Depledging and rushing again

Cherish777 · #1 05-01-2006, 10:26 PM

I depledged last semester for personal reasons. Since then, I have gotten things in order and am considering rushing again. I was pretty exscited to do it, but then I talked to a couple of the sisters of the sorority I depledged because I kept contact with them and they seemed kind of annoyed or pissed off that I was thinking about pledging again. One of them was even a depledge herself that repledged... so I don't understand why she seemed angry about it. She said that some of the houses don't care if your a depledge and some do but it was said in a way that made it seem like she wished I wouldn pledge or even rush. Now I am just confused, because I really want to do it, but I think that since I depledged I'll have a bad reputation and no one will even want me at their rush party. The kicker here is that I go to a college in a semi-small town so the sororities know and talk to each other A LOT, so I don't know what they've told each other about me> I don't know... just confused, tell me what you think.

Thanks,
Cherish

GtownGirl98 · #2 05-01-2006, 10:51 PM

I know someone who depledged my sorority because she didn't feel that it was her home and the following year pledged the group that she did feel was her home. Gtown is a small place and we all know each others business. But no one thought the lesser of her. NOW when she was rerushing the following year, it was weird having her at our events because we knew that she didn't want us. But it was okay for all... we got her twin sister instead.

The reason the other girls may not want you to rerush is because they think that you didn't want their group. Are you open to the group you depledged or was it like my groups situation where you didn't want to be an ABC?

If you are open to the old group, then let them know... but expect to be cut from them right away. I would tell you to rush again and follow your heart. IF your friends are your friends then they will be your friends even if you rerush and pledge a different group. Also be ready to answer questions on why you depledged ABC and why you think that you are ready to pledge XYZ this time.

Cherish777 · #3 05-01-2006, 11:08 PM

I depledged, because I was going through a lot of stuff with my family and was so stressed out beyond belief. It had nothing to do with the sorority. I loved those girls and they seemed to feel the same about me, but as soon as I depledged, they began to ignore me or when they saw me anywhere, they'd glare at me and then pretend I wasn't there. I've tried to explain that it was deeply personal issues that caused me to depledge, not them, but I guess they do not want to hear that.

AChiOhSnap · #4 05-02-2006, 01:40 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Cherish777
I depledged, because I was going through a lot of stuff with my family and was so stressed out beyond belief. It had nothing to do with the sorority. I loved those girls and they seemed to feel the same about me, but as soon as I depledged, they began to ignore me or when they saw me anywhere, they'd glare at me and then pretend I wasn't there. I've tried to explain that it was deeply personal issues that caused me to depledge, not them, but I guess they do not want to hear that.

Not to flame you or anything, but if a girl told me that she had to depledge for family issues... I'd wonder why my sorority had anything to do with that -- we're not her biological family and all we want is to support her through difficult times. Many sororities have seen "family issues" as a reason for a new member's depledging before -- sometimes this was truthful, sometimes it wasn't. Think of it this way: if someone told you she couldn't be friends with you anymore because of family issues, you'd wonder why too.

I'll bet you're honest, so I'll just tell you to give them another chance: they chose you and now you're gone and they're hurt... rightfully or not. They feel rejected. If you want another chance, let them know through your actions that you're really, totally and sincerely wanting to be a member again.

ETA: if you don't want to be a member again and want to possibly join another sorority, like people said before, expect some cuts but I know of lots of success stories were women depledge and join another house where they're very happy. Some houses care, some don't. Even in small towns. Good luck!

KSUViolet06 · #5 05-02-2006, 03:51 PM

Don't expect to be invited back to the chapter you left. As far as other chapters go, be honest with them. That's all you can do. If they cut you because you were a member of another group, then so be it.

It really depends on whether the sororities know, and whether or not they care. If they ask or say something like, "Weren't you in XYZ?" just be honest. If they ask why you depledged, just be honest. That's all you can do.

Depledging and re-rushing is always tricky because you never know how the other sororities feel about taking someone who pledged another group. So you have no guarantees.

I would say do it. If for nothing else, just so you don't have to wonder "What if I'd re-rushed?" Go into it positively, be honest, but expect some cuts. Good luck!

LightBulb · #6 05-02-2006, 05:09 PM

It's your college years, make em count. Don't give up your chance to rush just because you think it will annoy some people. Go in there and be polite and mature. Maybe you'll make it, maybe you won't... can't know until you try!

AGDee · #7 05-02-2006, 10:09 PM

The worst thing that can happen is that you won't get a bid and things will be exactly as they are now. You don't have anything to lose.

LightBulb · #8 05-03-2006, 12:26 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by AGDee
The worst thing that can happen is that you won't get a bid and things will be exactly as they are now. You don't have anything to lose.

Exactly.

SoCalGirl · #9 05-03-2006, 02:11 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by GtownGirl98
I know someone who depledged my sorority because she didn't feel that it was her home and the following year pledged the group that she did feel was her home. Gtown is a small place and we all know each others business. But no one thought the lesser of her. NOW when she was rerushing the following year, it was weird having her at our events because we knew that she didn't want us. But it was okay for all... we got her twin sister instead.

Can I tell you how much I would love to have been a fly on the wall at MS when the twin sisters came up for discussion? Very tricky to handle correctly. Big props to your chapter.

adpiucf · #10 05-03-2006, 09:10 AM

If you want to re-rush, then do it. But know that since your Greek community is so tight that part of your personal sales pitch will include the reasons you dropped out of sorority A. Stick to your story and don't paint the sorority in a negative light. Do still expect some heavier cuts due to rumors and possibly because of your status as an upperclassman.

Good luck. In the next few months, take the time to get good grades and make a positive name for yourself on campus by getting involved with some meaningful activities and community service. Be on your best behavior when you go out on the town or to parties because the sororities are watching.

ASUADPi · #11 05-03-2006, 07:49 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Cherish777
I depledged, because I was going through a lot of stuff with my family and was so stressed out beyond belief. It had nothing to do with the sorority. I loved those girls and they seemed to feel the same about me, but as soon as I depledged, they began to ignore me or when they saw me anywhere, they'd glare at me and then pretend I wasn't there. I've tried to explain that it was deeply personal issues that caused me to depledge, not them, but I guess they do not want to hear that.

I don't want to sound mean to the chapter, but if these girls were really your friends (and it really all depends on how long you were a pledge for) I don't understand why they didn't support you? I say this speaking from experience. When I was a freshman a sister in my Alpha class actually had to leave the chapter because her father lost his job. We all were devastated to lose her as a sister.

I mean to me, if they really gave a shit about you, why did they start ignoring you and treating you crappy after you depledged. I don't know you but I believe you when you say you had to depledge due to family issues. Unfortunately that happens because it's life.

I don't know for me personally I don't know if I could rejoin a chapter that treated me the way they seemed to treat you. I don't care how much I thought I loved them. I'd be weary of their concern, is it only contigent on if I'm actually an initiated sister?

Maybe it's just me though. I know that if there was an Alpha (when I was in college) that had to drop, and I absolutely adored her as a sister (as did the rest of the chapter) I wouldn't be able to cut her out of my life. I'd still want to make sure she was doing okay, because I would be her friend. And friends are supposed to give a shit when you're going through stuff.

I'm sorry I'm rattling. Feel free to disagree with me.

I blame my ramblings on lack of food at the moment

GreekSupporter · #12 05-04-2006, 03:15 AM

I am in a similar situation execpt I quit my fraternity for a number of reasons, I would recomend trying another sorority. If you think you would like to try again, I don't see why you shouldn't try again.

33girl · #13 05-04-2006, 11:19 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by ASUADPi
I don't want to sound mean to the chapter, but if these girls were really your friends (and it really all depends on how long you were a pledge for) I don't understand why they didn't support you? I say this speaking from experience. When I was a freshman a sister in my Alpha class actually had to leave the chapter because her father lost his job. We all were devastated to lose her as a sister.

I mean to me, if they really gave a shit about you, why did they start ignoring you and treating you crappy after you depledged. I don't know you but I believe you when you say you had to depledge due to family issues. Unfortunately that happens because it's life.

Like Emily said, it all depends on the situation. If she happened to be the 10th girl in two years who (truthfully or untruthfully) blamed something on "family issues," well, like it or not, you are going to pay for those who came before you, even if your intentions are totally honorable.

I think that they are probably hurt that she didn't feel she could confide in them - but sometimes people don't get that different individuals deal with things differently. Some want to talk on & on about it, some clam up. Some want lots of friends around them, some want to deal with it alone. I'm dealing with this situation right now - one of my friends had been having major problems with her boyfriend and didn't tell me, then didn't understand why I didn't get some of the things she's been doing.

AChiOhSnap · #14 05-04-2006, 12:38 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by 33girl
Like Emily said, it all depends on the situation. If she happened to be the 10th girl in two years who (truthfully or untruthfully) blamed something on "family issues," well, like it or not, you are going to pay for those who came before you, even if your intentions are totally honorable.

And to be honest with you all, I did feel like my original response was a little harsh... but it's the truth. If we have a member depledge, 99% of the time she'll say it's because of "financial" or "family issues." It's one thing if we know her mom just lost her job, say, or her dad is very ill... but if it came out of the clear blue, it's going to be met with some shock and possibly hurt feelings.

Last fall, a girl we adored depledged citing "financial issues" only to turn around and start HEAVILY "courting" another sorority. It was like a slap in the face. So I urge the OP to try to look at the sorority like a hurt friend. If the girls really are spiteful/bitchy... well, in time, you'll come out on top

adpiucf · #15 05-04-2006, 01:27 PM

Also, the new member period is so brief. Who can really get to know you -- the real you-- in just 4-8 weeks? Friendships take years to cultivate. Just because you join a sorority does not entitle you to 60 new best friends. It is a 2-way street. If you don't come around, if you close yourself off, if you drop out at the very beginning, you really have not had time yet to develop that tight circle of friends and outside of the general concern of a few close acquaintances made in those few weeks (pledge sisters, the new member coordinator, your big sis), no one really knows you, your character or what's going on. This can even be true of some members who have belonged to the organization for 4 years.

Re-rush and best of luck. You can make wonderful friends and share great memories in college-- some that will last a lifetime. But often the truest friendships really don't reveal themselves until years after college.

If you de-pledged for family/financial reasons and neither you nor the sorority gave one another a chance... there could be a prime opportunity to try and rekindle that spark. But in reality, at many schools, once you depledge, no matter the reason, you are damaged goods. You are going to have to stick to one simple story and cite maturity, demonstrate financial ability, and what you will contribute because having dropped out of one, you don't present the strongest kind of member-- having friends in other chapters (Friends who will talk you up and make other people want you) is the exception. Likely, you could be heavily cut in recruitment this go round, but you should give it a try, because you might find that connection you are looking for. And you never know until you try.