Depledging and rushing in the spring

[Buck123]

Okay so I have a pretty big dilemma here. I go to a big SEC school with a pretty profound greek life. I wanted to initially join a top tier fraternity and I had a certain one in mind. I fit in with them but I didnt have enough connections(exclusive) in order for me to get bid on. The reason for that was they had their pledge class picked out already by fall. I had a few fallbacks and I have always wanted to be in a fraternity so I chose a middle tier fraternity. I have been sticking it out in this pledge semester but I have found that my pledge brothers seem to be a lot different than me and not much in common. I feel like I made a mistake but I'm not sure. I was approached by my friend and another guy I met here at the university telling me if I drop the fraternity I'm pledging they would certainly have my back and get me in the spring. The problem is that I know in SEC schools spring pledges are looked down upon and dropping my current fraternity is also a shot in the dark. I know this is hard to advise someone on but could anyone relate or have some good advice on what would be a good choice?

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by Buck123

Okay so I have a pretty big dilemma here. I go to a big SEC school with a pretty profound greek life. I wanted to initially join a top tier fraternity and I had a certain one in mind. I fit in with them but I didnt have enough connections(exclusive) in order for me to get bid on. The reason for that was they had their pledge class picked out already by fall. I had a few fallbacks and I have always wanted to be in a fraternity so I chose a middle tier fraternity. I have been sticking it out in this pledge semester but I have found that my pledge brothers seem to be a lot different than me and not much in common. I feel like I made a mistake but I'm not sure. I was approached by my friend and another guy I met here at the university telling me if I drop the fraternity I'm pledging they would certainly have my back and get me in the spring. The problem is that I know in SEC schools spring pledges are looked down upon and dropping my current fraternity is also a shot in the dark. I know this is hard to advise someone on but could anyone relate or have some good advice on what would be a good choice?

Whatever you decide to do, just know that unless this other chapter is made up of only your friend and the random dude you met, they can't guarantee you anything.

[33girl]

"Friends" don't tell you to do things that would have a potentially negative impact on you. I assume they are from the top tier fraternity that didn't bid you. Honestly, this just sounds like a "watch what a big man I am, I can get that hot chick at the bar to come over and talk to me and dump her boyfriend" scenario, only with all dudes. SHADY MCSHADERSON O'SHADY.

Stay with the fraternity you're in and get to know the active brothers and your pledge brothers better - you may seem a lot different on the surface but there is something that made them decide to bid you. I suspect you will end up having a lot better time in a mid-tier than you would if you're in a group where having connections is that make or break and you don't have them....do you want to be the eternal Seth Rogan in a house full of Bradley Coopers?

[greekdee]

You're smart to seek advice on this and not just abandon ship because a couple of guys have given you a small glimmer of hope that something better is in the future. First, you don't know that it would be better for you. All that glitters isn't gold, and some people have found themselves disappointed by their top tier experiences. Even if they're an awesome chapter full of great men, two members probably don't have the power to pull you through the door of a competitive house on a competitive campus, especially considering that you've already rushed them once and weren't offered a bid. Given the culture of most SEC schools (and it sounds like yours is one of the bigger ones for Greek life), leaving your current fraternity sounds awfully risky. You could depledge yourself right out of being Greek at all.

The fact that you're "not sure" if you made a mistake shows that more time is needed. Leaving your chapter isn't something you want to feel uncertain about. My advice is to stay where you are and really commit to doing all you can to making it feel like your fraternity. Make a real effort to involve yourself and get to know your pledge brothers and the actives. Plenty of people have felt iffy during their pledgeships, but gone on to love their houses. And you're right about the spring pledge stigma. I'm not sure if it's at all SEC schools, but it definitely is at some.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by Buck123

I have been sticking it out in this pledge semester but I have found that my pledge brothers seem to be a lot different than me and not much in common. I feel like I made a mistake but I'm not sure. I was approached by my friend and another guy I met here at the university telling me if I drop the fraternity I'm pledging they would certainly have my back and get me in the spring.

This sounds like a major case of the-grass-is-greener-what-if-eritis. Those "friends" are doing you no favors. Evaluate how you feel about the fraternity you pledged without thinking about the possibility of pledging a different fraternity. As others have said, that may not happen, regardless what a few pledges tell you. Decide whether you're willing to depledge assuming that the result could be you won't be Greek.

And I know it's easy for non-SEC, alumnus me to say, but stop worrying about top tier and middle tier. If I had to guess, I'd guess that's part of what's keeping you from connecting in your fraternity—the idea that it's not top tier enough. Just remember: They wanted you. Top tier fraternity didn't. Being where you're wanted and where you feel at home is much more important in the long run than being top-tier.

[AOII Angel]

A bird in the hand is worth two pledges promising things they can't deliver in the bush. Remember that pledges don't know procedures or what it takes to pledge someone. They may think they are helping out a buddy, but they will feel pretty awful if you depledge and they find out that it takes more than their word to get you in.

[KDCat]

Originally Posted by Buck123

Okay so I have a pretty big dilemma here. I go to a big SEC school with a pretty profound greek life. I wanted to initially join a top tier fraternity and I had a certain one in mind. I fit in with them but I didnt have enough connections(exclusive) in order for me to get bid on. The reason for that was they had their pledge class picked out already by fall. I had a few fallbacks and I have always wanted to be in a fraternity so I chose a middle tier fraternity. I have been sticking it out in this pledge semester but I have found that my pledge brothers seem to be a lot different than me and not much in common. I feel like I made a mistake but I'm not sure. I was approached by my friend and another guy I met here at the university telling me if I drop the fraternity I'm pledging they would certainly have my back and get me in the spring. The problem is that I know in SEC schools spring pledges are looked down upon and dropping my current fraternity is also a shot in the dark. I know this is hard to advise someone on but could anyone relate or have some good advice on what would be a good choice?

Don't drop. Stay where you are. If you aren't feeling close to your pledge brothers, try to find older members in the house who you have something in common with. If you can't find them, start trying to find new members who you click with a little better.

Also, give it time. Building friendships is a matter of time.

Don't drop your fraternity for a sketchy, half-assed promise of a bid in the spring. Those guys can't guarantee anything and their big talk will probably end up with nothing. Don't let them string you along. They're getting a little thrill out of feeling wanted and feeling better than the house you are currently in. "We're so good, a guy is willing to drop his house to join ours!" Ignore them. It's BS.

[Buck123]

Originally Posted by greekdee

You're smart to seek advice on this and not just abandon ship because a couple of guys have given you a small glimmer of hope that something better is in the future. First, you don't know that it would be better for you. All that glitters isn't gold, and some people have found themselves disappointed by their top tier experiences. Even if they're an awesome chapter full of great men, two members probably don't have the power to pull you through the door of a competitive house on a competitive campus, especially considering that you've already rushed them once and weren't offered a bid. Given the culture of most SEC schools (and it sounds like yours is one of the bigger ones for Greek life), leaving your current fraternity sounds awfully risky. You could depledge yourself right out of being Greek at all.

The fact that you're "not sure" if you made a mistake shows that more time is needed. Leaving your chapter isn't something you want to feel uncertain about. My advice is to stay where you are and really commit to doing all you can to making it feel like your fraternity. Make a real effort to involve yourself and get to know your pledge brothers and the actives. Plenty of people have felt iffy during their pledgeships, but gone on to love their houses. And you're right about the spring pledge stigma. I'm not sure if it's at all SEC schools, but it definitely is at some.

Thanks for the advice and to everyone else who gave advice. Just wanted to clear some stuff up, the people who promised to get me in the spring are actives and they told me its not really that hard to get in spring especially with knowing a few people in the fraternity.They had their current fall pledge class listed out in summer before people even came to school. I am currently sticking to my fraternity the best I can and giving it a chance. I also realize I could potentially get screwed with not being in a fraternity after all but I still have that glimmer of hope. Also one of the main reasons I wanted to join that top tier fraternity is the networking opportunities due to all the brothers in there being local..whereas my fraternity I'm pledging has a lot of northerners but also southerners (more northerners).

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by Buck123

I am currently sticking to my fraternity the best I can and giving it a chance. I also realize I could potentially get screwed with not being in a fraternity after all but I still have that glimmer of hope.

Be careful here. As long as you're nurturing a "glimmer of hope" about the other fraternity, it's really hard, if not impossible, to give the fraternity you pledged a fair chance. Try to put that other possibility out of your mind. Besides, even if the guys talking to you are actives, they may not reflect the feelings of the chapter and it may not be as easy as they say.

Also one of the main reasons I wanted to join that top tier fraternity is the networking opportunities due to all the brothers in there being local..whereas my fraternity I'm pledging has a lot of northerners but also southerners (more northerners).

I'm Southern, and I get the Southern thing to a point. That said, don't discount (1) the possibility that some of the Northerners will stay after graduation, and (2) the value of a "network"* that reaches beyond your local region.

Best of luck!


* I know others may feel differently, but I am not a fan of "networking" as an end in and of itself. The concept is a huge turn-off for me, actually. But if it's important to you, you'll have lots of opportunities to network. Join a fraternity to make friends and form bonds of brotherhood. "Networks" will follow

[KDCat]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Be careful here. As long as you're nurturing a "glimmer of hope" about the other fraternity, it's really hard, if not impossible, to give the fraternity you pledged a fair chance. Try to put that other possibility out of your mind. Besides, even if the guys talking to you are actives, they may not reflect the feelings of the chapter and it may not be as easy as they say.

I'm Southern, and I get the Southern thing to a point. That said, don't discount (1) the possibility that some of the Northerners will stay after graduation, and (2) the value of a "network"* that reaches beyond your local region.

Best of luck!


* I know others may feel differently, but I am not a fan of "networking" as an end in and of itself. The concept is a huge turn-off for me, actually. But if it's important to you, you'll have lots of opportunities to network. Join a fraternity to make friends and form bonds of brotherhood. "Networks" will follow

My network of people that I met in college includes tons of people from other organizations and no organization at all. We met in class and clubs and through Greek Life. Networking should have nothing to do with whether you decide to say in a group or not.

OP, my impression is that this is about tiers and reputation for you. You want to be in a "top tier" fraternity and you aren't. You need to go watch Monsters University 1000 times and decide to be okay with being OK.

[DTD Alum]

If I had a dollar for every time a guy in our fraternity told a kid that "you should rush our house, we think you'll get in" only to see that kid get cut (and often early)...

I'm not saying it's impossible. But two guys vouching for you is a nice start, but will mean literally nothing unless the majority of the house grows to like you during rush. I would feel a lot more "sure" about the jump if you know (and I mean "could call them up and grab a beer just the two of you" know, not "oh yeah met that guy at a party once know") several members, like 7-8.

It's a huge risk. And while I'm not SEC so I can't say for certain what it's like at yours chool, all I'll say is that if a guy depledged another house and rushed again, he was virtually always connected with the "tier" of that house. This is also much truer if you were already dropped by this house in the first place, ie "We dropped him once, he joined Average Alpha, why do we want him?" That is going to sound harsh to hear, but that's also a conversation we had so many times.

That being said, it's not impossible. But 2 guys saying you should rush once is not a sure thing, or even a likely thing. So weigh your options really carefully.

Also, your name will be absolute dirt with the first chapter should you drop and rush again, so watch where there are "connections", so to speak, with other houses.

I also side with those who are guessing this has absolutely zero to do with networking and is all about tiers. Which is whatever, nobody here is going to change your mind about tiers online, but this also seems a little "grass is greener" to me.

[Buck123]

Yeah I know what you guys are saying I guess I'm just a little dissapointed by the way things turned out. I pretty joined just to be in a fraternity honestly not knowing much of the actives previously. Also, people also keep telling me they didn't want me in the fraternity but since i was recruited by the rush chair he had major pull. I don't know I just seemed to fit in a lot of other ones and I could tell by the get go during pre rush. Also, is it normal to think one or two guys in my pledge class are just odd people? Hate to say it but there are a few guys im just weary about. Honestly overall i feel as if I made a snap decision and joined with a lot of reluctance.

[DubaiSis]

Yes, it's normal to not mesh with everyone in your pledge class, or the fraternity in general. If "people" means more than 1 or 2 douchebags, now is probably better than later to get out. We want pledges to stick it out and give their new group a chance, but you don't need to be abused either. Presuming no fraternity is better than a bunch of dicks, then I'd bail, give the other group a shot (and maybe widen that net a bit to another couple fraternities), and take your chances.