Tips for Southerners Moving to the North

[preciousjeni]

From www.funehumor.com

ADVICE TO SOUTHERNERS MOVING NORTH
1. Remember; "yous" can be singular or plural.

2. If you are at a loss for words, just say, "Fuggedaboudit." This can mean, "yeah, you're right," "Wow!", "that's terrible," "no big deal, " "What a surprise", "forget about it", or a number of other things known only to wiseguys.

3. If you take a cab, make sure that you are packing heat, as well as carrying a universal language translator. None of the cab drivers up north speak anything remotely close to your language.

4. Don't be surprised to find liquor sold in drug stores.

5. Get used to hearing the "F" word and try not to take offense. Most northerners just use it as an adjective. It's f----ing cold, it's f----ing hot, she's f----ing ugly, What the "F" you looking at," etc.

6. The spring wardrobe you brought out in April can wait til June.

7. Even though you are already driving 15 miles over the speed limit, the idiot behind you with the New York tags flashing his lights and flipping you off wants you to get the out of the way. No offense, it's common practice up there.

8. Although there is only one posted speed limit, there is a fast lane and a slow lane. Those traveling in the fast lane are usually doing 20-25 miles above the speed limit. If you want to drive the speed limit, stay in the right lane.

9. Be advised, northerners do use turn signals; they just wait until actually turning to do so.

10. Most northerners will try to tell you that the "N" word is only used in the south, until an African-American moves into their neighborhood.

11. If you tell someone that you're from N.C., don't be surprised if they ask if you've ever been to Mayberry. (Also, "Does your family have an outhouse?", "Did your Daddy ride a mule to work", "Are your Mama and Daddy related", etc.)

12. Be advised that while you may be used to opening doors for ladies, this could be considered a come-on. Worse yet, lesbians and women's libbers consider it an insult.

13. Although you have been taught to use it all your life, permanently remove Ma'am and Sir from your vocabulary unless you are in the military. People will look at you as if you are fromanother planet.

14. Never ask for grits in a restaurant, and don't expect to find sweetened ice tea anywhere.

15. Don't be concerned that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.

16. Weddings and funerals alike are generally viewed as opportunities to get knee crawling, slip-sliding, commode-hugging drunk.

17. Other transplanted southerners can be identified by the fact that smile and speak even if they don't know you. In addition, if they haven't lived there too long, they still have good manners.

18. While you may have been used to doing this all your life, never again leave your windows open at night.

19. Most northerners seem to think God has a last name. You will rarely hear his name mentioned that it is not followed by a four-letter word. Forgive them. They know not what they say. You will also hear Northerners frequently say, "Ohhhh Myyyyy Gahhhhhd!" Just remind them that they should address someone they know.

20. When some kind-hearted Northerner reminds you who won the Civil War, respond by saying, "Oh you must be referring to the War of Northern Aggression. There was nothing Civil about it."

21. Think back to when you used to live in the south. Make a list of all the things that transplanted northerners used to do that drove you crazy. Don't do any of them.

22. Now that you have lived up north, you have a better understanding of why northerners are the way they are. If you ever do move back to God's country, you will no doubt be more tolerant of them.

[preciousjeni]

Ok, so 2, 3, 15 are horrible and I don't agree.

14. You can get sweet tea, but it has so much lemon in it, you'll gag for days - or else, it's that nasty Lipton pre-made stuff.

17. So true.

18. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY? It's so true and so sad!

[Tom Earp]

OMG Jen!

That is what is great living on a border state, relating to one and all, except for Canadians, Eh?

Oh, South maybe, Grits no! Like eating Mush, god, my dad used to eat that fried! Gag! Of course He ate that European Delite SPAM! Double Gag!!!!


Wonder if I can get a Visa to get across the Border?

SaWeet Tea, who in the hell puts Lemon in it? Tea, Sugar, I am a purists!

Lemon goes on Baked Sea Food and Raw Salmon,and a very few drinks, (CockTails).

[hottytoddy]

ADVICE TO SOUTHERNERS MOVING NORTH

11. If you tell someone that you're from N.C., don't be surprised if they ask if you've ever been to Mayberry. (Also, "Does your family have an outhouse?", "Did your Daddy ride a mule to work", "Are your Mama and Daddy related", etc.)

I got this in NY once: "oh, you wearing shoes?"

13. Although you have been taught to use it all your life, permanently remove Ma'am and Sir from your vocabulary unless you are in the military. People will look at you as if you are fromanother planet.

Yeah I pissed someone off doing this--they thought I was being a smartass.

14. Never ask for grits in a restaurant, and don't expect to find sweetened ice tea anywhere.

I asked for sweet tea in a restaurant once...and the server waved the container with all the packaged sweetners in my face.

17. Other transplanted southerners can be identified by the fact that smile and speak even if they don't know you. In addition, if they haven't lived there too long, they still have good manners.

So true.

[Munchkin03]

I know of three places where I can get fresh brewed sweet tea within a 5-minute walk of my apartment.

Seriously...it's not that bad up here, kids.

[DeltAlum]

Remember your three "R's"

Readin'
Ritein'
and Route 75 (I-75)

BTW, I would say that most of the "rules" above relate more to the Northeast than the North.

[preciousjeni]

Originally posted by Munchkin03
I know of three places where I can get fresh brewed sweet tea within a 5-minute walk of my apartment.

Seriously...it's not that bad up here, kids.

I would PAY someone to show me a place that has good sweet tea!

[AGDee]

I must admit, I agree with DA. Having been in Michigan all my life, the only ones that ring true for me are 4, 6, 7, 8, and 13.

[PhiPsiRuss]

Originally posted by Munchkin03
I know of three places where I can get fresh brewed sweet tea within a 5-minute walk of my apartment.

Seriously...it's not that bad up here, kids.

Are you still in Morningside Heights?

[Munchkin03]

Originally posted by PhiPsiRuss
Are you still in Morningside Heights?

I moved down about 12 blocks earlier this fall, so still in the neighborhood, but not in the thick of things like I used to be. Most of the soul food restaurants on Central Park North are still in walking distance, however. That's where I get my sweet tea.

[PhiPsiRuss]

Originally posted by Munchkin03
I moved down about 12 blocks earlier this fall, so still in the neighborhood, but not in the thick of things like I used to be. Most of the soul food restaurants on Central Park North are still in walking distance, however. That's where I get my sweet tea.

That makes sense. I'll have to trek up there for good Southern food. Any recomendations?

[AlphaSigOU]

A TEXAN MOVES NORTH

January 10th: It's 5:00 p.m. It's starting to snow. The first of the season and the first one we've seen in years. The wife and I took our hot buttered rums and sat by the picture window, watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was beautiful!

January 11th: We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time in years and loved it. I did both the driveway and sidewalk. Later, a city snowplow came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved. I waved back and shoveled it again.

January 12th: It snowed an additional five inches last night and the temperature has dropped to about 11 degrees. Several limbs on the trees and shrubs snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shoveled the driveway again. Shortly afterwards, the snowplow came by and pulled his trick again. Now, much of the snow is brownish-gray.

January 13th: It warmed up enough during the day to create some slush that soon became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tires for both cars. Fell on my ass in the driveway. Paid $145 to a chiropractor, but nothing broken. More snow and ice expected.

January 14th: Still cold as hell. Sold the wife's car and bought a 4 x 4 in order to get her to work. Slid into a guard rail anyway and did a considerable amount of damage to the right rear quarter panel. Had another eight inches of the white shit last night. Both vehicles are covered in salt and crud. More shoveling in store for me. That goddamn snowplow came by twice today!

January 15th: It's two fucking degrees outside. More fucking snow. Not a tree or shrub on our property that hasn't been damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a kerosene heater, which tipped over and nearly burned the fucking house down. I managed to put the flames out, but suffered second-degree burns on my hands and I lost all my eyelashes and eyebrows. The car slid off the road on the way to the hospital and was totaled.

January 16th: Goddamn motherfuckin' white shit keeps coming down! Have to put on all the clothes we own just to get to the fuckin' mailbox. If I ever catch that son-of-a-bitch that drives the snowplow, I'm gonna chew open his chest and rip his heart out! I think he hides around the corner and waits till I shovel our driveway again. Power is still off. Toilet froze and part of the roof has started to cave in..

January 17th: Six more more fuckin' inches of fuckin' snow and fuckin' sleet and fuckin' ice and no telling what other kind of white fuckin' shit fell last night! I wounded the fuckin' snowplow asshole with an ice ax, but he got away. Wife left me. Car won't start. I think I'm going snowblind. I can't feel my fuckin' toes. Haven't seen the sun in weeks. More white shit is predicted. Wind chill is 22 degrees below zero. Aw, fuckit, I'm movin' my ass back to Texas!!!

[preciousjeni]

Oh no. That's gonna be me!

[PhiPsiRuss]

Originally posted by preciousjeni
Oh no. That's gonna be me!

It will be if you move to Buffalo.

[preciousjeni]

LOL! I just went to church today and I was completely bundled up (earwarmers, scarf on my head, scarf around my neck, long wool coat, gloves, sweater, shirt). When I walked in, people were chillin with windbreakers on. I was and there I sat, freezing to death. I swear the same temp up here is colder than back home. Plus, in GA, I hibernated - except for class and going to the grocery store. Here, I have to go out all the time, it seems. I just don't understand.

I think it hit me too fast and I wasn't mentally prepared. It was 28 degrees last night and I like to have cried over it. I'm really getting concerned about how cold the winter is going to be and my "friends" keep LAUGHING at me! My roommate (from Texas) and I go around with about 20 layers of clothes on while others are like, "You think THIS is cold?" And, through chattering teeth, we're like, "Uh...yeah!"

ETA: There is NO CHANCE that I'd move to Buffalo. That's scarier than a firing squad...at least then I'd be uncomfortable for just a few minutes!