Flexible Partner Fidelity...on the next Springer.

[PKTSU01]

I know this will sound somewhat stupid, but then again, maybe not. I was discussing with a friend at school tonight just why I wouldn't want to get engaged at this point. My reasoning is, my punkass needs to experience more individually before experiencing life with a partner. Which to me means, once I'm with my woman, I'm WITH her. Then, she said something that struck an odd chord with me.
She said that if she was married and her husband made serious cash, she wouldn't care if he cheated on her so long as a) he didn't give her kind of disease and b) he never told her.
The thing is...like I said...she meant it...
She already has a good job and a good head on her shoulders, so I know it's not for the money. But, would any of you ladies turn the cheek to a guy being unfaithful as long as it didn't affect you? (although i couldn't imagine how it couldn't)

[aggieAXO]

F**k NO I would kick his a$$

oh that was not very lady like but if my man cheated on me I guarantee there would be hell to pay

[SparkliiQTMTSU]

Hell yeah!! I would kick his A#! too!! I mean money doesnt mean anything to me but happiness does and I would not be happy if my man was cheating on me


Nicholi

[G8Ralphaxi]

I don't see myself resorting to violence (well...I could definitely thrown some stuff against a wall maybe). But I would be heartbroken.

It's a betrayal of trust. Absolutely. There is no way that you can get physically involved with someone and not have some emotional issues arise. Even if you say you HATE the other person but they were just physically attractive, then you have emotional issues with your partner, because obviously you weren't happy enough with that relationship. Something was lacking or insufficient for you.

I am always a very flexible girlfriend. I don't nag him, or waste time yelling for stupid stuff. You want to spend a night out with your guys? Fine, I'm going out with my friends, no problem, have fun, talk to you later. HOWEVER, I CANNOT tolerate dishonesty. And that's what cheating is - it's the definition of dishonesty. I seriously doubt I'd be able to forgive a guy if he slept with someone else. It would tear me up.

[LexiKD]

Are you talking about a Doctor or more like a Millionaire...just kidding.

I wouldn't allow it, but if it were to happen, I think you could overcome it, there are worse things that can happen. Unless my Dad heard about it, in that case he would be sleepin' with the fishes...wearing cement boots!

Alot of that is talk, any woman would eventually brake down from it, unless she had a boyfriend as well and they had an understanding...as crazy as that sounds!

[James]

Ok ok ok.

Some mariage infidelity can happen because some of the passion dies in a marriage, but what is marriage?

Mariage for some people is a way to deal with the neurotic feelings of insecurity and a desire never to be alone so they take advantage of a legal mechanism that locks their partner to them.

Marriage in a purer sense is a socio-economic unit for the purposes of raising children. A good argument can be made that if the intention of having children is not there (or the inability) then marriage isn't necessary.

Gay couples have often become life mates with no official legal designation. And where some have ceremonies to celebrate their union, not all do, and recent trends in that direction have been more practically orientated and focused on issues such as health insurance and property.

Ok so lets create a different scenario: You have been married 10 years and have all kinds of creature comforts, children, and a nice income. But then the guy cheats for whatever reason.

Maybe you have become less forthcoming in the bedroom, maybe he is just the wandering type . . too much opportunity.

Now what do you do? You have children and your own comforts to consider, and he does have a decent wage.

LexiKD had a great point: It might be easier to leave a millionaire because the divorce settlement might allow everyone to live well.

But even in families that make pretty decent income, over a 100-150 thousand a year might end up with all parties financially crippled from a divorce settlement.

Which is why a lot of people probbaly stay in bad marriages.

[G8Ralphaxi]

Originally posted by James
Now what do you do? You have children and your own comforts to consider, and he does have a decent wage.

LexiKD had a great point: It might be easier to leave a millionaire because the divorce settlement might allow everyone to live well.

But even in families that make pretty decent income, over a 100-150 thousand a year might end up with all parties financially crippled from a divorce settlement.

Which is why a lot of people probbaly stay in bad marriages.

Here we have one of the GREATEST reasons for getting an education! I am working my a** off in law school right now, so now matter what happens to me, I can take care of myself and my loved ones. Unfortunately bad things like divorce, illness, accidents, etc. happen but being able to stand on your own two feet is KEY. As long as I "keep my nose clean" (i.e. don't rob any banks or otherwise get in trouble) I will be able to find some kind of job that will pay the bills.

A very nice feeling to have.

[PKTSU01]

Originally posted by G8Ralphaxi


Here we have one of the GREATEST reasons for getting an education! I am working my a** off in law school right now, so now matter what happens to me, I can take care of myself and my loved ones. Unfortunately bad things like divorce, illness, accidents, etc. happen but being able to stand on your own two feet is KEY. As long as I "keep my nose clean" (i.e. don't rob any banks or otherwise get in trouble) I will be able to find some kind of job that will pay the bills.

A very nice feeling to have.

You have my respect.

[PKTSU01]

Originally posted by valkyrie


You go, girl! I completely agree. It is so important for everyone (especially women) to have the education, experience and skills to be self-sufficient. I love my husband and trust him completely, but I don't ever want to be financially dependent on anyone. Plus, law is so fun.

Law?...FUN?...you feeling ok?

[valkyrie]

Originally posted by PKTSU01


Law?...FUN?...you feeling ok?

LOL! I've been loopy all day today! I'm sitting at my desk PRETENDING that this is all fun...

[G8Ralphaxi]

Originally posted by PKTSU01


Law?...FUN?...you feeling ok?

It is fun. Law school, and the practice of law for that matter, is WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much work if you don't enjoy it. There are easier ways to make money. If you don't love it, you should find something else. Lawyers/law students I know that are doing it for other reasons (the money, prestige, family pressure/expectations) are very unhappy and burn out quickly.

[G8Ralphaxi]

Originally posted by PKTSU01


You have my respect.

Gee thanks [blush blush]

I seriously plan on getting married, having a cute little family, white picket fence, etc. etc. etc. And I'm not marrying anyone unless he's my best friend. That way when we're gray and wrinkly we'll still be happy. I really want to do the marriage thing ONCE and get it right the FIRST TIME.

However, if it doesn't work out, I have no intention of being homeless.

You remember that scene in "Gone With the Wind" when Scarlett pulls up the carrots (I think it's carrots, right? Some of you fellow Southern ladies help me out here) from the ground at Tara, and she exclaims something like "By the Grace of God, I'll never go hungry again!!!". (The sun is setting behind her, music swelling, wow! drama! )

That's my take on things. Law school is my carrots.

[aggieAXO]

All I have to say is watch out guys-maybe in the past women would "tolerate" this b/c of financial reasons, but as a professional I know I would not. I make plenty of moolah to support myself and have just about anything I want so I defintely don't want a man that is going to do that. It sounds like the rest of the woman on this board are self sufficient-go us!!!!Now if kids are involved that is a more difficult situation. Since I don't have kids I can't comment on what I would do if I found out my man was cheating.

[Hootie]

Originally posted by G8Ralphaxi


Gee thanks [blush blush]

I seriously plan on getting married, having a cute little family, white picket fence, etc. etc. etc. And I'm not marrying anyone unless he's my best friend. That way when we're gray and wrinkly we'll still be happy. I really want to do the marriage thing ONCE and get it right the FIRST TIME.

However, if it doesn't work out, I have no intention of being homeless.

You remember that scene in "Gone With the Wind" when Scarlett pulls up the carrots (I think it's carrots, right? Some of you fellow Southern ladies help me out here) from the ground at Tara, and she exclaims something like "By the Grace of God, I'll never go hungry again!!!". (The sun is setting behind her, music swelling, wow! drama! )

That's my take on things. Law school is my carrots.

HUGE GONE WITH THE WIND FAN HERE...

potatoes...raw, dirty potato!

[DeltAlum]

So James,

I can't decide whether your post was too clinical or too cynical.

There are a couple of other reasons beyond financial, paternal/maternal, and lack of self confidence or esteem to get married. The institution and family matters it represents are battered, but still worthwhile.

In some cases people really do (dare I say it?) love each other. Or at least enjoy each other enough to think they would like to spend their lives with each other. To many of them, fidelity is extremely important. Is there something wrong with that? Seems to me it's a reasonable thing to strive for.

As for your reference to gay couples, I suspect there aren't more gay marriages because only a couple of state recognize them. I can't disagree that some reasons are politically motivated -- but not all.

If folks don't want to commit themselves to a long lasting (let's say for life) relationship, then the points you make may be correct, but as I read most of the rest of the posts, fidelity and deeper human emotions are still important.

Thank goodness for that.