roommate's girlfriend...

josh8o · #1 03-17-2002, 12:28 AM

ok i have a problem...i moved into a different suite at the start of this semester and my new roommate is really nice, and he has a girlfriend. she is the most anoying person in the world. she is so not even close to cute, and all my friends are like why is he with her? anyway, it seems that she purposely goes out of her way to bug the hell out of me. i can't stand her. when my roommate is at class or just not here she often just comes over and hangs out. i dont have a problem with her being in the suite, but when she is just hanging out in our room alone and i come home from class i want her gone. i feel like i have to be nice to her because she is my roommate's girlfriend. tonight my roommate went home and i came back from a meeting at the house to see that she had been in the room, she even has her away message on hig computer right now. i don't know what to do. i am about to tell her not to come in here if he isn't here, but i don't want to piss him off since we have to live together until the end of may. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

KillarneyRose · #2 03-17-2002, 12:38 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by josh8o
she is so not even close to cute, and all my friends are like why is he with her? anyway, it seems that she purposely goes out of her way to bug the hell out of me.

Not to bust on you Josh, but if I were her and I realized that you and your friends thought this way, I would go out of my way to bug the hell out of you!

But to answer your question, I think the best thing would be to sit down with your roommate and let him know that it bothers you to have someone in your room when you're not there. Don't mention anything about how you feel about the girlfriend in particular; that might just make him dig his heels in.

Hootie · #3 03-17-2002, 01:13 AM

You have every right to enjoy the comfort of your suite...not to mention be there ALONE! You have no privacy! If you had wanted three roommates you would have asked for them.

Look, simply sit down with your roommate and tell him that you don't like it when you come home from a long day and he's not there but his woman is. Tell him that you're not asking him to never bring her by (even if that's how you really feel) but that you would simply enjoy some time to yourself. I mean, COME ON! Do you have to ask her to leave when you want to change clothes? You shouldn't have to...

If they want to spend time together, perhaps they should do so in her room more!

How RUDE!

nucutiepie · #4 03-17-2002, 01:19 AM

Josh, I understand how you are feeling.

My roomate's best friend is the most class-less person I have ever met in my life. She lives next door, but seems to believe she lives in my room. On more than one occassion I have come back to my room to find her sleeping in my bed (she never showers). She watches TV in the room when we are not there, eats my food, helps herself to my clothing and DVDs, once had a salad dressing and toothpaste fight in my room with her other friend ( I came back to find salad dressing all over my duvet cover and got the pleasure of scrubbing half a tube of toothpaste off my wall) comes in SCREAMING about the dumb, classless things she did the night before at 7 30 AM (this morning it was a story of how she dropped her pants and peed on the floor of the bus on the way to her date party last night - who does that?)

I know the logical answer - lock the door. Well, I do, but my roommate has never heard of a key, it seems (she also doesnt know about vacuum cleaners, dusting, scrubbing out the fridge when it gets moldy - ok, im a neat freak, but she could pitch in!)

It has come to the point where I am trying to switch roommates just so that this girl won't be in my room all the time.

I was raised to believe that people are entitled to their private space, that you should ASK before you borrow something, and just in general practice the golden rule. Honestly, I wonder how some people's parents raised them to think that treating other people's space and belongings as their own was OK...

dzsaigirl · #5 03-17-2002, 01:35 AM

in most dorms you cannot be in someone's room unless you are escorted as a guest of someone living there, meaning, if he isn't physically in the room, she shouldn't be either.

James · #6 03-17-2002, 01:45 AM

I would just tell him: listen dude, you need to keep your GF out of the room when you aren't hear. I wanted to bring it to you, but if you are too uncomfortable to say so, I will gladly, the very next time I see her, tell her.

This is assuming you aren't just being a complaining whiner . . . which is possible. But even if you are, its still the room you pay for, so you can put your foot down even if you are the problem.

straightBOS · #7 03-17-2002, 01:45 AM

I don't know how the rules on your campus go, but on my campus 90% of what she is up to is illegal. You should find out what the rules are if you do not know them already.

1) She neds to be a guest of one of the roommates. If she is the only person in the room, she is an intruder (for lack of a nicer word) and has committed an act for which she can be disciplined by the school.

2) All visitors (at least at my school) must meet the approval of ALL occupants. This means, if she is a horrible guest, you have the right to kick her out-- on the SPOT!

Basically, the law is (or should be) on your side. Your best bet is to tell her directly that she is not allowed in the room when her boyfriend is not there. Also, you might want to tell your roommate that you disapprove of this behavior. Lastly, you might want to let your RA (or whomever is in charge of the building) know what's up. He or she may be able to give you pointers on what to do next.

If all else fails, since you are not in violation of any rules, your roommate, not you, will have to re-locate. Trust me, I have experience with this, but that is a WHOLE other story.

LeslieAGD · #8 03-17-2002, 10:55 AM

I agree with most of what has been already advised. Pull your roommate aside (if you can get some private time when his gf isn't there, that is). Keep your personal feeling about his girlfriend to yourself and just say that you've noticed that she's there...A LOT. Tell him that you feel uncomfortable having her there when he isn't, especially when you've had a long day and just want some quiet time.

Also, perhaps in your quest to be nice to her for your roommate's sake, she got the impression that you two are friends and that she is welcome there at all times.

AGDLynn · #9 03-17-2002, 11:15 AM

i can't believe that she has the nerve to put her computer stuff on the machine in your room! I would write a note and say that it will be erased by xx if not removed.

Too bad you can't ask the roomie to cut the fee in 3rds since his girlfriend seems to want to live there.

Good luck!

Hootie · #10 03-17-2002, 02:09 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AGDLynn

Too bad you can't ask the roomie to cut the fee in 3rds since his girlfriend seems to want to live there.

Good luck!

GOOD IDEA! LOL!
I bet that'd stop her from coming around and staying when he's not there!

Peaches-n-Cream · #11 03-17-2002, 03:43 PM

We had a problem like this with my suitemate and her boyfriend. Luckily, she wasn't my roommate. We talked to the girl about him being around constantly and being obnoxious and annoying, but she either didn't care or didn't take us seriously. He was in our suite all the time even though he wasn't a student. He made insulting remarks which he would laugh away as jokes. The only thing that stopped the guy from coming around was a measles outbreak that shut the campus down and only students and employees were allowed to enter.
The following year I wound up sharing a house with three woman. One decided her boyfriend also lived with us and stayed every single night. This is how the situation resolved itself. One day the mother of the problem housemate called and another housemate answered. Problem's mom asked her how everything was going. My housemate told her EVERYTHING! YOUR DAUGHTER AND HER BOYFRIEND LIVE HERE TOGETHER, AND WE ARE MISERABLE!

Problem and her boyfriend had gone away for the weekend and had locked the bedroom door which contained her answering machine which had recorded the entire conversation.

When Prob and her boyfriend returned after their weekend, she heard the machine and let out the loudest scream that I had ever heard and started crying. They moved out the next semester. Personally, I didn't think that it was right of her to tell Problem's mother this information, but it was effective. BTW they are married now with babies.
I think that you need to decide if you want to maintain a friendship with this roommate or not. You can handle it like an adult and tell him directly that you don't want his girlfriend in the room when he isn't there. When you have a roommate, you need to compromise and that seems fair to me. I think that that approach is the best.

James · #12 03-17-2002, 04:02 PM

Assuming that you all get serious relationships of your own, where you want to spend a serious amount of time with the other person, and that other person doesn't have an apartment of their own to have you at constantly, you just might find yourself to be "that person" that this thread is talking about.

Also, if you get an SO where you can constantly go over there, and thy have roomies, then no matter HOW nice you think they are and HOW much you think they love you, at least one is thinking the same things as Josh's post. If only because you aren't doing anything for them.

That is why i am more sympathetic to Josh's friend. Are you telling that none of you have either constantly been with yor SO either at your place or theirs? Even roomies that don't say anything probably don't like it much.

Also, where else are they supposed to go? Does the rent the roomate pays only buy him/her as much a life as the least of the roomates? The if none of the other roomies are really serious you can't be?

Virtual Violet · #13 03-17-2002, 06:14 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by nucutiepie
Josh, I understand how you are feeling.

My roomate's best friend is the most class-less person I have ever met in my life. She lives next door, but seems to believe she lives in my room. On more than one occassion I have come back to my room to find her sleeping in my bed (she never showers). She watches TV in the room when we are not there, eats my food, helps herself to my clothing and DVDs, once had a salad dressing and toothpaste fight in my room with her other friend ( I came back to find salad dressing all over my duvet cover and got the pleasure of scrubbing half a tube of toothpaste off my wall)

What to do?

Does this give you any ideas!!

lovelyivy84 · #14 03-17-2002, 09:56 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Virtual Violet

What to do?

Does this give you any ideas!!

LMAO!!!!

Toothpaste on MY stuff!!! Awwww Heeeellll Naww that would not work! I would have to forget that I am a lady for a minute and bring out the Jamaican in me!

I do not know how one even rationalizes putting up with that behavior. It is not cool by any stretch of the imagination, so why the heck would you put up with it?

nucutiepie, you need to make it clear in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS that that chit is NOT acceptable!

XO_Princess · #15 03-17-2002, 11:10 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Cream
The following year I wound up sharing a house with three woman. One decided her boyfriend also lived with us and stayed every single night. This is how the situation resolved itself. One day the mother of the problem housemate called and another housemate answered. Problem's mom asked her how everything was going. My housemate told her EVERYTHING! YOUR DAUGHTER AND HER BOYFRIEND LIVE HERE TOGETHER, AND WE ARE MISERABLE! Problem and her boyfriend had gone away for the weekend and had locked the bedroom door which contained her answering machine which had recorded the entire conversation. When Prob and her boyfriend returned after their weekend, she heard the machine and let out the loudest scream that I had ever heard and started crying. They moved out the next semester. Personally, I didn't think that it was right of her to tell Problem's mother this information, but it was effective. BTW they are married now with babies.

Holy cow! I can't believe your roomate told the mom everything!!