What to tell overconfident PNMs

[als463]

Originally Posted by OldOleMiss

oh Thetalady I sooooooo needed that snark this morning!!!! Too wonderful!!!


als463 I am in tears laughing thinking about southern girl coming through Pen Recruitment and ya'll looking at her rec wondering what to do with it-- again another wonderful perspective story on how it must be just as "fish out of water" for a southerner to come up north and rush as a northerner going down south to rush…

KDCat-- THIS!!! Y'all, I just don't think she cares that much about us. She didn't even bother to get a rec for us. She's not serious about joining XYZ. We should let her go because she is going to drop us. There are other women who are serious about XYZ who we need to focus on." This is wonderful!!!! and I think this is what I will pass along to friend after daughter goes to the teas--- "IF she likes them get her a rec to show them"---

Thanks everyone for chiming in on my "vent"--- you've made me more calm over the "situation" of special snowflake!

Oooohhhh...gotta' correct you on this. Penn State is not Penn. Penn Staters hate that. Penn is the University of Pennsylvania. I'm sure they hate that too. Yeah, it's true about the recruitment. I thought it was the weirdest thing but, cool. Later on in life, I realized that recs were a necessary thing for southern recruitment. It's a complete 180 from what I am used to. Ha!

[pinksequins]

Great posts! Maybe we should call overconfident PNMs snooooowflakes. : D

[iamamom]

I want to throw my .02 in as my mid-atlantic daughter is going to an sec in the fall. Most of the women she's gotten to do her rec's had no idea about needing these forms filled out. She had packets made, printed off the recs, or sent links if they had to send them directly. I'd say she educated them on the process, not the other way around. Everyone has been flabbergasted by her resume, pictures, transcript, addressed envelope, etc whereas I see here is probably nothing compared to some of these southern girls packages.

If I didn't happen upon this site we wouldn't have known to do this. The information on the schools website and the information they provide tell a much different story than the reality.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by iamamom

If I didn't happen upon this site we wouldn't have known to do this. The information on the schools website and the information they provide tell a much different story than the reality.

YUP. This is something we've discussed here before, and it appears some schools' GL offices are finally telling it straight.

As a northern example, though, my mom never sent a legacy introduction to her chapter. She just didn't know that she needed to do that. I had written in my recruitment registration form, so the chapter would know, right?

Obviously, PNM's should listen to SEC-familiar alumnae who tell them to get recs, but I could pretty easily imagine one of them being told "Oh, I've never heard of that, XYZ must not do it."

[shirley1929]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

But keep in mind, too, that northerners might be getting "WTF, you don't need that" responses from alumnae who they ask.

THIS! I just talked to a Mom in CT the other day who's daughter is coming down south next year. She knows she needs help/advice, and I told her that she may get some very strange looks from her friends when she starts asking about recs. Since it doesn't happen much up north or where they might have gone to school, they think it's not necessary anywhere.

[AnchorAlumna]

Originally Posted by iamamom

...So she went to our regional panhellenic website which clearly stated - if you are looking for a rec go to the national site. She went to the national site and found some email addresses and asked for help - she was emailed back to go to the local panhellenic...I suggest you go look to your national organization websites and pretend you don't know anything about it. Is the information easy to find?

I SO agree with this! We need to be making it easier, not harder, to find recommendations!

Originally Posted by shirley1929

...I told her that she may get some very strange looks from her friends when she starts asking about recs. Since it doesn't happen much up north or where they might have gone to school, they think it's not necessary anywhere.

I've done the same thing - warned PNMs that they may have to tell the alumnae they contact that recs are required at Southern schools.

Overall - we need to be better educating our members about the necessity of recs and how to correctly do them for your organization. I think part of the problem is that are usually processed by a committee or a couple of individuals, and most members don't see or hear about them except as a brief mention when you're going over the PNM list.

But if they're just a check-off item for your org and you don't read or use them, change your policies and procedures to eliminate them.

[iamamom]

I'm not saying anything to my daughter, but I'm a little worried about some of these rec writers. If they don't get the importance of this, it may not be the best effort. The one she's missing only took in two out of staters last year - so I'm thinking this is not worth having a heart attack over. And funny enough, it's the one with the most elusive website and contact info.

Trust me, she told me she's starting to feel like a stalker now.

So how does she go back and ask them if they sent them in without looking like a micro manager?

[honeychile]

I know that I've been quietly reading on this, but let me add this:

My ADPi little sister has three daughters, twins who decided not to go through recruitment, and one who wanted to do so (at VTech). LS hasn't even seen an Adelphean for years, but she decided to let me know HALFWAY THROUGH RECRUITMENT!! I asked if LSD (couldn't resist Little Sister's Daughter) had recs, and LS told me, "she told them that she was a legacy." ACK!!! With her permission, I contacted the Chapter Advisor, and got in touch with other wonderful NPC ladies who immediately did so for LSD, too. LSD is a wonderful young woman, with so many skills, it's amazing, and managed to get all the way until prefs, where she didn't get the invitations to neither of the sororities where she felt comfortable, and dropped out of Recruitment.

This is SO HARD for me, because she had it. She got through all but one round (with ADPi). While I'm not positive (due to membership selection reasons), I am 90% positive that LSD was seriously crippled by not having a FULL legacy rec (yes, ADPi was one of her desired GLOs). Her mother wasn't familiar with the necessity of recs at VTech because our chapter rarely got them. She hadn't been receiving the Adelphean, so she didn't hear it there.

I cannot imagine taking Physics 201 without taking the entry level classes first - don't let a PNM go through Recruitment without Recs! Just because the school says that they are unnecessary doesn't mean that they won't help a PNM immensely!

I can only hope that LSD gives it another try...

[LAblondeGPhi]

I'm surprised there isn't a guidebook or something published by the NPC or individual orgs. There aren't even that many self-published things on Amazon.

Some people will only take advice they get from "official" sources, like school panhellenic websites, and even then will tend to believe what they want. I think part of it is that we live in an age when people have a tendency to not believe information they can't verify from a written or official source.

With the resources and women we have on this site, you all could publish a yearly guide to recruitment. Then point the OCPNMs in the direction of some written gospel and then get out of their way. Proceeds to go to GreekChat, of course.

[DubaiSis]

To be clear, it is a requirement of membership for DG, and some others. It is not a requirement for membership in Alpha Xi Delta and some others. Because we aren't very well represented in many of those super competitive absolutely must have a rec schools, I don't know if our policies would vary there. But I would still say that a girl going through rush at one of those schools who doesn't have a rec would turn me cold, for the reasons mentioned above unless she's from Alaska or somewhere getting a rec might be an actual difficulty. You should AT LEAST be able to come up with the generic panhellenic rec.

[Titchou]

You thank them for doing this - via hand written note - and ask if there is anything relse they need from her. Not knowing when you've asked them to have them in the mail, I would time the note for about 1-2 weeks before that date.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

Overall - we need to be better educating our members about the necessity of recs and how to correctly do them for your organization. I think part of the problem is that are usually processed by a committee or a couple of individuals, and most members don't see or hear about them except as a brief mention when you're going over the PNM list.

But if they're just a check-off item for your org and you don't read or use them, change your policies and procedures to eliminate them.

This!

As I've said before, I didn't know what a rec was until I came to this site, after I had already graduated. If anyone asked me to write a rec back then, I would have given them a funny look and asked them what they were talking about. And let's face it: it's not good when a PNM has to teach an alumna about sorority procedures. It's probably a little awkward on both sides of the fence.

Heck, even if a PNM came to me today and asked me to write a rec, I'd be more than willing to help, but I wouldn't know where to start.

Actually, our org has had numerous webinars recently about all kinds of policies and procedures. Perhaps I'll suggest that this gets put on the list of topics to discuss...

[DubaiSis]

Also, I don't know the other NPC's policies, but in my sorority you have to be a paid member in order for your rec to count. And the recs go through FHQ, so they check them. I haven't learned if legacy forms get forwarded with the paid membership, but it wouldn't surprise me. Pay your dues!

[AOIILisa]

I was just paging through one of my recent alum magazines and there is a real push for alumnae to write and send more recs. The article said that the majority of our chapters do not receive any MIFs (our recs are called MIFs) and this is something they would like to change. They have certainly made it easier, our MIFs are now done online and are electronically forwarded directly to the chapter - you attach the PNM resume, pic, etc, and you're good to go.

I would guess that most of the chapters that do receive MIFs are SEC chapters, but maybe another AOII here can confirm.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by AOIILisa

I was just paging through one of my recent alum magazines and there is a real push for alumnae to write and send more recs. The article said that the majority of our chapters do not receive any MIFs (our recs are called MIFs) and this is something they would like to change. They have certainly made it easier, our MIFs are now done online and are electronically forwarded directly to the chapter - you attach the PNM resume, pic, etc, and you're good to go.

I would guess that most of the chapters that do receive MIFs are SEC chapters, but maybe another AOII here can confirm.

Yeah, SEC and other Southern chapters are more likely to have recs. The chapters I've advised in MD, AZ and CA, while not competitive recruitment schools, have not been chapters that received recs. All of my alum chapters have been confused about the idea of them, as well. I've volunteered to write an recs requested from us by women heading to SEC schools since the local alums are unaware of what is needed.