Down Low Brothas

[Steeltrap]

Just reading these posts...scary stuff. I haven't dated seriously in five years and this kind of thing makes me upset. For some reason, I am rather leery of asking a man "have you slept with men?"
I know I have to change. And I echo some of the anger I've seen toward brothers in this thread. The really good ones are just so few and far between.

[abaici]

Originally posted by prayerfull
So, what I wanna know is where was Stedman during Oprah's show because he is has always been a little "suspect" to me!!

Lord Soror, I thought the same thing as I was watching! SMH and saying, "Oprah, don't act like you don't know"

[kiml122]

Originally posted by prayerfull
So, what I wanna know is where was Stedman during Oprah's show because he is has always been a little "suspect" to me!!

I was wondering the same thing, because I have always thought that he was/is gay. I wathced the show yesterday, I too had taped it on Friday. I thought this show was so very needed, and I agree with CT4 that it needed to be in 3 parts, hell actually it should have been the entire week. My show was pre-empted (sp) but the soldier that was captured, so did they mention exactly how old J.L is. I mean when his daughter said that she is 29, I was like how old is he. I don't get how J.L can say that he isn't gay. I will also be getting his book, and passing it along.

If anyone watched Law & Order SVC a few weeks ago, the show was on guys on the DL. When Fin (Ice-T) was talking to one of the former football players who was apart of the DL game that they played on the show, Ice-T asked him if he were gay and he said no, he has relationships with women, and sex with men, so Ice-T was like, so you are GAY. How do you have sex with men, but not be gay. That's crazy to me.

[Professor]

Good Morning to All,

The show was the topic of conversation all weekend. I have a few takes on this issue that I want to share.

Why is everyone so shocked - - Most black folk know that some men go both ways or as my mother says, he is suspect. I did not learn anything from the show other than a greater awareness of why folk wanna be on the DL.

The thing about asking your boy if he has slept with another dude - - - well, what do you expect him to do, tell you - the truth - lol - thats almost like meeting a woman at the club within five minutes and asking her if she gives oral sex - they all say no. Some things I expect folk to lie about and I can't see my women would expect a man to tell her yes.

Stop acting like AIDS comes from only gay sex. After watching the show I was like why not emphasize having protected sex regardless if it is with a man or woman. Do women feel its ok to have unprotected sex with a hetro male? In my profession I say cover it up regardless and don't take chances.

I had dinner with some frat brothers this weekend and was surprised that the show was discussed. Men don't talk about gay men and gay stuff. Its like if you are hetro then you should automatically be anti-gay. As you all know, I've been very sensitized to gays because of my gay, now deceased uncle. He helped me see people as people and I'm really proud of how I feel about gays. Back to the frat thing, during dinner one of the attendees was gay. He made no comments not that he had to but what was a surprise to me was Brothers would not come out and ask him if he was gay or ask him questions. It was like, we all know he's gay but don't want him to tell. Hell, I didn't even ask and normally after a few drinks I'll say whatever comes to my mind. I guess I really do support don't ask don't tell cause I really don't want to know. If you tell me something like that then I will think of you differently.

[kiml122]

Originally posted by Professor
Stop acting like AIDS comes from only gay sex. After watching the show I was like why not emphasize having protected sex regardless if it is with a man or woman. Do women feel its ok to have unprotected sex with a hetro male? In my profession I say cover it up regardless and don't take chances.

I think this goes back to that ep of Law & Order SVU.
Ice-T asked dude if they were using condoms, and his response was, no, then we would have to admit what we are doing, and actually really think about it.

[delph998]

I thought the show was sickening. And as many of you have already said, Oprah was lying through her teeth, because she WOULD be married if Stedman wasn't SUSPECT! I didn't feel like she asked the right questions; and I wanted her to open the floor to the audience. There were a lot of African American women that I know had questions.

J. L. was very attractive AND proud. I hated his attitude. Just hearing him talk about how men have taken advantage of our vulnerability is just sickening.

And Professor, you said, "Stop acting like AIDS comes from only gay sex. After watching the show I was like why not emphasize having protected sex regardless if it is with a man or woman. Do women feel its ok to have unprotected sex with a hetro male? In my profession I say cover it up regardless and don't take chances."

I'm sarying that I'm not trying to wear a condom with my husband. It's not suppose to be that way.

This is soo sad. African American women are faced with so many things and to add this...absolutely ridiculous.

[Senusret I]

The Down Low Returns
By Keith Boykin
April 16, 2004 01:28 AM
in sexuality

Just when you thought it was safe to read the paper again, the decade's most overhyped story on black sexuality returns. No, the media are not breaking down stereotypes by showing black gay and lesbian couples who are in healthy relationships. No, they're not explaining the false choice that suggests all blacks are straight and all gays are white. No, they're not educating us about how to prevent the spread of HIV/AIDS. Instead, they're talking about the secret, underground, clandestine, mysterious (take your pick) lifestyle of black men on the DL.
The down low is back!

more...
http://www.keithboykin.com/arch/001092.html

[kiml122]

Ok, I have this article that was emailed to me, but I can't for the life of me figure out how to post just the link and not the entire article. Nothing I am doing causes just the link to work. Can anyone help me out?

[SummerChild]

I would amend your post Laidbackfella to just list #1 but take #2 out. "1. Always use protection. It's just not safe anymore." To me, it doesn't make sense to do #2 b/c you may find out that you are HIV positive by fooling around with someone in an unprotected manner. I know that testing is important but at the end of the day, I think that our primary focus should be in making sure that the behavior that we practice does not subject us to the disease in the first place.

I say leave it at your #1 and if he doesn't want to use protection, don't fool with him. If he's not using protection with YOU, no telling how long he has been carrying on the behavior of having unprotected sex. Further, even if he is HIV-negative when you are first tested, if he cheats and has unprotected sex (or there is some other problem like condom breakage) he could STILL transmit it to you. I say have protected sex ALL THE TIME and just leave it at that. I like your other listings (besides #2) as well.

SC

Originally posted by laidbackfella
I am a Heterosexual Man who does not want, need, nor seek the touch of a male. My ONLY choice is a woman. Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow.

Just a few tips for the ladies. I am tired of hearing DL Brothas being used as the main reason why AIDS is on the rise. Ladies, YOU, have to take responsibility for what goes on as far as your health is concerned.

Trust is one thing, but you can't simply be a passenger in your life and let someone take you for a ride.

1. Always use protection. It's just not safe anymore.

2. If he doesn't want to use protection, INSIST on getting a test every three months.

3. If you suspect that he is steppin out, with a male or female, stop having sex with him.

4. Talk about sex BEFORE you have sex. A lot of y'all wanna be spontaneous. Take time and find out about his practices before you "Get Busy".

5. It's OK to tell a man NO. It's your body. It's your perogative.

This 'discovery' of Black Men on the DL is another link in the unraveling of our Black Community. I will postulate on the exact ramifications but know that this is tearing us apart. Soon you will only have a few "choice" as far as mainstream thought is concerned to date.

Don't trust your man, Trust yourself.

[SummerChild]

Originally posted by Professor
Good Morning to All,

The show was the topic of conversation all weekend. I have a few takes on this issue that I want to share.

Why is everyone so shocked - - Most black folk know that some men go both ways or as my mother says, he is suspect. I did not learn anything from the show other than a greater awareness of why folk wanna be on the DL.

The thing about asking your boy if he has slept with another dude - - - well, what do you expect him to do, tell you - the truth - lol - thats almost like meeting a woman at the club within five minutes and asking her if she gives oral sex - they all say no. Some things I expect folk to lie about and I can't see my women would expect a man to tell her yes.

Stop acting like AIDS comes from only gay sex. After watching the show I was like why not emphasize having protected sex regardless if it is with a man or woman. Do women feel its ok to have unprotected sex with a hetro male? In my profession I say cover it up regardless and don't take chances.

I had dinner with some frat brothers this weekend and was surprised that the show was discussed. Men don't talk about gay men and gay stuff. Its like if you are hetro then you should automatically be anti-gay. As you all know, I've been very sensitized to gays because of my gay, now deceased uncle. He helped me see people as people and I'm really proud of how I feel about gays. Back to the frat thing, during dinner one of the attendees was gay. He made no comments not that he had to but what was a surprise to me was Brothers would not come out and ask him if he was gay or ask him questions. It was like, we all know he's gay but don't want him to tell. Hell, I didn't even ask and normally after a few drinks I'll say whatever comes to my mind. I guess I really do support don't ask don't tell cause I really don't want to know. If you tell me something like that then I will think of you differently.

Professor, you have a good point that we must emphasize that ALL unprotected sex will subject you to possibly contracting HIV/AIDS. I think that the reason that this sort of unprotected sex is especially appalling with men on the DL is in the instances in which they are BRINGING IT HOME TO THEIR WIVES. Not many wives that I know are having *protected* sex with their husbands. If he is faking and having unprotected sex during one of his trollups then it is true that he could contract something from a man or a woman; however, the fact of the matter is that some obscene percentage of new HIV/AIDS cases in the Black community is from men who have sex with MEN. We cannot overlook this blatant fact.

But you're right. Even men having sex with WOMEN can contract HIV/AIDS and bring it home to you.

As an aside, I think that homosexuality / being on the Down Low, whatever, is basically about how you like it (sex, that is). There is no other difference between that person and the next person besides their sexual preference. It's no different from a sexual preference to be a sadomasochist or something. I don't see why folk don't just put it out there. If you like it like that, you just do. Tell the truth and give others a chance to know who they are really dealing with.

***The next line is not for the faint at heart***
Ladies, I am also told that when you ask, look him in the eye and get the TRUE reaction (not what his mouth says - what his bodily reaction says) AND there may be tell-tale signs through investigation of body parts that may give you some clue as to whether a man is "the receiver" OR who label themselves as "bottoms." This may be a helpful tip to the wives who may be more at liberty to "check your man out." OF COURSE IT IS NOT A FAILPROOF METHOD AND IT MAY NOT BE A VERY ACCURATE TEST AT ALL. And of course it doesn't do anything for those men who consider themselves "tops." However, at the end of the day, it just seems that the safest best is to take an HIV test and STILL just make him wrap it up.

SC

[CrimsonTide4]

I never said that HETERO SEX cannot cause AIDS. I am not blaming AIDS on homosexuals. EVERYONE needs to protect themselves. I am just trying to caution my sistas who are out here dating to be careful because for all they know THEIR BOO has a man on the side.

[delph998]

Originally posted by CrimsonTide4
I never said that HETERO SEX cannot cause AIDS. I am not blaming AIDS on homosexuals. EVERYONE needs to protect themselves. I am just trying to caution my sistas who are out here dating to be careful because for all they know THEIR BOO has a man on the side.

Ditto.

[kiml122]

Ok, I just got off email with my mom, and we were talking about the show on Friday. It started because she sent me that article that I can't seem to figure out how to post the link...but anywho...

I was saying to her that I always thought that Steadman was on the DL, well she just told me that she knows Steadman's cousin, and the cousin said that Steadman has been on the DL for years. He sees both Steadman and Oprah at the family reunion each year, and his momma is not having Steadman marry Oprah because she isn't part Indian. Something with her having a problem with her not having any Indian blood in her. I was like she needs to be worried that her son married one woman and had a child, and has been living this secret life instead of have a tude about her son marrying another woman.

[33girl]

Originally posted by kiml122
Speaking of brothers on the DL, who say Law & Order SVU the other night. It was about this exact thing. It was funny with Ice-T breaking down the term DL.

This episode was repeated on USA last night. I was like "hey wait a minute, isn't there a GC thread about this?"

The moral of the story is if it's going IN, no matter which orifice, you need to have a condom ON.

[SummerChild]

Originally posted by CrimsonTide4
I never said that HETERO SEX cannot cause AIDS. I am not blaming AIDS on homosexuals. EVERYONE needs to protect themselves. I am just trying to caution my sistas who are out here dating to be careful because for all they know THEIR BOO has a man on the side.

CT4, I COMPLETELY agree with you and hope that you didn't understand my long, rambling email to be saying anything different from what you have said above. Sometimes my rambling gets out of hand and the point can be lost.

SC