Relationship Dilemma Question

CrimsonTide4 · #1 12-15-2001, 09:00 PM

You have just been offered a promotion and a significant raise. However, with this promotion and raise, your company is relocating you to another city and state. You are in a relationship that is fairly serious. You tell your mate about the new job offer and he says that he is not willing to leave your current city of residence. What do you do?

A. Turn down said promotion and raise and stay in city with your man.

B. Dump him and move on up to the East side

.

C. Other

DeltaGirl-BH-ASU · #2 12-15-2001, 09:20 PM

Hi Sorors and Sisterfriends,

Well, Well, Well,
I think I would have to pack my bags and leave. I say these things because although we are in a serious relationship, we are not married or even engaged for that matter. If it is meant to be when it will be. And since it seems that he has his MIND MADE UP, I would have to go. I can come and visit and vice versa. But to give up on a big job promotion for something that isn't all that... well let's say permanent could come up and bite you in the butt especially if you stay in your current town of residence and you struggle to find a job that is paying you at the same rate you are about to be promoted for. You may resent your decision. This is something like I am dealing with now, graduation is right around the corner and I will be relocating (law school) because I have goals and I have a purpose THAT I WILL SEEK TO ACCOMPLISH. Sometimes if you love something you have to let it go...if it comes back then it was meant to be.

Sorry if it sounds harsh

kiml122 · #3 12-15-2001, 10:05 PM

B

Why because you have to do what you gotta do. Nothing personal.

Imperial11 · #4 12-15-2001, 11:11 PM

I wouldn't "dump" him per se. But, if he was the only thing making me think twice about taking the new job, then I'd take it. If he is really trying to be with me, then when I tell him about my promotion and possible move, he will do one of two things:

1) Drop to his knees and propose to me (to give me somewhat of a valid reason to give up the job and stay with him)

OR

2) Tell me that he will support my decision either way and give me a VALID reason as to why he cannot leave town with me.

If he doesn't do either of these, then I'd leave town on the first thing smoking!!!!!!

dst3800 · #5 12-15-2001, 11:12 PM

I think that I would go, but I wouldn't just pack up and leave. I would tell him all about it and explain to him why I felt I had to go. I think that if the relationship is that serious, and I can totally trust my man, the relationship can withstand the distance. That is, until he is in a better position to join me. In a relationship, it's allabout compromise, and if he is not willing to go along with the long distance relationship, then the relationship is not all that it seems to be.

c&c1913 · #6 12-15-2001, 11:37 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by DeltaGirl-BH-ASU
Hi Sorors and Sisterfriends,

Well, Well, Well,
I think I would have to pack my bags and leave. I say these things because although we are in a serious relationship, we are not married or even engaged for that matter. If it is meant to be when it will be. And since it seems that he has his MIND MADE UP, I would have to go. I can come and visit and vice versa. But to give up on a big job promotion for something that isn't all that... well let's say permanent could come up and bite you in the butt especially if you stay in your current town of residence and you struggle to find a job that is paying you at the same rate you are about to be promoted for. You may resent your decision. This is something like I am dealing with now, graduation is right around the corner and I will be relocating (law school) because I have goals and I have a purpose THAT I WILL SEEK TO ACCOMPLISH. Sometimes if you love something you have to let it go...if it comes back then it was meant to be.

Sorry if it sounds harsh

kizzie22 · #7 12-16-2001, 01:38 AM

I agree with C&C1913 and DeltaGirl-BH-ASU...I would pack my bags and leave. I wouldn't let him stop me from making a better life for myself..

CkretCrush8 · #8 12-16-2001, 08:36 PM

Personally I don't like long distance relationships; however, if this was "serious" then I guess I would have to reflect on the relationship and evaluate it to see if its worth keeping and trying the distance. Of course, I would tell him about the promotion and the relocation. Most importantly I will pray about it. Only God can give me the answers on what we can do. We (me and my mate) will make a decision over whether to endure the distance or if we should take a break from each other. It has to be a mutual decision, weighing all possible outcomes. Whatever is meant to be in our relationship will happen. We will just have to trust God.

kiml122 · #9 12-16-2001, 08:41 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Imperial11
I wouldn't "dump" him per se. But, if he was the only thing making me think twice about taking the new job, then I'd take it. If he is really trying to be with me, then when I tell him about my promotion and possible move, he will do one of two things:

1) Drop to his knees and propose to me (to give me somewhat of a valid reason to give up the job and stay with him)

OR

2) Tell me that he will support my decision either way and give me a VALID reason as to why he cannot leave town with me.

If he doesn't do either of these, then I'd leave town on the first thing smoking!!!!!!

This answer gets 2 thumbs up

AKA2D '91 · #10 12-16-2001, 11:14 PM

I'd say, take the job and keep the man. If after a year and he hasn't attempted to seek employment where you are (especially if the new area is more progressive and the potential to earn money is greater) or mentioned of his intentions to seek employment there or marriage, LET HIM GO!

At least give him some time to show his intentions. A year could be too long for some, but allow him AND yourself enough time to ration through your emotions. Who knows, after you have been away, you may feel that the relationship you all had wasn't what you wanted.

bluz4 · #11 12-17-2001, 12:03 AM

i personally can't stand long distance relationships either; i need that physical and tangible aspect. but i have realized that having a great, healthy and stable and trusting relationship with someone is a rare find. i found my (hopefully) life partner two years ago while i was at school in d.c. and he was at school in philly. we struggled and still struggle even tho i am in philly now. before i got my job in philly, i didnt know where i was going: cali, nyc or back to d.c. but the thought of breaking up with him was never a thought. we discussed commuting, flying back and forth to see each other, even him moving where i was after he graduated from law school. but breaking up???? heck no.
i guess it depends on the relationship and the people. after two years of being 200+ miles away and surviving, my relationship could withstand another long distance moment even though i hope we never have to go through that again.

and now that i think of it the thought of not taking a job that shipped me somewhere far never crossed my mind either. so i have to go along with others who have said 'KEEP THE MAN AND THE JOB'

korkscru · #12 12-17-2001, 08:54 AM

I TOTALLY agree with everyone else. The promotion, you KNOW you've got. The man, you got, but you don't KNOW that you got him--get what I'm saying.

Sisterfriend, I can only IMAGINE what stress this must be on you. Only YOU know what your REAL relationship is with this man. But you've got to remember that you need to take care of YOURSELF first. You don't want any "I wish I WOULDA's , SHOULDA's , or COULDA's". Just do what's right for YOU.

GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS !!!

Ideal08 · #13 12-17-2001, 11:51 AM

It really depends on the situation. It depends on WHY he won't move. And it depends on how happy I am with the company that I work for. I weigh my options like this. If I am in a fairly serious relationship, I want to be with and see that person, A LOT. So a LD relationship wouldn't work for me, because I'd be lonely. If I KNOW in my heart that this man cares for me, I'd probably stay. Because I can talk a bunch of stuff of how he should come with me and all that, but where is the compromise in that? Especially if I know I can't handle the LD portion of it. No sense in moving and being miserable because I'm away from my honey. Now if it is understood that I move, and he's following me some months later, that's different, ok, cool. But I have learned a lot in the past few years about jobs and companies. They care a whole lot less about you than your mate. I have a man who is taking care of me, has my back, and we're doing fine as is? Then the promotion and raise would be nice, but isn't necessarily needed. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. I'd stay with my dude. If we don't work out, oh well, no resentment on my part, it was my choice.

mccoyred · #14 12-17-2001, 11:52 AM

I would take the job regardless. If he wants to be with me, then he will either move with me (esp if MY job had better potential) or try a long-distance relationship. Even if he dropped down on one knee and proposed (and I accepted!), I would STILL go with the understanding that he would follow in a specified period of time.

Mz. Sports Luva · #15 12-17-2001, 04:24 PM

I would definately take the job and we would just have to try the long distance thing and if that doesn't work out, then it wasn't meant to be after all.