One Girl’s Heartbreaking Tale Of Why She Dropped Recruitment — And Why It Needs To Ch

[Nanners52674]

Another ground breaking TSM article :yawn

I am currently an undergraduate student at a four-year institution. Coming into college, I was bubbly, social, had a well-rounded résumé, and graduated from high school with honors. Many members of my family had gone Greek, so a lot of people I knew thought I would be a great fit for one of the social sororities at my school. The summer before I started college, I got everything in order: letters of recommendation, legacy introduction forms, professional recruitment pictures, and cute outfits for each day of recruitment. I signed up to rush almost as soon as the forms were released. I was almost as excited to join a sorority as I was to start college.

What I didn’t expect was the disappointment and heartbreak that swept through the dorms during and after recruitment. It started on the first day when we were waiting in a room before we had to rank the sororities we wanted to go back to for the next round. Of course, if you’re stuck in a room with more than 700 18- to 20-year-old girls, there’s bound to be discussion. So many girls–including me–in my recruitment group were upset to find out that a house that may have been a favorite had a price tag that wasn’t a favorite, or that the majority of the members from House ABC came from the same hometown or high school.

The first thought that ran through my head was, “I’ll just make the best of it and hope for the best.” The second? “I can’t do this–I need my mom here.” I ended up taking the high road and pushed through day two of recruitment, where I got invited back to five great sororities, all of which I would be happy to be a member of. I felt like I really made connections with women in all five houses, and that I would be excited to be a member of any of them. Unfortunately, that excitement never came for me. The morning of preference day, I got that dreaded phone call from my recruitment counselor saying that I had no invitations back. I was sad, confused, and angry all at the same time. I was barely three days into college, and I was already staring the biggest rejection I had ever gotten straight in the face.

I didn’t understand how organizations that were so-called “above snobbery in word or deed” or “kind alike to all and think more of a girl’s inner self and character than of her personal appearance” could reject someone based on an hour of conversation. Yes, I get it, there were more than 700 girls going through recruitment, but in that moment, I felt like the only one who was going through this; I felt like the biggest failure.

My sophomore year, I decided to go through recruitment again, because I felt I had matured a bit and I knew women in almost every house. I really wanted a group that would make my school feel smaller, and I knew five or six girls personally who had gone through recruitment for a second time, each successfully finding a house.

The difference between my first recruitment and my second was not the outcome–it was how I viewed the process and how it affected those around me. I kept my mind completely open and ranked the sororities on how I felt like I would fit rather than what fraternities they spent the most time with. My top house the second time around was a house that women in my group swore up and down they would not want to be invited back to. At that house, I felt the connection I craved, and I really hoped that I would be invited back there, along with almost every other house on campus except one. This particular house was affiliated with a religion that I did not belong to, and the girls were extremely rude to any woman they did not want during recruitment. When I went through first rounds at this house, I immediately felt uncomfortable and disrespected.

Unfortunately for me, the only house I was invited back to for second rounds was the one I ranked dead last on my list, the one that made me feel so uncomfortable that I would rather not be Greek than be a member of that house. I made my decision as soon as I saw my schedule. I withdrew from recruitment because I wanted to be respected, not belittled.

I wasn’t all that upset, because I knew I was making a choice that was best for me. What did make me upset was to see how heartbroken my friends ended up being. Out of 15 friends who went through recruitment with me (all but two were sophomores) four made it to preference rounds.

I saw one of my closest friends, who is one of the sweetest, most loyal, dedicated people I know, get completely released after the first round. I let her cry on my shoulder while she lamented about how she felt like she wasn’t good enough for anyone anymore. I spent a good two hours at her house reassuring her that yes, she was good enough for me, and for all of our other friends. It made me so angry that all the sororities at [university redacted] didn’t see the girl who volunteered at a camp for children with disabilities all summer and was the captain of the club dance team as a freshman. Instead, they just judged her on her looks and location.

I saw another friend, who went to one of the “desirable” high schools in our area, get invited back to just two houses for the second round. One was a sorority she felt a real connection to, and the other was the house I, along with many others, withdrew from recruitment because of. After she went to second rounds, she told me about her awful experience at the second house. It was made pretty clear that she wasn’t wanted there, and that she was only invited back because of previous low return rates to that particular chapter. When she got to pref, she only saw one sorority on her schedule: the one that insulted her and was rude to her face, not the one she connected with. She texted me when she got her schedule: “[chapter redacted] ☹” The only response I could think of was the crying emoji. I didn’t have any words. My insides tensed up and I broke down crying. I tried to bring her spirits up by saying, “at least you’ll look killer when you go out tonight,” because she had already gotten ready when she got her schedule back.

It wasn’t just the three of us on our particular campus; there are thousands of girls who go through this disappointment every year, and it NEEDS TO STOP. Why are women judging others on factors that don’t align with the creeds of their organizations? Why are they judging women on what they look like, rather than on what they’ve done with their lives? Why don’t you take a page out of the fraternities’ books? They seem as if they’ve done alright for years, and they haven’t broken down countless potential members before they’re accepted into an organization before school even starts.

It upsets me so much that people think sorority recruitment has okay system, because clearly, it doesn’t. We were told to “trust the process,” but what if that process fails us and leaves us with a place that is not a good fit for us?

Something needs to be done, and it needs to be done on a national level.

I'm so sick of people saying the process needs to change. What should of been done for this girl? The houses didn't want her as a member, should we force them to take her? Sometimes you get shut down and yea it sucks, but it's a part of life.

Not everyone gets a bid just like not everyone gets the job or the college acceptance they want etc...

[honeychile]

I wonder about the grades that these sweetest, most loyal, most dedicated, should be canonized have, or what the overall campus reputation of these lovelies is.

*sigh*

[SoCalGirl]

I found it funny that the chapter that was so rude to her and her friends invited at least one friend to Pref. Meaning she was likely to be on the bid list.


The Rho Chi "something's got to change" article didn't bug me too much at all but this one did. I think it's because this one comes off more whiny to me.


I'd agree that recruitment could be improved but neither article offers any alternatives.

[ASTalumna06]

What bothers me the most is that she keeps saying that her and her friends were dropped because of their looks. Um, really? How could she possibly know this? Oh, that's right.. She can't, and she's just saying this because it makes logical sense only in her own head.

[thetalady]

These stories all presume that they are cut based on NOTHING but the 30 or 60 minute parties during rush. That could not be further from the truth. Sororities know PLENTY about these young women before they ever cross the threshold.

As much as young people live their lives in open view on the Internet, nothing much is secret anymore. The sororities have information that defines a women via Face Book, Pinterest, Instagram, Yik Yak or whatever chit chat thing they are using now.

This doesn't even address what kind of comments might be on recommendations.

For sophomores, they have absolutely no idea which foot they may have put wrong during the preceding year that will get them released from a chapter. ANYTHING could have happened.

[pinksequins]

One knows there is another variable in the mix when this happens twice and is conveniently left unmentioned by the poster. Ms Sweet and Loyal may have said. Not. One. Word. Conversely, if the poster's conversation skills come off like her post, that can be off-putting.

[MysticCat]

Just pointing out that quoting the entire article may be a copyright violation and a violation of GC terms of use. In the past, the request has been that only a small part of an article—enough to give a sense of what it's about—be quoted, with a link to the entire article.

/NothingElseToAdd

[IHeartUGA]

Originally Posted by Nanners52674

Another ground breaking TSM article :yawn



I'm so sick of people saying the process needs to change. What should of been done for this girl? The houses didn't want her as a member, should we force them to take her? Sometimes you get shut down and yea it sucks, but it's a part of life.

Not everyone gets a bid just like not everyone gets the job or the college acceptance they want etc...

It's a private organization and, newsflash, we run it the way we want. Sorry not sorry that they didn't get in.

[ComradesTrue]

I also continue to be amazed that there is such a lack of self awareness by these entitled brats. In the same breath that they complain that sororities and making judgments/decisions based on only a 30 minute encounter they too are making judgments/decisions on the chapters- particularly those that they see as beneath them. In other words, they see nothing wrong with rejecting a chapter who shows interest in them, yet will bitch till the cows come home about how wrong it is for the chapters to judge and reject them.

Can't have it both ways, sweetheart. Sororities have feelings too, and to post those types of comments about chapters remaining on your schedule is the exact type of behavior you are crying foul about when it happens to you as a PNM.

[AnchorAlumna]

Originally Posted by Nanners52674

What should of been done for this girl?

What should HAVE been done for this girl?
Fixed that for ya.
Sorry, pet peeve. Carry on.

[Sister Havana]

This particular house was affiliated with a religion that I did not belong to

UGH HATE HATE HATE THIS. We all know what this is code for...

[SoCalGirl]

Whenever I read phrases like that, and depending on the school and PNM it can be a legit reason, I recall learning that when I was in school one of our East Coast chapters was known as the "Jewish" house. I put Jewish in quotes because nationally we obviously are not. Kind of like another chapter that I heard of which was in Virginia but known for being the "New Jersey" house.

[aephi alum]

Originally Posted by Sister Havana

UGH HATE HATE HATE THIS. We all know what this is code for...

Indeed.

[33girl]

Yet another idiot who thinks the guys get off scot free because they rush differently. If anything, I think a rejection in rush is more devastating to guys, because 1) it's usually based much more on personality 2) they usually had to choose where to rush often with knowing a very small fraction of the groups, if they've made the wrong choice it's worse.

At least reading this article makes it abundantly clear why her sparkling resume and professional rush pictures didn't get her a bid.

[carnation]

Thought I would bump this and to this day, I think--how dare a non-Greek say that the Greeks have to change? Entitled bitch.