Someone to tell your chapter about before recruitment

[maggieaxid]

Alright, I just found out that this girl I used to babysit for, who lives in my neighborhood and have known for most of my life will be going to Elon. She just emailed me to tell me all about how she wants to be in a sorority and if i can get her in ect....
the thing is is that I can't stand this girl. She is a brat and a snob and always has been. There are also a lot of things that I know that she has done that I, and many other people haven't been to keen on....example: one time she stole this old woman's cat and when the old woman went to her parents about it, she skinned it and then gave it back...she is crazy!
Is it wrong for me to write a "Don't let her into our chapter" reccomendation?

[carnation]

By all means, use your no-rec. It sounds like this girl is disturbed--she is a criminal if she skinned a cat--and would you want this kind of person in your chapter?

I have only used my no-rec twice. This past year, I used it for a PNM whom I worked with this summer and truly believe to be mentally disturbed because she physically attacked other employees. My daughter, who's the kind who never wants to say bad things about acquaintances, sent one to the AOPi chapter at that school as well...she worked with her too. The chapters did a little checking on their own and called to thank us.

I wouldn't use my no-rec casually; however, there are times when you have to actually protect the Greek system.

[valkyrie]

OMG!!! How long ago was the cat incident? I hope someone reported her to the authorities, because, seriously, she should be prosecuted for animal cruelty -- depending on state law, it may be a FELONY. That is one of the most warped, disgusting things I have ever heard.

I guess I'm reacting so strongly to this because I LOVE animals and I get so angry when I hear about them being abused. You're serious -- she skinned someone's cat? That is a MAJOR problem. How dare she call you and ask you to help her? Did you know that many serial killers start out by abusing animals? Being a snob and a brat are the least of her problems. I think it is your DUTY to warn your sisters (and others!) about her. Would YOU want to live with such a person? I wouldn't, because I'd probably end up skinning her if I ever found out about what she did.

I am totally serious, though, about reporting her to the authorities if nobody has. She should be in jail, not a sorority house.

Sorry for ranting, but I take animal abuse VERY seriously.

[maggieaxid]

The cat abuse happened when she was either in 8th grade or just started high school. The police came and everything, she got a slap on the wrist. Her parents think she is absolutely wonderful, beautiful and can do no wrong, and their excuse for her was "she just didn't want to loose something she loved"....to me, for her parents to even say that makes all of them look insane! the only one in her family who is remotely normal is her sister and she is actually nice.

I have already told a few of my sisters and a few other greeks on elon's campus about her.

I think she should be put in an institution insted of sending her 8 hours away. i can only imagine what havoc she will reak there.

[deltajas]

Hey there
Not that I know this girl, bc obviously you do, but don't you think it's possible for people to change from 8th grade? Maybe she had some emotional type problems back then, she could have gotten over them.
Well I don't know maybe she nvere changed, but to hold people to what they did while in 8th grade just seems a little, well I don't know?
i love animals too, and this makes me really upset, but Im just tryong to look at it from the other side.

[DukeBlue]

Uh, it's one thing to say, say something stupid or be bratty or whatever when you're in the 8th grade, but to SKIN A CAT AND GIVE IT BACK TO ITS OWNER? There's a huge difference between youthful stupidity and SKINNING A CAT, and that one is WAY over the line, alllllll the way into psychotic territory.

[maggieaxid]

That isn't the only incident. She also keyed her ex boyfriends car last year. granted, thats maybe not as bad as skinning a defenseless animal, but its still not right. she has also gotten in several fights too...like physical fights at school, in the neighborhood, ect.

[carnation]

Maggie,

Sounds like she has actually committed several crimes: keying (property destruction), fighting (assault) and cruelty to animals, which by the way is cited in several books as a sign of mental illness. Take it from one who has seen it all: No one who's done all that will be changing without professional help.

You'd be doing the Greek system a favor to let your friends in other sororities at Elon know too. You know that psycho I told you about a few posts ago? My daughter and I only let our 2 sororities know and hoped word would get around. Well, it didn't, she pledged another GLO-- and according to a friend in a fourth sorority, she's putting her group through hell.

Telling a sorority the truth about a crazy person isn't slander so it's good to be able to back up your story. In our case, we had some twenty witnesses who would have corroborated the attacks of the PNM.

[deltajas]

hey guys
Well yes, that is what I meant. I think it's absolutely terrible what she did, and I thought maybe she could have been helped through counseling or professional help. What I meant what that people who do have some type of diturbances for whatever reaons, i 8th grade or whenever, should not be condemed for life if they seek the help they need.
Do you talk to her family? Maybe you could talk to her parents as a concerned neighbor,
I mean if someone is really medically "crazy" people need to realize it's a sickness just like any other sickness.(Sorry Im just concerned bc I am going into the medical field, so I think I have some sensitivity for people who need help)
I hope this helps, and hopefully she can be helped too

[AXiD4Life]

Whoa!
As a fellow AXiD, I would say to talk to your recruitment advisor first-hand, or your Recruitment chair. If there was anyone going through Recruitment that may in any way de-value or bring your chapter down in any way, it is simply NOT worth it. To be honest, I have told my advisors about one person while going through Rush; she was extremely promiscuous, and even though she was barely a sophomore, she already had a horrible reputation within the fraternities on campus. She wasn't a nice person, either. Trust your instincts, and don't worry, your sisters trust you...if you don't want that person there, chances are neither would your sisters. Hope that helps!!!

[MoxieGrrl]

Originally posted by deltajas
hey guys
Well yes, that is what I meant. I think it's absolutely terrible what she did, and I thought maybe she could have been helped through counseling or professional help. What I meant what that people who do have some type of diturbances for whatever reaons, i 8th grade or whenever, should not be condemed for life if they seek the help they need.
Do you talk to her family? Maybe you could talk to her parents as a concerned neighbor,
I mean if someone is really medically "crazy" people need to realize it's a sickness just like any other sickness.(Sorry Im just concerned bc I am going into the medical field, so I think I have some sensitivity for people who need help)
I hope this helps, and hopefully she can be helped too

I completely agree with deltajas. I am a psychology major, so I have a sensitivity to those with problems as well. Chances are if she was getting in trouble with her behaviors, even if they were a slap on the wrist, her family has noticed and given her help. The fact that she is seeking to identify with a group is a good sign that she has received this help. Most people with emotional/behavior disorders isolate themselves.

But if you still do have some reservations about her, maybe just don't write a recommendation at all. A "no-rec" is your right...that's why nationals make this option available. But maybe you feel that you would be compromising too much to make a positive one. I mean, how would you gather the information to make you feel it's ok too? You can't go up to her family and say, "Hey! Is your daughter still nuts?" If you went to the same high school, maybe speaking to some of the teachers there would be a help in making your decision. Maybe take the middle ground and don't write one at all.......

[carnation]

Okay, guys--

The reason that we have no-recs is to prevent someone who could greatly damage your chapter and/or the Greek system from pledging. I don't take this lightly. I've only used it twice in 30 years--once for the case I described above and once in the case of a girl with whom I spent 3 weeks and knew to be extremely promiscuous with strangers. In cases where I just didn't like the girl, I kept my mouth shut.

I had a zillion psychology courses and worked with disturbed people, including juvenile delinquents, for 13 years and I can tell you that if those parents are in denial that deep when their kid committed a felony, they are most certainly still in it. It never fails: the child continues to commit worse and worse acts until something really horrible happens. In this case, it already has.

So Maggie, do you want the girl wearing the letters of Alpha Xi Delta? Would she make the sorority proud? Would she contribute to the Greek system?

If not, you should write the no-rec because if you keep silent and she pledges your chapter and destroys your good name, you will never forgive yourself.

[aggieAXO]

Originally posted by deltajas
hey guys
Well yes, that is what I meant. I think it's absolutely terrible what she did, and I thought maybe she could have been helped through counseling or professional help. What I meant what that people who do have some type of diturbances for whatever reaons, i 8th grade or whenever, should not be condemed for life if they seek the help they need.
Do you talk to her family? Maybe you could talk to her parents as a concerned neighbor,
I mean if someone is really medically "crazy" people need to realize it's a sickness just like any other sickness.(Sorry Im just concerned bc I am going into the medical field, so I think I have some sensitivity for people who need help)
I hope this helps, and hopefully she can be helped too

I am trying to control myself rt. now as I am very biased on this subject. I am in the medical field-I am a veterinarian and what this girl did is SICK. I don't care how long ago it was. IT is SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK. I deal with animal abuse cases on a weekly basis, I get to treat the abused animals. Last week we had a cat brought in by the animal control officer in Austin, There were a group of kids kicking its head in. I know about mentally ill people, my father is bipolar and so was his father and his father etc... But if he ever hurt an animal like this or a human being I would have no sympathy for him at all. It seems like in today's society, mental illness is becoming an excuse to do anything we want, including murder of animals and humans. If I had my way these people would get death row (yes I am from Texas and have NO problems with the death penalty-but that is another subject). So from furst havnd experience this girl needs to be locked up or under serious supervision and maybe some chemical help. Also, to say that mental illness is just like any other sickness is in my opinion an ignorant statement. I feel like you are saying that mental illness is like having the flu or cancer-it is not. I better stop now before I say something that cannot be retracted.

[justamom]

I have always heard that abuse of an animal by a child is one of THE most important signals of serious mental illness. Also, I thought in a study they found that the most violent criminals had been observed or at least admitted committing this act.
I don't mind if someone corrects me on this, I don't have a masters or anything in Psychology-just an interest.

I'm all for giving people a second, third even a fourth chance, but this may pose a safety issue for individuals of the group she joins.
Yes, it could be her "salvation" but it could also end in a more tragic way. THIS IS A TOUGH ONE!

I might be inclined to write a "no rec". I am being honest yet not passing on information that could harm her.

[mmcat]

it sounds like a no-rec might be in order. but understand that you cannot change her and it might not be in your best interest to get more involved. i write this with a 19-year-old cat sleeping on my sofa, so you know where my head and my heart is.
mmcat