Married student wants to Rush this fall....

[scprettygirl]

Hey, I want to rush this fall and I'm a 19 year old married sophmore. Do you think this will lower my chances of receiving a bid? I am a transfer student and don't really know to many people. The sorority I want to rush has a house and may require pledges to live their, which obviously I can not. What do you think? I am on pins and needles as tonight is rush orientation.

Thanks!!!

[James]

I am sure the girls on the site can give a better answer than I can.

But there will be different categories of responses from the girls:

1. You should definitely do it. And some people will mention how they have known older or married people Rushing/pledging/joining.

2. You need to understand that Rush can be very competitive at southern Schools so being married can count against you.

3. Sororities can be pretty time demanding, and you have outside committments that might prevent you from giving the sorority the time it demands.

I am sure there will be questions also:

1. Why do you want to join?

2. What school do you go to?

ETC.

Personally: I say go for it! And don't let anyone talk you out of it

Also, I see no reason you need to mention that you are married during Rush . . . ITs not like its going to come up during conversation lol

[bruinaphi]

Please be aware that some NPC groups have rules against having members that are married and their chapters need to get permission to have active members who are married. If you are going to a school with NPC groups you should talk to your Greek Advisor about these rules.

Good luck no matter what you decide to do!

[James]

As Lauraduv said . . . Find out which Nationals have rules about that in advance . . .

Does anyone know which Nationals have that rule?

Is the rule a hold over from the old days? Because it seems almost discriminatory.

Edited to add: If no one on here knows just fire off an email to an officer from each national at your school. Don't mention the school you want to Rush at, just ask about the rule.

You may not want to talk to your Greek Advisor about it. Its been my experience that sometimes information has a habit of "leaking" from Greek Affairs offices, if only because students will often work there and administrators can be careless what they say around them.

Again. If you go to the sororties that have no such National Policy, I wouldn't mention being married.

I believe that we, Alpha Gamma Delta, have this rule. I believe that any woman collegian who becomes married while still an active in school, has to take on alumnae status.

This by no means says that you can not try to join Alpha Gam. You will most likely have to do Alumnae Initiation. And some of us believe that sometimes being an alum, can be better than being an active. You get to work with your org., not only on the alum level but many times also on the colleigate level. And since you are young and still in school you would possibly be allowed to do normal activities with the chapter.
Check it out not matter whether its Active Collegian Status or Alumnae Status! Go for it.

*AGD's please correct me if wrong, or add to it

[33girl]

I have to say that I would definitely mention that you are married, unless you want to live a lie with sisters fixing you up with their boyfriends' friends and such, or pretending your husband is only your boyfriend. If a group gives you a bid and then you say "oh by the way, I'm married" they will be upset. And it could be a group that would have had no problem with the marriage factor, will be put off by your cover-up.

If it is a group that disallows women from being married, or a group that allows it but would not bid you because of it, trust me, you don't want to be there. So be honest and then go from there. I would say the same thing to married guys going through rush, too.

[Dove Gal]

scprettygirl, check your pm.

[James]

33girl,

I have to respectfully disagree with you. I am not suggesting that she hide it forever or lie if directly asked.

I am strongly recomending that she doesn't mention it during the extremely shallow interview system of formal Rush.

Formal Rush is not a time designed to get to know Rushees on anything but the most superficial level.

All it is a time period where you can kind of get an impression of a person's look, and basic personality. There is no time for anything else.

Some consistant advice that can be given PNM's is to be: Friendly, Outgoing and engaging.

Another piece of advice would be to hide the quirkiness we all have.

Look at the threads on here!

Formal Rush is about liking people yes, but also finding REASONS to eliminate. Especially at the schools that have large pools of applicants.

We have thread after thread on here talking about people being cut for revealing a quirk or having an off day . . . when if they hadn't revealed that then would probbaly have gotten a bid. And then if it came up later when they were better known no one would have cared?

For you girls on here from the large schools . . . Are you telling us that you don't know at least one Sister that has habits or shows regrettable behavior that if she had talked about during formal Rush would probably have gotten her cut?

If they like her, let her get a bid, let her pledge, and if they want to drop her for that one reason later . . . let them.

[33girl]

James - I know what you are saying and I agree. But I know that if I personally was married, I would rather have it on the table and if they want to drop me because of it, drop me and get it over with, rather than wait till I've signed a bid and am bound for a year. I would also have the sorority hear it from me and let them know I'm proud of my marriage, rather than have it get to them second or third-hand.

It absolutely, totally depends on the school - some will not blink an eye and some will freak. There's no one answer.

Originally posted by James
For you girls on here from the large schools . . . Are you telling us that you don't know at least one Sister that has habits or shows regrettable behavior that if she had talked about during formal Rush would probably have gotten her cut?

Uh huh, not only do that, but I know a house full and a greek system full of them.
Point being... there would be no Greek system period cuz we all have bad habits or regrettable behavior, so we all would have been cut.
I see where you are coming from James and to a point I agree that probably the First Round could be considered shallow, but I wouldn't even say that, because of how fast it is. BUt its set up so that girls have the chance to look at ALL houses, instead of just looking at the "popular ones". They thought this would be the most efficent way to do it, otherwise you'd have girls out at houses for hours and days on end.
Also you have to remember that it isnt necessarily the whole house that cuts a girl, especially at the beginning. Girl A is talking to my sisters Suzy, Betty and Jane for 15-25 mins and she lets a quirk slip, and they cut her for it> However, if Girl A, had of been talking me and some sisters in my group, she might not have gotten cut. Maybe we would have founf that bad quirk or regrettable habit, not so bad and funny. It all depends on the person/group who you talk to. AT UM, until you get into the later rounds it's usually 3-5 sisters out of 100 or so, who vote whether you come back or not. Fair? Not always. And a majority of girls will never know the reason why they have been cut. but these are totally different issues from whats at hand. (Has feeling James might start thread about whether Sorority Rush is shallow and stuff )

Back to original programming....
Is the whole, you can't join a sorority or have to take alum status outdated and ludacris in this day and age? IMHO, YES! But its still here and I assume for some reason.
But I agree with 33girl. Don't hide it. Its better to be upfront. That way, you wont waste your time and effort into joining an org. that may not accept you. And as she said, going in not saying anythng and then letting it out, may cause uncomfort in the house for the mere fact that the info was withheld.
I still say go for it!

[James]

UMGirl,

That is exactly my point. The system has to see a lot of girls quickly, its designed to keep as many houses at Total as possible.

However, her situation isn't exactly the same as say a 40 year old married woman with 3 kids Rushing . . . That type of situation defines a lot of your life.

She is 19 and going to college and in a place in her life that lets her join a sorority. For all practical purposes she is not much different than a 19 year old girl involved in a long term relationship that she has no intention of leaving . . .

Or a 19 year old with a fiancee, I think a 19 year old with a fiancee might actually get a cluster of girls around her admiring her ring . . . and it probably wouldnt hurt her during Rush . . .

And yet she would have the same exact limits on her freedom in a long term relationship or engaged . . .


Its just that people VIEW it differently because marriage is a loaded word. It conjures a lot of ideas . . .

Does everyone see the difference? Does everyone understand what I am saying?

There is a wierd standard. A girl can be in a long term relationship that limits her freedom, or engaged that limits her freedom . . . but it is viewed differently than marriage. Even though the same situation applies.

All I am saying is that she should maximize her fair shot at a Sorority liking her as a person versus getting cut because of a silly stereotype.

Am I that off base here?

[nyrdrms]

This past semester we had a new member who was married, and 3 months pregnant, when she received her bid. So it can be done!!! I say go for it.

As far as how to act during rush or rules concerning married members, I would say not to hide the fact that you are married. If you hide it, and it comes out later during rush, it could hurt you because the sisters will think you lied about it. If you hide it, and it comes out after you receive a bid, you might be in a weird position.... Some organizations that have the automatic alum status rule concerning married or pregnant members don't have to have national approval, simply a chapter vote (and if they voted to extend a bid to you, I would imagine that they'd vote to keep you as well), but some do to keep such a member as an active collegiate member. By getting it out of the way and telling the sisters that you are married, if they like you and want to extend a bid, they can take the necessary precautions to doing so.

Good luck!!!

[AOIIBrandi]

Time for my $.02...

James, you are not totally off base, and normally I do tell women to keep certain things to themselves, but this is just not one of them.

I would say that bringing it up first round is probably not a good idea. You should let the women get to know you and want to invite you back on your merits. They will probably not ask because Boys being one of the B's is generally off limits, but don't lie if they do ask (I'm assuming they will see your ring). I would say it is definitely something you will want to discuss as you get into the later rounds (with the sorority(ies) that you think you may be asked to join)

There are some things you will also need to think about, and things the sororities will likely ask. Is your husband in school also? Is he planning on rushing as well? Is he 100% for you doing this? Will he understand the time constraints that will be added? Is he going to be OK with you going to mixers without him? Is he going to want to accompany you to date nights, formals...? Do you have children?

You will also need to find out if the orgabiztion(s) you are interested in allow married women to join as collegiates. When I pledged my organization had the rule that married women could not join as collegiates (we had a girl that was married but didn't find out til after she pledged), but I believe that has since been changed.

[AOX81]

I was not married when I rushed but I did get married before I finished college. I was still very active in my sorority even though I was married! I say go for it!

[maggieaxid]

I believe AZD has the alumnae intitiation for this purpose. It has less time constraints put upon the member, but it also allows the member to join, learn about the history and ideals of the organization, as well as allowing that member to live their married life. However, I don't think we allow a person to go through Rush and then be alumnae intitated. I believe (correct me if I am wrong AZD gals) that there is another specific way of going about it. It would be best to talk to some greek advisors.