Thank You Notes

[ZTAngel]

Wasn't sure where to post this but since it kinda has to do with weddings I'll put it here.

What is the "rule" when it comes to thank you notes?

I've been to several bridal showers over the last few months and never received a thank you note from any of the brides-to-be for the gift I got them. Their weddings have come and gone and I received a thank you for the wedding gift but not the shower gift. I went out with one of the girls whose shower I recently attended (and never got a thank you) and another mutual friend. After a few drinks, the mutual friend decided to ask why none of us received a thank you note. Our friend answered, "I thanked you when I opened up the gift. Was I supposed to send a note also?"

I was always brought up to think that thank you notes were to be sent even if the person was present when you opened their gift. Even back when I was a kid opening gifts at my birthday parties at the roller skating rink, my mother always made me write a thank you note to all my friends.

Is it the norm not to receive a thank you note? These aren't like hillbilly girls without class either. These are girls who were raised by wealthy Southern families which is why I'm so shocked that they don't know better.

- ZTAngel
aka the girl who sent out all her bridal shower thank you notes one week after her shower and all 200 of her wedding thank you notes one month after her wedding w/o her husband's help....yes, I'm amazing.

[texas*princess]

I've always received super sweet thank you notes less than a week after the bridal shower.

[honeychile]

Yes, ZTAngel, you deserved a thank you note. I know that it's hard to rhapsodize over the fourth toaster one's received, but it's the very least the bride-to-be can do after being the honoree at what is basically a shakedown for gifts.

FWIW, when people neglect to send me one, their next gift from me is a very nice box of thank you notes. I've never had to do that more than once.

And, like you, I was on top of mine. I got married on a Friday, and every note was in the mail on Monday. Okay, over the top, but that man and I didn't go on a honeymoon right away.

[KSUViolet06]

Yes, it is customary to write thank you notes for shower gifts. I've always gotten them and considered it rude whenever I did not.

I was always taught that thank you notes are in order for every event at which you receive gifts (i.e. engagement party, bridal shower, bridesmaids tea/party, bachelorette party, the wedding itself).

[Munchkin03]

Yep...that's what I've always heard too. I always send thank-you cards.

On a similar note, what do you all think of the one-year timeframe a couple apparently has to send thank-you notes for wedding presents? I think it's jacked up for several reasons. One: with the wonders of internet registries, you know what you've gotten well before the wedding. Back in the day, you didn't get a lot of your presents until after the ceremony. Two: that rule was in place back when people took 6-month honeymoons and THEN had to set up house for the very first time. Now, since so many people have already set up a household, they don't need that buffer. I feel like now people use it as an excuse.

[nancyagd86]

In Florida the arguement against white shoes prior to Easter and after Labor Day is almost a moot point. However, I absolutely refuse to budge on common courtesy, and Emily Post and Amy Vanderbilt will both back us up on thank-you notes! You have three months to get them out--family tragedies notwithstanding. And generally it's considered rude to not have shower thank-yous out within a week of the shower (because you have so many other things to do that you just need to check SOMEthing off the list!
One of my pledge sisters commented almost a year after a wedding that she hadn't gotten a thank you from the bride. We both knew bride & groom well, and I told her to call the bride & verify that they'd even received the gift--only to find out that the department store had never sent it! Ah, the wonders of the 'not-really-missing' thank you note.
You should have received thank-you notes for all of it...it's a huge expense to buy shower AND wedding gifts, especially if you want something you're proud to put your name on!

[SWTXBelle]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

Yep...that's what I've always heard too. I always send thank-you cards.

On a similar note, what do you all think of the one-year timeframe a couple apparently has to send thank-you notes for wedding presents? I think it's jacked up for several reasons. One: with the wonders of internet registries, you know what you've gotten well before the wedding. Back in the day, you didn't get a lot of your presents until after the ceremony. Two: that rule was in place back when people took 6-month honeymoons and THEN had to set up house for the very first time. Now, since so many people have already set up a household, they don't need that buffer. I feel like now people use it as an excuse.

NO NO NO - this drives me crazy! The happy couple do NOT have a year to write the notes - the rule is that you (the guest) have a year to send a wedding gift. Obviously, you want it to get there before the first anniversary. I don't know who first mangled the rule but they should be shot. My other pet peeve - bringing presents to the reception. Send them before, to the bride at her home address, or afterwards to both of them at their new address, but don't saddle someone (usually the bride's family) with having to try and store your gift without losing the card.


Climbing off soapbox . . .

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

Yep...that's what I've always heard too. I always send thank-you cards.

On a similar note, what do you all think of the one-year timeframe a couple apparently has to send thank-you notes for wedding presents?

Absolutely not. I think 2-3 weeks after the wedding (at the most, 4 weeks) is good time frame. For example, I went to a wedding on May 2nd and got Thank You notes by the end of May. I gave them a little leeway because they hadn't lived together before and were trying to move and get settled, so I'm surprised I got them as soon as I did.

I was appalled when I went to a wedding the last weekend in September and did not get "Thank You" notes until December. These were from people who couldn't even play the "we were getting settled" card (already lived together) or the "we were busy card" as I knew they had only gone on a 3 day honeymoon but took A WEEK OFF FROM WORK. You had PLENTY of time to send out notes.

[ZTAngel]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

On a similar note, what do you all think of the one-year timeframe a couple apparently has to send thank-you notes for wedding presents?

I think that's BS. I read somewhere (maybe on The Knot) that the new rule is 3 months. If it takes you a year to send out thank you notes, you're just being lazy. I had a large wedding and I had gifts from guests who couldn't make it. Those who sent a gift before the wedding got their thank you within a week. If they brought their gift to the wedding, it took me a month since I was on my honeymoon for two weeks and then had 200 notes to write when I got back. I wrote notes on my lunch break, while at the pool and during the evenings while watching TV. I got them all done within two weeks...it really wasn't that difficult which is why I think the one year time frame should be null and void.

Anyway, thanks y'all for letting me know that I wasn't crazy for thinking thank you notes should be sent even if you thanked the person at the shower. The best is that all these girls had a friend write down what each person got them for a gift. What did they think the list was for? So they could frame it??? Seriously...

[Benzgirl]

About two years ago, I threw a shower, attended another shower and the wedding for a much younger "friend". So, here we have 3 gifts and dinner/drinks/champagne for 15 at a nice restaurant. She was married in May; I finally got a thank you note for all three in January. If that wasn't bad enough, it was a very generic thank you note with a photocopied picture of the happy couple.

She had the same one-year rule about thank you notes, which I don't agree with. I guess I wouldn't have been so put out by her (their) thoughtlessness if I hadn't actually thrown the shower for her.

"Friend" just had a baby last week. I sent a card.

[aephi alum]

If you get a gift, you send a thank-you card. And the one-year rule is BS. Thank you cards for wedding gifts should be going out within a few weeks of the wedding. Barring a major extenuating circumstance, anything else is laziness, rudeness, or both.

[lilzetakitten]

I guess I can kinda, sorta, but not really see the confusion. What I was taught about thank you notes: For special occasions (weddings, graduations, the like) thank you notes are always required. For birthdays and Christmas, if you opened it in front of the person, the verbal thank you will suffice. If it was sent to you, you have to send a note, because otherwise the giver might not know if it was received or not. But since this was a bridal shower, she should have sent a note.

[SWTXBelle]

Why don't sorority girls attend orgies?

Too many thank you notes.

[KSigkid]

Originally Posted by ZTAngel

Wasn't sure where to post this but since it kinda has to do with weddings I'll put it here.

What is the "rule" when it comes to thank you notes?

I've been to several bridal showers over the last few months and never received a thank you note from any of the brides-to-be for the gift I got them. Their weddings have come and gone and I received a thank you for the wedding gift but not the shower gift. I went out with one of the girls whose shower I recently attended (and never got a thank you) and another mutual friend. After a few drinks, the mutual friend decided to ask why none of us received a thank you note. Our friend answered, "I thanked you when I opened up the gift. Was I supposed to send a note also?"

I was always brought up to think that thank you notes were to be sent even if the person was present when you opened their gift. Even back when I was a kid opening gifts at my birthday parties at the roller skating rink, my mother always made me write a thank you note to all my friends.

Is it the norm not to receive a thank you note? These aren't like hillbilly girls without class either. These are girls who were raised by wealthy Southern families which is why I'm so shocked that they don't know better.

- ZTAngel
aka the girl who sent out all her bridal shower thank you notes one week after her shower and all 200 of her wedding thank you notes one month after her wedding w/o her husband's help....yes, I'm amazing.

My wife sent out thank you notes after both of her showers (one with my family, one with hers), and we sent out notes very soon after the wedding itself.

[AGDee]

I got married 19 years ago and the "rule" then was 3 months. I don't know where people got this year idea from. And yes, there were notes for every shower present.