"You'll end up where you were meant to"...

[33girl]

Originally posted by James
However, the potential to make friends may not overcome the fact that a chapter has a lower social status in the eyes of the PNM and maybe even in the eyes of the campus. In that case its perfectly understandable for the woman not to want to join, and we shouldn't be pressuring them to do so.

But if everyone who wanted to join XYZ COULD join it, would they still have a higher social status? Would there even be levels of social status at all?

Munchkin03, I am happy to see that you are on the Deferred Rush Express with me.

[AchtungBaby80]

Wow...after reading about all these A-list girls getting cut by every single house, I'm starting to think it's a wonder I made it through myself!

[PNMsMom]

Just a suggestion, but do you think a girl's family's social status might have anything to do with her being invited back? Are A-list girls cut because another girl is a debutante or because her family is a regular feature on the society page?

[rosejoy]

I am not sure how it works in other states, but I do know that at ECU debs were given some preferential treatment during rush. Due to being in Raleigh for the state "coming out" events our debs missed ther first couple parties of rush. All the sororities wanted them and none would cut them unless they did not have the grades. When they came for third party they were allowed to choose who they wanted to pref.

My sorority was not considered "lower tier" but was kind of in the middle. We got a lot of girls who were not unhappy to be in our group, but perhaps it was not their first or second choice. We have two houses that get most of the debs .
One friend of mine, a deb, could not go to her first choice because of her grades. Although AOPi was not her top choice, she took the bid and ended up being one of our strongest members...very involved.

I will agree that if a girl's heart is not in it, though then she should not pledge a house in which she is totally unhappy.

I have definitely seen girls at the "top" houses that have lousy personalities etc, and it makes you wonder how wonderful girls get passed up. Its also ridiculous how girls are seen as more or less attractive depending on what house they are in. We had some beautiful girls, but were not known for it. We were the "cool, laid back house"

[pinkyphimu]

i don't know if deferred rush is the answer. i rushed as a sophomore bc we weren't allowed to rush as freshmen. honestly, i think that most women went through rush already knowing where they were going to be. at a school with more glos, perhaps this would be different. there was no "open-mindedness" going through rush at my school. basically, it was you were between 2 different houses (either a or b; or c, d) all along or you were hoping to get into a or b, but if you didn't you dropped out.

edited to add:
on a campus with 1000 PNMs and 10 houses....it sounds like there need to be more groups...and i do know that no group would go near lsu due to the amount of resources that need to be put in up front, but maybe if 3 or 4 groups went on at once, that would even things out a bit.

[AXOKatie]

Reading all the posts on this thread makes me so glad that i rushed my chapter rather than at another school....i didn't know that PNMs activities are so scrutinized at some campuses...sororities at my school are given a list of generalized activities and GPAs but tend to go on conversation and connections made during parties since there are so many girls rushing that have the same activities really

with regards to the answer to the question "How did you know that you wanted to join ______?" i hate the "I just had a feeling" statement as well! even though i really DID have a feeling about AXO, i wouldn't want to advise a PNM to go on her gut instinct alone. i would definitely have a prepared answer of "The sisters were caring, they had a high GPA, i knew they were involved on campus, etc."

[sugar and spice]

To get off on another tangent entirely . . . I don't think that deferred rush is necessarily the best choice, although it is definitely a good option. I think that at schools where the majority of students think of themselves as "not the sorority type" and where the extra year or semester can give the sororities time to persuade them, deferred rush can work very well. At schools were rush is more tied up in superficial things (on both the PNMs' and sororities' sides), and many girls come into the school knowing they're going to rush, deferred rush will probably just up the number of girls who have their heart set on A or B or nothing at all (even though there are ten more sororities on campus). Different types of rush work better at different schools.

[KillarneyRose]

I know that where I grew up the Deb season is between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Is it traditionally in the fall in North Carolina?

[daoine]

Originally posted by sugar and spice
...deferred rush will probably just up the number of girls who have their heart set on A or B or nothing at all (even though there are ten more sororities on campus). Different types of rush work better at different schools.

Ding ding ding! Right you are!

As a graduate of a deferred rush school -- I can completely back that statement up (although, some people actually come in with hopes for 3 groups, not just two)

I think that's a bad side effect, because TONS of people drop out after second round, when they're cut from the places "they're meant to be" -- but at the same time, I think that deferred rush allows people to become students first.

[sueali]

I am a believer in " You will end up where you were meant to be" because I put my first choice down for the wrong reasons and I didn't get it, but now I thank God everyday I didn't get my first choice because they are not what they seem during rush (if that makes sense) and my chapter is my second family. The girl I was rushing with got my first choice and ended up dropping out right after initiation, me I'm a proud Alumnae. I can see where everyone is coming from when they say maybe it isn't always true that girls don't always end up where they were meant to.

Okay, I'll be honest.

I didn't end up where I was meant to be.

I rushed a non-NPC sorority and signed my bid before I had any idea what Formal rush and NPC sororities were.

Does my sorority offer me everything I wish it could? No. Looking back, would I have done things differently? Of course.

BUT... everyone who has said here, your life in your sorority is what you make it, is absolutely right. I fell in love with my sisters, and my chapter. I can't imagine having gone through college without them. I'd like to beleive I was an asset to my chapter... I held several offices, including President. All because I decided that if this was the sorority I was going to be in, then I was going to enjoy it... and I did. I loved it. If you take the attitude that you can't be happy in ABC sorority... you won't be. But if you look at the bright side of life, and make the most of what you're given... you will lead a much more pleasant life.

[twhrider13]

Ok, I'll bite. What I have to say isn't directly related to the question, but it's something that the other stories posted in this thread made me think about--the Fate thing. I had some unusual circumstances surrounding my experience. I think it has made me a more dedicated member, because I know that I could have easily missed out.

I went through recruitment last fall. The very first party of the very first round that I went to was Delta Zeta. I came out of there KNOWING that was where I belonged. I went to all the other parties and enjoyed some of them, but I still believed DZ was where I belonged.

I was cut by all 5 sororities before the first round of invitationals. Word got around about a "Panhellenic computer glitch," which I thought was a nice way of saying, "Sorry you got cut, but too bad." Turns out, there really WAS a Panhellenic computer glitch, and at least 20 girls (in a rush of 100) were "cut" by all the chapters. About the same amount of girls left rush after not getting invites back to the chapters they liked the most. So I think maybe 2 chapters were at total at the end of FR.

I was also hurt that I wasn't offered a snap bid by one of the chapters that I liked (especially DZ). I did find out later that DZ didn't snap bid me, because they assumed that I had been offered a bid by another chapter.

I was invited to a COB for DZ right after FR. When I talked to the VP of Membership, she asked me what had happened during rush, and I told her that I hadn't gotten any invites. She was speechless for a minute, which is extremely unusual for her! So, anyway, I was offered a bid and the rest is history.

DZ was a smaller organization, but that appealed to me, because I'm a quiet person, and I'm only likely to speak up and speak out when I think I'll be heard. When I look back at my second and third choices, I realize that I would never have fit in at those chapters. There's nothing wrong with them, but they just aren't "me." Even though the circumstances were weird, I believe that I truly ended up where I belonged, even though DZ was my first choice from Day 1. So I think Fate did come into play at least a little in my case, since after I was cut, I thought I'd never be a Delta Zeta...and look at me now!

[kateshort]

I think instead of "you'll end up in the house you were meant to be in," it's better to say "you'll end up with the result that was meant to be at this time, even if you don't realize it yet." Maybe that person is meant to be an independent. Maybe that person is meant to be cut this year, because she'll rush again and have a better experience next year. Maybe she's meant to COB an org that she had to cut the first round.

I'm a big believer in God (or fate, if you're not religious) having a plan for us that we don't necessarily know about yet. If I hadn't edged into Delta Chi Epsilon by invitation of my big-sis-to-be, I think I would have been cut in formal recruitment. Instead, my chapter affiliated with ADPi three years after I graduated, and I was able to become an alumna initiate. Even though the chapter closed, I have been able to get involved with the alumnae association. So things happen for a reason; we and the PNMs just don't necessarily know it yet.

[adpiucf]

I think the "You'll end up where you were meant to be" is more of the GC-equivalent of a "virtual/online" pat on the back. Let's just try to eliminate it, and tell the PNMs "Good luck, we're here if you have any questions, call the Greek Life office at your school, and remember, this is about making friends. Enjoy this experience!"

My theory in life is that you have good days, and you have bad days. All the events of those days shape who you are as a human being, and ultimately, there are no regrets. I do believe that all things happen for a reason, and sometimes it is not until days, weeks, months or even years later that you discover "why." So whether you get your 1st choice, 7th choice, or you choose not to be in a sorority, your life will go on and you will be a happy person.

If you could not see yourself at XYZ sorority, then don't twist your guts in a knot over the decision. If it's not something you want to do... don't do it! You have free will to do as you please! Don't sign that bid card! Honestly, though, as we all say, if you really want to get into "a sorority," you must keep your options open. It is a mutual selection process, and there will be rejection on both sides. The other chapters don't know who is cutting you; they only know they you have cut them or they have cut you. It's not a conspiracy, I promise.

To our PNM's: ENJOY YOUR TIME IN COLLEGE!!!!! If you don't like the sorority you pledged, that's ok. It's not the end of the world. There are dozens of ways to get involved on campus and make new friends. You have to do what is right for you. Sorority recruitment can be difficult because there's some rejection involved. It's a great life lesson that you will experience throughout your time on this earth. Above all, you're here on GC to learn more about sorority life because it is something you are interested in. Good for you. Go check it out. There's nothing to lose by trying something new.

[coffeegirl13]

I am curious...
coming from an sec school I completely understand the situation that a lot of girls are in when they go through recruitment. When I went through I preffed at 3 houses one of which I absolutely loved and 2 of which I liked but they were not my tops. When I opened my bid I got my #2 choice, something that happens all of the time to many many girls. I debated forever about whether or not I would be happy at a house that wasn't my first choice and whether or not it would be fair to my future sisters. Luckily for me I opened my heart and jumped right in and was happier than I ever thought, and YES! it is possible to end up where you belong. NOw looking back I can't ever imagine what it would be like to be any where else. As for the strong vs. weak... I really believe that a lot of girls are unhappy where they ended up because they are going off of hearsay from older guys/girls about a certain house and are not keeping an open mind... you know... "XYZ is supposed to really suck god I hope I don't get invited back there" or just talk after the parties "XXX's refreshments/skit/girls/outfits/house/etc/ was awesome!... Oh you didnt get asked back there... OHHHH.... well they were great." you would be dissapointed too If everyone was talking about their great experiences (and maybe a little jealous) I think this clouds the minds of many pnm's and then when they go back to houses that they WERE invited back to they sulk/pout/and generally just shut down. The best way to get cut is when the girl who is rushing you thinks you are dissapointed that you were asked back and not honored. Especially at sec schools where there are 10 houses and some girls don't get invited back to any after the first day.