Dropped as a Pledge

Coolguy · #1 10-24-2010, 11:51 PM

I just got word from my Pledge ED that was I dropped because no one wanted to pick me up as a Lil Bro. I really have no idea what happened and I'm honestly surprised that no one wanted me. This comes as a big blow to my confidence considering the only type of social life I had was with the fraternity. I put so much time and effort into being a member of the fraternity and then to have that bomb dropped on me really hurts. I was really looking forward to the brotherhood of lifetimes with my pledge brothers and now here I am at home upset that they'll be having a great time while I'm missing out. Crappy thing is that one pledge was arrested as a pledge, yet he remains and I'm out. If anything, it was seen as something positive because it makes for a great story (go figure). That just confuses the hell outta me.

I'm stumped as to what to do now. I guess I'll just focus on clubs and school. This sucks.

33girl · #2 10-24-2010, 11:53 PM

If this really is the case, the pledgemaster should have taken you as a little. That's part of his responsibility. But that alone should not have gotten you booted.

This sounds like only half of the story.

Coolguy · #3 10-24-2010, 11:57 PM

It actually is the entire story. I didn't do anything wrong except for losing a pledge pin (although 3 others lost theirs as well and they remain). Not only that, there was a swimming event that I had to partake in because some actives weren't able to do it. It was completely last minute and I was sick as hell too, and I still managed to pull it off with the rest of the members. The Pledge Ed said some BS about how "he loves me" and that I'm his "kid". Yeah, right, but I understand that he was just trying to be nice.

Psi U MC Vito · #4 10-25-2010, 12:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coolguy

I just got word from my Pledge ED that was I dropped because no one wanted to pick me up as a Lil Bro. I really have no idea what happened and I'm honestly surprised that no one wanted me. This comes as a big blow to my confidence considering the only type of social life I had was with the fraternity. I put so much time and effort into being a member of the fraternity and then to have that bomb dropped on me really hurts. I was really looking forward to the brotherhood of lifetimes with my pledge brothers and now here I am at home upset that they'll be having a great time while I'm missing out. Crappy thing is that one pledge was arrested as a pledge, yet he remains and I'm out. If anything, it was seen as something positive because it makes for a great story (go figure). That just confuses the hell outta me.

I'm stumped as to what to do now. I guess I'll just focus on clubs and school. This sucks.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coolguy

It actually is the entire story. I didn't do anything wrong except for losing a pledge pin (although 3 others lost theirs as well and they remain). Not only that, there was a swimming event that I had to partake in because some actives weren't able to do it. It was completely last minute and I was sick as hell too, and I still managed to pull it off with the rest of the members. The Pledge Ed said some BS about how "he loves me" and that I'm his "kid". Yeah, right, but I understand that he was just trying to be nice.

I'm sorry, but I call BS. I find it hard to believe not a single Brother wanted you as a little. Also, I don't see the point of this thread.

Coolguy · #5 10-25-2010, 12:17 AM

The point of the thread is to see if me being dropped for the reason I stated is legitimate. And apparently that was the case(no one wanting to by my big bro) as I was told by my Pledge Ed/Pledgemaster. That is why I'm completely dumbfounded and disappointed. I'll call him up and discuss what happened and why I was dropped.

Psi U MC Vito · #6 10-25-2010, 12:21 AM

Well every single fraternity, and most chapters have different rules requiring the forced depledging of somebody. So we really can't tell you if that is a legit reason to drop you. But it doesn't smell right at all.

ETA: Also it's possible that he isn't allowed, or doesn't want to discuss the real reason and is making up this BS story.

knight_shadow · #7 10-25-2010, 01:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

If this really is the case, the pledgemaster should have taken you as a little. That's part of his responsibility.

That's not really his responsibility.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coolguy

It actually is the entire story.

No, there's probably something else that was going on.

Coolguy · #8 10-25-2010, 01:35 AM

I spoke to the Pledge Ed and he said it was simply that I wasn't outgoing enough and that I didn't allow them to get to know me (It's just how I am. I suppose it's an area I can improve on, but it's tough for me to open up) However, one of my close Pledge buddies spoke to one of the officers in the fraternity and that it was because I made out with a girl on the dance floor during one of our exchanges and that she didn't like it. Although she gave me her number after it happened(Didn't call her considering we were both drunk as hell) I'm not sure what the true reason behind for my drop. Maybe it's both or just one of them. Anyway, this sounds like a recipe for disaster and I just wish that he would have been brutally honest from the beginning.

ebdelt · #9 10-25-2010, 02:04 AM

Every pledge class has individuals that are considered less desirable to have as littles. It's just the nature of the game, however there is no way you can be dropped because no one wanted you as their little. The way my fraternity does it, is that whoever has lowest pin rank in the pledge class (you are given a rank immediately before the initiation ceremony for how well you performed in pledgeship) has to take a twin or maybe even triplets if no one wants to take the last couple of pledges.

As far as your situation, no one here can really give you advice unless you give the full story. It sounds unfortunate but at the end of the day you did something that caused the active members to think you should be dropped. Warranted or not it happened. If this story about you and a girl at the party really occurred, I can imagine the scenario, if you crossed some boundaries. Was it really just dancing and making out? Did you try to force yourself on her or be disrespectful/sleazy toward her? Fraternities take their relations with sororities and the female population very seriously and if you are jeopardizing what people think of the fraternity as a whole, than you could be seen as a detriment to the fraternity's reputation and therefore dropped.

Yeah it sucks. I would be devastated if I was dropped during my pledgeship. The best thing I can say is to try to learn from this. Maybe there are some aspects of your personality you are exuding to others that you don't even see. I'd take some time for reflection, and maybe you can try to spring rush or rush in the fall with a different fraternity. You might have to rebuild your reptuation depending on the campus though.

excelblue · #10 10-25-2010, 02:57 AM

First thing I have to say is: ouch.

Just like what the others have said, each fraternity has their own rules on what's legit and not. However, I do have to say that I felt the reason was perfectly legit in the sense that you just don't quite seem to be the type of person they're looking for. Fraternities are not all-accepting clubs, and you have to actually fit in.

What basically happened is that they probably didn't find out enough about you during rush (this is very common especially with the way several fraternities do it), so they gave you a bid. Then, during the pledging process, they didn't see you as a good fit. If they had been more careful, they probably shouldn't have given you a bid in the first place.

In any case, if you're really not up to fixing that not outgoing enough thing, just take a look at some other fraternities in the spring. You might find one that's a better fit.

lucgreek · #11 10-25-2010, 08:27 AM

With some groups, you get a bid during rush because they think don't see anything wrong with you and think you'll be a good fit. Pledging is when they actually determine if you are a good fit and would be a good brother for the chapter.

But you said you never received a big brother? I can't speak for all groups, but mine requires big brothers to be figured out before you can begin pledging. That seems a little strange to me.

Coolguy · #12 10-25-2010, 09:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ebdelt

. If this story about you and a girl at the party really occurred, I can imagine the scenario, if you crossed some boundaries. Was it really just dancing and making out? Did you try to force yourself on her or be disrespectful/sleazy toward her?

Yeah that was the case. I asked her to go upstairs, but she said no and I didn't push it any further. She then dialed her number into my cell phone after I said that she shouldn't because she was way drunk (after I realized this girl was shitfaced). As far as representing the fraternity in a positive light, I don't know what their standards are. A pledge was charged with aggravated assault and battery, sent to jail, and it's seen as something hilarious.

Odd thing is that the Pledge ED said I can still party and hang with them whenever I wanted (excluding exchanges/formals). Maybe he's just being nice. It is devastating, but at least I can put my focus into other things.

33girl · #13 10-25-2010, 12:15 PM

When this other pledge was charged, was it anything to do with a girl?

You obviously crossed a line somewhere and while they like you alright, at this juncture they just don't want you wearing your letters. Also, they may have had a problem like this in the past and are being extra cautious.

ree-Xi · #14 10-25-2010, 12:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coolguy

I spoke to the Pledge Ed and he said it was simply that I wasn't outgoing enough and that I didn't allow them to get to know me (It's just how I am. I suppose it's an area I can improve on, but it's tough for me to open up) However, one of my close Pledge buddies spoke to one of the officers in the fraternity and that it was because I made out with a girl on the dance floor during one of our exchanges and that she didn't like it. Although she gave me her number after it happened(Didn't call her considering we were both drunk as hell) I'm not sure what the true reason behind for my drop. Maybe it's both or just one of them. Anyway, this sounds like a recipe for disaster and I just wish that he would have been brutally honest from the beginning.

So, yeah, it was more than "no one wanted to be my big brother".

You're going to get different answers because A. not everyone knows what "really" happened or B. they aren't allowed to talk about it.

It doesn't seem like they are willing to take you back. I would find ways to move on. This is a cautionary tale of people who ONLY make/stay friends with people in their fraternity/sorority.

Join some clubs, find friends in classes or the dorm. We can't tell you what your chances are in joining another chapter (in case you were going to ask). If you are interested in pursuing another fraternity, you need to BE FRIENDS with people first. Not for the reason of possibly pledging at some point, but for the sake of simply creating relationships.

Good luck.

Coolguy · #15 10-25-2010, 12:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

When this other pledge was charged, was it anything to do with a girl?

You obviously crossed a line somewhere and while they like you alright, at this juncture they just don't want you wearing your letters. Also, they may have had a problem like this in the past and are being extra cautious.

He was charged two days ago and I suppose it involved a girl. He was chasing some down in his underwear. I was there the entire time and tried to get him back into his dorm room. It was my intervention of holding him down that avoided him from being an a real altercation with the RSO in our building. The funny thing is that this guy is a good buddy of mine since we live close to each other.

As far as rushing another fraternity I'm undecided. I really like these guys and I've accepted the fact that they probably won't take me in again, which sucks. Then again, I did feel a bit like an outsider during the pledge period. I felt more at home with my fellow pledges than with the actives. Thanks for the help everyone. I'll use this experience to better myself and maybe this is a blessing in disguise. Perhaps I'm not ready for a fraternity at this point.