was very attractive to me. He is only one year older than me, so I'm not talking about *that* kind of mature. He just had a very solid, settled kind of spirit. He made rational decisions, and he was practical but really FUN. He was creative and romantic. The "other guy" had a lot of maturing to do. He was not at all imaginative, and we spent many, many evenings watching TV.

The other part was how I felt with my future husband. I felt more myself than I did with anyone except my own sister. I also felt that I could be at my best intellectually. We had deep, intelligent conversations that went on for hours. That never happened with the "other guy." I liked myself better with future-hubby. After ten years of marriage, my feelings haven't changed a bit. Love him!!!!

[Drolefille]

The things my long term significant others have in common:

• Older than I am by at least 5 years sometimes more.
• Geeks
• More established in life as far as career, life goals, etc.
• Poly/open relationship
• Pagan or agnostic and open to the idea
• Met them as friends first and then started dating them.
• Met them online through other friends.

In my mind, the last two are the most important. In my successful relationships I've fallen in love with friends rather than dated someone until I decided their was a spark. I've mentioned my social anxiety here before and that combined with my general dislike for the typical places one goes to meet dates - bars, churches, etc - has led to me meeting most of my friends, and thus SOs online and not through OKCupid but because another friend introduced me because she thought we'd talk about similar things, and then that SO introduced me to his wider circle of geek friends where I clicked, bonded, and then started a relationship with two others.

Tl;dr: Being friends first makes the difference for me.

[ree-Xi]

I think that it differs for everyone.

People have their preferences, but from experience, when you meet the right person, lists don't matter as much. From early on, my husband and I were headed in the same direction, and engagement (and then marriage) happened when we were ready to move ahead.

I had a serious high school boyfriend and early college boyfriend. My husband was different in the sense that I never had to wonder where we were headed. We just "were". There's a wonderful feeling that comes with contentment in where you are at any given moment.

[Munchkin03]

By dates, do you mean the person you're going on the date with, or the event itself?

I can honestly say I've never had a bad first date. I go in with a completely open mind, so I don't have a ton of expectations other than meeting someone new and potentially having a good time. I love meeting new people and getting to know someone--one of my strong points is that I can make anyone feel comfortable and have fun doing it. This, however, poses a problem when after the date (no judgments during!) I realize I don't want to see the guy again. He's thinking that we had a great time and he wants to do it again...and I'm like, "another great date! On to the next one." I guess it's like sorority rush that way, when you think you made a really good impression on the house, when the truth is they cut you while you were sleeping.

As far as actual guys, I didn't want to admit it but I have a type. Tall and slim, brunette, intelligent, college-educated, reasonably outgoing, and SANE.* I'm not attracted to short and/or overweight men. After having tried the online thing, I learned that a lot of men say they're 5'7" when they're like 5'3". I'm 5'5". If you have to lift your chin to kiss me goodnight, then you're not 5'7". I'm not asking for a guy who's 6'5", I'll save those for the tall girls. I just want someone who's 5'7" and over. I don't think that's too much to ask.

*That's also the basic description of my first serious boyfriend...I wonder if that's the imprint I took, because I no longer find him attractive.