another wedding thread...bridesmaids questions

KSUViolet06 · #1 02-24-2007, 08:27 PM

I've been a bridesmaid in quite a few weddings, some with 12 girls some with just 2 or 3.

Just curious, is there a standard/traditional number of bridesmaids that one should have? How many is too many?

If you're married, how many did you have? If you're engaged, how many are you planning on having? Or are you not having any at all?

Also I've been in some weddings where I had to buy my dress/shoes/etc (which is the norm). I've also been in some where the bride paid for everything.

For those of you that are married, how did you handle your bridesmaid's expenses?

I know this is alot of questions but I just wanted to see what some of you girls think.

#2 02-24-2007, 10:23 PM

I think the "standard" is not to have more than 2 bridesmaids per 50 people at the wedding. For example, if you have 200 guests, than 4-8 bridesmaids. I don't know if that's always been the case, but that's what I've read.

I'm engaged now (see my new thread comming). I'm narrowing down from 7. 2 from when I was a little girl; 2 from my first college; 2 from my second; and my fiance's sister.

My girls will definately be paying their own ways because I'm in grad school and am not rich yet. When I was a bridesmaid for my roomie's wedding, her gift to us was to give $100 towards all of our dresses instead of a traditional gift. Since we were all undergrads it was much better for us.

AGDee · #3 02-25-2007, 03:07 AM

I've been married twice and just kind of worked it out on how many I'd have. First wedding: My 3 best friends from childhood, my best friend from college(MOH... also my sister-daughter), my closest cousin and my groom's sister. We had 350 guests so I guess it did fit that ratio, but it wasn't intentional. This is really awful, but I can't, for the life of me, remember who all the guys were in the bridal party for the first wedding. I remember we had my brother, his brother, and his best friend (who was our best man) but I can't remember the rest.

Second wedding: best friend from college again (MOH), new very close who I'd become friends with at work during my first marriage, my groom's best friend's wife (so they could stand up together.. plus, I really liked her a lot.. still do in fact!) Oh, we also had 2 junior bridesmaids and 2 junior ushers who were all his nieces and nephews. It was definitely "his" wedding and "his" bridal party. The friend from work that stood up for me was with me when I met him. He had his best friend as his best man, one other childhood friend and his best friend from college (whose wife stood up with him). One of his best friends from childhood did the catering for us and gave us a very very good deal (pretty much his cost) and another of his childhood friends was a DJ and did the wedding as his gift to us.

I was pretty much having the second wedding because my second husband hadn't been married before and really really really wanted a wedding after being in all his friends' weddings. It was less expensive, less formal and much smaller. I only had my immediate family and closest friends there.. and a few "newer" friends who hadn't been around the first time I got married. I had two tables of guests (about 24 people). He had about 120 people there. I had a long talk with the gal who had been my MOH the first time about doing it again and offered to pay for her dress the second time, but she declined the offer. And, I have to say, it is a rare friend who is your MOH twice! She's still my closest friend.

Both times, the only expense I paid was giving them their jewelry. That was tradition around here and ensured that they all matched perfectly. I didn't choose outrageously priced dresses either, but the new tradition of dictating the color but allowing the bridesmaids to get what they look good in (and can afford) is a good one, I think.

I think you should just balance who you really want to have and who he wants to have for his half of the bridal party. Hopefully, you're close enough to the bridesmaids that if it's going to be a financial hardship for one of them and they aren't going to stand up only because of that, then you could help that one out if you can afford it. If you aren't close enough to openly discuss that, then they probably shouldn't be in your wedding party!

Xylochick216 · #4 02-25-2007, 01:11 PM

I didn't use a specific ratio, but it does look foolish to have 10 bridesmaids at a wedding with 50 people in attendance. I had 6 bridesmaids... my sister, my best friend from high school, and 4 sorority sisters (2 roommates and my big and first little).

I couldn't afford to pay for their dresses, but I did find dresses that were only $125. Price was a big consideration in what I picked because we were all recent college grads or still in school.

I've been in weddings where people have paid for the dress or alterations, and I've been in weddings where I footed the entire bill. It just depends on the bride and groom's financial situation. Ideally I would have loved to have paid for my bridesmaids' dresses, but it just would have driven up my credit card debt, and I'm sure my friends wouldn't have wanted that.

LeslieAGD · #5 02-25-2007, 01:47 PM

I was married in July 2006. My sister was my maid of honor and my sorority sister was my bridesmaid. My husband's best friend was his best man and his brother was his groomsman. The best man's daughter was our flower girl. Two of my other friends were readers; other one of my husband's friends and my sister's now-husband were ushers.

You can have as many people in your wedding party as you want, but they do't all have to be bridesmaids/groomsman...you can have readers, ushers, someone in charge of programs, etc.

valkyrie · #6 02-25-2007, 02:39 PM

I think having bridesmaids is another outdated wedding tradition and I don't see the point of it.

PM_Mama00 · #7 02-25-2007, 03:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by valkyrie

I think having bridesmaids is another outdated wedding tradition and I don't see the point of it.

Do you think marriage is just outdated period?

LPIDelta · #8 02-25-2007, 03:41 PM

At my 100 guests wedding, I had a MOH and a "brides man". My MOH was a dear friend, a sorority sister. Since I was only having one woman the dress was flexible. I had shopped a sample sale and found two dresses for $40 each that I showed her, and she liked one and she paid for the alterations and accessories. Otherwise she could have picked her own dress, I just wanted it to be navy blue. The "bridesman" is active duty Army so he wore his uniform. My husband had his best friend and a brother. We also had two ushers.

I believe etiquette books will tell you that it is appropriate for the bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses, accessories etc. I think its really nice if you can pay for it, especially if you are wanting a dress that is not likely to ever be worn again, but it is not necessary.

In terms of hotel, my MOH stayed with me the night before. I offered to pay for my other attendant's room, but he took care of it on his own. If my friends could not have attended because of expenses, I would have found a way to help out because it was important to me.

The most important thing on your wedding day is honoring the reason you are there--your love. If you are concerned about expenses, your friends, regardless of whether they are bridesmaids or not, will come. Do what you feel comfortable with and make it a day you will recall fondly.

ASUADPi · #9 02-26-2007, 12:06 AM

not married, not engaged, just bridesmaid experience

the wedding I was in, my friend had 1 maid of honor, 1 matron of honor and 3 bridesmaids. There were about 50-75 guests.

we bought our own dresses, paid for our own hotel rooms, but only for the night before the wedding. the night prior and the night of we (well the two non married and non-engaged ladies of the bunch) stayed at my friends apartment. we got a discount on the hotel.

my friend bought us our necklaces, which were freshwater pearls. i still wear my pearls on special occasions today.

my friend really tried to make it cheap for us.

although I'm not engage or even dating seriously right now, i know when i get married i'll probably have between 4-5 bridesmaids. I figure i'll go with the same number of groomsmen. however many he chooses i can match. I know there were definately be two, no matter what (my bestest friends in the world). The others would be other friends I would want to have.

valkyrie · #10 02-26-2007, 01:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PM_Mama00

Do you think marriage is just outdated period?

No.

trojangal · #11 02-26-2007, 07:22 AM

Hmm...served as a bridesmaid twice, and paid for everything. IN one wedding, my friend had already picked out the material--she sent me the material and lace, and told me what pattern. I also covered the plane ticket on that one as well.

When we got married, it was a combination of who paid---I had a Matron of Honor, a Maid of Honor ( husband's niece) and two other attendants, two close friends from college. I paid for jewelry for the outfits that matched--Majorca pearls from the Bahamas and earrnings. In one case, I did pay for the dress for one of my friends. She was going through a divorce the, and money was tight. When we talked about her being in, it was more important to me that she be there, so I helped her with the cost of the dress ($118 if I remember correctly). Hubby had also has four attendants, but one couldn't make it right before wedding b/c of family emergency, so there was actually 3 on his side. The guys--his brother and two of his best friends paid for their own tuxes--we just told them the style, sent them the measurement cards, and DH and all the guys went together to pick them up, etc.

xo_kathy · #12 02-26-2007, 11:41 AM

I had 3 - well, 4 I guess...I had a MOH and 2 bridesmaids, then DH's daughter was a Jr. Bridesmaid. He had 2 best men so one of the best men escorted the Jr. Bridesmaid. I would have preferred not having the whole "jr" thing, but guess I couldn't not do it...she's his kid and all...

I didn't pick based on any set formula - I have 1 best friend and 2 women who I'm still close with since elementary school so it was obviously them.

Quite frankly, I couldn't imagine having more than that. I still got drama with only 3 (ok, it was only from one of them) so I'd never want to increase that!

In terms of paying, I think most women when they agree to being a BM think they will have to pay for the dress, accessories and alterations. I personally think if a bride makes all of them get their hair and make-up done the same, she shouldpay for that. I also think it's ridiculous to expect everyone to get Vera Wang bridesmaid dresses and Jimmy Choo shoes.

I personally paid for a little more for one of bridesmaids b/c I knew her financial situation and I could afford it. For the one who flew in with her husband, I paid the hotel for the night of the wedding. And for my MOH I paid for her hair as an extra gift for being such a great friend. It's all really up to you are what your budget dictates.

ASUADPi · #13 02-26-2007, 08:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xo_kathy

In terms of paying, I think most women when they agree to being a BM think they will have to pay for the dress, accessories and alterations. I personally think if a bride makes all of them get their hair and make-up done the same, she shouldpay for that. I also think it's ridiculous to expect everyone to get Vera Wang bridesmaid dresses and Jimmy Choo shoes.

I think my friend actually made us pay for out own hair, as if we had a choice in the matter, we had to get our hair done. In fact, now I remember, I did have to pay for my own hair. Her mom paid for her sister, who was one of the MOH's. My friend was on a serious budget but she really wanted us to go "all out". Whatever. It was five years ago and we don't even keep in touch anymore.

PM_Mama00 · #14 02-26-2007, 08:58 PM

I was a flower girl in a wedding when I was younger. My brother was in the wedding. ALL my cousins were in the wedding... I have a lot of cousins. It was a double wedding (2 sisters got married on the same day) and I believe there were 14 girls on each side, and 14 guys on each side. Plus 3 sets of flowergirls/ring bearers on each side. It was a HUGE wedding. We paid for our dresses and I think they bought us the pearls that we wore? We also all had hair pieces and carried decorated fans... total 80s wedding. I think all we paid for was the dresses though.

Munchkin03 · #15 02-26-2007, 09:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by valkyrie

I think having bridesmaids is another outdated wedding tradition and I don't see the point of it.

Damn. If I ever get married, I was intending on asking the H&A to be my bridesmaids.

I would have paid for your beer and everything.

In keeping with the actual thread, I've never been a bridesmaid.