The ramblings of a single woman... (TFKA ...crying pink and green tears...

[itsmesteph08]

. . . He's got to have one set aside for me who is educated, can hold a job and a conversation, AND ain't on the Down Low (you know I had to go there ). . .

The men on the West Coast (specifically Los Angeles) are nothing short of disappointing.



A believer in Miracles. . .

Steph~

[abaici]

Originally posted by itsmesteph08
The men on the West Coast (specifically Los Angeles) are nothing short of disappointing.

PREACH!! That's the primary reason I'm trying to move. A whole lot of fixer-uppers. I'm looking to buy and occupy.

[RBL]

Ladies

Is the situation really that grim? Reading some of these posts the situation indeed seems dire.

[Ideal08]

Originally posted by Jorrie96
I do a lot of international travel for work and let me tell ya there is NOTHING more lonely than arriving back in the states after being gone for a week or so and not having someone there to pick you up at the airport...that is the absolute worst.

Girl, you ain't said nothin' but a word.

RBL, yes Phrat, it is that grim/dire. Five years ago, no it wasn't. Today, at 30, yes it is. My mother had me when she was 32. I always thought my parents were so old because they were so much older than my friends' parents. Then my parents died when I was 19. So yes, for me, it's pretty dire. I'm not trying to have kids and die when they are that young. It was hard for me, and I don't want my kids to have to go through the same thing. That may sound like an irrational fear to some of you, but you aren't living my reality. I'm not walking around ready to slit my wrists from not having a mate, no, it's not THAT serious. But it is, as Darius said in Love Jones, urgent like a MF.

[RBL]

Originally posted by Ideal08
Girl, you ain't said nothin' but a word.

RBL, yes Phrat, it is that grim/dire. Five years ago, no it wasn't. Today, at 30, yes it is. My mother had me when she was 32. I always thought my parents were so old because they were so much older than my friends' parents. Then my parents died when I was 19. So yes, for me, it's pretty dire. I'm not trying to have kids and die when they are that young. It was hard for me, and I don't want my kids to have to go through the same thing. That may sound like an irrational fear to some of you, but you aren't living my reality. I'm not walking around ready to slit my wrists from not having a mate, no, it's not THAT serious. But it is, as Darius said in Love Jones, urgent like a MF.

Wow I'm so sorry to hear that about your parents. I'm 27 and my sister is 32 and she has a 5 yr old son. We had a similar conversation and she said I just don't get it b/c I'm male and men are never in a rush to get married. I think I just see it in a different perspective because it has always seemed to me that women shun really good brothers for one reason or another..mostly for superficial reasons. Then later in life when that brother they shunned turn into a prince(so to speak) then they start with the "what if's" or the regrets.... now I'm speaking about my sister b/c she has fell into that situation on more than one occasion. Now she is at a point where she feels she has to be/should be married soon, and honestly I think in an attempt to meet the one she may end up with the wrong guy, because she wants to married so badly... that's why I asked the question if the situation was that grim b/c if it is it could lead to potentially bad choices. My sister is beautiful and smart, but she can be an idiot when it comes to brothers

[abaici]

Originally posted by RBL
she said I just don't get it b/c I'm male and men are never in a rush to get married.

I agree. Even men, who WANT to get married right away, do not feel this urgency that I feel. Why?? They have options.

[RBL]

Originally posted by abaici
I agree. Even men, who WANT to get married right away, do not feel this urgency that I feel. Why?? They have options.

If my sister's comments are true then she won't be married until she's 50(lol)

What are these options?

[abaici]

Originally posted by RBL
What are these options?

The options are the number of available, quality women vs. available, quality man. EVERY single man I know has a number of women sniffing around. I'm not talking about chicken-heads either. Sista's who have it going on. I see the opposite less often.

[1browngirl]

Originally posted by Ideal08
. All that rhetoric about enjoying time with yourself is just that, rhetoric. Yes, I enjoy time with myself. Yes, I love myself. Yes, that's all cool. I'm still horny. I'm still lonely. I still crave the LONG TERM COMPANIONSHIP of a mate. I still crave children. I WANT to be pregnant, whether I like the whole experience or not, I want to have it. I'm no longer willing to act like I'm cool with being single; I'm not. Because what I realize is that all the things that I'm doing as a single woman I can do as a married woman. I'm not saying that I didn't need nor trust the process. I do and I did. However, that does not change my truth. I'm not runnin' up in the clubs every weekend trying to meet some man. I'm not basing everything I do on meeting some man. But trust that it is ALWAYS on my mind. No, my life has not stopped (supposedly, it just started last Wednesday ), I continue to do the things that fulfill me. But there is a void, and it can't be ignored.

Single sistas out there, I feel you.

I feel the exact same way. It doesn't help any when you've got family members that ask you why you aren't married or dating then say... "oh, are you gay?" and think that isht is funny! Because I'm not willing to settle for anything, there must be something wrong with me.

[lil_sunshine]

Originally posted by 1browngirl
I feel the exact same way. It doesn't help any when you've got family members that ask you why you aren't married or dating then say... "oh, are you gay?" and think that isht is funny! Because I'm not willing to settle for anything, there must be something wrong with me.

BAS'Y!!!!! That same thing happened to me. One of my good friends from JHS invites me over to her house like every weekend (usually b/c she's bored and/or lonely) and we talk about many different things. One weekend, her sister and another friend from around the corner came over to her house while I was there and they both had the nerve to ask me if I was gay! The girl from around the corner said, "Damn girl, you're here so often, I'm surprised you haven't crawled up in the bed with _____." I was thoroughly and to top it off, they thought it was kinda funny. I didn't find it funny in the least and I was deeply offended. Then this Friday night just past, my friend asks me the same question and insists on hooking me up with a guy for purely sexual purposes. Why I would even waste my time doing something like that, I dunno.

[FeeFee]

Originally posted by abaici
That's another thing. As we get older, a lot of us are experiencing feritility problems. That Essence article scared the beejeesus out of me (about infertility in Black women). I think it is BEYOND rude to ask someone this question, especially if you are not close enough to them to know WHY they do not have children. I've seen people ask people why they don't have children. "YOU BEEN MARRIED FOR HOW LONG!?! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!?"

You don't know if they have fertility problems. You don't know if the person is ill, and the doctor has advised against children. You don't know if they just don't want them. The point is, it's non of your business.

I agree, I think it is very rude to ask someone how come they don't have any children yet. You don't know a person's circumstances, whether good or bad, whether it's by choice or design.

On a side note, about a year after I had my daugther, people were asking (or telling) me when I was gonna have more children or that she needed a sibling. WTH??? Are you gonna be there for me when I run out of formula and diapers? Are you gonna be there in the middle of the night to feed the baby?? Are you gonna be there when the baby is sick and need to go to the doctor?? Are you gonna write tuition checks when they go off to college??? If not, DON'T ASK OR TELL ME NADA!!!!!

[emeralds4kh]

Hi sorors/friends:

I feel the same. I am tired of being told take my time, but in the next breath someones else says don't u wanna get married/have kids. I contend, surely I want those things and in that order--marriage first. I do not want to settle but am in my 30's and just getting tired...
I date and stuff, but men today aren't even true to themselves let alone to us all the time. U may think they are on the same page and want the same things, just to find out they were reading a totally different book altogether. UGH!!!

[Conskeeted7]

Originally posted by FeeFee
I agree, I think it is very rude to ask someone how come they don't have any children yet. You don't know a person's circumstances, whether good or bad, whether it's by choice or design.

On a side note, about a year after I had my daugther, people were asking (or telling) me when I was gonna have more children or that she needed a sibling. WTH??? Are you gonna be there for me when I run out of formula and diapers? Are you gonna be there in the middle of the night to feed the baby?? Are you gonna be there when the baby is sick and need to go to the doctor?? Are you gonna write tuition checks when they go off to college??? If not, DON'T ASK OR TELL ME NADA!!!!!

I feel the EXACT way! And besides that, I live in a different state than the rest of my family, so I KNOW that they will not be there in the middle of the night or even on most weekends unless I pack up junior and head for a road trip.

It's additionally bothersome for me because everytime I don't feel good or have a mood swing my family asks am I pregnant. Example...I took a 'me' day from work and stayed at home, ran some errands, etc. My mom called me and said that she called the office and I wasn't there. I told her I took the day off. Her response, "Did you have to go to the doctor? I know I didn't tell my boss right away either."

WHAT?!?! I can't just not want to go to work today. I have to be pregnant. I hate it. It really bothers me. Cause I'm not doing anything wrong by waiting to have children, so why do I have to justify my choice?

[Kimmie1913]

Originally posted by Ideal08
Girl, you ain't said nothin' but a word.

RBL, yes Phrat, it is that grim/dire. Five years ago, no it wasn't. Today, at 30, yes it is. My mother had me when she was 32. I always thought my parents were so old because they were so much older than my friends' parents. Then my parents died when I was 19. So yes, for me, it's pretty dire. I'm not trying to have kids and die when they are that young. It was hard for me, and I don't want my kids to have to go through the same thing. That may sound like an irrational fear to some of you, but you aren't living my reality. I'm not walking around ready to slit my wrists from not having a mate, no, it's not THAT serious. But it is, as Darius said in Love Jones, urgent like a MF.

Gurlllll.....

I feel you on this so much, Ideal. My parents were mom 32 and dad 31 when I was born. I felt the exact same way growing up becuase they had usually 8 or so years on everyone else's parents and then my mom died a year ago and it felt like all of that start a family presure came crashing down on me even harder. Now I had waited so long, she was not even hear to see it. I feel that urgency, too and sometimes it is frightening to feel that way.

[Kimmie1913]

Originally posted by abaici
The options are the number of available, quality women vs. available, quality man. EVERY single man I know has a number of women sniffing around. I'm not talking about chicken-heads either. Sista's who have it going on. I see the opposite less often.

I agree. Also, they have the option of having children later in life in a way that women do not. In addition, they are more likely to end up with a mate who is younger than them. If they wanted to have a family and only dated women thier own age, they would also be bound by her biology. Instead, they wait longer and marry younger women so that she is still in her childbearing years when women who are his peers may not be.