Why is it anybody's business if/when I have children???

[DSTRen13]

Does getting married suddenly mean that everyone (and I mean EVERYONE, from my family and friends to my co-workers to random strangers) just has to quiz me about children all the time? Seriously?? "Do you have any kids yet? Why not? Are you planning to have kids?" And so on, and so on ... people just don't stop!

[RaggedyAnn]

God yes! You'd think that being married for 5 years without children was a mortal sin.

[ComradesTrue]

This is a question that should never, ever be asked. I mean ever.

There are so many couples (privately) dealing with fertility issues, miscarriages, or for personal reasons have chosen to not have children.

I have watched countless friends be brought to tears by idiots asking this question.

Seriously... do NOT ask it. Even if you mean well. It is rude.

[aideclaire]

man, what you say...i get tired of that topic in general...i mean, what difference does it make- God will plant that seed when He good and ready

I noticed something in my family.

Of all my cousins born in the US, the majority of them have gone on to college, pursued a higher education, and waited to marry until they were well in their late 20s/early 30s.

Of all my cousins born in the Philippines, the majority of them got pregnant/got their GFs pregnant in high school or shortly after high school.

According to my Filipino relatives, I better start having kids because I'm "getting old". I'm 28.

My BF of 6 months, who just recently met my relatives 2 months ago, is already getting the "so when's the wedding?" question.

I agree with Blondie93. I still am unsure if I ever want to have kids, but I have seen women just horrified when asked that question.

[nikki1920]

To stop that question, respond with: We aren't sure yet. when are you available to babysit/change diapers/pay for daycare/pay for college/help us plan the conception?

Its a rude question that deserves a rude answer.

*I get this question too and HATE it. I give one of the responses above and people generally get that the question is, in fact, rude and out of place*

[Educatingblue]

OMG we get this all the time. We have been married almost 3 years and my mom asks about this everyday. I tell her the same thing and she still asks the same question. We tell her we want to buy a house, get well established in our careers, save some money, and just have fun without dragging little Johnny out to an "R" rated movie or to Las Vegas (that's a whole new conversation...WTH did I see tons of parents on our last two trips with their KIDS in tow walking the strip/casino(s)?!?!)

I just think with all the pressure to succeed, it only makes sense to wait a little longer...Lately, I have been telling the 'rents that we will revisit the idea around 2011!!!

[aideclaire]

[aephi alum]

If and when you have children isn't anybody's business but your own and your partner's.

But people do so love to butt in. The ink wasn't even dry on our marriage contract when my MIL started demanding grandchildren. Some of the nosier members of my congregation seem to have an "aephi alum baby watch" going. Even my parents have started in on me.

For crying out loud, I'm not an incubator! Next time someone asks me if I'm pregnant, I'm asking them for a coat hanger.

[BetteDavisEyes]

I've been married for 2 1/2 years and get that all the time. It's irritating.

Something else I hate is when people who have kids tell those who don't that they are so smart and/or lucky. A friend told me this when I was with another friend and she burst into tears b/c she has been trying for 5 years to get pregnant with no success.

The best thing to do IMO is to NOT ASK! It's no one's damn business.

[AGDee]

We had only been married for a month and we went to his parents for the weekend. They were far enough away that it was nicer to sleep there than to make the drive each way in one day. When we got there my MIL (who I did love dearly in spite of this) told me we would be sleeping in the MIL and FIL's room AND that she'd put leopard skin sheets on the bed so that we would be inspired to start making grandchildren! Uh huh, like being in my in-laws bed is going to inspire me??? I'd have been much more inspired in the basement bedroom where nobody could hear us!

[SWTXBelle]

Parents ask because they would love grandchildren - so I wouldn't get mad at them. Well, maybe a little.
But not like I would at friends/perfect strangers who think such an intimate question is any of their business!

[AKA_Monet]

My mom pressured me until my brother kranked the grandkids out... She has a different view, now...

We've been married 5 years. My husband does not WANT kids, I want kids (biological clock explosions) and I am almost 40... So, it is HIGHLY probably I will not have any biological kids...

When we get asked that question and we are together, I say, I don't know, ask Dr. Mr. AKA_Monet... And folks stop asking because they figure out that that nerve is too raw and they don't wanna go there...

When I get asked that question by "well meaning folks"--I tell them the truth. that pretty much shuts them up or sometimes pisses them off with my husband... I know wrong, huh? Anyhow, I find it hilarious. It would be one thing if we were trying and nothing happened. It is another thing that one party does want to fully participate...

[PhoenixAzul]

I'm getting married (6 months from today! w00t!), and I'm marrying an only child/miracle baby. His parents are fairly traditional...and desperate for a grandchild. But I have to confess, and I'll throw in my nomination for "terrible person of the year"...I hate babies. I hate children. Not in the "they should all die" way, but in the "holy crap taking care of another person that is absolutely dependent on me terrifies me to no end" way. I don't see a baby or toddler and think, "ohhh cute", I see them and go, "get it away! get it away!". The thought of being pregnant, giving birth, and breastfeeding seriously grosses me out.

I detest mommy culture. That whole "thing" where giving birth and being a mom is the highest achievement a woman can reach (wait, aren't I getting ready to start a doctorate!? doesn't that count for something?). And that your entire life should center around the baby. Just because I have ovaries, doesn't mean I have to use them!

Now, don't get me wrong, motherhood, and more importantly, parenthood, is awesome and important for society...for those who want it. My brother and his fiance really like kids, and are AWESOME with kids, and will otherwise be fantastic parents. So I'm hoping that they'll be blessed with as many as they'd like, when they like them.

I think the root of this is that these people pestering you for kids want BABIES. They don't want TODDLERS/KIDS/TEENAGERS. Like with puppies, people forget that they grow out of that cute/cuddly/ moldable stage very quickly, and grow into beings that need guideance and report card signing and driving lessons and screaming fights and braces and boundaries and....

So yeah, there you have it. Why I'm not having kids. Because I just don't. Depending on the person asking, my answer vaires from, "I don't like kids" to "We're not in a position to have them (lol)" to "What an incredibly rude question to ask, I'm not going to answer that (when I'm in a bad mood)". The last tactic usually throws people for a loop, but might actually get them to stop. bloody. asking.

[DaemonSeid]

Originally Posted by nikki1920

To stop that question, respond with: We aren't sure yet. when are you available to babysit/change diapers/pay for daycare/pay for college/help us plan the conception?

Its a rude question that deserves a rude answer.

*I get this question too and HATE it. I give one of the responses above and people generally get that the question is, in fact, rude and out of place*

amen....!!!


It's a cult....and let them find out you are almost 40 and no kids...

WHY DON'T YOU HAVE ANY KIDS?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?


why do you have 2 kids and not married ot the daddy....?

WTF is wrong with you?

I don't know about you but I heard about these things called... 'condoms' and don't make what you can't take care of....you?