To Wait or Not To Wait: That is the Question

jdrama · #1 04-22-2010, 12:50 AM

So my friend and I were at lunch today talking about that one beautiful day when we would get married to the men of our dreams and all that sappy stuff when she asked the question,

"What would you do if you didn't have all the money for your wedding? Would you get married on a budget and NOT have the wedding you ever dreamed of or would you wait until you could afford it all?"

Honestly, I didn't know. I personally want a destination wedding so a lot of people can't come and I would technically be at my honeymoon spot already.

So would I wait or change plans?

What would you do?

KSUViolet06 · #2 04-22-2010, 01:01 AM

Um, plan something that IS realistically within your budget would be the logical thing to do.

The whole "waiting to get married to save wedding money up" thing is a bit much. I've seen people end up being engaged for like 3-4 years trying to save up for this "dream event" and I think that's silly.

I mean, what's the goal? Do you want to get married? Or is the goal to have the wedding of your dreams? I would think that the end goal here is marriage. You can have a very nice event within a realistic budget that doesn't require years of saving.

Besides, the fact that someone has to postpone a wedding or set a far off date in order to save $ for it probably means that it is not something that they can afford.

But that's just me and my crazy thinking. lol.

Personally speaking, I've always wanted to get married in Vegas (been vacationing there since I was 5) and that thankfully doesn't require a ridiculous budget.

I'd rather put that money into a home for us or use it to ensure that we enter marriage debt-free.

cheerfulgreek · #3 04-22-2010, 01:21 AM

I just think marriage is much more than just a wedding ceremony, so I would rather plan for the marriage itself, and the marriage I've always dreamed of having, rather than the "wedding". I mean, a wedding is just an event. I wouldn't wait, just to save and spend a lot of money on something that doesn't prepare for the maintenance that marriage demands.

jdrama · #4 04-22-2010, 01:37 AM

Ok I hear that! But there are people who actually plan it out and have budgets for it. I still like my destination wedding because its a 2-for-1 wedding and honeymoon.

But I know people who will literally take out loans to fund their wedding.

Next question would be whats a reasonable budget? I saw platinum weddings and uhm.. I'm not spending a college tuition on a wedding!

KSUViolet06 · #5 04-22-2010, 01:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jdrama

Next question would be whats a reasonable budget? I saw platinum weddings and uhm.. I'm not spending a college tuition on a wedding!

Um, whatever you can realistically afford?

Platinum Couple probably has a $50,000 cake because they (or their parents) can afford to do that and still have money to do things like buy a home.

The average person cannot.

A wedding can be a beautiful and well-planned event without it costing a ton of money.

My rule of thumb, if it is going to cause you to enter your marriage with extra debt or stress from having overspent on it, you can't afford it and you're probably spending beyond your means.

christiangirl · #6 04-22-2010, 02:14 AM

Lots of people get married with a simple ceremony in their parents' yard or a good ol' trip down to the courthouse, then have a big shindig when they "renew their vows." That could be the next year or 5-10 years down the line. I think that's perfectly fine. A wedding should not put you in debt or make you flat broke. I used to want a big wedding but, now that I'm older, I think it's silly to take money that could be used for a down payment on a house or a nest egg for your kids' college fund. It's one thing if you have enough money to do both, but if it's a choice between one or the other.....

Personally, I want a low-key, inexpensive wedding (well, as "inexpensive" as a wedding gets--those things are pricey no matter how you spin it). It fits my personality better to have a smaller crowd and I'd rather our first huge financial commitment together be toward a house--or anything else that will last more than 6 hours.

MysticCat · #7 04-22-2010, 08:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jdrama

Ok I hear that! But there are people who actually plan it out and have budgets for it. I still like my destination wedding because its a 2-for-1 wedding and honeymoon.

Except for the people who have to get to that destination for whom it's not a honeymoon. If you don't want a lot of people, don't invite a lot of people.

Why on earth would anyone wait until they have the money for the "perfect" wedding? That puts the priorities completely backwards. Stay within your means for the wedding and focus on planning and building a great marriage.

agzg · #8 04-22-2010, 09:43 AM

Live-in and I are waiting until we're more financially sound, but that's not for the wedding but the marriage.

Part of the exciting part of us both coming closer (like, super close) to meeting our professional goals for 2010 early is that it's bringing marriage closer.

But I'd rather go to the courthouse than have a big church wedding with reception. I'm not one for super cermonial things.

MUSK81 · #9 04-22-2010, 10:03 AM

Weddings have gotten absolutely ridiculous nowadays and TV shows like Platinum Weddings and Say Yes toThe Dress have thrown fuel on the fire. When I got married in 1989, my parents gave me a $5000 budget and told me I could keep what I didn't spend, but if I went over, I paid for it. We ended up keeping about $500. I did take some cost-saving measures - my dress was a discontinued sample, my veil and bouquets were made by crafty friends as wedding gifts to us. We had our reception in the parish hall (nicer than it sounds - more like a hotel ballroom than a gym.) We had an open bar, heavy hors d'ouvres and a disc jockey. And some people were scandalized that I spent that much. I always tell people if they want a big wedding and have the wherewithal to have one, do it! Big weddings are fun! But don't put the cart before the horse. You're just as married if it's you, your groom, the celebrant and two witnesses. One of my cousins married a girl who came from money and their wedding was so lavish I started to wonder who these people were so desperate to impress ...

1stSoon2BePhD · #10 04-22-2010, 10:47 AM

I am a wedding show addict and I've always wanted a very nice wedding, but I agree with KSUViolet06 that it's about much more than just the wedding. People plan longer for a wedding than they do for MARRIAGE. And when I say "plan for marriage" I'm not referring to dating. I'm talking about having serious conversations with the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with about problems that may arise and how you plan to fix them.

*steps off of soap box* ...back to the OP's question: I don't think it makes sense to wait until you have money for a wedding. You can easily have another celebration or even a vow renewal later down the line if you feel so inclined and hopefully you'll have more money by the time your 10, 15, 20, etc year anniversary comes around!

ThetaDancer · #11 04-22-2010, 10:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jdrama

But I know people who will literally take out loans to fund their wedding.

Oh sad.

1stSoon2BePhD · #12 04-22-2010, 10:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by christiangirl

I'd rather our first huge financial commitment together be toward a house--or anything else that will last more than 6 hours.

PERFECT. I couldn't have said it any better!

Little32 · #13 04-22-2010, 11:11 AM

I would pay for the wedding that I could afford when I wanted to get married. Of course, I am more likely to go down the court house or jump on a plane for a destination wedding than to plan a big elaborate event.

I went to a friend's wedding about two years ago. It was small--about 50 people--and she didn't spend more than $5,000 and that included the reception, which was at a really nice restaurant that had a fabulous brunch.

It was one of the most beautiful and elegant weddings that I have seen.

DrPhil · #14 04-22-2010, 12:00 PM

I never had a wedding of my dreams. I don't give a shit about the wedding.

I was never one of the stereotypical women who sat around thinking about their dream man and dream wedding.

DrPhil · #15 04-22-2010, 12:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

The whole "waiting to get married to save wedding money up" thing is a bit much. I've seen people end up being engaged for like 3-4 years trying to save up for this "dream event" and I think that's silly.

This.

The goal is often to impress yourself and to impress others. That's NOT what a marriage is about. If you don't have the means, choose a different goal.