Dating?

[bgsugirlie]

I have had something going on that has been bothering me for quite some time and I wanted to share it with all of you so that I can get other people's opinions....


I have been talking to Mike for about 2 monhs now, and I am a little worried about what is going on. We have been out on tons of dates, but he still hasn't kissed me or even tried holding my hand. He is definitely not the kind of guy who is shy, and he has had serious girlfriends in the past so I'm not quite sure what's going on. I hate having the "where is this going" talk so I don't want to have that with him but I'm thinking it is possible that he may be gay. I guess I'm just wondering if you guys think it would be worth dating someone who possibly might be gay? However, I don't want to give up something great with Mike if I am just reading too much into things. I thought that he may have just considered me a friend, but he calls me every day (sometimes twice) to ask me to do stuff with him or just hang out at his apartment, so I think he's looking for more. Let me know what you think.

[SilverTurtle]

Has Mike given you any signs that he might be gay? Does he dress better than you, or give you fashion advice? <--- no these are not definate indications you are gay... but for some men, they are. Does he look at men walking down the street the same way you might? <---- much better indication.

Seriously, you don't have to have the "where is this going" talk. But maybe you should ask him what's going on, why he never holds your hand or tries to kiss you. He'll probably respond that

• [A]he only views you as a friend, and then it will be slightly akward and embarrassing for both of you. But then you'll know, and can proceed from there.
  
  [B]say that until just now he only viewed you as a friend, but you've just opened his eyes to new possiblities.
  
  [C]has wanted to on numerous occassions, but it never felt right, or he wasn't sure that you thought of him *that way*
  
  [D]really likes you but his strict religious beliefs prevent any contact until marriage
  
  [E]thought you knew that he's gay

It's probably best you find out now where he stands. No use getting your hopes up and then your heart broken when you can find out now and avoid a lot more pain. And if he is into you, then you can start that part of your relationship now!

[AchtungBaby80]

There could be forty million reasons why he hasn't kissed you yet, and they're most likely not all bad. But it's sort of important that you know, so I agree--you should find out somehow. Don't just assume he's gay right off the bat...unless, of course, he talks about how cute his friends Steve and Raoul are.

[AlphaSigLana]

Maybe he respects you!!!
Back in the day men wouldn't kiss a girl unless they were going to get married or such.
When I went to a christian school some girls wouldn't kiss aguy bc they wanted their husband to be the first person they ever kissed on their wedding day.
If it bothers you so much maybe you need to find mr. i make out with anything that has a pulse!
Sorry I'm not trying to be a bitch!

[AlphaChiGirl]

My first thought when I read this--there are some people out there who don't want to jump someone early. Just my opinion. Not trying to be bitchy.

[James]

I wouldn't be to worried about what he is thinking, because you'll never know, and even if he tells you it probbaly won't be the whole truth. *shrug* Humans are not truthful animals when it comes to feelings, we are too afraid of being hurt.

I would be more worried about what he is doing, what you are feeling, and what you want. Because those things you can know, influence, control, and are intrinsic to your piece of mind.

1. He is not dating you. He is hanging out with you. (Remember I am not saying what he feels, we don't know that, but we can observe actions)

Dating requires that both people are spending time together with romantic intentions on their minds. I would say that some part of romance has a physical component. Remember, that is the difference between friends and Significant Others. We talk to one and shag the other (diffculties happen when the two become confused).

If you both have had many dates in two months and he has never tried touching you or kissing you, that is not indicative of some kind of healthy attraction.

If you had only seen each other a few times over a couple months then I would stay say you aren't really dating because there is no physical component and the time span is too great between dates. You need to build a momentum with these things.

other questions I would ask you are:

1. Are you flirty when you talk to each other?
2. Banter about sex a lot?
3. Have you definitely been out like the two of you to dinner, and did he settle the check himself.
4. Bought you flowers or anything?
5. Have you EVER once made the first move?
6. If so what did he do?

From what you have said so far, I have only one real strategy to recomend:

You forget about talk (women KILL relationships with men with their incessant chatter about it) and you invite him over/out for a dinner date (call it a dinner date with you dressed sexy as all hell) and then, a couple drinks always helps (God Bless Alcohol), make your move and kiss him (on the lips). If you are not brave enough to do that then get a pouty look and say" Don't you want to kiss me?". If that doesn't work the man is STONE and you can just hang your hat on him and pretend he is a statue.

But one way or another that should end your uncertainty. And its the only real way to end it. Everything else is just speculation.

When my friends keep saying, does she like me, does she like me, over and over again. I say, go ask her out some place and find out.

I hope this helps a little. Remember, effective people spend 10 percent of their time on the problem and 90 percent of the time on the solution.

So don't analyze him, cause it doesn't matter. It only matters what he does.

Take care,

And please post a follow-up.

[justamom]

WOW JAMES- You've outdone yourself...again. Great post and great advice!

bgsugirlie-I hope you find out one way or another. NO FUN to sit and wonder!

[Peaches-n-Cream]

James, Great post!
Some men are gentleman or a little shy. Follow James' suggestion and you will get your answer.

[LeslieAGD]

First of all, I would not jump to the "gay conclusion" too quickly. As everyone else has mentioned, there could be numerous reasons.

For example: My freshman year, I had the biggest crush on my best guy. Everyone of our friends knew it because I was somewhat obvious about it but he NEVER knew. This went on for almost two years before I ended up kissing him and he was like..."what just happened? you like me? I never knew..." Maybe he just sees you as a friend and doesn't realize you think of your hang out sessions as dates.

Just one situation.