Afraid of getting hurt...

newbie · #1 04-17-2002, 09:52 PM

Hey guys,

Lately, I've been really tentative when it comes to guys and relationships. I've been burned pretty badly in the past (w/ the exception of one wonderful relationship), and I guess I'm so afraid of getting hurt.

There is this one guy who is awesome who I think would be great for me, but I'm not opening myself up to him. I used to be really outgoing with guys and would actively pursue the guy that I liked. But now, I'm closing myself off from him and am scared.

I know I should just open myself to the possibility of getting hurt, because the relationship might be something amazing. But I just can't...

Any advice? Comments?

Thanks!!

justamom · #2 04-18-2002, 07:07 AM

Newbie, dumb as this may sound-why bother? You have the summer ahead of you and COLLEGE around the corner-not the best time to start some deeply romantic relationship. If you two get things going, great, but there are so many other things you can put your energy into. Like old Ringo Starr said-"All ya gotta do is-act naturally" If it happens it happens-if not, look down the road a few short months! The whole world is about to open up for you!

87azdalum · #3 04-18-2002, 10:26 AM

How well do you know this guy? Are you two dating or is he someone you know by association (work, friends, hangout) that you'd like to get to know? My advice would be to just let things happen naturally, as hard as I know that is.

If you're dating, just have a good time with him and be yourself. If you're not dating yet, just be friends and get to know him better to see if something develops. And, since summer is approaching, keep your options open for anyone new - you never know when Mr. Right is going to come into your life!

shopgirl · #4 04-18-2002, 11:06 PM

Hey Newbie!!!

I haven't been around much, but I was wondering if you decided on a college? I know, I'm probably really late on this. But fill me in if you will!!!

Shopgirl

Periwinkle · #5 04-19-2002, 12:06 AM

I would take it very slow. People tend to rush into relationships too fast anyway. I think we set "romance possibility" expectations much too soon. I broke up with my b/f when we went away to separate colleges and that was a good decision. Its much better to start school unattached and let yourself be fully available to experience what the first year offers.

Optimist Prime · #6 04-19-2002, 07:03 PM

Newbie....
You are such a sweet person and I'm sorry you were hurt. I would take it slow, but if you like this guy, then I say go for it! You never know what you may be missing out. I have been hurt a few times. The best pick me up from love hurts is a poem called "Lochinvar" It might not work for girls though. I will try to post it if i can find it online for you. But remember, if this guy starts to be jerk and says he'll call then doesn't (after a week or two into things) or seems to be only about that thing, then just remember this saying to tell yourself, and to him: Bitch Please, I ain't tryin to hear that nonsence.

AchtungBaby80 · #7 04-19-2002, 09:14 PM

Don't worry about it so much. I dated the same guy from the end of my junior year to the middle of my freshman year in college, and it was not a good idea--I should have been out at the movies with my friends and getting to know a lot of different guys instead of sitting at home until my boyfriend got off work. Why not start out by just being his buddy, and then if something more starts to progress, well...then you'll have a good friend and a boyfriend.

But I still think you should be out flirting with several different guys.

If I had taken my own advice, I wouldn't be sitting here waiting for my boyfriend (who's two hours late) to pick me up for my date party.

#8 04-22-2002, 04:23 AM

Ladies and gentlemen, I don't mean to steal the spotlight off of Car, but I'm finding myself in the same situation.

I met this guy a few weeks ago through my cousin. At first it was nothing...no attraction...nothing. But after getting to know him better, I started to look forward to his phone calls. I got excited when I knew I was going to see him.

Yesterday morning I left for Maui, and my ride to the airport bailed on me, and my mom was working overtime. Instead of calling a cab, I called him and I hoped that he'd be able to take me. I woke his butt up at 7AM and he was willing to make that trek from the other side of the island. He even took the time out to come and pick me up from the airport.

I ended up falling asleep in his arms last night as we watched Serendipity... I haven't felt this way about anyone since Brady. I really like this guy, but I'm scared. It's been a party since I became single last year and, like Car, I am scared to open myself up to him. I'm afraid of being hurt again...and at the same time I'm afraid to be the one who might hurt him.

I'm not really losing any sleep over this. In fact, I've been sleeping better since I've met him (seriously!)! It just sucks not knowing what to make of what I feel.