Whichever parent you have the best relationship with . . . well you tell them first.
That way you have an ally.
I would NEVER EVER tell both at the same time. . . its a good way to get double teamed.
That is EVIL advice.
SHAME on you BAD girls for suggesting it.
Even if you have a fairly negative relationship. Meet with one first and tell. Its easier to tell one and you can use the:
"I love you both and respect both of you but you have been the most reasonable and easy to talk to, so I thought I would tell you first, but you have to promise not to say anything!"
Use emotional manipulatipion . . you are a chick so you should have developed this to a fine art by now. Don't forget your weapons!
If you sit them down and just let them both have it . . it comes across as a big "Fuck-You-Very-Much!" No matter how well intentioned it is.
Some handy lines to remember. I have been told that I am fairly good at dialougue . . . comes from being a budding writer lol.
Line 1.
"I thought that you of all people would want me to be happy."
Helps if you can be bright eyed and generate tears without getting too weepy. Think Demi Moore crying . . not an adolecent with a bad attitude.
Line 2.
"Ok, I understand what you are saying. You and Daddy (mommy) loved eachother when you got married. IF someone else you loved had told you right then and there to drop him, are you telling me you would have walked away from all this just like that?"
When they respond that this is different, hit them with line 1.
And then add line 3.
"He treats me so well and makes me so happy that it feels like I am suffocating when he is not around."
Use Line 4.
"He actually told me he would walk away because he knew you would tear me apart. I told him you wouldn't, that you loved and wanted me to be happy . . . but I guess he was right?"
Line 5.
"Why do you guys want to kick me out of your lives forever because someone you never met, but you hate, makes me happy?"
Line 5 has to be used early before they get too upset. But it raises the stakes on them.
Some generic advice:
Don't OVERTALK. All women do this. IT loses their argument. Make your points simple and stick to them.
He loves me.
I love him.
He offered to leave.
I couldn't bear to let him go.
I love you.
I can't bear to not have you in my lives.
The conflict has been tearing me apart.
You have to keep reiterating those points!! No matter what the counter argument is!
Because their point is that you shouldn't marry him regardless of how they say it.
Your point is that you are going to marry him, the question is whether they will be supportive or not.
(you might want to get a little frantic at times, just not hysterical. Parents can see through hysteria. They had you as a teen lol and you are a girl
)
Eventually, if they don't cave in, but before they get too upset . . (once they get really angry you have lost. Never confront anger directly)
You need to say (gently): "I love him, I am going to marry him, we are going to give you Grandchildren. The question is whether you are going to be a positive part of your Grandkids lives. Or whether you are going to mess them up and me up because you hate their father for no reason."
Which is a great closing line if you can quietly leave . . especially with a some nice tears but no sobbing.
Ahh, They will probably back down right away and all my advice is for nothing.
Linear Mode
