What's with all these invites?

Army Wife'79 · #1 05-17-2008, 02:00 PM

OK I'm really grouchy about this. This week I got two wedding invites and two high school grad invites from people who I haven't seen in many years (but are on the annual Christmas Card list). I haven't seen the bride since she was in 6th grade, and the 2nd invite, I haven't seen the groom since he was maybe in first grade. The two H.S. invites are kids who wouldn't know me if I walked by them in the mall. I haven't seen either sets of parents for 10 years and 2 years. These are all people we were stationed with over the years but it's not like we see them on vacations or anything. I did NOT send these people invitations when my kids graduated H.S. and will not be sending them invitations to my son's wedding next year. It just feels like a "shake down" for gifts.

I think if the honorees (bride/groom/graduate) would not recognize the person being invited, they should NOT send them invitations to special events. Your thoughts?

SoCalGirl · #2 05-17-2008, 02:43 PM

Are the high school ones invites or announcements? I sent announcements to plenty of people that I had no expectation of coming to graduation. But then I also sent them with no expectation of gifts and was stoked to receive some checks.

nittanyalum · #3 05-17-2008, 02:44 PM

I know exactly what you mean! We just received a high school graduation announcement and college graduation announcement in the last week for children of distant relatives we haven't heard from in years. But yeah, sure, we'd love to send your kid some money, thanks for thinking of us.

The topper, though, was the wedding invitation from relatives who have consistently ignored Christmas cards and other "big event" news from us (including our wedding), but we recently "reconnected" with them at a FUNERAL. And now they invite us to one of their kids' weddings (who we wouldn't know if we fell over her) halfway across the country? Again, gee, thanks for the thoughtful gesture...

Benzgirl · #4 05-17-2008, 02:51 PM

Most often, it's the parent's fault. They feel obligated to invite someone who gave their kid a onesie when they were born. This happened to my brother when he married and would to me if I ever decided to get married.

I can't tell you how many invites I have simply sent regrets because I didn't know the graduate/bride-to-be. In the case of a graduation party that I don't plan to attend, I follow up with a graduation card and a nice note -- it doesn't cost big bucks and it's a nice gesture. If the family lives in the same town and I would like to go to catch up on things, I take a nominal gift (gift card). Basically, the same for the wedding, however if I attend, I do send a nicer gift or money.

My cousin's daughter is graduating from high school in a couple of weeks. I haven't seen the kid since she WAS a kid and they live about 150 miles away. It's the same thing: we send Christmas cards each year. I got her a card and a $25 Border's Gift Card and I plan to send them with a note to both the graduate and the mother.

Army Wife'79 · #5 05-17-2008, 03:23 PM

correction: they were "announcements" to the high school grads and not "invitations". Well, I think your $25 gift card is pretty nice considering that's a half a tank of gas nowdays. :-) I know Miss Manners says a response is not necessary in these cases, but it still irks me and I always end up buying a gift and mailing it just so they don't all talk about me behind my back. Although they are probably all saying what a "cheap" gift it was. ha ha.

Benzgirl · #6 05-17-2008, 04:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Army Wife'79

correction: they were "announcements" to the high school grads and not "invitations". Well, I think your $25 gift card is pretty nice considering that's a half a tank of gas nowdays. :-) I know Miss Manners says a response is not necessary in these cases, but it still irks me and I always end up buying a gift and mailing it just so they don't all talk about me behind my back. Although they are probably all saying what a "cheap" gift it was. ha ha.

Ummmm....half of a tank was $45 this week. I'm staying home for graduations

AKA_Monet · #7 05-17-2008, 08:53 PM

We have general policy that we send $X for graduation announcements and for weddings from people we nary have seen in a bajillion years, they might get one silverware utensil from their registry, if they have one.

The best gift these days is probably gas cards and costco cards...

aideclaire · #8 05-17-2008, 10:06 PM

great idea AKA_MONET

christiangirl · #9 05-17-2008, 11:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Army Wife'79

It just feels like a "shake down" for gifts.

It probably is. There are many like you--people who send gifts even if they don't go and people play up to that. The more announcements go out, the more checks come in. I wouldn't be surprised if that's what that's about. The other option is what my mother did--she was so excited I was graduating (on time at that) that she told the world. My degree=her bragging rights. I paid for those things with my own money and barely got to keep one for myself because, by the time I found out they'd arrived, my mom had addressed and mailed them to Jim, James, Paul, and Tyrone.

Educatingblue · #10 05-18-2008, 08:57 AM

I normally only get gifts for XYZ occasion for people who reciprocate. I know I was very disappointed at some people whom I normally "support" that did not bother to come to my wedding or send a gift. It sounds snarky, but I keep that in mind when "they" send stuff out.

KSUViolet06 · #11 05-18-2008, 06:58 PM

I got a grad announcement for a kid that my mom babysat when she was like 2 years old. I have not seen her since she was 2. My rule of thumb is that if I can't even picture what you look like, you get no money or gifts from me.

WinniBug · #12 05-18-2008, 07:20 PM

I sent graduation and wedding invitations to some family members and family friends I hadn't seen in a while mostly because I didn't want anyone to get upset or feel left out or forgotten.

SWTXBelle · #13 05-18-2008, 09:19 PM

You are under no obligation to send a gift to a graduate or a wedding you do not attend. I always send a card - if I attend a wedding, I get a gift. If I was close to the graduate, I send a gift. My rule of thumb for sending my daughter's graduation announcements is that I send them to people who would be happy to hear she has graduated. She doesn't expect any gifts, and in fact was pleasantly surprised when she received some.

amanda6035 · #14 05-19-2008, 10:02 AM

My mother "made me" invite about 20 people she works with to my wedding. I knew most of their names, and new some much better than others...but I figured since my folks were paying for the wedding, they got their claim on a portion of the invites...

gpb1874 · #15 05-19-2008, 12:02 PM

I don't tend to think of all the invites as wanting a gift, although I'm sure some are! My parents were like christiangirl.....they just wanted to tell people and didn't do it to get gifts.

Now, for my wedding, I just sent invites to relatives we had seen or heard from in the last year or two. My family is super small, so no problem, but my husband has a huge extended family and we just were not going to send invites to all of them. Some families just want to be polite and not leave people out, so the parents request invites be sent to everyon they know. I think that's a little excessive!