I need help to try and stop my mom from harrassing me about my fraternity

[RutgersPIKE]

So as a first year student at Rutgers University this past year, I was one of only four people from my graduating class to be attending the school (and all the rest were girls) and only one of six total from my school to be attending there this current year (and I was not to close to those guys at all) so I knew pretty well that I was going to be meeting new people. Going into school I was against joining a fraternity but after the first night of my wonderful college year I knew I wanted to join a fraternity and I know exactly where I wanted to pledge (see if you can guess what it is), however to my mom it was always ALWAYS school first. Now at rutgers, freshman cannot rush a fraternity or sorority until the second semester of their first year so I did have a lot of time to think about my decision and the whole first semester I got really close to a bunch of the brothers at my fraternity of choice, but still there was this big thing of getting this past my mother (who might be smaller than me and can be the sweetest woman in the world, BUT you DONT piss her off and I am still deathly afraid of her haha yes I know im a mamas boy) and she was 150 percent against greek life, especially me, the first person in the family to go to college, to join in the wonders that is greek life. So second semester came and still after many many attempts to convice my mom to let me join she still said no, but i was not going to let this stop me (bad idea). So i secretly attended all the rush events and accepted my bid, thinking I can keep it quiet till the end of the semester where I would prove to my mom that fraternity life would not affect my grades. Well this secrecy lasted oh a whole four hours as I got a very angry call the next morning about my decision. So after a few hours of debate with many harsh words thrown around I had finally convinced my mom to let me continue with pledging and that if I didnt keep a 3.4 GPA that I would have to pay for my entire college fees, instead of just half. So I finished pledging and now I am living home for the summer, but still I can see the dissappointment in my mom about my decision and this beats me up inside, even though my decision to pledge was the best I ever made, but I still cant convince her that its not all about partying and "paying for my friends" (thats the biggest thing she uses to piss me off) but that it was about the lifelong brotherhood, and being apart of something more than just me and that this is my family when Im away from home and now I have 60 best friends in the entire world, my family means the world to me especially my mother since we went through a lot just the two of us (no this is not a will smith reference) and i would really like to ease my moms feelings of dissapointment, please fellow Greeks, anyone else ever been in this situation and can anyone offer me some advice? Thanks

RutgersPIKE

[AKA_Monet]

For some reason, I have always liked the Men of PIKE...

Question: How independent do you want to be from your mother?

I really think her issue is that 1) College is there for you to LEARN!!! 2)You know those FRAT parties and 3) I don't think she does NOT support your decision - it is more like, she doesn't understand it and it makes her extremely worried...

Which brings me, you have to live your life... It is YOUR education, not your mom's and YOU are responsible for all that you put in your head. Whatever you want to achieve in your life is ALL ON YOU NOW...

So, if you mom doesn't want pay for school--guess what! You need to visit the student loan or scholarship office...

And any member of a GLO needs to always improve on scholarship - nothing is wrong with that. And you need to have balance to feel a part of your Fraternity... All people need that connection they to what they feel strongly about.

Don't give up on you mom. I think she will change. However, you have to give her time. Because, really, she is probably freaking about her SON making HIS OWN decisions more than what she had control over.

[RutgersPIKE]

Thanks and to answer your question, I dont want to be that independent from my mom, we are real close and she is my best friend, I do not disagree with her that school comes first and I wouldnt mind paying for college myself since I have twin little brothers coming up and I know its going to be tough for her to put them through college, however being a Criminal Justice major having my mom and dad pay for half my student loans will really help me out in the future since Im going to be living off a state troopers salary but I dont mind keeping my grades up since I grew up with my mom pushing me to my fullest potential academically, I thank you for your advice and I will not give up my mom and as for it being MY education, im my moms "baby" gross i know lol, but for the longest time it was just her and me growing up in tough times and she doesnt want me to screw up my opportunities and I am able to balance academics and social, as well as she has a hard time letting go, but I thank you agian for your advice, and of course those kind words about us PIKE boys, thanks again

RutgersPIKE

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by RutgersPIKE

Thanks and to answer your question, I dont want to be that independent from my mom, we are real close and she is my best friend, I do not disagree with her that school comes first and I wouldnt mind paying for college myself since I have twin little brothers coming up and I know its going to be tough for her to put them through college, however being a Criminal Justice major having my mom and dad pay for half my student loans will really help me out in the future since Im going to be living off a state troopers salary but I dont mind keeping my grades up since I grew up with my mom pushing me to my fullest potential academically, I thank you for your advice and I will not give up my mom and as for it being MY education, im my moms "baby" gross i know lol, but for the longest time it was just her and me growing up in tough times and she doesnt want me to screw up my opportunities and I am able to balance academics and social, as well as she has a hard time letting go, but I thank you agian for your advice, and of course those kind words about us PIKE boys, thanks again

RutgersPIKE

So are more State Troopers, criminal justice majors these days? I dunno. And there are quite of few GCers that are in law enforcement around hear.

Actually, you need to speak to Jon and DeltaAlum is extremely helpful. There are a few others I could point out. There are also your PIKE brothers here that are ultra-professional.

I work at a large University in the Pacific Northwest. So, I know what it takes to get kids through college. In fact, I am faculty...

The issue you are having is not knowing ALL the things in your future. Grades should be kept up, but one goes to college to expand their breadth and depth of knowledge and wisdom...

Mostly all GCers here who are older have their degrees. Many have secondary and tertiary degrees. So, you are gaining insight and access to a lifestyle unimaginable.

PM folks you need to.

And like I said, when you see your mom again, give her a hug and kiss and tell her she is a wonderful mother... When's the last time you did that anyways?

[Senusret I]

RutgersPIKE,

Maybe your chapter could have a "Parents Weekend" where you invite all the parents of the actives and pledges, have a nice barbecue or even a sit down banquet depending on your budget. You could do a slide show that shows your brotherhood and philanthropy. Maybe intercut it with clips of brothers talking about what Pike means to them.

Then you could do some sort of appreciation skit for the moms, grandmas, whoever else attends and give them a rose or whatever the fraternity flower is.

You gotta get moms at their hearts -- they cry when you start kindergarten, they cry at assemblies, they cry when you start college, when you get married, etc. But they ESPECIALLY cry when they are appreciated.

I'm tellin you.... a rose and a tear-jerking song and she will never give you a hard time again.

[1908Revelations]

Originally Posted by Senusret I

You gotta get moms at their hearts -- they cry when you start kindergarten, they cry at assemblies, they cry when you start college, when you get married, etc. But they ESPECIALLY cry when they are appreciated.

I'm tellin you.... a rose and a tear-jerking song and she will never give you a hard time again.

Awwww......Now I going to go hug my mommy.....she might cry.

[RutgersPIKE]

Originally Posted by Senusret I

RutgersPIKE,

Maybe your chapter could have a "Parents Weekend" where you invite all the parents of the actives and pledges, have a nice barbecue or even a sit down banquet depending on your budget. You could do a slide show that shows your brotherhood and philanthropy. Maybe intercut it with clips of brothers talking about what Pike means to them.

Then you could do some sort of appreciation skit for the moms, grandmas, whoever else attends and give them a rose or whatever the fraternity flower is.

You gotta get moms at their hearts -- they cry when you start kindergarten, they cry at assemblies, they cry when you start college, when you get married, etc. But they ESPECIALLY cry when they are appreciated.

I'm tellin you.... a rose and a tear-jerking song and she will never give you a hard time again.

Thats a great idea and so true at the same time and I know that to my mom being apart of a family, no matter what kind of family that is, is extremely important to her, she just has a bad case of empty nest i think, I know we are talking about revamping our parents weekend, the only problem is convincing my mom to come up for the weekend lol

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

And like I said, when you see your mom again, give her a hug and kiss and tell her she is a wonderful mother... When's the last time you did that anyways?

and to answer the other question, I give my mom a hug almost everyday I am not upset at her for having her feelings, I would just like her to see the many good things about greek life, and I will make sure i go up to her right now and tell her how much i love her and respect her opinion and what a wonderful mother she is as soon as im done typing this, ill even wake her up lol, but i will also tell her that i am certainly capable of making my own decisions, after all she is the one who raised me, that should help lol

[ZetaPhi708]

You could also use online sources to show the positives of being in a fraternity. Or use movies/tv shows ( tho whatever you do, keep her away from that "ABC tv show that shall not be named" ) to show great examples. Go to the PIKE website and show her who some famous brothers where. Also, use what you know about her hobbies and interests to find out if that person was Greek.

Best of luck to you..

[ladygreek]

When our children make their first BIG decision and it is the opposite of what we want, we get angry. Then we are not quite sure how to turn it around without looking weak, so you stay angry until we can find a way to save face. I totally agree with Senusret. Don't just tell her, but keep showing what a positive influence it has had on you. Maybe you can get a couple of your line brothers to write a letter to her telling her what a great guy you are and how they appreciate her for that.

And don't forget, she is probably still grieving you being away from her. It took me until my daughter's second semester sophomore year, before I stopped grieving her absence.

[SnuKnight172]

I love when parents, or other people for that matter, say that we are paying for our friends. Personally, I have always paid for my friends (now I know your jaws all just hit the floor. Pick them up and roll your tongues back in your mouth). Since I was 4 years old I have played baseball (you can substitute football, basketball, hockey, etc... what ever fits you) and guess what? Baseball, etc... Cost money. The friendships I made through baseball are about 1/2 as important in my life as my fraternity brothers yet they are still friendships. So I guess I paid for my friends, during my childhood as well.

Now we are all praised for going to college/university and yet again we have to take out our check books, our credit cards, student loans, grants, scholarships, money out of mommy and daddy's pocket, etc... Guess what that all means anyone you meet in college, often times this will include your future spouse and the mother/father of your parents grand-kids, is a paid for friend.

When you move on to the professional world, again you are presented with the challenge of buying your friends. We all paid for the knowledge that we have now that got us into the careers that we now cherish. So again our friends were paid for.

Think about it people, nearly every person (outside of family members) that we associate with are paid for.

My advice to you is to be honest with your mother tell her how much the fraternity means to you and where you can benefit the fraternity and where the fraternity can benefit you. Tell her that you aren't paying for friends and that life is to short for you and her to argue over these things.

Your mother not paying for your education is not the end of the world. You can do it without her there are grants and loans out there that can help you meet ends meet and trust me the repayments of the loans are not that bad.

[violetpretty]

So I take it you didn't make a 3.4? You said that you and her both agreed that you would have to pay for everything IF you didn't get a 3.4.

[RutgersPIKE]

yea i got a 3.0 but that was due to an ex girlfriend not pledging, but she was nice enough to say that due to those circumstances, NEXT semester i gotta get a 3.4, see she loves me haha

[RutgersPIKE]

Originally Posted by SnuKnight172

I love when parents, or other people for that matter, say that we are paying for our friends. Personally, I have always paid for my friends (now I know your jaws all just hit the floor. Pick them up and roll your tongues back in your mouth). Since I was 4 years old I have played baseball (you can substitute football, basketball, hockey, etc... what ever fits you) and guess what? Baseball, etc... Cost money. The friendships I made through baseball are about 1/2 as important in my life as my fraternity brothers yet they are still friendships. So I guess I paid for my friends, during my childhood as well.

Now we are all praised for going to college/university and yet again we have to take out our check books, our credit cards, student loans, grants, scholarships, money out of mommy and daddy's pocket, etc... Guess what that all means anyone you meet in college, often times this will include your future spouse and the mother/father of your parents grand-kids, is a paid for friend.

When you move on to the professional world, again you are presented with the challenge of buying your friends. We all paid for the knowledge that we have now that got us into the careers that we now cherish. So again our friends were paid for.

Think about it people, nearly every person (outside of family members) that we associate with are paid for.

My advice to you is to be honest with your mother tell her how much the fraternity means to you and where you can benefit the fraternity and where the fraternity can benefit you. Tell her that you aren't paying for friends and that life is to short for you and her to argue over these things.

Your mother not paying for your education is not the end of the world. You can do it without her there are grants and loans out there that can help you meet ends meet and trust me the repayments of the loans are not that bad.

wow i never thought of that at all about the paying for the friends, but i have explained to my mom how much it means to me, but she thinks i should of gotten my grades in check first and that i could still of had friends without pledging a fraternity (little does she know exactly what this bond means)

[LPIDelta]

It sounds like she loves you and even though she may not agree with your decision, she isn't so dead set against it that she would pull her support...otherwise when you got the 3.0, she would have blamed the fraternity no matter what else happened. I am going to guess that she doesn't like it, but she's not going to do anything too drastic. Likely, it will just take time for her to see the changes in you and benefits...

That said, you need to keep those grades up anyway--- for you, for her and for the fraternity! Good luck!

[RutgersPIKE]

yea i know i let other things affect my schoolwork, oh well arent you allowed one semester in your college life to screw up? this will be the last time that happens