High School Boyfriend and Sororities

utgirl94 · #1 05-21-2012, 10:33 AM

I am a upcoming freshman and plan to rush and join a sorority this fall, but i also have a boyfriend who will still be in high school. He will be about 3 hours away so i wont be able to see him that much. I was wondering if there is anyone out there who is in the same situation or has gone through it, and what would i do about date parties and stuff since he isnt in a fraternity he isnt allowed to come right? but he plans to attend the same college as me next year and he is thinking about pledging so it will only be for a year.

AlphaFrog · #2 05-21-2012, 10:50 AM

If I could go back and tell my college freshman self one thing (and actually have myself believe it), it would be to not sacrifice any college experience for a high school boyfriend. If he's worth it, he'll stick it out with you, and if not then you haven't lost out on college life. Yes, relationships take comprise and work and sacrifice, but not that kind at this stage in your life.

Munchkin03 · #3 05-21-2012, 12:04 PM

I don't mean to sound cynical, but I'd think that most people who have had that experience would say to proceed with aspects of college life since very few HS relationships stand the test of that first semester.

If going through recruitment and new member education is important to you, then I'd recommend you do it and take as much out of the experience as you can.

DrPhil · #4 05-21-2012, 12:22 PM

Live your life and the rest will work out however it is meant to work out.

Hopefully, you have decades to be concerned with planning your life with (not "for" or "around") a man. This high school boyfriend may be that man but there is 98% chance that he will not be that man. Focus on school, sorority, and career and then you will eventually be equipped to focus on a family (beyond the family that you currently have).

That does not mean that you have to emotionally distance yourself or break up with him while he is still in high school.

Simply do not let this relationship dictate your school and sorority plans. It will be supercute and LMN-worthy if (read: IF) he attends the same college next year, joins a fraternity, and you two are still together. One or all of those may not happen so keep doing what you have to do to never be one of those people who says "I wish I had...."

33girl · #5 05-21-2012, 12:31 PM

Your boyfriend is NOT allowed to come to mixers or any other function held with a specific fraternity. However, there should be no problem with him coming to a date party, semiformal or a formal.

DeltaBetaBaby · #6 05-21-2012, 01:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

Your boyfriend is NOT allowed to come to mixers or any other function held with a specific fraternity. However, there should be no problem with him coming to a date party, semiformal or a formal.

Could it be a problem if he is under 18?

HQWest · #7 05-21-2012, 01:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Could it be a problem if he is under 18?

It could. We have had this happen once where a venue for a date party had an over 18 restriction. It is not very common however, because often there will be a handful of 17 year-old new members.

I would think this would not be a problem for a sorority formal though.

DeltaBetaBaby · #8 05-21-2012, 02:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HQWest

It could. We have had this happen once where a venue for a date party had an over 18 restriction. It is not very common however, because often there will be a handful of 17 year-old new members.

I would think this would not be a problem for a sorority formal though.

That's what I figured (it's venue-specific). It crossed my mind that there could be insurance things, but I guess everyone has under-18 members, at least for a while.

sigmagirl10 · #9 05-21-2012, 03:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

That's what I figured (it's venue-specific). It crossed my mind that there could be insurance things, but I guess everyone has under-18 members, at least for a while.

At my university there's some kind of thing you have to sign (I never did) if you are a 17-year-old freshman that is essentially giving the university some kind of parental rights. I'm not sure of the exact details of it but every under-18 freshman has to do it. Similarly our Panhellenic and IFC have documents for under-18 PNMs to have their parents sign giving them permission to participate in recruitment, and again when they accept a bid, parents have to sign.

angels&angles · #10 05-21-2012, 03:30 PM

Go and have fun with your new college and new sorority, and make room for the BF where you can. He should be allowed to attend formals and semiformals, but he may not actually be ABLE to do so. In that case, take a guy friend you've met at home. Don't let your BF get jealous and force you to stay home. I had boyfriends on and off in college, and ended up taking various other guys to formals, and it was never a problem. Your sisters shouldn't be making you feel like you should hook up with your dates, and neither should your dates (if anyone does that--GET OUT). Don't change your life for your boyfriend, and don't let him make you feel like you should.

FSUZeta · #11 05-21-2012, 05:48 PM

I had a sorority sister whose boyfriend was a senior in HS when she was a college freshman, and he lived over 8 hours away. She went ahead and attended mixers we had with fraternities and had a good time. I think he came up for our formal that year. After he graduated, he attended FSU and he was able to come to all date functions with her-they got engaged(I know- they were very young) and the relationship ended a year or two later.

When my daughters HS boyfriend was headed off to college while she was still in HS, she asked my advice on whether to "suspend" the relationship so that they would both be free to date others if they wanted to, I told her that was a very mature decision and that I thought that was the best thing to do. That is what they did and looking back, she says that she is glad that she made that decision before he left for college.

WCsweet<3 · #12 05-21-2012, 06:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

If I could go back and tell my college freshman self one thing (and actually have myself believe it), it would be to not sacrifice any college experience for a high school boyfriend. If he's worth it, he'll stick it out with you, and if not then you haven't lost out on college life. Yes, relationships take comprise and work and sacrifice, but not that kind at this stage in your life.

I second this. I really suggest doing everything you can on campus your freshman year. He will want to when he is at college. It sucks and you will miss him, but if you fill up your time with activities time will go by faster as well.

tootiepie2 · #13 05-21-2012, 06:17 PM

not only will you want to enjoy your first year at college- he will want to enjoy his last year of high school.

Sciencewoman · #14 05-21-2012, 07:25 PM

My senior daughter recently broke up with her HS junior boyfriend. They'd been dating for over 2 years, but he really didn't want her to go out of state for college. The more nervous he got about her going away, the more clingy he got, and the more turned off she became.

Sciencewoman Jr., here! My boyfriend and I were determined to stay together through college, but in the end, it just didn't work out. The more I thought about it and we discussed it, the more I realized it just wasn't going to be a manageable situation. You and your boyfriend might be in a different position, but for us, it wasn't in the cards. The one thing we did discuss that I think might be useful to you is having a schedule for communicating (calling, skyping, etc.) and for visits, which might be easier for you than they would have been for us. Hope this helps!

Old_Row · #15 05-21-2012, 10:59 PM

Ignore all the haters. If you do a lot of sexy skyping your relationship will stay strong 4eva.