Facebook/Alumnae Issues

trisigma212 · #1 01-15-2012, 10:25 AM

Hi everyone,

I am a Tri-Sigma in the Washington DC area. I went to a small southern university (I don't want to say which) and joined Sigma Sigma Sigma my sophomore year of college. I loved my time with my chapter, from the sisterhood, to becoming a recruitment counselor, to telling my story of finding a family away from home at pref. I love the ritual and although I may not have been the "typical sorority girl" in my chapter, I wore my letters proudly on campus (and even more now that I'm an alumnae).

Now that I've graduated I've had some issues with my sisters on facebook. My chapter has an alumnae group on facebook that I'm a member of. We have a pretty small chapter (our initiation numbers are only into the 300's at this point) so our alumnae group is also small. Lately I've noticed that there are sisters that I was friends with on facebook throughout college (one in particular was president when I was a new member) that are no longer my facebook friends (obviously I know this because they are members of the alumnae group as well). That means at some point they removed me from their friends list.

Now I'm a pretty outspoken liberal and the majority of my chapter members are strong republicans. Maybe something in a facebook status or post offended them to the point that they removed me? It seems a little immature. Couldn't you just block the posts you see from someone?

The only reason I ask is that I'm planning on going to homecoming this year, and these girls that have removed me are still actively involved in the chapter so seeing them there is likely. I wouldn't mention it to them, but it will definitely make it awkward.

Has anyone experienced anything like this?
What's the sisterly thing to do?

Any advice is greatly appreciated!

SWTXBelle · #2 01-15-2012, 12:20 PM

Isn't it funny how invested you can become in facebook? I too have thought "WHAT? You unfriended me?" - but upon reflection I decided there could be many reasons someone might unfriend you. It might be because of your politics, but it could be simply because they decided to pare down their friend lists. There's no telling. I'd suggest going to the reunion and being as pleasant to your sisters as you would to anyone from your college days with whom you are no longer close. Concentrate most of your attention on those who are still close to you, or those with whom you haven't had contact in a while.

amIblue? · #3 01-15-2012, 12:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

Isn't it funny how invested you can become in facebook? I too have thought "WHAT? You unfriended me?" - but upon reflection I decided there could be many reasons someone might unfriend you. It might be because of your politics, but it could be simply because they decided to pare down their friend lists. There's no telling. I'd suggest going to the reunion and being as pleasant to your sisters as you would to anyone from your college days with whom you are no longer close. Concentrate most of your attention on those who are still close to you, or those with whom you haven't had contact in a while.

What she said. However, I will also admit to unfriending FB friends who post nutty political/religious or just plain annoying stuff all the time.

IrishLake · #4 01-15-2012, 12:27 PM

^^ Ditto and ditto.

Benzgirl · #5 01-15-2012, 12:49 PM

^^ Cosign, Cosign, Cosign!!!

33girl · #6 01-15-2012, 01:15 PM

One of my sisters and her best guy friend defriended each other on FB because of politics and I still don't know if they've made up. It's so divisive in the country in general today, it's only natural it has wormed its way into this sort of thing.

If it is bothering you, and you were close to them in college, I would send them a message and ask why they defriended you. Nothing gets healed if you just sweep it under the rug. It's entirely possible that there was a glitch in FB, but if there wasn't, they should be big enough to say "I defriended you because any nut who supports Obama is an enemy of mine." If they can't stand up for their principles and just have to do these sorts of passive-aggressive things, their principles aren't very strong.

SydneyK · #7 01-15-2012, 01:16 PM

Ditto as well. I also defriend people who are heavy into all the silly games and quizzes. I don't care which Biblical woman I'm most like; I don't need someone to water my crops while I'm away on vacation; I have never put a hit out on anyone; etc... Perhaps you're into that type of thing and the women who have defriended you simply are not. FB-defriending doesn't automatically mean they're no longer interested in being your IRL friend.

33girl · #8 01-15-2012, 01:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SydneyK

Ditto as well. I also defriend people who are heavy into all the silly games and quizzes. I don't care which Biblical woman I'm most like; I don't need someone to water my crops while I'm away on vacation; I have never put a hit out on anyone; etc... Perhaps you're into that type of thing and the women who have defriended you simply are not. FB-defriending doesn't automatically mean they're no longer interested in being your IRL friend.

You can hide or unsubcribe to someone without defriending them. You can also block the game/quiz posts from your news feed by hovering your cursor next to them. If you barely knew a person, you shouldn't have friended them in the first place.

SydneyK · #9 01-15-2012, 01:22 PM

^^ Good to know. I check FB maybe one a week, if that. I'm obviously out of the loop on the ins-and-outs of facebooking!

DubaiSis · #10 01-15-2012, 01:54 PM

I believe in Free Speech in all places except my facebook page. I will allow a post that I disagree with a little bit but if I think you have said something I find offensive (politically or just offensively stupid) I will unfriend just so I don't get hit with it over and over, which will undoubtedly cause a fight. My nephew unfriended me because he wanted the freedom to say what he wants without his crazy old aunt inserting her 2 cents. I wouldn't take it too personally. If there wasn't some big "I hate you and I'm unfriending you!" moment, she may have just found it easier to unfriend you because she didn't know she could ignore your posts and no longer have to see your OBVIOUSLY smarter opinions on politics or life in general.

DeltaBetaBaby · #11 01-15-2012, 02:36 PM

I recently was put in the middle of a "do you know why so-and-so defriended me?" thing by another friend. Turns out, so-and-so had left FB altogether.

DrPhil · #12 01-15-2012, 02:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Turns out, so-and-so had left FB altogether.

Smart person.

I will not go on my facebook is the devil rant but I will LOL at this topic being a topic.

trisigma212 · #13 01-15-2012, 03:10 PM

Thanks everyone! I'm just gonna assume that they've moved on in their lives, maybe they're only keeping in touch with people they see on a day to day basis (obviously not me cause I'm "out of state" for them), whatever. I don't expect to be friends with everyone, sorority allegiance or not. That's just not realistic.

ASTalumna06 · #14 01-15-2012, 03:55 PM

Everyone takes this Facebook friends thing waaaay too seriously.

I go through my friends list every once in a while and delete anyone a) who I don't talk to in real life, b) who hasn't done so much as even comment on my wall/status updates, and c) whose wall/status updates I don't feel the need to comment on.

Yes, some of those people have been sisters. Yes, some of those people have been family members. Yes, some of those people were my best friends back in high school.

Does that mean that if I ran into one of those people at a formal, or a holiday party, or a reunion that I wouldn't be friendly and/or really excited to see and talk to them? No.

Don't let Facebook run your social life. And try not to take such offense when someone defriends you, especially if you haven't taken the time to communicate with each other outside of a social media site.

psusue · #15 01-15-2012, 05:09 PM

There are also ways (or at least there were before, I don't know if this has changed) to set different circles of friends into groups on fb and give them viewing privileges accordingly. It may sound silly or like too much work but I think putting that kind of effort in on the front end would solve problems like this later on. You can also choose to update your content (i.e. status updates) to only certain audiences. Ex: You would choose to make your more political/NSFW updates viewable to "good friends" rather than "former bosses/teachers", etc. Obviously it's not fool proof (especially as facebook keeps changing) but it could save you from some headaches in the future.