How Not To Be a New Member

[Charms67]

I am a regular Greekchat member but for reasons that you'll see, I can not use my real name.

I see many girls come onto Greekchat at this time of year and they're unhappy because of their bid. So was I, many years ago.

I had my heart set on one sorority and I don't know why that one exactly because our school had many sororities. I thought they were the greatest. I thought they were a top group and in high school, I was in a middle group. It was nice but I wanted to be at the top for once, just once.

Great Group cut me and I got a bid from a group everyone thought of as "middle". Of course. On bid day, all I did was look over at the GGs and envy all their new members. A few of them were ugly! Some of them were from out of state! And they were screaming and crying and wearing the letters I had dreamed of for months.

I didn't quit because sophomore rerushers rarely did well at my university. I envied GG all year. I was a ghost member of my group, MM. I came to meetings and hid in the back. I didn't volunteer. I thought about transferring and rerushing but what if I ended up in a middle group again? Why didn't anyone think I could be top?

For four years, I enviously watched GG and their successes in everything. They ruled that campus. I was in many activities but knew I could have been in more if GG had opened doors for me. That's how it was at that school. I didn't bond with my sisters.

Now, many years out of school, I really don't have a bond with my sisters although many live nearby, and it's my fault. Worse, I still feel a twinge of longing when I see GG letters. Now this is only with sorority life, I'm not fixated on other things like this, but I will probably never get past that one thing:the freshman sting of feeling like I would never be top.

Don't be like me. Bond with your new sisters and make forever connections.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by Charms67

I am a regular Greekchat member but for reasons that you'll see, I can not use my real name.

I see many girls come onto Greekchat at this time of year and they're unhappy because of their bid. So was I, many years ago.

I had my heart set on one sorority and I don't know why that one exactly because our school had many sororities. I thought they were the greatest. I thought they were a top group and in high school, I was in a middle group. It was nice but I wanted to be at the top for once, just once.

Great Group cut me and I got a bid from a group everyone thought of as "middle". Of course. On bid day, all I did was look over at the GGs and envy all their new members. A few of them were ugly! Some of them were from out of state! And they were screaming and crying and wearing the letters I had dreamed of for months.

I didn't quit because sophomore rerushers rarely did well at my university. I envied GG all year. I was a ghost member of my group, MM. I came to meetings and hid in the back. I didn't volunteer. I thought about transferring and rerushing but what if I ended up in a middle group again? Why didn't anyone think I could be top?

For four years, I enviously watched GG and their successes in everything. They ruled that campus. I was in many activities but knew I could have been in more if GG had opened doors for me. That's how it was at that school. I didn't bond with my sisters.

Now, many years out of school, I really don't have a bond with my sisters although many live nearby, and it's my fault. Worse, I still feel a twinge of longing when I see GG letters. Now this is only with sorority life, I'm not fixated on other things like this, but I will probably never get past that one thing:the freshman sting of feeling like I would never be top.

Don't be like me. Bond with your new sisters and make forever connections.

Wow. Yes, to all of the new members out there: don't make this mistake.

It seems strange to say this to a regular on GC, and I'm not sure if these are obvious questions and advice, but...

- Is there an alumnae chapter in your area that you can join?
- Have you ever been to Convention?
- Have you thought about volunteering as a chapter advisor, or on an inter/national level?

Do you think that immersing yourself in your sorority will help at this point, or are you past all of that?

[KSUViolet06]

This is good stuff.

However, I would suggest that if you are still hanging on to your recruitment result from college to the point of having it affect other areas of your life and your self-concept, you need to seek therapy.

[carnation]

It may be primarily a Southern thing, but I've heard many women who've been alums for a long time express regrets about their membership. They talk about how their lives would have been different had they been bid to other groups and in some cases, they're probably right. Glass ceiling and all that.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by carnation

It may be primarily a Southern thing, but I've heard many women who've been alums for a long time express regrets about their membership. They talk about how their lives would have been different had they been bid to other groups and in some cases, they're probably right. Glass ceiling and all that.

I think it matters more depending on where you live.

My sorority sister is a Texas transplant from IL.

She said even in adulthood, there is a level of clique-y that exists there based on what sorority you are in.

Ex: She is part of Junior League in her city and women are very "you can't sit with us" at JL events because this table is only for (example) Thetas.

She is not the only Sigma in her League so it is not a huge deal for her, but it is for those who are new to the area, and part of a sorority that does not have representation in that region. Ex: She made friends with a lady who is ASA and has had a hard time getting to know people because everyone has sisters they tend to stick to.

Sidetone: Heaven forbid you are not Greek AT ALL in said League. It's almost unheard of.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by carnation

It may be primarily a Southern thing, but I've heard many women who've been alums for a long time express regrets about their membership. They talk about how their lives would have been different had they been bid to other groups and in some cases, they're probably right. Glass ceiling and all that.

Double posting but I have actually heard of people saying that they would have married "better" (ex: a doctor, lawyer, etc.) if they had been a _______.

[carnation]

Yes, that's one thing I hear a lot from women of all ages. That and what you said about post-college clubs could be a way that one could be continually reminded of her so-called status even after college. I can picture that happening in certain towns.

[Titchou]

And it's true with the same group but who live in different areas of town. I'm not going to name this group here but in Birmingham, they have 2 alum groups. To be a member of one of them you have to not only live in THAT suburb but you have to be invited to join that alum group;otherwise, you have to join the Birmingham one.

[AnchorAlumna]

Here in our mid-sized city in Alabama, it's the opposite. The mere fact that you're Greek makes you A-OK. Of course, Junior League is not what it used to be. Hell, the town is not what it used to be, thanks to our city council's vigorous pursuit of chicken processing plants 30 years ago.
But that was one thing that amazed me, to be accepted because of having a degree and being Greek, no matter which group.

[carnation]

Originally Posted by Titchou

And it's true with the same group but who live in different areas of town. I'm not going to name this group here but in Birmingham, they have 2 alum groups. To be a member of one of them you have to not only live in THAT suburb but you have to be invited to join that alum group;otherwise, you have to join the Birmingham one.

Ha! I just told a group of Greek women about this and they swore that an invitational alum group could never happen. But I know which suburb you're talking about and if forced to take "the rabble", they might just make them feel so awful that they'd leave.

[Titchou]

Originally Posted by carnation

Ha! I just told a group of Greek women about this and they swore that an invitational alum group could never happen. But I know which suburb you're talking about and if forced to take "the rabble", they might just make them feel so awful that they'd leave.

HA!

[PhilTau]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Double posting but I have actually heard of people saying that they would have married "better" (ex: a doctor, lawyer, etc.) if they had been a _______.

Saw this on the recent bump. It made me grin. People can really be their own worst critic.

Long ago I attended law school at SMU, which is on SMU's main campus. As most of you know, Greek life at SMU has always been an important part of that university's social life. While there, a fairly large percentage of law students (both men and women) lived in a law school dormitory on the law quad, where they mixed regularly with the undergraduates. Though most of the male law students at that time were the right age for the undergraduate women, for some reason, there was very little dating among the law school students and sorority women at SMU. We pretty much stayed to ourselves, but would have very much liked to have had at least some interaction with those groups. Anyway, I can say with 100 percent certainty that no one at SMU's law school had any interest in any perceived pecking order of SMU's sororities or Greek life. The reality is that we were just too busy to care.

[FSUZeta]

During my time at FSU one sorority had a social with the law school.

[JonInKC]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Ex: She is part of Junior League in her city and women are very "you can't sit with us" at JL events because this table is only for (example) Thetas.

Wow. She pays dues to the same organization they're in and can't sit at their table. It's 8th grade all over again.

She must really like that organization because I would be like Cartman. "Screw you guys, I'm goin' home."

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

Wow. Yes, to all of the new members out there: don't make this mistake.

It seems strange to say this to a regular on GC, and I'm not sure if these are obvious questions and advice, but...

- Is there an alumnae chapter in your area that you can join?
- Have you ever been to Convention?
- Have you thought about volunteering as a chapter advisor, or on an inter/national level?

Do you think that immersing yourself in your sorority will help at this point, or are you past all of that?

I appreciated the sentiments of the above post about finding the right house. It can make the whole difference, in a positive way if you follow your heart. Choosing a house that is not a good fit for you can be devastating. I know this from experience.