leaving a fraternity and joining another one

jdavies · #1 06-21-2003, 02:51 AM

I'm starting this thread because a good friend of mine is asking me for advice but I really dont know what to tell him. To make a long story short his sister was almost raped by one of his brothers at a party they had. He wanted to protect the chapter but on the other hand he had his family. The chapter kicked the brother out but the house was divided over the matter. His parents were going to press charges but he said he would leave the fraternity. He pretty much doesnt believe in any of it anymore and has lost all respect for the chapter and nationals. He has since transferred to a new college and is thinking about rushing at a different fraternity should he do this?? I mean once you are a brother its for life but in the other hand his situation was really fucked up I really dont know what I would do in his shoes. Has anyone ever done this before and be honest or what the hell should I tell him.

HPU PIKE · #2 06-21-2003, 03:08 AM

I have never been in that situation before, but hopefully I can give you a little insight. Someone please correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe that most national (possibly locals?) ask a rushee (at some point before becoming an official pledge) if they have ever been affiliated with another social greek letter org./secret society/ etc... It is my assumption that because you are privileged to certain information (i.e. the ritual) as a member, it would not be in another groups best interest to give you the same privileges with their information. This may NOT be the case with all GLO's and I am not claiming that it is. A good example of this would be the one pledge on MTV's Fraternity Life who was immediately depledged when a brother learned that he had gone through "ritualistic activities" with another fraternity. Again, this may not be the case for all GLO's. The best advice that I would give your friend is to perhaps associate himself with his current organization on a national level, such as joining an alumni association after he graduates or something like that. Very tough situation to be in (i would imagine), but I wish your friend the best of luck in whatever he decides to do. And I am sure your support of his decision in any direction will be greatly appreciated. Hope I helped at least a little....

jdavies · #3 06-21-2003, 03:28 AM

yeah I told him the same thing that you said pretty much. I told him that if he does go through with it then do it honestly and have everything up front. But I think that he knows in the back of his mind if he does this then he wont get a bid. I told him to just be honest but I dont think he is ever going to mention that he was ever in another fraternity. Which I really dont think is the best way of going about things, but if he sees thats the only way he can pledge he might. I just really dont know what to say thanks for your input though anyone else have comments or suggestions.

jonsagara · #4 06-21-2003, 04:05 AM

My chapter accepted a transfer from a different school who had previously been with a member of a different fraternity. He turned out to be an excellent brother.

I don't remember what the hoops were that we had to jump through to get it approved, but I seem to remember having to obtain permission from the headquarters of both fraternities.

CC1GC · #5 06-21-2003, 06:32 AM

Correct me if i'm wrong but if he's an initiate of an NIC fraternity, then he cannot join another NIC fraternity. I heard about this happening in the past, and i'm sure most HQs that allowed this have changed their position on the subject.

And what if he joins and finds flaws with this one, transfer to a different school for a third time?

ASUADPi · #6 06-21-2003, 12:07 PM

Speaking from a sorority girl perspective, I've always been told that once you accept your bid, you can't rush another chapter for I think as short as 1 year, but it could be as long as 2. But that is just if you accept your bid. I don't know how it works if the person was an active member.
Does the school he's trasferring to have his frat there? I mean different chapters, different people. If the chapter is there, I would just recommend just possibly affiliating. Do they do that for frats? Even if he doesn't affiliate or the chapters not there, join the alum association.
I too transferred from University of Arizona to Arizona State. I didn't affliate though, but I did become friends with my sisters at ASU. The two chapters are completely different from one another.
Instead of affiliating I joined the alumni association and I have had a blast meeting even more new sisters. One of my best friends is an alumni with me.
Hopefully this helped

Brianna
Alpha Delta Pi
Delta Gamma Chapter

SigkapAlumWSU · #7 06-21-2003, 12:44 PM

A very good friend of mine (my lil B) had pledged a fraternity, but it ended up not working out. He never was initiatied, so he ended up pledging another fraternity a year later, and eventually initiating into that one. I think that you can do this if you havn't gone through initiation, but if you do go through, you are stuck, as far as I've heard. This is a situatin that, while not extremely common, does happen on my campus. Some people look down on a person not going through all the way, but in your friend's case, I can't see that being the way at all. Good luck!

UT PhiSig · #8 06-21-2003, 02:14 PM

Once you are initiated thats it you are a brother for life. I'm sure that you could just go through rush and pretend that you were never in another fraternity. But why the hell would you want to start out with people that are going to be your brothers with a lie? I would just check out the chapter at his new school and see how they are and if you dont affiliate then do what somone suggest and check out the alumni org. hope this helped.

RACooper · #9 06-23-2003, 09:19 AM

Okay... this is a subject that I can relate to in a small way.... here goes.

Originally I was a pledge with Sigma Pi, which is a young org. on campus, but I enjoyed hanging with the guys and it seemed like an excellent oppurtunity to help make something great. Problem was they were desperate to increase their numbers because of pressure from HQ... so I think they let standards slide, and became more concerned with pledge tests instead of brotherhood or character. Long-story short, there was another pledge that I had issues with and at an event with another fraternity I confronted when I saw him put out a cigarette on the flag.... during our arguement, which I took outside, he lit up a joint (in letters), and started pissing on the house (the other frat's). I really tore into him about his lack of respect and general ignorance; he hit me, I knocked him out. The other guys got very pissed off becuase this guy was "popular" and his big was Prez.... needless to say I left after seening the true colours of these members. After two years a number of family friends mentioned that they were members of Lambda Chi Alpha, and after talking to them I decided to give fraternities another chance.

Now I had no real bad blood with the majority of the Sigma Pi's; but some hostility was there (the guy I slugged became Prez for 2 years), but most of the Alumni and guys I was a pledge with still get along with me. But that was a personal issue between me and the character of the fraternity.

Now in this past year at Lambda Chi Alpha something did happen that was close to what your friend experienced. There was a PNM that I had issues with (me being Rush Chair)... basically he could be described as young, dumb, and full of cum (sorry army term). He would only think with his dick, and as a result he came off as one to most of the older guys. 1. He openly admitted that his sole reason for joining was to get laid. 2. He is one of those charming "players" that cared only about himself and having fun. When I expressed these concerns to members of our exec. I was told to relax, it's his right to act that way, after-all "he's 20, and this is what you do when your 20 and in a frat"... so I was over-ruled and he was initiated. Two months and many arguements over standards and his lack of respect for women later it all came to a head after a sorority "crush" event. My baby sister is in a sorority on campus and her house had a "crush" event, alot of the guys got invited (including me, but I declined... thought it might be awkward for my sister) including our "player". That night I get a call from my sister somewhat upset saying that she had been called a whore, slut, and a lesbian by this guy; all because she asked the girl that he was with if she was okay, because it looked like she had had too much to drink. Needless to say I was right pissed off but decided to wait until the morning for the whole story. That morning I get 3 calls from guys (from 2 other houses) complaining about the behavoir of some of our new guys, with specific mention made about mister "player" and the way he was treating the girls and specifically the way he treated my sister. I loose it, tell our prez, some other members, request an exec, and leave the house before I break the guys neck. Over the next couple of days the house becomes devided over the issue, with a lot of members pissed off at me for loosing my temper and calling the guy pretty much everything I could think of. On top of this "player" and his clique have confronted my sister and some of the girls from the sorority about it, telling her that she imagined it, or that she was drunk, or that he was joking. So now my sister is being treated like shit because of this, I'm being shit on by my brothers because of this, and house relations are going down the tubes because of this. In order to salvage relations, and to protect my sister, I tried to absorb most of the crap myself knowing that at least I'd be vindicated by the exec. Unfortunately it was me that was disciplined by our exec., my sister was called a liar, the felt the 3 other guys were just trying to stir shit up, I was called a liar, and they asked me to move out becuase they felt that my "threats" against the "player" made me a risk and he felt unsafe (I admit I did picture doing serious bodily harm to him after the "bro's before ho's" statement he made to another frat guy about the incident).
Needless to say I'm bitter about the whole incident and have considered just leaving the chapter..... but I haven't made a call either way yet.

Now when ever family is involved there will always be bad blood and bitterness. Your friends sister was almost raped by a brother; someone that he was supposed to have complete trust in. He probably feels very betrayed, and bitter about the whole event. Also how did his "brothers" react; some or most were probably on his side, but there is always some that would not have believed his sister. This is probibly what has put him off the fraternity for good, and I can only imagine the bitterness and bad-taste the whole thing leaves in his mouth. I can understand why he doesn't want to drag the whole thing up again by explaining the whole thing to another fraternity. However if he doesn't it will only be worse when (because it will) comes out. Perhaps there is a compromise: could he tell the executive? or some other small group that would hold it in confidence and perhaps help him become a member of their org? Afterall I'm sure your friend will choose very carefully if he does decide to get invovled with another org.

I hope this helps somewhat.

LXAAlum · #10 06-23-2003, 10:25 AM

Coop.

PM'd you.

OUlioness01 · #11 06-23-2003, 05:35 PM

i pmed you

sugar and spice · #12 06-23-2003, 05:47 PM

My understanding of the situation is this: if these were NIC fraternities, he CAN join another one . . . but it will take a bit of work. He needs to officially deactivate from the first fraternity. Then, I think he also needs a letter from the first fraternity sent to his new fraternity saying that he was once a member of their organization, but no longer is. Then he can be initiated into another fraternity. I'd check to make sure there's nothing else to the process, because there might be more to it . . . but it is possible.

If they aren't NIC fraternities, different rules will apply so he should check with their HQs.

For the record, if you initiate an NPC or NPHC sorority, you cannot ever join a different one, even if you deactivate . . . but NIC fraternities are a different story.

Tom Earp · #13 06-23-2003, 09:43 PM

sugar and spice I am not real sure about this but things can be done! One never knows in this day and age!

It was my understanding that once initiated, you were not allowed into another NIC Org!

Rob, I responded also, and re-responded!

LXAAlum, PM me if you have more insight, if you would!

RACooper · #14 06-23-2003, 10:01 PM

Just thought of another possibility.....

Has he considered looking into a local fraternity? This would eleminate most of the conflicts/issues with his past fraternity (hopefully).

lifesaver · #15 06-24-2003, 02:59 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by sugar and spice
My understanding of the situation is this: if these were NIC fraternities, he CAN join another one . . . but it will take a bit of work. He needs to officially deactivate from the first fraternity. Then, I think he also needs a letter from the first fraternity sent to his new fraternity saying that he was once a member of their organization, but no longer is. Then he can be initiated into another fraternity. I'd check to make sure there's nothing else to the process, because there might be more to it . . . but it is possible.

If they aren't NIC fraternities, different rules will apply so he should check with their HQs.

For the record, if you initiate an NPC or NPHC sorority, you cannot ever join a different one, even if you deactivate . . . but NIC fraternities are a different story.

Baby I got some major love for ya, becasue you in the know. I swear I am gonna have on my tombstone the following: "You guys gotta understand that NPC, NPHC and NIC groups operate as bout as differently as any three groups could. We all choose what works best for each of us, but as far as governance, policy, expansion and such, we couldnt be any more different. "

Ima gonna end up saying that for the rest of my life. Its refreshing when someone gets that tho w/out my diatribe.