No place for average PNMs?

[33girl]

So there are all sorts of funny internet listicle and memes about rbf or resting bitch face, but behind the humor, it really is true. Some people when they're not talking or laughing, look tired, mean, or disinterested. To head that off at the pass, keep an image of something happy that makes you smile in your head. It can be your dog chasing his tail, the guy you have a crush on, beautiful sunset at the beach, whatever. It will show through on your face.

[33girl]

What ummm? There are several posts in the thread about making sure you don't look negative or disinterested. You're not going to be talking every single minute.

[Ag_Sis]

Originally Posted by 33girl

So there are all sorts of funny internet listicle and memes about rbf or resting bitch face, but behind the humor, it really is true. Some people when they're not talking or laughing, look tired, mean, or disinterested. To head that off at the pass, keep an image of something happy that makes you smile in your head. It can be your dog chasing his tail, the guy you have a crush on, beautiful sunset at the beach, whatever. It will show through on your face.

I was joking with my friend about us having chronic rbf and her mom overheard us and suggested putting Vaseline on our teeth to 1) make sure we didn't get lipstick-tooth and 2) make sure that we're always smiling. Yuk yuk yuk yuk

[NorthernMom]

My child has the RBF. Inherited from me. She made great efforts to overcorrect during recruitment ;-)

[jolene]

Reading through this thread and the daughter who was an Elite model. When I was a Rho Chi, a Miss Everything went through rush (our Greek system is smaller and girls in different orgs hang out and know each other well). She pledged the sorority everyone knew she wanted. She turned out to be a total headache for that chapter. Even though she was gorgeous, a cheerleader at our uni, etc, the other sororities basically had one universal thought: Thank God we dodged that bullet! She wound up transferring after her freshman year. Her chapter was probably on the verge of booting her and then she thought it would be easier to transfer and go alum. The next fall I was helping as an alumna and there was a model who went through. She got cut heavily. It made many chapters wary of the mega beautiful special snowflakes who rushed.

[Cloudburst2000]

Originally Posted by jamalter

This is an interesting thread for a mom of a PNM at Alabama, who is trying very hard to understand the whole process. I've never been involved with greek life, and my daughter certainly was not "prepared" like I'm reading so many were. This leads me to my thoughts on why my daughter had such an easy time with the process as opposed to some very sad stories that I've read in GC, and may serve as advice to other PNMs trying to understand how to be successful.

My daughter really is "average" at least compared to some I've read about on here. She had a 3.3 GPA, was captain of her volleyball team, had a few minor clubs/organizations that she was involved in (no leadership roles however), and went to a small private school where her rank was right in the middle. She is cute, but not drop dead gorgeous. She didn't take recs seriously, and had recs for less than half the houses. In fact, up until about a week before rush, she was undecided if she was going to go through with it. But at Bama, if you rush, you move in a week early, and this sounded good to her, so she started the process. She had no idea about the different houses and therefore, had a completely open mind going in. I think this is what differentiated her. She pretty much enjoyed every house she visited, maximized all her options every step of the way, and in the end went to the max of 3 pref parties and loved them all.

Had I read GC prior to this process, I would have told her not to bother - she would never make the cut. Bama is too competitive and she wouldn't stand a chance. So why do I think she was sucessful? Because she was relaxed, open minded and never stressed about not making the cut at this house or the other. And that's what I would stress to all new PNMs.

Having said this, no offense, but I still think the process is bizarre.

I know this post is older, but this was pretty much my experience going through rush. I had good grades (was third in my high school class) and very involved in extracurricular activities. I was an average-looking girl who most people called 'cute'.

I went to a non-Southern college where Greek life wasn't huge but there were several sororities. I was actually a legacy of two of the seven sororities as my sisters were members at different colleges. That said, I didn't know anything about the 'rankings' of the sororities going into rush so had a very open mind.

At my school, the sorority 'rankings' were:

Top Tier
Skittles (legacy)
Snickers
Sugar Babies

Mid-tier
Milkyway

Bottom tier
Butterfinger (legacy)
Starburst
Jolly Ranchers

After the first round of parties, my rankings were:
Milkway (mid-tier)*
Starburst (bottom-tier)*
Skittles (top-tier)(legacy)*
Jolly Ranchers (bottom-tier)**
Butterfinger (bottom-tier)(legacy)**
Snickers (top-tier)***
Sugar Babies (top-tier)***

Sororities with one star were the ones I really liked after the first round. I liked them pretty equally at this point. The sororities with two stars I didn't dislike but they didn't make much of an impression during the first round of parties. The two with three stars were the sororities that I did not like. I did not like the girls I talked to at these two parties. One of the sororities had me talk to a girl I knew from high school who I had never cared for and the other sorority only asked about my parents jobs, how much money we had, etc which was a huge turn-off.

For the second round of parties, you could go to a maximum of five which was fine by me. I went to the five sororities that I ranked as my top five. I did not go back to the two top-tier sororities that I didn't like during the first round of parties.

After the second round of parties, my rankings were:

Milkway (mid-tier)*
Starburst (bottom-tier)*
Skittles (top-tier)(legacy)**
Jolly Ranchers (bottom-tier)***
Butterfinger (bottom-tier)(legacy)****

The two sororities with one star were tied for first place. I liked them pretty equally. The sorority with two stars I still really liked but not quite as much as the first two. The sorority with three stars again I did not dislike, the girls were fine but their party was kind of boring and the girl I talked to wasn't a great conversationalist, but I did not dislike them and would have gone to their preference had I not gotten invites to my top three. The lone sorority with four stars made a poor impression. I think they were trying to overdo it since I was a legacy, but I had girls hanging all over me and crying in my hair. It was majorly awkward and pretty creepy. They also came across as super fake. I phoned my sister and said I was dropping her sorority and hoped she wasn't offended. She told me not to worry because she would never have joined this sorority if she had gone to school here. Her chapter had done some sisterhood events with this chapter and my sister didn't care for them...whew!

So for preference, you could go back to a max of three sororities, I went back to my top three choices...one 'top-tier', one 'mid-tier', and one 'bottom-tier'. I still knew nothing about the rankings and wouldn't participate in the gossip about it because I wanted to join where I felt most comfortable regardless of their ranking.

After preference, when filling out my bid card, it went like this:

1. Starburst (bottom-tier)
2. Milkyway (mid-tier)
3. Skittles (top-tier)(legacy)

And I got my first choice. I had so many people ask why I didn't list Skittles as my first since I would likely get a bid as a legacy and they were the 'top' sorority on campus and 'Don't you want to be in the best sorority???' I was like 'I AM in the BEST sorority for ME'. I never regretted my decision to join a 'bottom-tier' sorority even though I had other options.

After spending five years on campus, I can honestly say I likely would have been happy in any of the sororities with the exceptions of Snickers (top-tier) and Butterfinger (bottom-tier)(legacy). The girls in Snickers were very superficial and I was honestly never really friends with any of them. They were probably the most clique-y group on campus. Butterfinger was apparently the trouble-maker sorority on campus and I was right when I thought they acted very fake during the second round of parties. Glad I followed my gut and didn't feel the need to go their preference simply because I was a legacy. I would have hated being in that sorority. And this would have knocked out one of my preferred sororities out of the running for preference parties. Anyhoo, I know I didn't like Sugar Babies during rush but I did end up having several friends from this sorority so first impressions are not always correct! I still don't think they would have been the best match for me so I am not sorry I dropped them but they turned out to be fine (though I still couldn't stand that one girl from my high school).

Like I said I had several friends in every sorority (with the exception of Snickers and Butterfinger), and could have been happy in any of those five. However, my 'bottom-tier' sorority was the best fit for me and I never regretted it. The rankings are pretty dumb IMO. I know one of the sororities was ranked high by the frats because they 'put out' and on was ranked high pretty much because they had the biggest house so be wary of rankings. They might be ranked higher for not the best reasons. Who cares who has the biggest house if the girls who live there aren't the best? IMO, forget about rankings when you start rush and don't participate in gossip about which houses are ranked the best. Join the sorority that YOU feel most comfortable at, not where other people think you should join. These are the girls who you will be spending the next 4+ years with so make the decision that it best for YOU. Going into rush with no pre-conceived notions is the best thing to do, IMHO.

[jolene]

Cloudburst, this ^^ times a billion. Do you mind me asking who you preffed? Since you liked them all, I figure there's no harm in sharing the names. I hope more people read your post and girls join the org that's the right fit for THEM and not who's who according to gossip or what boys say (yes, I'm calling them boys). It makes me think of that cray cray UT mom whose daughter and her obsessed over ranks. (She must have spent too much time on GR.) The crazy thing is that at a campus like UT, the 'top' sororities are only considered the top because they've been there the longest and not because of any legit reason. KD and Alpha Xi are the 'newer' kids on the block (I think our chapter recolonized there in the 1960s--yes, the chapter has been there in its current form for 60+ years and is considered 'new.')

I bet a lot of girls who join according to so-called rank and not where they click have a lukewarm to bad experience with their sororities--just guessing. Go where you feel at home no matter the 'tier.'

[AZTheta]

I personally don't want to know names of chapters, or the school. It lets us all think "maybe she's MY sister" and regardless, I don't see the benefit of calling out any chapters (positive OR negative). Why? Once you start naming names, you've easily got the school, all the chapters, and you're essentially perpetuating the whole "tier" business that you speak against, jolene.

I don't know anything about reasons for why some are "top" because frankly it varies all over the place (from campus to campus, even in the same city or state) and I really don't care. That is all way in the distant past. I'm focused on Panhellenic sisterhood and love my membership in my local Panhellenic group. Have so many good friends in every NPC group that's represented (and have NPHC friends also FWIW).

To each her own.

[Cloudburst2000]

I joined Sigma Kappa but won't tell who the other sororities are because it doesn't really matter. And the campus rankings have changed a bit anyway since I rushed well over 20yrs ago.

[AZTheta]

does sigmagirl2000 know that? I'm sure she'll be all over me in three...two...one *poof*

[sigmagirl2000]

Originally Posted by AZTheta

does sigmagirl2000 know that? I'm sure she'll be all over me in three...two...one *poof*

I saw the affiliation posted in another thread

[AZTheta]

Originally Posted by sigmagirl2000

I saw the affiliation posted in another thread

of course you did - you're smart like that. Sigma Kappa got another good one!

[FSUZeta]

I think the vast majority of PNMs are on an even keel- similar grades, similar activities in HS, similar style, similar clothes, all have recs, etc. There are far fewer "stars" and far fewer less desirables. The marjority are not average by any stretch of the imagination.

[33girl]

It's like Lake Woebegon where the children are all above average.

[FSUZeta]

Yes!