Possibly a new AI?

[Lightaqua]

Hey everyone. I've been debating making an account here for awhile now, but I could use some "outside advice" so to speak. Also this is new to me, please forgive me if I come off the wrong way/use the wrong terms, I dont mean to.

Late last year I decided I should apply for AI. I learned very quickly that it's not something given out to just everyone, it's an honor that isnt taken lightly, and it could take a long time to be approved for AI, let alone initiated. I looked at the orgs who do AI, looked at their philanthropies, how they give back, their sisterhood etc and talked with my friend in a sorority (not one I asked for info about because i havent been out of college for 25 years which is a requirement in hers to be considered.) I've also read a lot of the posts on this thread to see what I should/shouldn't do and what to expect. I dont want to seem like I'm going "shopping" or anything like that. I felt like I would connect with 3 of the orgs and decided to reach out to 2 orgs, both of them got back to me and after a phone call one said I wouldnt be a good fit right now due to a reason I will list below. The other I've met one from the group in person, had a good time and good conversation, and I have to wait for the group to get together again- which I dont expect anytime soon (but hoping) for obvious world reasons.

My reason for posting is for advice because, I slightly think I should have asked for more information about the 3rd org. (Apologies if this gets confusing) The reason given to me that I was denied by org #1 is because of my undergrad status. They wanted to give me the chance to be in a college chapter before committing to AI. I am aware I cannot apply or do anything with AI as an undergrad. I'm sorry if this is about to get all over the place, but basically my husband is in the military, and for me it is completely pointless to apply to a university I love, join a chapter, and then find out we move in a few months. Also I heard some sororities dont even let you in if you're married? I could be wrong though. I take online courses and I'm due to graduate later this year. Org #2 is aware of this and said my status doesn't make me ineligible for AI and I'm not really considered an undergrad.

Org #3 I didnt ask for information to because I didnt want to be "that person" applying literally everywhere without a reason but I really identify with their values and their philanthropy. I'm not sure if a college member could sponsor me (because I'm not sure if a college member can and also they arent living in my state currently) but my friends friends? Are so nice and I love hearing them talk about how much they love joining the org. If I dont ask for more information I might be wondering "what if" for awhile, and honestly I've also held back because I'm worried I'll be flat out denied because I'm technically an "undergrad" even though org 1 is the only one to consider me so. I also feel a very strong connection to org 2, and I dont want it to seem like (to myself and close friends) that I'm "that person." Or that I'm disregarding org 2, which again I love. Is it worth asking? Or should I wait a few more months and then ask? Or not at all?

My reason for wanting to join isn't really because "oh I never got to" I mean yes, but more because I see what greek life has done for my friends and the community. You help out these amazing orgs, you grow into this amazing person. I've watched my friends become these amazing women who love their orgs and who they've become because of it. I'm not saying other groups dont do that, but if it's possible I'd like to find my home in the greek community. Help out a lot at the alumnae level. Organize things for the chapter, do 5k walks, help out the college chapter etc. Whatever is needed. I see my friends proud of their letters and I want something like that. I understand AI is a long shot sometimes and it's an honor but I'm willing to be patient and try.

Thank you for any advice, also I'm sorry for any spelling mistakes I'm on mobile.

[Titchou]

I don't know about other NPC groups but for mine you are not eligible if you are still pursuing a degree. So you may find that in a lot of them.

Second, you should really be asking your Greek friends who are members of the orgs you are interested in. If you don't know anyone in those groups, it's really difficult because AI is usually generated from that side of the membership up and not from National down. And even don't think you are interested in your friends' groups, you could learn a lot about AI in general from talking with them.

Third if none of this appeals to you, do the groups you are interested in have a local alumnae chapter? If so, contact their president and go from there. They should have at least a FB page.

Good luck.

[andthen]

Yes the policies and requirements for AI are mostly likely different for each organization since each group also probably has criteria they consider when offering someone the opportunity to AI. Word to the wise don't ask people for that information because that would not be good form.

As Titchou said, perhaps talking with your friends who are in a sorority as alumnae members they might be able to at least help educate you on the process. Even if you don't feel like your values align with the organization as a whole.

Its also makes things a bit easier if you do have a personal connection with someone in an organization since basically that person hopefully knows you well enough to vouch for your character and can speak to what you might be able to bring by being a member of ABC/XYZ group.

Keep this in mind as well AI is different process than a collegian going through the rush/recruitment process. Hence your friends who are members of an organization can give you a better idea of what membership as an alumnae is and what it isn't as compared to joining as a 18-21 year old college student.

At any rate best of luck in finishing your studies and your pursuits.

[Lightaqua]

Thank you Titchou and and andthen for the advice. I'm genuinely curious/wondering, why is asking about the policies/requirements of AI a bad idea? Can I ask about the process it would take to become one from each org or is that a bad idea as well? Is it because it's similar to membership selection?

Also say I decided to contact org 3 about more info. Should I message the alumna group on facebook (facebook says for PNMs to message them there) or email? Or the nat org?

[Titchou]

I'm not saying it's a bad idea. Would you go to the national org to join as a collegian? No. Same thing here. For my group, the alumnae chapter has to vote on an AI just like the collegiate chapter has to vote for their new members. And also for us, we're a group that requires a rec for all new members - AIs included. So where will you get that? The local group. There is certainly nothing wrong with inquiring at the national level if a group has an AI program/process. Just keep in mind that you will most likely have to go thru the local group so it's best to start there. And as said before, your very best bet is thru someone you know.

[andthen]

OP how you decide to approach it is entirely up to you at the end of the day. The lens I am looking at things through is more of, if you have friends you're in contact with they can more readily get the information about AI for their particular group(s) since they are members. While your friends might not be able to give you explicit details they can at least give you insight to the process at least for the group(s) they are a member of.

I would try and perhaps get as much information that might be available publicly from a group's website. If you do have additional questions I would strongly encourage to keep the questions pretty broad. Like don't ask XYZ, what are the specific requirements to be approved for AI. It sounds like you're older than the average college student so I would hope too that you've had experience in asking broad based questions to co-workers etc. Each group is going to have differing requirements as you've already seen first hand. At any rate I hope that helps.

[navane]

Lightaqua, if you have not earned a bachelor's degree and you are currently taking classes, you are an undergrad. This excludes you from consideration to a number sorority AI programs. That your classes are online or you are married to a member of the armed forces is not a factor. The main "pipeline" to membership in an NPC sorority is through collegiate membership. If you are still in college, that is your current option. That option may not be feasible due to your personal circumstances; but, it is what it is.

I am not familiar with any NPC sorority that will perform alumna initiation for current undergrad students; but, if you're saying that there is one that does, then that's cool, I guess. Usually, one would have to wait until graduation and then AI would be an option. In effect, you can start the interest process now, but might have to wait until your degree posts to get the final green light.

Also, I can't make heads or tails or your story with org 1, 2, 3, but then #2 not the first one, but then the other. LOL You should probably refer to them as Red, Blue and Green or something.

[Lightaqua]

Hi Navane. I'm aware not many (if any) orgs let undergrads do AI. When I met org 2 (who I'll refer to as red from now on) mentioned that my current situation with school doesn't prevent me from doing AI with them, and with how long the process takes I'll have graduated before any "next steps" whatever they may be.

Thank you to you and everyone else for the advice I really appreciated it!

[FSUZeta]

I am picking up a vibe that you might have missed the hint that most women who join through AI have some connection to the organization they join. The process is not in any way like a collegian going through formal recruitment.

"Can I ask about the process it would take to become one from each org or is that a bad idea as well? Is it because it's similar to membership selection? " This concerns me, because it appears that you are shopping for any org that would allow you to join immediately. That's not how it is supposed to work.

A cousin of mine is married to a retired naval officer. Her husband was the commander of a squadron. I know that both the officers wives and the enlisted wives had get togethers often and supported each other, especially when the husbands were at sea. My cousin's role as the commander's wife was similar to a sorority president, and these women definitely had a sisterhood, even though this was not a sorority. Isn't there something similar for you?

[Lightaqua]

Hi FSUZeta. I know AI isnt similar to formal recruitment. I'm not "shopping" for orgs. If I dont feel like I'd fit in with the org or any other reason, I'm not going to try and join just to say I'm in an org. If it doesn't work out for the 3 orgs then it doesn't work out, but to me at least I tried.
As for the military yes. I'm in support groups and I'm friends with other wives. For me personally, talking about the military/being involved with only military related things all the time is tiring. It's nice to have friends who arent involved in the military at all.

I asked about not asking about things so I wouldn't come off as rude to the orgs because it's not my intention. I dont want to say one thing and its misconstrued as something different.

[33girl]

Are you only taking online courses? That is a little different than if you were physically going to college. That might be why #2 didn’t consider you an undergrad in the true sense of the word.

Also, not all sororities have chapters in all areas, and if you join group A in Texas and your hubby gets transferred to Vermont, you might find yourself with little or no prospects to connect with sisters that aren’t online.

[navane]

Originally Posted by Lightaqua

Hi Navane. I'm aware not many (if any) orgs let undergrads do AI. When I met org 2 (who I'll refer to as red from now on) mentioned that my current situation with school doesn't prevent me from doing AI with them, and with how long the process takes I'll have graduated before any "next steps" whatever they may be.

Thank you to you and everyone else for the advice I really appreciated it!

Ok. I guess my disconnect was because your story didn't provide a context. You said that you are an undergrad, but not really, but also that you are taking online courses. If, for example, you had said you are a 35 year old married woman who is picking up a few courses part-time online to finish your degree, that would have provided some context and helped us provide more helpful answers. Even so, some sororities require a degree regardless of how it's being achieved. At any rate, it sounds like you are on your way - so best wishes with "Red".

[Lightaqua]

I'm sorry for the confusion. I am fully online, I should be done by the end of this year. All 3 orgs have stated on their websites I do not need a degree, just that I "cannot be eligible to be a collegiate member." I'm in my early 20s if that helps. Which from what I've seen is definitely on the younger side of AI.

Also Hi 33girl. You're right, if 3 months from now or 2 years from now we have to move and Red doesn't have a chapter there, it would be upsetting. I'm pretty used to connecting to my friends and close family online though.

I also wonder if I should reach out to Green, because of my connection with some college members and their philanthropy. I like the connection I currently have with Red, but the few women I know in Green I get along well with, they just arent in my current state.

[Titchou]

Yes, you are on the younger side for AI. I would say it's great to gather all your information now. Once you graduate and you know if your spouse will be transferred soon, then reach out to the alumnae group for the GLO you have chosen and start the process then. Any members you know anywhere can probably do a rec for you and also reach out to the local alums on your behalf.

[andthen]

Originally Posted by Titchou

Yes, you are on the younger side for AI. I would say it's great to gather all your information now. Once you graduate and you know if your spouse will be transferred soon, then reach out to the alumnae group for the GLO you have chosen and start the process then. Any members you know anywhere can probably do a rec for you and also reach out to the local alums on your behalf.

THIS!!!

Also keep in mind too that should you ultimately decide to go down the road of AI, as 33 mentioned there are some areas where there might not be a presence of RED close by or as I've seen as well some alumnae groups might not be super active as far as holding events. (even pre-pandemic)