Single ladies, how do you respond to "why aren't you married yet?"

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by Little32

I get this question frequent from random old dudes on the street (not from the family). These days I say "Because no one wants me." :neutral: lol.

Love it.

These days, my answer is "God is preparing the right man for me and I don't want him half-baked."

[psychdesire]

I never got asked this question yet, but there has been some great responses to choose from in here.

On the other hand, a friend of mine has been asked this before and she has replied "There is not a man that can afford me mentally/I have not found a man that can afford me mentally."

[Dreadloc'd Diva]

Marriage is a serious step in life and you want to make certain that you are both mentally and emotionally prepared for a lifetime of uncertainty. I also believe that you should have a spiritual foundation to build on.

[ThetaDancer]

A friend of my parents (whom I never really liked, but he's friends with the family and has kids around our age so we all sort of grew up together...) told me the other day that I'm "approaching old maid status." I'm 25 and just ended a significant relationship, so it was especially inappropriate timing

[lovespink88]

Originally Posted by ThetaDancer

A friend of my parents (whom I never really liked, but he's friends with the family and has kids around our age so we all sort of grew up together...) told me the other day that I'm "approaching old maid status." I'm 25 and just ended a significant relationship, so it was especially inappropriate timing

That's horrible! If it makes you feel better, I just had a family friend ask me how I got into my school. He was being completely serious, too. Not quite the same, but still a bit insulting sounding, even he didn't mean it that way...

[BlueCarnation]

Originally Posted by lovespink88

That's horrible! If it makes you feel better, I just had a family friend ask me how I got into my school. He was being completely serious, too. Not quite the same, but still a bit insulting sounding, even he didn't mean it that way...

I'm in my mid-30s, have been dating my bf for 4 years, and get this all the time. My family staged a sort of "intervention" to see if I ever planned to get married to him--they had been talking about it behind my back and actually drew straws to see who would "confront" me about it! I'm usually perfectly content with my relationship with my bf, but then people tell me that we "should" be married by now, and then I get anxious. I hate it. But it's none of their business. I have plenty of friends who have kids and are divorced, and I am glad that I am not in that situation. I am the only one from my pledge class still not married, but I don't feel bad about it, so I don't know why anyone else should worry about it either.

PS: Lovespink88, don't listen to those idiots who are worked up about the admissions stuff--yes, that's a total aside from the purpose of this post, but the Trib is just trying to get readers and your degree is worth a lot!

[AOII_LB93]

Originally Posted by lovespink88

That's horrible! If it makes you feel better, I just had a family friend ask me how I got into my school. He was being completely serious, too. Not quite the same, but still a bit insulting sounding, even he didn't mean it that way...

I would have said, "Ever heard of the casting couch? This was like the admissions couch." or something of that ilk How rude.

If one more person asks me when we're having kids, I'm going to get violent.

ETA: Or my new response may become, "Why? Have you started a trust fund? How kind of you!"

[BlueCarnation]

Originally Posted by AOII_LB93

I would have said, "Ever heard of the casting couch? This was like the admissions couch." or something of that ilk How rude.

If one more person asks me when we're having kids, I'm going to get violent.

ETA: Or my new response may become, "Why? Have you started a trust fund? How kind of you!"

The whole kids thing bothers me so much more than the marriage issue. I know quite a few people who have struggled to conceive, and would never dream of asking anyone about it. People just don't get it. I'm sorry you have to go through that. My old boss and his wife never had kids, and he constantly was asked why. I can't believe people would ask such a question! My stepmom always asks my brother and sil when they are going to have kids, and I finally told her to lay off. She just couldn't understand why it would bother someone. Um, hello?

[AlphaXi_Husky]

Originally Posted by AOII_LB93

I would have said, "Ever heard of the casting couch? This was like the admissions couch." or something of that ilk How rude.

If one more person asks me when we're having kids, I'm going to get violent.

ETA: Or my new response may become, "Why? Have you started a trust fund? How kind of you!"

ITA - it drives me batty. I will have kids when I damn well feel like it! And I think I might steal your answer - that ought to quiet some of my family!

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by ThetaDancer

A friend of my parents (whom I never really liked, but he's friends with the family and has kids around our age so we all sort of grew up together...) told me the other day that I'm "approaching old maid status." I'm 25 and just ended a significant relationship, so it was especially inappropriate timing

Something to think about:

Whether 25 is considered an "old maid" depends alot on the context of the place where you live, and the cultural context of the people who are calling you one.

Example: Whenever I visit my family in rural Alabama, I get similar types of comments (I'm 24 and an M.Ed. student). But I have to understand that where they are from, the girls typically marry immediately following HS. They also typically go straight to work or something, so there is no real need to delay marriage or a family for things like college and careers. So they see no need for a girl to be over 18 or 19 and single.

[agzg]

We're not even married yet and live-in's mom is constantly asking when we're gonna have kids. Last time we told her that she was young enough that she should enjoy her adult children without grandkids running around for a while.

We've told her in about 100 different ways that we want to wait until we're married first, and we're nowhere near ready to get married. She's engaged now - I'm sure the "well we can plan both our weddings at the same time!" comments will come soon.

[DGTerp06]

I'm forever single. I don't get the "when are you going to get married" question as much as I get the "Do you have a boyfriend yet" question.

On my 23rd birthday, my grandmother called me and said, "You know, when I was your age, I was married and pregnant with my 3rd child!"

My dad married in his mid-30s, my mom was in her late 20s - maybe I just see that they both got to do their thing for a while before marrying. I'm not in a long-term relationship and I never have been. On those Debbie Downer days, I ask myself "what is wrong with me?" I am fully aware that there is nothing wrong with me, I just don't care to settle. I think it's fair to expect what you want. And that's what I'm doing.

[aephi alum]

Originally Posted by DGTerp06

On my 23rd birthday, my grandmother called me and said, "You know, when I was your age, I was married and pregnant with my 3rd child!"

That is so inappropriate. Just because getting married and having children young was right for her doesn't mean it's right for you.

I had the opposite problem. I got married when I was 23, and more than one person (including my MIL, who herself got married at age 20 ) told me they thought I was getting married too young.

On those Debbie Downer days, I ask myself "what is wrong with me?" I am fully aware that there is nothing wrong with me, I just don't care to settle. I think it's fair to expect what you want. And that's what I'm doing.

Nothing is wrong with you. Trust me - don't settle for marrying just any old guy just so you can check off the "get married before age <whatever>" box. If you meet the right man, great. And if you don't - wouldn't you rather stay single than marry some loser just so you have a ring on your finger?

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by aephi alum

And if you don't - wouldn't you rather stay single than marry some loser just so you have a ring on your finger?

But aephi alum, how else are we supposed to win at life?

[VandalSquirrel]

One of my grandmothers was married and having kids in her late teens (yes she finished high school) the other didn't marry until about 30, and had her one child at 36. The age disparity is interesting as my great grandmother on one side is roughly the same age as the grandmother on my other. There's also a divide amongst my cousins as one either marries and has kids young, or waits to marry and have kids in their thirties (usually due to education and career).

I figure I can wait if my grandmother did it way back in the day, and anyone who thinks there is something wrong with my choice to do other things before a family and kids is showing their own insecurity and perhaps jealousy since my single life has afforded me a lot of amazing experiences.