Need an Opinion...

[juniorgrrl]

As many of you know, I am not greek. I rushed once my sophomore year, and dropped out. I went through formal again this year and was cut by all 10 houses after round 2. I also went to an informal party last spring for a sorority that a very good friend of mine had just become active in. The chapter had not made quota, and they were looking for new members. I went to one informal party, and things went great. I got along great with all the members. I told my friend how badly I wanted to be a part of her org and she made it sound like I was in, no problem. The next week she called me before the second round of informal parties, and told me that they had to cut me "not because we didn't like you, but because you rushed before."

Because I rushed before? That didn't make sense to me. I called Greek Affairs and asked them. I was told by them that the chapters have a "cut once, cut always" rule, and because they cut me during formal that year, I couldn't be pledged. (I know this rule is controversial on this board, but this is what I was told). I also asked some greek friends of mine, and they concurred that once a house has cut someone, they cannot ever become a member. I experienced this when I went through formal this year - every house that had cut me the year before cut me after the first day.

So, herein lies my problem. I got in last night and there was a message on my answering machine: "Hi, this is so-and-so from XYZ sorority. I just wanted to let you know about some activities we have going on in the next few weeks..." It is from the same sorority that cut me during informal last year. I don't know positively what they're calling about - but I know that this is their exact time of year to have their informal parties. What do I do? I don't want to go and get disappointed for a fourth time in trying to be in a sorority. I don't want to miss an opportunity either. Any ideas?

[shadokat]

is this the same group your friend is in? I sorta got confused through the email If it is, I'd call her up and ask her why you got the call, and if there is a chance for you. No sense in dealing with all the disappointment again, but also, no sense in finding out more

Best of luck!

[imsohappythatiama]

Dear juniorgrrl:

Here's what I think--if I were you, I do one (or several) of the following:

1) Call the sorority's national HQ, and tell them your situation. Ask if they have a "cut once, cut always" rule, and if that rule is different for Formal and Informal Rush. (HQ may or may not give you the answers you need, but it is worth a try, if you ask me.)

2) Call your local Panhell office, and ask them the same questions.

3) Do you know anyone in the house that called to inform you of activities? If so, call that girl, and ask her the same questions as in #1. If you don't know anyone in that house, call the house phone and ask to speak to the Rush chair. Explain your history (avoid sounding like "poor me") and then ask her the questions I wrote out in #1.

This should at least give you some information to go on, you know?

Also, if you find out from any source that there is a hard-and-fast cut-once, cut-always rule for that sorority, then you need to report what they have done (asking you to Rush activities) as a Rush infraction to your local Panhellic Authority. Chapters are NOT allowed to ask girls to their houses, knowing that under their standing rules they must cut them. That is called Dirty Rushing, and Panhell will have to take action to stop the chapter from such a rush infraction.

I wish you all the best of luck, and I am so sorry for all of the crap that you have been put through. If there is anything I can do to further help you, don't hesitate to contact me.

(And if the chapter that called you happens to be KKG, let me know, and I will get you some answers about what is going on.)

Please keep us posted!

Panhellenically,
imsohappythatiama

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Oh, Kappa Kappa Kappa Gamma,
I'm so happy that I am a
Kappa Kappa Kappa Gamma,
Nobody knows . . . how
happy I am!

[juniorgrrl]

Okay, let me clarify a few things: My friend is in XYZ. She pledged Fall 99. Spring 00 XYZ had an informal rush, which is *extremely extremely* rare at LSU. I just happened to run into her one day and I told her that I regretted dropping out of rush and she said "well, next week, we're having a party for informal, would you like to come?" And I accepted the invitation. After that first party, I was cut. I don't think my friend knew of the rule, honestly, since she had just become active and had never been through rush before.

I'm honestly a little bit confused as to how/why XYZ contacted me at all. I just moved and have a new phone number, so if greek affairs had me as a "no bid" from formal, my info would be different.

Either way, I'm pretty wary of this whole thing. I'm a second semester junior. I've been cut from this house twice during formal rush and once during informal. I'm not positive that the phone call was about rush, either, but it sure sounded like it.

I would love to be a part of this org. The girls are great, and I love the chapter's philanthropy. I also know that I would be an asset to them. I have a 3.76 cumulative GPA, I'm involved in a service org, 2 professional orgs and an honor society. I just fear getting let down again.

[This message has been edited by juniorgrrl (edited January 31, 2001).]

[ISU_XO]

Not to be nosey but did you always have that awesome gpa? I say that because at our chapter, we cut a girl twice due to her poor gpa but her junior year- she had over a 3.0 and we gave her a bid. The only thing is "Jane" knew our grade policy and knew that was the reason she was getting cut. I wish your friend could give you more of an insight to XYZ's reasoning behind all this. If you had that gpa all along plus all those other great qualities ... you seem like a great asset to any organization

[ChiOKitty]

juniorgrrl,
first of all, i am really sorry that you had to go through such a hard time at rush before. I would say though that if they contacted you for informal rush, you should at least give it a try since it sounds like you are interested in joining a sorority. you don't really have anything to lose and you don't want to look back and say "if only i had tried once more"...so give it a try. i know at lot of girls at my school that had bad experiences and rushed again, and now are so happy that they did. good luck!!

[twinstars]

it sounds like when your friend asked you to come to the informal rush event, she was speaking for herself and not on behalf of the whole sorority. her asking you if you wanted to come was a personal expression of her liking you, not an expression that the whole group thought you'd make a good member. so i guess don't feel betrayed by the house because you got cut in informal rush. one person's opinion of a rushee doesn't go all that far, at least in many voting systems. even if that one friend loves you to death, the rest of the group might not feel as intensely. i don't think it sounds like that house was dirty rushing you or leading you on... they probably didn't even know you had been invited to the event until you showed up. it sounds like a decision that your friend made on her own to invite you... not like the rush committee sat around thinking about who they most wanted to get, and your name came up.

[This message has been edited by twinstars (edited January 31, 2001).]

[33girl]

juniorgrrl,

You poor thing - you have really been put through the wringer as far as all this is concerned! Here's a hug for you . [o]

I agree with imsohappythatiama's recommendations, with one addition: go to the Greek Affairs office and ask for a WRITTEN COPY of LSU Panhellenic's rush rules. Unless it is there in black and white that "cut once cut again" is true, it is a tradition, NOT a rule, and shouldn't be used against you or any other girl going through rush.

Did XYZ get quota this fall and/or are they at total? If they are short of membership - especially at such a competitive school - their nationals might have told them "forget this cut once cut again crap."

Aside from all this - as Tom Cruise said in Risky Business, "sometimes you just gotta say, what the @$%*!" I find that the things I regret are the things I DIDN'T do, not the things I did. So go for it, and then you won't have to look back years later thinking "I wish I had!"

[juniorgrrl]

To answer a few questions:

My GPA hasn't always been a 3.76. When I rushed the first time, it was a 3.52. When I rushed this past fall, it was a 3.69. I take school *extremely* seriously and my grades are of utmost importance to me.

My friend said she thought they got quota during rush, but I recall seeing the list of new members in the newspaper and it was only about 40-45, when quota is usually about 70.

I called greek affairs and they said that if the chapter called me, they were probably disregarding the rule, even though it is something that happens usually in formal rush.

I'm just scared to go and make an ass of myself *again*. Its kind of embarassing to always be talking about doing this sorority rush thing or that thing, and never ever get in. This would be my fourth attempt. Honestly, when I got cut this year during formal, I said "well, it means the decision I made last year was right for me. I wasn't meant to be a ZZZ because they cut me this year." I had really come to terms with it, other than feeling a bit left out of things on campus at times. I just don't know what to do...

[Billy Optimist]

I say go for it. And if things don't work out maybe you can start your own chapter. Was the person who called you your friend, or one of the other girls?

------------------
Once in every lifetime, you'll know what life is. Oh I need you, you need me, oh my darling, don't you see? The Young Ones. Darling we're The Young Ones. The Young Ones. Shouldn't be afraid! To live. To love. There's a song to be sung. 'Cause we may not be The Young Ones for very long!!!

[LexiKD]

I do feel bad about the situation, but I do think everything happens for a reason. SO go and try, you never know! Being a member of a sorority isn't just about the college years, you will have an awesome time as an alumna too!
I think many chapters have different by-laws about membership invitations. If a chapter has voted you down they may feel obligated to do it again in order to respect the sisters who came before them. My Panhellenic has no authority about individual chapter membership selection.
My only concern is that you are past the "usual" age of a new member...I'm not saying no chapter has EVER taken someone as a junior, but it helps many Potential New Members if they can give numerous years to a chapter. But maybe they are looking for a wiser member to take on some leadership quickly!
Good Luck!

[ilovemyglo]

Okay, good new and bad news. Some sororities DO have a cut once cut always. However, I do know of three houses on my campus that differentiate between formal and informal recruitment. That means if they cut you during formal they may still be able to get you during informal. Others change it to be after a year you can be reevaluated for possible membership. The only groups I know on my campus that do not accept anyone after cutting them once is Kappa Delta and Chi Omega, however, this may just be my campus. If they contacted you about informal activities then go. I wouldn't say be sure you'll receive a bid, but go if you are interested still. That doesn't hurt anything and you may have a good time. Some girls hang out with my sorority that we did not extend bids to. They may not be sisters, but they are still friends. Anyways, what have you got to lose and look at what you could possibly gain.

[soror6]

Hey Juniorgrrl!
I too sympathize with your rush experience. I believe that I have said on this board before that the rush process is a little 'different' to me (Being that I am in a BGLO, and we typically have a different way of going about intake), and the shuffle you have gone through is one of the things that probably confuses me about the process. Anyhoooo, I will say that I think you are putting a little too much analysis into your decision making process about going to this event(s). Like you stated in your original post, 'you do not want to miss a potential opportunity', so don't! When I was asking 1,000 questions about becoming a member of the sorority I am in now, members told me "Don't anticipate, participate!" I am now going to pass that basic advice onto you. If something comes out of it like a bid, it will be a wonderful addition to your level of expectation if you go with an open mind. You will think that you made the right decision by going, because if you had not gone, you would not have known that you were going to be chosen to rush XYZ, and become a member! If you do not get chosen to rush, but you stick to the 'keep an open-mind plan', you may come out of it with the great experience of having an awesome time, developing new and lasting friendships, and peace of mind, because at least you went. Now, if you do not go, none of the above is possible, because, well....you did not go. You are a great student with great extracurricular activities, and you would probably be a great addition to XYZ, however, all the things I just said about you still apply even if they do not decide to extend you a bid. You will at least know that you tried 'til the end, and that is the best you can do! Now, if you do want to lament the situation, I would not go pokin' around nationals/regionals too much. Get the basic info you think you need, and leave it at that. If the people in the house are actually bending the rules to get you in, you don't want it to get back to them that you were asking alot of questions to "higher-ups" about the process. They would probably not like that too much, especially if you could ask them the same questions. Maybe you can find some of these things out over the duration of the night(s). I would find out about the cut once, cut always rule if you must, but If I were you, I would stick to the don't anticipate...participate suggestion at the top of this post. You do not want to be the person that regionals/nationals forces the chapter to extend a bid to because of some controversy...they will probably take it out on you. ***Again I will stay away from that aspect of it, because again, I do not know much about rush.*** So just go! Good luck, and I hope everything works out well...remember you cannot win if you don't play!

soror6
Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc
Spring '91

[juniorgrrl]

To update things a bit:

I got another call yesterday from someone I didn't know. Before I called her back, I called back the first girl, who asked "have you ever thought of getting involved on campus?" I told her yes, that i just got back from a meeting actually She went on to talk about how her chapter was having a little get together, an informational type session on Sunday, and would I like to come. I accepted her offer. I called back the second person, who started to launch into the same speech and I told her that I already spoke to someone else. She said "oh, then my call to you must have been a follow up call." So it sounds like they were pretty insistant upon getting in touch with me...

I checked out their calendar on their website and it seems that their bid day will be February 9. If the party is on the 4th, that means I will know pretty soon. Lets just hope for the best...

[prospectiverushee]

Juniorgrrl,

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you! I know that you've been waiting for this for a really long time. I have a feeling it will all work out for you.

Best of luck to you!