Should I join now or wait?

[remmie_k]

Hiii, I am a Freshman at U. Memphis. My parents didn't want me to attend here as their alma mater is U. Tenn but I am not ready to go hours away because we live in Collierville. I'm the only daughter so I understand why my mom wants me to wait and join her sorority but I don't see it being easy or useful Junior year. I might transfer after Freshman year but I am just not sure about living away from home! U. Tenn definitely has larger chapters but I know I will be bored at U. Memphis not joining anything. I would love to be part of my moms but most of my friends join ADPi so I would love to be their sister also. I could affiliate at U. Tenn also when I transfer and still be a part of a sorority! There is really pros and cons on both sides so I am torn. If anyone has gone through this and can share their stories please do! So ladies, my question is should I join now with my friends or hold out for my mom?

[OHNOITSJESS]

Originally Posted by remmie_k

Hiii, I am a Freshman at U. Memphis. My parents didn't want me to attend here as their alma mater is U. Tenn but I am not ready to go hours away because we live in Collierville. I'm the only daughter so I understand why my mom wants me to wait and join her sorority but I don't see it being easy or useful Junior year. I might transfer after Freshman year but I am just not sure about living away from home! U. Tenn definitely has larger chapters but I know I will be bored at U. Memphis not joining anything. I would love to be part of my moms but most of my friends join ADPi so I would love to be their sister also. I could affiliate at U. Tenn also when I transfer and still be a part of a sorority! There is really pros and cons on both sides so I am torn. If anyone has gone through this and can share their stories please do! So ladies, my question is should I join now with my friends or hold out for my mom?

QFP
How about you try recruitment and see for yourself where you fit in? Stop trying to fit the mold of your Mom or your friend's organizations. You might like in one of their oganizations, you may not and find a home somewhere else.

Same with the college, if you like it at Memphis stay there. Don't go somewhere or do something JUST because your parents told you too (they are great for advice tho, and what they think should be kept in mind) but ultimately its your decision.

Sorry if i came across as snappy/harsh in my post. thats def. not what i wanted to convey.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by remmie_k

Hiii, I am a Freshman at U. Memphis. My parents didn't want me to attend here as their alma mater is U. Tenn but I am not ready to go hours away because we live in Collierville. I'm the only daughter so I understand why my mom wants me to wait and join her sorority but I don't see it being easy or useful Junior year. I might transfer after Freshman year but I am just not sure about living away from home! U. Tenn definitely has larger chapters but I know I will be bored at U. Memphis not joining anything. I would love to be part of my moms but most of my friends join ADPi so I would love to be their sister also. I could affiliate at U. Tenn also when I transfer and still be a part of a sorority! There is really pros and cons on both sides so I am torn. If anyone has gone through this and can share their stories please do! So ladies, my question is should I join now with my friends or hold out for my mom?

Some things to think about:

No matter WHERE you choose to go through recruitment (Memphis or UT) keep an open mind to ALL chapters on campus. I know you like ADPi and your mom is one, but NO ONE is guaranteed a bid, not even someone whose mother is a chapter member. At a big school, there could be MANY women whose moms are ADPis going through recruitment, and the chapter can not take all of them.

This forum has many stories of girls who were not invited to join mom's sorority. So keep that in mind.

Also, generally speaking, you should make college-related decisions based on YOU and not your mom.

Some things to consider about transfering:

Forst of all, you are not guaranteed a bid to ADpi, or really ANY sorority for that matter.

Consider the fact that if you DID get a bid and transfer schools, not every chapter is the same. You could join a chapter at Memphis and it might be TOTALLY different from the UT chapter.

Some sororities also do not automatically accept transfer affiliates from other schools due to the size of the chapter.

UT is an SEC school where chapters tend to favor freshmen. An upperclassman transfer student may not have the same chances at getting a bid.

This is really going to have to be YOUR decision. Those are just some points to consider.

[violetpretty]

I didn't read it as the OP saying she is an ADPi legacy, just that it's what most of her friends joined. Does your mom's sorority have a chapter at Memphis? Why are you going to Memphis if you are planning on transferring?

This is a tough one. I don't know what I would do. Recruitment as a sophomore is going to be tough at Tennessee. However, there's no guarantee that you'll be able to transfer and join the chapter at Tennessee if you join one of the chapters at Memphis that also has a chapter at Tennessee, and no guarantee that you'll like the chapter at Tennessee.

Bottom line, you have nothing to lose by going through recruitment at Memphis and then making your decisions from there.

I would edit my signature if I were you. Looks a little presumptuous.

[FSUZeta]

remmie, only you will be able to determine that. your best bet would be to go thru rush at the university of memphis, learn about the sororities there, meet the members in each chapter and see if you feel a connection with any of them.

as far as transferring to a different school, you may really like memphis and decide not to transfer. if you wait to rush, you will have lost a year of sisterhood. on the other hand, should you join a chapter at memphis and then transfer to tennessee, you may not like the tennessee chapter and decide not to affiliate, they might not think you fit in with them or you may fall in love with a group at memphis that is not at tennessee. all sorts of things can happen.

even though you have friends in a chapter at memphis, you may not click with the other members, and you may not be offered a bid. even though you are a legacy, you may not receive a bid to your mom's sorority, should you wait to rush at tennessee. it's a lot to think about.

just be prepared with recs. and references to all the chapters at u of memphis, give them all a chance and see what happens. good luck!

[AXOrushadvisor]

Originally Posted by remmie_k

Hiii, I am a Freshman at U. Memphis. My parents didn't want me to attend here as their alma mater is U. Tenn but I am not ready to go hours away because we live in Collierville. I'm the only daughter so I understand why my mom wants me to wait and join her sorority but I don't see it being easy or useful Junior year. I might transfer after Freshman year but I am just not sure about living away from home! U. Tenn definitely has larger chapters but I know I will be bored at U. Memphis not joining anything. I would love to be part of my moms but most of my friends join ADPi so I would love to be their sister also. I could affiliate at U. Tenn also when I transfer and still be a part of a sorority! There is really pros and cons on both sides so I am torn. If anyone has gone through this and can share their stories please do! So ladies, my question is should I join now with my friends or hold out for my mom?

Will you be living on campus or will you be commuting from home? I was in a similar situation when I went to college. I thought I was going to transfer after my Freshman year. Guess what, I went through recruitment joined a sorority and had so much fun I never looked back. One of the great things about going away to school far from home is that you don't have friends influencing your decisions. It would be so much fun to be a part of a group of girls that you already know, but think how much fun it would be to be a part of a group that knows nothing about you and you know nothing about them? It would be a whole new chapter in your Book of Life. My advice to you would be to go through recruitment to see if there is a match. I understand that your Mom would love for you to be a sister, but there is no guarantee that you'll even like her group or that they will like you. On top of that if recruitment is competitive at U of T it might be very difficult to navigate the recruitment waters as an upper class man. Good luck to you.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by violetpretty

I would edit my signature if I were you. Looks a little presumptuous.

And hold back on some of the personal information. By naming her hometown, I'm betting it wouldn't be too hard for anyone at U Memphi to figure out who she is -- no need to tell the chapters there you might transfer.

[Psi U MC Vito]

Originally Posted by violetpretty

I would edit my signature if I were you. Looks a little presumptuous.

Am I missing something? Those are song lyrics aren't they?

[sydney bristow]

Originally Posted by Psi U MC Vito

Am I missing something? Those are song lyrics aren't they?

The <> <> <> pattern looks an awful lot like ADPi's symbol.

[BeeBee23]

I had this issue too. I went to a school planning on staying there all four years and then ended up not liking it and transferring back to the university near home. Anyway, I went through recuritment at the first school and didn't really feel like I fit in at the chapters there (there weren't many to choose from) and already had feelings about possibly transferring, so I decided to drop out of recruitment. The next year, I transferred to a bigger school with a very competitive rush (with a ton more houses to choose from) and LOVED recuritment. I could see myself fitting in in several houses, and ended up accepting a bid at the end of the week. My suggestion would be to go through rush and see if you feel connected/like you could fit in at any of the houses at memphis. Put it this way, there are going to be girls you can be friends with in ANY house, so if you really love a chapter at memphis and they offer a bid, why not take it. Don't worry about what your mom is or what your friends are...YOU'RE the one rushing and potentially pledging a sorority in which you will be a member for life, so do this for yourself and do what will make you happy. Go through and see how you feel about it, if its not right and you end up transferring...try it again.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by sydney bristow

The <> <> <> pattern looks an awful lot like ADPi's symbol.

I don't think it has anything to do with that, as she started it ><><>< It just looks like a bunch of cross-stitches to me.

If you wait to rush till you're a junior at UT, you will most likely be screwed. It was a lot different back in your mom's day and that's why she is giving you the horribly bad advice to wait.

I agree with everyone who said go through rush at UM and see how things work out. It sounds to me like you're being pushed into transferring to UT by your parents. We have this up here too - kids are going to schools they like are pushed by their parents to transfer to Penn State for their last two years so they can have that Penn State degree and alumni networking. Never mind the kids are enjoying themselves where they are, get to Penn State which is ginormous and everyone's already made friends, and are miserable.

[sydney bristow]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I don't think it has anything to do with that, as she started it ><><>< It just looks like a bunch of cross-stitches to me.

If you wait to rush till you're a junior at UT, you will most likely be screwed. It was a lot different back in your mom's day and that's why she is giving you the horribly bad advice to wait.

I agree with everyone who said go through rush at UM and see how things work out. It sounds to me like you're being pushed into transferring to UT by your parents. We have this up here too - kids are going to schools they like are pushed by their parents to transfer to Penn State for their last two years so they can have that Penn State degree and alumni networking. Never mind the kids are enjoying themselves where they are, get to Penn State which is ginormous and everyone's already made friends, and are miserable.

Actually that's what I thought too but I was explaining why someone said she might want to change her siggy. On the grand scheme of GC things a design in one's signature is pretty low on the perp totem pole.

[BeeBee23]

I agree with 33girl about the rushing as a junior...transferring as a sophomore you might get a bid, but it's still harder than going as a freshman thats for sure (unless UT has an upperclassmen quota in place or the sororities don't care about class year)

[remmie_k]

33girl, I don't think my mom's advise is bad she is just wanting her only daughter to be like her. I honestly think joining is easier now because so many girls go to college and even in the late 70s women wanting to show what they could do. I know recommendation letters are still a must at Tennessee but girls try to focus on each other more than what my mom had to go through especially with the WWII widow house mother. I am sure about a quota for upperclass women just a usual quota of around 50.

[remmie_k]

Wow, I just wrote a response to each of you and somehow it didn't post. To all it is a song and I didn't realise it resembled a marquise cut. My mother's sorority is 1 of 4 not at U. Mem's campus and similar to your friends my parents would prefer the U. Tenn degree for job oppertunites and such. BeeBee23, I love you and your outlook on everything! I personally want to be an ADPi but I do get my mom wanting her only daughter to be like her. I can't remember the rest of what I wrote but thank you all!