bridesmaid issue

angelic1 · #1 01-09-2004, 03:04 PM

ok... i have been debating this in my head and still havent figured out what to do..

one of my friends asked me recently to be in her wedding.. sounds nice yeh and i think it would be fun.. but the problem is this..

first, i am kind of hesitant bc of money issues right now.. i just graduated and already told another friend months ago that i would be in her wedding in june (so already spending tons on this wedding)..

then, she had already asked all the other bridesmaids months ago.. i almost feel like she asked me bc someone else backed out or something along those lines..

i think if she had asked me when she asked everyone else i wouldnt be so hesitant despite money.. i would just find a way to make it work.. i am just unsure what to do.. would you feel wierd being asked months after everyone else... ??

btb87 · #2 01-09-2004, 03:45 PM

How close are the two of you?

It doesn't sound like you are very close, especially if you know for sure that she asked others months ago.

I would explain to her just what you told us - that you've already been asked to be in another wedding and that finances are tight, but maybe there's some other way you could help out. Stand guard over the gifts, help out at the reception, or something else. If she has a problem with it, then she can pay for your dress and shoes that you probably won't like anyway.

AEPhiSierra · #3 01-09-2004, 04:08 PM

being a bridesmaid is financial committment and if you can't make that committment just be honest and explain that to your friend.

also, i wouldn't neccesarily take it personally if you weren't a "first string bridesmaid." there are often a lot of family politics and logistical issues affecting bridesmaid selection. does the bride and groom have a lot of female relatives so she can't select all her friends initially. Lack of male relatives and/or friends sometimes makes a bride feel the neccesity to cut bridesmaids. Just keep things like that in mind.

Peaches-n-Cream · #4 01-09-2004, 04:41 PM

Being a bridesmaid is expensive. If you can't afford it right now, I think that you should tell your friend. She will understand.

#5 01-09-2004, 05:12 PM

I agree 150% with Peaches-and-Cream!

I'm planning a wedding right now, and I'd rather have one of my attendants tell me up front that they can't afford/don't want to/for some reason can't stand up, than to have to try to replace him or her down the road. The further into the planning process you get, the more difficult it is to try to replace a BM.

In addition to that, if you don't think that you'll be able to meet the time and financial requirements that being a BM will require, it's important that you tell her so. If you do decide to stand up and tell her that everything is hunky-dory, but then can't afford your dress, or your shoes, or whatever, you're going to cause her a lot of headaches.

Moral of the story? I don't think most brides would be insulted if you said no. Just because you don't/ can't stand up doesn't mean you love her any less... it may mean you love her more!

Tippiechick · #6 01-09-2004, 11:06 PM

YES, YES, YES!!! If money is the big issue keeping you from committing one way or another and you think you might have to back out later, PLEASE tell her now.

I had to replace one of my bridesmaids three months before my wedding because one backed out. (It was the spouse of one of my husband's groomsmen who had thrown a FIT when she wasn't asked at first... Keep in mind I had only met her six months before the engagement!) Luckily, one of my cousins happily filled in. But, it is stressful enough to plan a wedding.

If she didn't ask you at first, it may have been a situation like mine. Maybe she was "forced" into asking someone else because she felt she had to ask a certain person. If that's the case, maybe you should look at it as if you aren't a replacement, but the one she knew she could count on in a pinch. My cousin that "took over" was my saving grace and someone that I SHOULD have asked in the first place.