This is the last time I will post on this thread, because to continue would be pointless. You obviously are not understanding, so analyze everything that YOU have said. Forget about everyone else. Skip over everything that everyone else has typed here, and read only what you've responded with. Better yet, just read your first post:
Quote:
Originally Posted by RareTreasure
What do you recommend that a person does when the one person you have bonded with for 5 years says "If you join a sorority I cant be with you"?? I've asked this questions to many, and I will tell you what they have said, and what I already know how to answer them.
I know he is afraid of me dedicating my self for a lifetime to anything other than him, he has already lost someone else in the past to something he told them wasn't going to work out, tried it any way, then it didn't work out.
I tell him constantly it will work, but he just "Knows" that me joining a sorority will cause problems in our relationship. People say......."If he loves you, he will stick by you and hold you down," but as much as he is a dedicated, loyal person, the sorority is where he draws the line. He feels that if I do become a member of a sorority, I will not be the down to earth person I am because most people change. He feels that a sorority is not a necessity, its a want....so why cant I sacrifice a want for him. I don't see it that way.
What do I do? I have been researching the Sorority since I was a senior in High School, and not I am a senior in college.....I want to do it, but I cant loose the one person that's been there for me 100% of the time. I cant count on any one but him for anything...and I may loose that. Would I be being selfish it I did it? Would I be stupid because he is a very good person to me? I've tried to talk him out of it, but it never works. I've cried, and talked and he doesn't care about any of it. He just doesn't want me to do it and he feels that it shouldn't be a hard thing to sacrifice because I'm living fine without it now.
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First of all, he tells you that if you're in a sorority, he can't be with you. "If you do this, then it's over" - Unless we're talking about something seriously wrong, like doing hard drugs or joining a cult, this is the definition of selfish... and of wanting control.
He's afraid of you dedicating yourself to anything other than him. That's sad, and a clear sign that he wants you all to himself. What happens if you have children? Is he going to want you all to himself then, too?
He "draws the line" at the sorority. Why? If he's generally supportive, as you say he is, what is truly the problem behind you joining the sorority? Is it the time? Is it the friends? Is it the joining something that will change your life for the better?
He doesn't want you to change. Most likely this means that he doesn't want you to become an independent person and leave him.
He asks why you can't sacrifice one of your wants for him. Well.. why can't he sacrifice a little of his "you time" so that you can be in the sorority? Either way, you're both sacrificing wants. And you'd be giving up a whole lot more than him. It's either he gets some of you, and you get the sorority... or he gets all of you and you get none of the sorority.
You've been researching sororities for 4 years. Hm... I wonder if you should try to join?
You say that you may lose the fact that you count on him for everything. GOOD! You shouldn't count on only one person for everything. It's not healthy. You need a good balance of relationships, friendships, and family.
You've talked, and cried, and he doesn't care. I don't even have to say anything about this.
He says that you should be able to make this sacrifice because you're fine without it now. But you're not fine without it. You're begging, and crying. That means you care.. a lot. And after 4 years of research, and 4 years of wanting this, you clearly can't just give it up.
Boys come and go, but friendships (especially with sisters) last a lifetime.
The end.
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